ThatDamnedPanda
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Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Apocalypso
quote:
ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
I need someone whose priorities in life are compatible with mine, and whose decisionmaking process is rational to me. Smoking does not necessarily make them any less capable as a dominant, but they clearly don't have compatible priorities and I don't trust the way they make major decisions in their life.
As a smoker, that is perfectly valid to me. My basic argument is that I enjoy smoking and I consider that enjoyment to be more significant then the long-term effects. And that springs from the general viewpoint that the present is what matters.
Now, I think that's entirely rational and internally consistent.
First of all, thanks for getting it. It's a touchy issue, and a lot of smokers don't. It tends to provoke an emotional, defensive reaction in people, and it's always a little risky even bringing the subject up.
Second, I agree with you. It is an entirely valid, and entirely internally consistent position. Personally, I don't consider it rational but our individual perceptions of what is and is not rational are biased in accordance with our own personal priorities. The important thing is, the position you hold was arrived at by a rational process. And that does make it a rational position, by the only definition of rational that matters - because you know what you're doing, and you're the only one who has to live (or die) with the consequences of your decision. There was a period of my life where I made the exact same choice, by pretty much the exact same process, and it was a completely rational decision for me up until I started to prioritize my life differently. At which point, it was no longer rational, and I made a different decision that was.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Apocalypso
But, quite obviously, it would mean we have entirely different worldviews and would not be compatible. I suspect neither of us are going to be crying ourselves to sleep because of that.
Not me. Nothing personal, because I like you and have a lot of respect for you. But even if we were otherwise compatible in terms of what we were looking for in a partner, and this was the only thing standing between us, I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep over it, because as you say - it clearly reflects fundamentally incompatible worldviews. I've got lots of friends - even very good friends - with radically different worldviews (everything from George Bush republicans to radical Greenpeace activists), and most of us would crawl across hot coals to be there for one another if we were in need. But there's often an enormous difference between being lifelong friends and life partners.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Apocalypso
The only thing I roll my eyes at slightly is the tendency to leap to the conclusion that if something is disapproved of, it must be there because of lack of self-control. Actually, I've given up smoking for a year before. Because somebody bet me five hundred pounds I couldn't. But I started again, because I wanted to. I find it somewhat strange that some people seem so determined to absolve me of responsibility for my actions, by presenting my choice as not freely made.
Again, I agree. In my opinion, smoking would only indicate poor self-control if someone wanted to quit, but couldn't muster the gumption to do it. In your case, it doesn't say anything at all about your self-control. You know what you're doing, you made your choice, and it's entirely consistent.
_____________________________
Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?
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RE: "how can he/she control me..." - 
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