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RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 12:38:53 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci


quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

Take my books away for a week

OMG, the horror!!!!!! Too scary a punishment to even discuss, peppermint. How did you survive? I shudder at the thought.

luci


Shampoo bottles do in a pinch. 

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 1:45:14 PM   
Cdub2U


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline
Any time a Dom resorts to punishment means said Dom failed at training the sub correctly. BUT the one time I punished my sub she was striped of clothing, hung from a door jam, legs opened with a spreader bar, and caned with malice in my heart.

It never happened again. She learned that having me repeat myself is not a smart thing to do!


_____________________________

"Free your mind and your ass will follow
the kingdom of heaven is within"
G. Clinton

"Can't you see, it all makes perfect sense
Expressed in Dollars and cents, Pounds shillings and pence"
R. Waters

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 2:21:06 PM   
Lostkitten3


Posts: 179
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Never underestimate the power of a good long lecture. Make sure to take some blame on yourself in the course of the lecture, in the middle perhaps, but essentially talk on and on for a long time while she has to sit and listen. In a stool is best, hard flat and wooden, with feet on the floor, and no back rest, sitting up straight.

And then bring it up regularly for the next few days. Eventually she will be so sick of hearing about it, the infraction will not ever occur again (that you will know about!)

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 2:54:31 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		Lectures.... NOOOO...
Explaining myself... yes, quite embarrassing exposing your soul like that. I guess it is why we are the way we are.

Essays... yes I can do essays but I would rather not misbehave in the first place..

If I want an 'asswhipping' i will simply ask for one. or beg.

The worst punishment I could think of is being ignored for an entire week. period. Not allowed to speak to the dominant. No games, no books, no music... telephone but only for family/business.


(in reply to Lostkitten3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 3:04:10 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider
when a bottom has done something warranting a true ass whuppin I need some suggestions for punishments besides the ass whuppin

Heh, the funny thing is that my real answer to this question is that if Carol had done something "warranting a true ass whuppin", I'd release her. Whether that is "punishment" or not is anyone's guess.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 10:07:57 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It never ceases to amaze Me that a Dominant does not realize that the greatest punishment for a sub is the way they have disappointed Me.

Kind of explains why I've never had to punish for the same offense twice.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: true punishments - 8/1/2009 10:22:09 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It never ceases to amaze Me that a Dominant does not realize that the greatest punishment for a sub is the way they have disappointed Me.

Kind of explains why I've never had to punish for the same offense twice.



Unless they don't care.

I have come to find that many BDSM relationships are not always based on the foundation of respect and the value within surrender. I have come to find quite a few BDSM relationships are based on the IDEA that what they are doing is KINKY and that is what they actually want. I have lately come across quite a few couples, younger couples I admit, but couple who are more interested in that what they are doing is considered Taboo then they are the Baseline behind the relationship.

In these kinds of relationships being disappointed is often treated as a personal problem. I have seen many relationships split and become something completely different because the relationship was used as an exploratory gateway to what this is capable of offereing the individual.

From the sounds of it there seems to be a lack of caring about the problem was caused by but rather how to punish it.

The OP has asked how to punish a problem without having to beat her and yet has no desire to discuss why the punishment is needed or if she has yet to do anything to require a punishment just wants to know how to punish her. Then He states that the idea of having her sleep on the floor without cover sounds like what he will do.

I ask what lesson that teaches and will it make the sub in question not want to commit the crime again? I ask this because sleeping on the floor is andi's punishment when she fucks up and knows that she has. The sleeping on the floor is not the punishment however it is not being alowed to sleep next to me or touch me for a night knowing that I am right there, she is denied ME and that is punishment for her. I also do not want her sore and blood shot eyed from a night on a hard floor because the following day she will be worthless to my needs as I may be a sadist but I do so hate to be cruel.

So to the OP I would ask what is more important to you, Administering a Punishment or guiding a submissive to not wanting to disappoint you again?

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 4:12:15 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

when a bottom has done something warranting a true ass whuppin I need some suggestions for punishments besides the ass whuppin



Take something away that she really values. Sit her down beforehand and explain in no uncertain terms exactly why you're taking it away and the behaviour you expect in order for her to have the privilege reinstated. Give her a timeframe of x number of days/months (the more serious the indiscretion the longer the period of time) for her to show that she can live up to your expectations. Once she's proved she can do it - then you treat her like an adult again and give her back that which she values.

It's not difficult really: where she wants something from you then she's going to have to earn it by living up to your expectations. Where she can't then she's going to have to change and you're going to have to enforce this change.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 4:25:20 AM   
ownedslavesweet


Posts: 23
Joined: 10/7/2007
From: Canberra, Australia
Status: offline 		If what s/he has done is so very bad, I assume you were very disappointed/upset with them. Frankly, I have found his disappointment to be by far the best punishment for me. I don't like the sound of the lecture either, but I can't ever see it being neccessary. To those who truly wish to please, disappointment is just truly awful and is a punishment in itself.

Thankfully his disappointment happens rarely, as in part I am relatively well behaved these days, and also I respond much better to positively focused training rather than negatively.

lyss

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 7:42:27 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

aldompdx wrote:

What frightening responses! If greater awareness is punishment, then ignorance must be reward? That is beyond my comprehension and values. What kind of bottoms or subs do you all choose to relate with?


The greater awareness is a hoped for end product; the punishment (or "punishment"-- more of a corrective measure, or discipline) is the talking to them, or the essay writing.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 8:40:24 AM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It never ceases to amaze Me that a Dominant does not realize that the greatest punishment for a sub is the way they have disappointed Me.

Kind of explains why I've never had to punish for the same offense twice.



Unless they don't care.


Trying to be the boss of someone who doesn't care one whit whether you are pleased with them is an exercise in futility. 
For the s-type, the fear of punishment is often just not enough to stifle willful behavior.  The desire to please, commitment to the dom, and the desire to meet expectations, are normally much more influential in determining the degree to which a person will go to comply with commands and respect rules.
j

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 8:46:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Perhaps, Steel, I have chosen more wisely than My counterparts.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 9:58:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm curious as to why someone who is not in a relationship needs to know how to punish. What does he imagine some future partner doing? And if this imaginary construct does mess up, does he believe he has any responsibility in what may happen?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 12:08:22 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
It never ceases to amaze Me that a Dominant does not realize that the greatest punishment for a sub is the way they have disappointed Me.

Kind of explains why I've never had to punish for the same offense twice.


Unless they don't care.

I have come to find that many BDSM relationships are not always based on the foundation of respect and the value within surrender. I have come to find quite a few BDSM relationships are based on the IDEA that what they are doing is KINKY and that is what they actually want. I have lately come across quite a few couples, younger couples I admit, but couple who are more interested in that what they are doing is considered Taboo then they are the Baseline behind the relationship.

Of course I can only peer in dimly through the information I get on posts on CM & Fetlife, but it does seem this way to me also. I think there are a lot more people in love with the idea of dominance or submission than there are dominants and submissives. I thank Carol daily... AT LEAST... for keeping it all so simple. Why must it be any more complicated than "wheresoever I lead, she follows?"

quote:

From the sounds of it there seems to be a lack of caring about the problem was caused by but rather how to punish it.

Which is where I always get confused in the whole concept of punishment. At least in our relationship, Carol WANTS to follow my lead... A LOT. So if she's not, the obvious question is WHY not? If I know her default and highly preferred behavior is to obey and she is choosing not to... well... that's got elephant-in-the-living-room written all over it to me.

quote:

So to the OP I would ask what is more important to you, Administering a Punishment or guiding a submissive to not wanting to disappoint you again?
bingo! Put differently, "Are you trying to recreate a BDSM porn fantasy or create a vibrant and mutually satisfying relationship?"

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 12:33:59 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		That last part is kind of the point, Jeff.  Without getting the folks who love to throw around the bastardized words 'weal' and 'twue' it's My understanding that the idea behind submissions is to, well..... submit.  The desire to obey should be a part of that.  If it isn't, there is an issue going on somewhere.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 12:50:35 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
it's My understanding that the idea behind submissions is to, well..... submit.

Yeah, mine also. But I've come to question that understanding over time. I may go into "twue-jail" for saying this, but it's my impression that for a lot of subs, the idea behind submission is to be a sub, not to submit.... ditto for a lot of doms.

But before I get too smug, let's remember that it is my sincere and heart felt belief that I got just plain lucky in finding Carol. No amount of relationship or leadership skill could possibly make me "worthy" of having her. The universe gave me a gift, plain and simple. At most, I've capitalized on it.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 1:24:47 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Fast reply, not having read the whole thread but in strong agreement with LadyPact and Leadership527, and anyone else who said a version of this:

OP, welcome to the boards!


If your servant wants to be obedient, s/he will. You cannot actually make them be obedient, as a rule. You've got to inspire obedience, but you've also got to start with a sub/slave who actually wants to be obedient. And then you've got to enable that obedience, by not giving them orders they can't possibly obey. You've got to have reasonable expectations.

If you do want to purposely give your servant orders that they will fail at fulfilling, then that can be yummy for funishment purposes, but make sure you both are clear in advance that that's what it is, and not a true failure to obey/punishment scenario.


My slave and I do not have a reward/punishment dynamic in our relationship. Its not necessary because I chose an obedient slave to begin with. By being obedient to my will, he is essentially controlling himself on my behalf. Anything he does wrong is not on purpose. So then if he is doing things I don't like, I just correct those behaviors by talking with him. Since he wants to be obedient, he then adjusts his behavior accordingly. Its on me to set forth my requirements and expectations clearly, so that he knows exactly what he must do and we don't need to do much correction. But we don't have much trouble at all with this sort of thing because not only do we have good communication, but our needs and desires are very closely aligned to begin with, whether vanilla or D/s. We have common goals.
 
In short: I chose an obedient slave, who is a good match for me in and out of bed. 

Suggest you do the same, if you want to avoid the sort of trouble you appear to be having.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: true punishments - 8/2/2009 10:07:29 PM   
SirTaskMaster1


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/26/2009
Status: offline 		Shouldn't having your sub sit, fully clothed, across from you explaining whatever be more like training than punishment?
Aren't you considering something that you should expect from your sub (open and honest commuication) as a punishment? Won't they feel like they are being punished everytime he or she engages in open and honest communication about something?
Sir T

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: true punishments - 8/3/2009 3:23:35 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		FR

The biggest punishment are not physical ones, I have heard of most of those before, I remember one guy I knew made his girlie separate a bowel full of rice and sugar, mind numbing sure but what does it actually teach anyone? The best punishment for me is being made to feel like I have disappointed my partner, that has always been the case at school if a teacher was like that I would be devastated. One of the worst things ever for me was the guy I was with made me a cup of coffee, silly, small but heartbreaking.

Of course different people need different things to feel punished, I genuinely believe though that it needs to be relevant.

Edit to add, the idea of subs having to submit that is true and in my time in these types of relationships I have been 'punished' twice because well people are not infallible.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 8/3/2009 3:25:28 AM >

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: true punishments - 8/3/2009 4:38:37 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		If you have already had some communication, and need ideas to help reinforce it, and you want it to be physical: have the s type belly crawl back and forth across a carpeted for. Not on hands and knees, just using their elbows and arms to drag them back and forth. Do this about twenty time across a 15 to 20 foot area. Then have them take a hot shower immediately afterwards. It is effective as a physical reminder, it is painful, but not extreme, and it stays around for a while.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to UrbanSpider)
Profile   Post #: 40
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