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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 10:43:29 AM   
LillyoftheVally


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Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...either way it seems as though it was something wrong...


how is living with a difficult sexual arousal condition and seeking relief from it through masturbation, wrong? although the arousal returns, after the 6th or 7th orgasm, it is a bit easier to manage until the engorgement wears off...which is why this slave referred to it as a futile attempt, but that doesn't make it inherently wrong.


I meant wrong as in a problem ie a 'condition' not inherently 'wrong' it wasn't a value statement

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:02:38 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...either way it seems as though it was something wrong...


how is living with a difficult sexual arousal condition and seeking relief from it through masturbation, wrong? although the arousal returns, after the 6th or 7th orgasm, it is a bit easier to manage until the engorgement wears off...which is why this slave referred to it as a futile attempt, but that doesn't make it inherently wrong.


I meant wrong as in a problem ie a 'condition' not inherently 'wrong' it wasn't a value statement


a condition doesn't have to be a problem, either.  it can just be that someone individually functions outside of what is considered to be the norm...therefore labelling it wrong or a problem...isn't helpful.  if that is indeed her lot in life, then the fact that she didn't express it to him or even know that was what was going on with her so that they can work out a suitable plan is the problem...not the condition itself.
 
folks that function differently inside or look differently outside than what folks consider the norm to be sometimes feel bad when folks refer to them as having something WRONG with them.  you know, like when folks say that redheads have no souls?  skin that doesn't tan, but freckles after burning and peeling is a condition due to a mutated gene, but isn't wrong...or a problem...just a manageable condition.
 
this slave isn't picking on you...just pointing a few things out in an effort to be helpful.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:05:59 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Fair enough Beth, I think that I used the wrong terminology, but of course I agree with you.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:15:38 AM   
Loki45


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Joined: 5/13/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
Well if given the opportunity yes I do, however in D/s it is fairly difficult don't you think? "No Sir you don't do it like that you do it like this".

In my experience very few of the men I described above are actually receptive to direction they are generally the 'big bad uber domly dom types' that most of us have been unfortunatly to come across at some point or another. I must point out though it is some not all, and I don't know why you are getting defensive Loki.


You cannot discuss the most basic, pleasure-giving activities, it may be time to reassess the relationship. I have yet to meet a guy who wasn't thrilled at being able to make his girl howl like a coyote 'til the sun comes up. If he's not able, he needs to know how. This isn't an optional conversation. Books won't help him. He needs to be educated. Every woman's biology is just a 'bit' different from the next. Clockwise movements work for one, counter-clockwise for another. Light tapping for one, deep, pounding sex for another.

As different as every woman is, the conversation on what feels good and what doesn't is not an optional conversation, D/s or not.


_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:19:02 AM   
Loki45


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
Ok so this woman came three times a day and you were away for a week when you saw her again did you give her 21 orgasms plus three for every day you were with her? If not it is denial not delay.

As to women not telling you properly as I have said many a man doesn't like to hear they are not great. The way to ask a woman is to ask her while she shows you not randomly so that therefore 'five months ago' is not really an answer.


You're right, no one likes to hear they aren't 'hitting it.' But it's still necessary information. And as many a magazine column will say, there's an unlimited number of ways the topic can be discussed without the need to tell the guy "he's not hitting it." Tell him "oh I really like this...." or just use quick verbal cues when he 'gets warmer' "oh oh right there, right there!"

You don't need to have an intervention-esque discussion where you say "Honey, you're not gettin' it done." That's a misconception.


_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:21:06 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loki45

You cannot discuss the most basic, pleasure-giving activities, it may be time to reassess the relationship. I have yet to meet a guy who wasn't thrilled at being able to make his girl howl like a coyote 'til the sun comes up. If he's not able, he needs to know how. This isn't an optional conversation. Books won't help him. He needs to be educated. Every woman's biology is just a 'bit' different from the next. Clockwise movements work for one, counter-clockwise for another. Light tapping for one, deep, pounding sex for another.

As different as every woman is, the conversation on what feels good and what doesn't is not an optional conversation, D/s or not.



I agree, I didn't not agree I simply gave you advice on how to elicit a good response from a woman as according to you the woman you have been with can't explain it. Therefore doesnt the same thing apply to you? If you can't get the information out of a partner isn't it time to reassess your relationship?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Loki45)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:25:27 AM   
Loki45


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally
I agree, I didn't not agree I simply gave you advice on how to elicit a good response from a woman as according to you the woman you have been with can't explain it. Therefore doesnt the same thing apply to you? If you can't get the information out of a partner isn't it time to reassess your relationship?


Well it certainly was in my case. I had a girl (the ONLY girl) I couldn't make orgasm. Largely because she was about 20 and so 'new' to sex that even she didn't know what sexual things she liked yet. She knew how SHE could cum, but not how *I* could make her. So, I tried to do to her what she did to herself. Firstly, I asked. Then she tried to show me. I say tried because she got so self-concious and embarrassed that she quit and refused to try again. Needless to say it was frustrating. It was indeed a short relationship.

The problem there....her. I asked. I wanted to know. I wanted to be shown. I wanted to hear her howl like a coyote. But she 'couldn't show me how. Well, I'm no archeologic explorer. If I ain't got a map, I'm unlikely to find the treasure. It's just as simple as that.


_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:27:04 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Wowie.. the things I learn online.  I had no idea there was anything like this. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
for example, if she is suffering from a form of female priapism, recently given the name by the medical community - Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome -, frequent masturbation is often something that a person with such an affliction does ( in a futile attempt )to ease the discomfort of persistent arousal.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:32:54 AM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Well ranted , but on some level I disagree.  A rule like, "You can't touch yourself unless you touch me first," both prevents the sub from being an energy- and attention-sink, and can actually heighten the arousal of someone who gets off on control and service.


But in a ldr where you may only meet every six weeks, this isn't possible.
Getting together several times a week or living together is an entirely different animal.



< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/30/2009 11:36:49 AM >

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:33:12 AM   
williamsslave


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/28/2009
Status: offline 		my Master has a standing order that with out his expressed premission i am not to masturbate.  He has had me get the VCH done, and while im in his presance i am able to be with out any thing on my clit/ vaginal area, but while i am out and about i have duct tape on the vaginal area maybe to  train the next one that would help. And now i just obey and the duct tape does not bother me as i dont touch it with out being toldd now. But to get to that i had been punished a lot and finally broke down

(in reply to BoundDragon)
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RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:40:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Wowie.. the things I learn online.  I had no idea there was anything like this. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
for example, if she is suffering from a form of female priapism, recently given the name by the medical community - Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome -, frequent masturbation is often something that a person with such an affliction does ( in a futile attempt )to ease the discomfort of persistent arousal.



yeah, really...imagine that...a woman who doesn't NEED foreplay, vibrators, dildoes, roughing up, a Knight in Shining Armor, romantic settings or sweet nothings whispered in her ear in order to be aroused.
 
see...told y'all it doesn't have to be a problem!

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 11:43:01 AM   
Loki45


Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: williamsslave

my Master has a standing order that with out his expressed premission i am not to masturbate.  He has had me get the VCH done, and while im in his presance i am able to be with out any thing on my clit/ vaginal area, but while i am out and about i have duct tape on the vaginal area maybe to  train the next one that would help. And now i just obey and the duct tape does not bother me as i dont touch it with out being toldd now. But to get to that i had been punished a lot and finally broke down


VCH?


_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to williamsslave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 3:12:53 PM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

I'm no archeologic explorer. If I ain't got a map, I'm unlikely to find the treasure. It's just as simple as that.


This is a nice way of saying it. At least I am not the only guy here with limited telepathic capacity. BTW, did you take your Nom de plume (I don't know how to say it in English) from the Nordic God? Good choice.

Kinky regards

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to Loki45)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 3:56:03 PM   
petmonkey


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Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein
I have also this "thing for orgasm control" (delay but not denial, curiously)



in relation to "the wake up and smell the coffee" post of Dreamerdreaming.

i don't know about the sub in question, but i would not be more feminine and obedient if i were kept frustrated--i'd be cranky. Many of my female friends, whether vanilla or snozberry ripple would say the same thing.
A lot of people here are saying "tailor your commands to the nature and habits of your sub." *nods vigorously*. If the subs you're gathering around yourself have natures and habits that have no relation to what you already want, explore that before you get yourself a new one.
If she's use to masturbating, perhaps instructing when and how to masturbate rather than whether to masturbate, for example "before morning coffee" or "with this specific toy", would be a more effective control than simply, "no."   While you might not be physically present in the room for her orgasms, you will still be involved in them.

[the words "control", "delay" and "denial" seem to be used interchangeably in this thread. i'm a tad confused as i see these as different, although related, acts]

added: i didn't, for the first time, read every post and understand the conversation had moved far beyond my comment, color me embarrassed.



< Message edited by petmonkey -- 7/30/2009 4:12:46 PM >

(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 7:37:07 PM   
Loki45


Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Falkenstein

quote:

I'm no archeologic explorer. If I ain't got a map, I'm unlikely to find the treasure. It's just as simple as that.


This is a nice way of saying it. At least I am not the only guy here with limited telepathic capacity. BTW, did you take your Nom de plume (I don't know how to say it in English) from the Nordic God? Good choice.

Kinky regards

Henry


You're the second person to ask me that. (Thanks for the compliment, by the way.) But no....apparently I took it from the "Marvel Comics" interpretation of the Greek (Nordic?....maybe, can never keep those groups straight) God. For according to Marvel, Loki is the God of Mischief. Since I am one hell of a debater and an even better arguer, it fits.


_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/30/2009 7:46:36 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Umm... lol omg this is me. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

yeah, really...imagine that...a woman who doesn't NEED foreplay, vibrators, dildoes, roughing up, a Knight in Shining Armor, romantic settings or sweet nothings whispered in her ear in order to be aroused.
 
see...told y'all it doesn't have to be a problem!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/31/2009 12:45:19 AM   
Falkenstein


Posts: 187
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Hello petmonkey

My original post was unclear (if you are interested, I made two big corrections in later posts). it not about deny (no) but delay (later) until we are both home. So your idea with "before the morning coffee" was also one we had and applied very happily The issue was the workday and the return home, when she would have to wait one or two hours for me. However, if I came home late, I would phone and allow het to come early (and often).

Some here have suggested an mental abnormality, which I am not competent to judge, but doubt. Other said that she was unfit for a submissive relation, which is excessive since other submissive aspects of common life or plays went well (I answered that too).

Would you be cranky in such a situation or just impatient and eager to please?

Kinky regards

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to petmonkey)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/31/2009 1:16:22 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Was she jjust playing up? You say you don't think it a condition or addiction or anything, therefore you think that her being unable to wait the two hours for you o come home was perfectly reasonable (as it wasn't her lack of submission) therefore was it just a game, her doing it to wind you up?

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Falkenstein)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/31/2009 4:02:09 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Loki45

quote:

ORIGINAL: williamsslave

my Master has a standing order that with out his expressed premission i am not to masturbate.  He has had me get the VCH done, and while im in his presance i am able to be with out any thing on my clit/ vaginal area, but while i am out and about i have duct tape on the vaginal area maybe to  train the next one that would help. And now i just obey and the duct tape does not bother me as i dont touch it with out being toldd now. But to get to that i had been punished a lot and finally broke down


VCH?



I wondered about that also. But what I really want to know is how he gets the duct tape to stick.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Loki45)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Orgasm control through clit bondage - 7/31/2009 6:01:43 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Vertical hood piercing.

http://www.ringsofdesire.com/q_tip.html


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 60
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