Apocalypso
Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009 Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth Put more simply: I think I could be dead wrong that arrogance and bravado 'win', but my emotional subconscious won't let me let go of the idea, and so far trying to abandon the idea rationally hasn't been working as well as I'd like. Assuming I go with that instead of trying to emulate arrogance and bravado, any pointers? Ok, I'll try and tackle this. I'm afraid, not being NZ, I'm not going to be able to do you handy little mathematical formulas to back up my points. But let's look at what "winning" means in this context. Overall, the general goal is "happiness", whatever that means to the individual. So, taking that into account, the only tactic worth using is one with a good chance of achieving that goal. And I'll look at this in the context of relationships. Now, the obvious question that arises is "does arrogance and bravado achieve happiness". Yes, it probably can do for those it comes naturally to. Because they'll attract those relationships where it's a selling point. And they won't realise they're doing so consciously. So fine. It won't work for you. Because, as you've been very clear about, it's not what you would naturally be doing, it'd be a front. Let's accept for the sake of argument (I don't agree with this premise to be clear), that carrying on as you are would have a much smaller chance of getting you into a relationship than switching tactics and being all chestbeating. It wouldn't get you into a happy relationship. Because, if you got a relationship this way you'd have to keep it up or the other person(s) would feel cheated. So you'd be getting yourself into a relationship where you'd spend the whole time feeling that you were with someone who didn't want to be with you as opposed to your crafted persona. Purely pragmatically, that's ridiculous. You'd be discarding the 'real you approach' which puts you at the potential of finding 'happy' (which you've accepted has worked previously, no matter how small you think the chances). For an approach which, whether you get into a relationship using it or not, has a hundred percent failure rate in terms of the overall goal. Because there is no possibility of it achieving a positive outcome, merely one of several negative ones. So going for the second would simply not be logical. It makes no more sense than finding happiness by doing things that make you miserable. It's a cliche, but cliches become cliches because they're true in many cases. Until you accept, deep down, that you are a good guy with a lot to offer some (none of us have something to offer everybody or even most people) women, you're going to have real trouble achieving your goal, whatever tactic you use. That's what you need to be working on. You're trying to put a band-aid on a broken leg currently. Finally, this is me being pretty 'grey hat' in terms of a previously mentioned skillset. Be clear, I am massively overstepping the mark in terms of how well we know each other. So if your response is "fuck off and mind your own business", I will hold you absolutely no ill feeling for that. It's entirely within your rights to respond in that way. I've noticed something about you. You almost always respond to criticism on here, often in some detail. Which is great. But if you're complimented, at best you try to push it to one side. And most of the time you ignore it entirely. I have no idea why that is. But I have a feeling you'd be well advised to try and figure that point out. I suspect it may be crucial.
_____________________________
If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation, Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations", There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation, As revealed to Saint John the Divine.
|