RE: What is so bad about a temper?

RE: What is so bad about a temper? (Full Version)

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lovingpet -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 7:08:35 PM)
Thanks for the elaboration. I was thinking you meant playing in the throes of such emotions, but with the ability to remain appropriately aware, etc. lovingpet

TNstepsout -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 7:29:52 PM)
The problem I have with people who display a bad temper (and believe me I've been around a lot of them) is that they use their temper to control their environment or to get others to do for them so they don't have to deal with their own frustrations. They are like children throwing a tantrum and expecting everyone around them to scurry around like lackeys fixing things for them so they won't be upset. That's childish. People have to learn to fix their own problems and deal with their frustrations in a mature manner. Or they use their temper to intimidate and bully others to get their way. So who's out there throwing temper tantrums? A bunch of spoiled brats. Grow up and control yourself! Save the temper for things that really matter because if you go around throwing a fit over every little thing, no one takes you seriously. See- now you're getting me all riled up!!!

heartcream -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 7:58:21 PM)
It fascinates me when people talk about controlling their emotions which sounds like what they really do is put them outside of acceptance, push them out and or down. It is entirely mental, the mind taking over and dictating what is allowed or not. I wonder if anyone considers where these denied emotions go and what they do in a denied state? Someone who never gets angry is a seriously scary person. The straw that broke the camel's back and all that. You get someone like that angry one more time and instead of being able to stuff it down or deny it away from them all hell breaks loose and someone ends up violently harmed, for example. I think anger is often a sort of panic of feeling unheard, misunderstood and that sort of thing. Granted it is not appropriate to then just go off on someone in an abusive free for all, and oft times the trigger activates a charge that has more history than the current situation and that can so easily be unseen. For me emotions are energy and so is sound. If I embrace alllllll my emotions I am so much further ahead than stuffing them some place. I can be all alone and feel my emotions. I can let it go in the privacy of my own room and let it rip into a towel so no one gets hurt, the emotions dont get buried and oft times I come out of it with more loving compassion and understanding than ever. By putting sound, non-verbal is awesome, then nothing is sent out like Jesus from the manger, and nothing is stuffed down creating diseases in the body. I deal with it and when I meet the person who trigger the bejeezus out of me I am more balanced and the charge is reduced to more about the specific situation than build up and so on. I think is someone owns their feelings it is super good. If they dont hurt themselves or others that is great. If emotions dont get pushed away, swallowed, buried, shamed by the mind that is evolution. In this world it is important to be careful because someone might have someone put away, or medicated if they show too much emotion. People who have no tolerance for emotions will shut them down in people around them which sucks bananas. In a car is a good place to safely move the feelings. No one has to hear. Sometimes it is just not so easy to control feelings. Some folks are far more talented at holding down/out emotions. At times it has appeared that these colder people get all the breaks too. Our society likes someone who does not emote, get upset. We usually call them stable, consistent when in fact they are simply just far more able to deny their feelings.

Roselaure -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 8:14:09 PM)
I am certainly not saying that people should deny or suppress their feelings, just that I don't care to be around those who act negatively on them. Getting angry and letting someone know it is one thing. Losing one's temper is another thing entirely. A partner letting me know that he is angry is perfectly acceptable. Yelling at me and throwing things, acting violently in my presence is not acceptable.

kdsub -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 9:19:22 PM)
Just a personal opinion but I've always thought this idea that people should not suppress feelings and in doing so will hurt them is a bunch of psychobabble. Feelings don’t change if you rage against them… you just wasted a lot of adrenaline. It makes no difference if you cry or don’t cry at a death...It makes no difference if you rant and rage at your spouse because of some slight…It makes no difference at all if you face life with a stoic front or cry and scream. What is… is and emotion will change nothing and will not make you feel one bit better. Butch

LILPrincessIzzy -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 9:20:39 PM)
@ olena If you have a safe venting point then there is no problem with it. I think it is ok to have a temper to a point but once you move pass that point youare in danger of messing up.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/29/2009 9:31:20 PM)
Everyone has a temper, be it good or bad. Having it and letting it take control of you are two very different things. I have a temper, a very long fuse but it is there. When I am pushed to my breaking point, I kno how to ent and take care of the anger without it harming anyone, and without suppressing it and harming myself. I work with the public and they frusterate and anger me quickly. When I am pushed to the intolerable level, rather than lash out at someone, I go into the stockroom and throw around boxes. My managers know I do it, and leave boxes of soft goods on lower shelves for me to chuck around to let off steam. I hae actually started a trend in my store as management and other employees have started doing it as well. Another now ex coworker had a temper like mine, but he blew up at the customers rather than channeling it elsewhere. Having a temper is human nature. Having an uncontrollable temper is a problem. DV

VanityFix -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 4:37:52 AM)
temper/anger is emotion, if you can controll it its good if you cant thats bad. being pissed off all the time isnt going to make you seem very stable or atractive at any level, but refusing to get angry can make you a push over and/or a time bomb. like being hyper/cheery or a crying mess, its good in small doses at apropriate times... uncontrollable emotions are bad, no emotions are worse

IronBear -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 5:13:47 AM)
One of the most scary things if when you have been deliberately pushing some one's buttons and trying to really piss them off and they just smile at you especially if they show no emotion at all....

LILPrincessIzzy -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 5:48:12 AM)
This is why alot of my friends get worried about me. I am known to sit there and smile, even if I am passed the point. I always keep control of my anger and let it out in more constructive ways like cooking... quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear One of the most scary things if when you have been deliberately pushing some one's buttons and trying to really piss them off and they just smile at you especially if they show no emotion at all....

TurboJugend -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 7:22:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear One of the most scary things if when you have been deliberately pushing some one's buttons and trying to really piss them off and they just smile at you especially if they show no emotion at all.... sounds like a serial killer not disocvered yet..and you are next when he smiles at you. Indeed scary..they seem to build up soemthing inside.. My friend at school use to act like that. Untill a spark ( he was bullied..so I don't see it as losing temper but as defense) came and they had to run for him. Mostly I warned people to not go to far..when his anger turned to a smile..you knew sooner or later..soem one would have a bleeding nose.

DesFIP -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 7:58:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Just a personal opinion but I've always thought this idea that people should not suppress feelings and in doing so will hurt them is a bunch of psychobabble. Feelings don’t change if you rage against them… you just wasted a lot of adrenaline. It makes no difference if you cry or don’t cry at a death...It makes no difference if you rant and rage at your spouse because of some slight…It makes no difference at all if you face life with a stoic front or cry and scream. What is… is and emotion will change nothing and will not make you feel one bit better. Butch Except that studies have shown that men who don't cry in such situations have much higher odds of dying younger than men who do.

kdsub -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 8:43:25 AM)
Yes Yes... they say the chemical compounds that build up during emotional stress in the body are carried away in the tears helping the body regain balance...blah blah blah. But what if you can prevent the build up in the first place? Keep your body neutral during stress? The need to cry would not be there...or at least reduced. There is a difference between hiding emotion and quelling it. Butch

beargonewild -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 9:08:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Yes Yes... they say the chemical compounds that build up during emotional stress in the body are carried away in the tears helping the body regain balance...blah blah blah. But what if you can prevent the build up in the first place? Keep your body neutral during stress? The need to cry would not be there...or at least reduced. There is a difference between hiding emotion and quelling it. Butch Maybe it's not actually a case of controlling or repressing that type of strong emotion but modifying that trait and redirecting it to something more constructive?As several poster have stated they have a temper, yet they learned to redirect that anger so it doesn't have a destructive result; which in essence, a behavior modification.

Kana -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 9:09:13 AM)
A few thoughts 1-I have a temper-Anger is a normal emotion that we all feel. 2-Anger is a secondary emotion, stemming from hurt and/or fear. 3-I do not have control over external events but I do have control over how I react to them. Purely as an aside, it has become obvious to me that getting angry is a decision I make at some internal level. Example Someone cuts me off while driving If I am in a good space that day, I smile, let them in, try and convince myself that their Mom is dying in the hospital or some such stuff and they have to be there in a hurry Other days I want to tear their head off At some point, I make a decision that today, this is going to piss me off. I can't speak for anyone else but I find displays of temper to be childish and not amusing. It's the absolute worst way to communicate or make a point-when someone is acting irrationally around me I just shut off

wineDineNtieMe -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 9:15:45 AM)
Anger is an emotion and anger can be healthy. It helps us to keep from being taken advantage of. It gives us the push to stand up for what is right. When I think of temper, I assume you mean losing one's temper, or throwing a temper tantrum. In my opinion, this is almost never healthy. To me, this is erupting in a loud, blustering, possibly violent manner, creating senseless chaos and making what (most likely) was an already tense situation that much more tense. People stop listening in such an environment, and solutions become harder to find. I feel that the ability to control one's actions in the face of intense emotions, such as extreme anger, is one of the major hallmarks that separates the human race from the other species. I don't advocate holding feelings in, but there are constructive ways to vent and deconstructive ways.

wineDineNtieMe -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 9:24:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana A few thoughts 1-I have a temper-Anger is a normal emotion that we all feel. 2-Anger is a secondary emotion, stemming from hurt and/or fear. 3-I do not have control over external events but I do have control over how I react to them. I agree quote: Purely as an aside, it has become obvious to me that getting angry is a decision I make at some internal level. Example Someone cuts me off while driving If I am in a good space that day, I smile, let them in, try and convince myself that their Mom is dying in the hospital or some such stuff and they have to be there in a hurry Other days I want to tear their head off At some point, I make a decision that today, this is going to piss me off. I disagree. I don't think we get to decide that THAT time its ok, but THIS time it's gonna piss me off. I think we just have bad days, when we're just emotionally raw and stuff just gets to us. Then we have good days where we just let things slide. quote: I can't speak for anyone else but I find displays of temper to be childish and not amusing. It's the absolute worst way to communicate or make a point-when someone is acting irrationally around me I just shut off I so totally agree!

LaTigresse -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 9:30:03 AM)
Very few people I know, realize the extent of my emotions. I learned long ago that a large part of being a responsible adult was in how to express my emotions and passions. Having self control.

Zeknpet -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 10:48:06 AM)
Temper isn't an issue, control is. Getting angry, even violent is just fine in the right context. For instance, it makes me a much better hockey player. It makes for some pretty intense fencing too. In a relationship where it's an accepted part of the dynamic is fine too. However consenting adults want to live out their lives is their own business. An inability to temper one's own temper though is an issue.

stella41b -> RE: What is so bad about a temper? (7/30/2009 3:03:27 PM)
Let me start this posting with a Youtube video clip of John Cleese playing Basil Fawlty in the sitcom Fawlty Towers The character of Basil Fawlty is a hotel owner with a short fuse, or someone who is prone to temperamental outbursts. We see him get upset, go over the top, and upset other people . Now what makes his behaviour funny and not ugly? First thing there's no aggression or nastiness, which can make a temperamental outburst ugly, antisocial or even downright dangerous. But without the aggression the temperamental outbursts are just ridiculous, which is one of the major comedic devices of the sitcom - theatre of the absurd. I have a temper which I can control and manage, but I also have a sense of humour and have learned to express my anger through my sense of humour. I go over the top just in the same way as Basil Fawlty so as to make the people around me laugh. Not only do I get to let out my emotions but it also diffuses any conflict or tension. When I was living in a hostel for the homeless and being harrassed by the manager and staff, I hit back by playing practical jokes and making fun of them. I put my energy and emotions into coming up with pranks and parodying the staff and the notices they put up. This kept the harrassment in check and eventually stopped it, as staff didn't want to have the piss taken out of them. It's okay to have a temper and lose it every so often - it just depends how, and in what situation.

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