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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 12:38:43 AM

maturesub42

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/22/2009
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Well if I'm asked not to masturbate, then I will not. It is just a question of self control. And it is not really a challenge!

(in reply to BoundDragon)

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 1:51:06 AM

LillyoftheVally

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Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

You know.. I have no clue how old you are but I like the way you express yourself. Very self assured.

Thank you :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

I mean of course, that they are unwittingly being "denied" orgasms by bumbling, incompetent lovers.... Now of course a woman is responsible for making sure she gets off one way or another, but if her lover is no help in that area he is likely to be jettisoned.
To be clear: waaaay too many women have not had nearly enough satisfying (meaning orgasmic and otherwise fulfilling) sex in their lives, and are actively seeking someone with whom they can climax well and often. To put yourself in the category of just another lover who impedes her sexual satisfaction while he gleefully takes his own, is a great way to really piss off a woman.

Well said! It is so true that women can go months and months without orgasming and that is WHILE in a relationship with an apparent 'sex god'. Thankfully it is not something that all dominants are interested in. I had a guy big on orgasm control in that he would tell me I couldn't masterbate until he said, then I could when he did, knowing full well that the bugger couldn't make me orgasm for love nor money (which is ironic because I am fairly orgasmic)

I do think that some men are drawn by the pull of D/s due to the fact that they are actually pretty crap at the sexual side, takes a lot of pressure off if you get to tell the girl to wank, then you don't have to do it, even easier if you tell her that she can't come.

I have met very very few men who don't orgasm pretty easily, controlling that to me makes far more sense because you are controlling what is seen as the natural conclusion to sexual relations.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 7/30/2009 1:52:44 AM >

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 1:57:14 AM

Loki45

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
Well said! It is so true that women can go months and months without orgasming and that is WHILE in a relationship with an apparent 'sex god'. Thankfully it is not something that all dominants are interested in. I had a guy big on orgasm control in that he would tell me I couldn't masterbate until he said, then I could when he did, knowing full well that the bugger couldn't make me orgasm for love nor money (which is ironic because I am fairly orgasmic)

Seeing someone agree with that ridiculous post, I have to ask. Did you ever try and 'direct' your 'sex god' to let him know what felt good? The most common answer to that question, I have found, is "no."

As many may already know, men aren't mind readers. Tell them what feels good and they will most likely try that from then on.

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'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 2:03:22 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loki45

Seeing someone agree with that ridiculous post, I have to ask. Did you ever try and 'direct' your 'sex god' to let him know what felt good? The most common answer to that question, I have found, is "no."

As many may already know, men aren't mind readers. Tell them what feels good and they will most likely try that from then on.

Well if given the opportunity yes I do, however in D/s it is fairly difficult don't you think? "No Sir you don't do it like that you do it like this".

In my experience very few of the men I described above are actually receptive to direction they are generally the 'big bad uber domly dom types' that most of us have been unfortunatly to come across at some point or another. I must point out though it is some not all, and I don't know why you are getting defensive Loki.

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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 4:43:50 AM

Falkenstein

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Dreamerdreaming,

By the sound of your post, you must have not been satisfied for a very, very, long time

I have to rant back

, and what I will say is valid IMnHO both in vanilla and BDSM relationships.

As many female posters did say, and it concurs with my experience, the sexual needs of women, the best ways to satisfy them, things that turns them on or off varies widely. But there is one constant thing: they do not come with a manual attached and they do not state clearly what they want. It is the man who is supposed to guess. And guess what, all men are not good at riddles.

I am not a brute, but neither am I a psychic. As you stated in your mail, the girl is also responsible for getting her dues. What is wrong with asking, demanding? I mean the girl asking, because when men ask what she likes, they usually get perplexing and sybillic answers like Her:» do you remember what you did to me last month when we were in Paris." I to myself:"Buying sport shoes because her pumps were killing her? Maybe not, think further"....

It took me many years until I found a woman who stated in an actable way what she really liked. She got plenty of it and then some more, because we liked exploring. I think that before, I must have been an athletic but boring lover. I feel sorry for all these girls. None even complained: maybe they thought I was a helpless case

.

Meanwhile, I know the issue and I am ready to spend treasures of patience and persuasion to get out of my GFs what they like, what they dream of etc. I rarely need it because women are now more direct and open on this subject then they were in my youth.

Finally, are you not confusing control and denial? I do not want my sub to have fewer orgasms than she needs or desire. I want control over them and in this specific case I wanted a delay.

You know, tying a women and caressing her again and again, orgasm after orgasm until she begs you to stop and fall asleep, satisfied and saturated of pleasure and plain love is also orgasm control. Would you reject that too?

HAND

Henry

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 5:10:46 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Finally, are you not confusing control and denial? I do not want my sub to have fewer orgasms than she needs or desire. I want control over them and in this specific case I wanted a delay.

Ok so this woman came three times a day and you were away for a week when you saw her again did you give her 21 orgasms plus three for every day you were with her? If not it is denial not delay.

As to women not telling you properly as I have said many a man doesn't like to hear they are not great. The way to ask a woman is to ask her while she shows you not randomly so that therefore 'five months ago' is not really an answer.

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 5:48:01 AM

Missokyst

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This is not what your original OP suggests.
You say "The objective is to stop her masturbating in my absence,"
How is this a delay?
Playing with someone and teasing them to distraction is one thing. Making them not pleasure themselves ON THEIR OWN TIME away from you is another.
I am all for having sex with men who will prolong the torment of pleasure for hours on end. :) that is fun!
So how is not being able to touch herself when not in your presence a delay? If you were playing with her and she was masturbating how come you didn't just tell her to stop? Have you considered bondage?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Finally, are you not confusing control and denial? I do not want my sub to have fewer orgasms than she needs or desire. I want control over them and in this specific case I wanted a delay.

You know, tying a women and caressing her again and again, orgasm after orgasm until she begs you to stop and fall asleep, satisfied and saturated of pleasure and plain love is also orgasm control. Would you reject that too?

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/30/2009 5:49:09 AM >

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:02:29 AM

Falkenstein

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OK ladies, I get it.

The "in my absence" is fuzzy and not enough qualified, especially in terms of length. Mea culpa.

LillyoftheVally is not off the mark with her calculation. However, as the commander of a nuclear submarine, I am usually on three month missions and 3x90=270 is nearer to her reality. It may sound a lot, but we, in the Silent Service, know how to go down under pressure and get explosions at any depth

No, I am not a nuclear submarine commander, nor a travelling salesman or artic explorer, so the delay was about waiting until both of us are at home, in the evening and if I come late, she can come as early and often as she wishes, if you pardon the pun.

Does this make me a heartless sadistical chauvinist pig?

Groink Groink!

Henry

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:21:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

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A couple of hours? And this woman couldn't cope?

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Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:22:29 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

...We parted ways recently but I like to find a solution for the next one...

Anybody who has an idea is welcome...

since women experience orgasm, sex drive and submission uniquely, depending on the individual woman, you might not need a "solution" for the next one.

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:26:23 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
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Next time.. find a submissive who WANTS to obey :/

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:50:50 AM

Missokyst

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Yeah... that does sound over the top. Maybe it is sexual addiction? And if that is the case masturbation should be the least of his worries.
Definitely incompatible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

A couple of hours? And this woman couldn't cope?

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 8:58:46 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Yeah... that does sound over the top. Maybe it is sexual addiction? And if that is the case masturbation should be the least of his worries.
Definitely incompatible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

A couple of hours? And this woman couldn't cope?

Just what I was thinking, if this was a genuine need then it is a worry and that should have been the OP's concern.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 9:15:15 AM

Kana

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For me its simple
Either she obeys
or whatever we are doing isn't under the auspices of a bound relationship.

It's one thing to have needs
Its another to disobey a direct order

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 9:27:15 AM

DesFIP

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If aroused and forbidden an orgasm at bedtime, I wind up with very little sleep.

Sleep deprivation is a hard limit as I don't want to drive into a tree.

So you may want to look at her sex drive, at what it does to her, etc. But yes, after a while a woman's libido just turns off and then you will find you cannot turn it back on.

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:20:12 AM

Falkenstein

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Littlewonder,

I would not reconsider -- or rather have reconsidered -- "choosing such women" because being obeyed or disobeyed is a relatively trivial matter to me.

My tailor cuts smart suits of asbestos, thus, guys and gals, do something for the climate and spare the flamethrowers.

I love BDSM don't get me wrong, I get my kick out of control, bondage etc. but this not a lifestyle for me. It is just an hobby and not even the most important one. Between a submissive and a girl that doesn't get seasick, I choose the sailor. Of course, I would prefer having a perfect slave who can sail in bad weather, but I live in an imperfect world, or I am not charming or rich enough, draw yourself the conclusion of your choice.

This is not to belittle the interest, dedication, knowledge and of people who are really 100% in it. I have great respect for them, I am indeed deeply impressed by the achievements of some, sometimes also deeply moved by their predicaments, or troubled by the path they choose.

Of course, I would dream of achieving some of the feats I read about or witnessed, but they involved talents that I may not have, means that I surely do not want to allocate and situations which are just not mine. I pick up ideas, advices (thanks RedMagic1 for the tips and the link). See if I can implement it. If so, great pleasure, if not: so what?

BDSM, like all hobbies, sports and lifestyles has professionals, champions, amateurs -- gifted or not --, and “just curious” people. Each and every person of any of these types has his or place in the community.

So, no I will not discard a nice lady just because she does not obey my orders, except on a boat, of course

Kinky regards

Henry

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:21:11 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Yeah... that does sound over the top. Maybe it is sexual addiction? And if that is the case masturbation should be the least of his worries.
Definitely incompatible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

A couple of hours? And this woman couldn't cope?

Just what I was thinking, if this was a genuine need then it is a worry and that should have been the OP's concern.

FYI...she doesn't necessarily have to be an addict...it could be something else other than that OR struggling with the commiment she made.

for example, if she is suffering from a form of female priapism, recently given the name by the medical community - Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome -, frequent masturbation is often something that a person with such an affliction does ( in a futile attempt )to ease the discomfort of persistent arousal.

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:23:06 AM

Falkenstein

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Lilly,

we are speaking of a full business day including travel to work. thus 9-10 hours top.

Kinky Regards

Henry

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Henry,

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Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:32:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

Lilly,

we are speaking of a full business day including travel to work. thus 9-10 hours top.

Kinky Regards

Henry

ANd 9 hours is not a long time, to NEED to masterbate three times in that time period does indicate something wrong.

And Mercnbeth, Yeah I know, either way it seems as though it was something wrong

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:41:40 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

...either way it seems as though it was something wrong...

how is living with a difficult sexual arousal condition and seeking relief from it through masturbation, wrong? although the arousal returns, after the 6th or 7th orgasm, it is a bit easier to manage until the engorgement wears off...which is why this slave referred to it as a futile attempt, but that doesn't make it inherently wrong.

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