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ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

petmonkey I would like you to handle my taxes this upcoming year.

be a dear would you?

1040 Long

Steel

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ORIGINAL: fadedshadow

i'd rather write an essay than verbally say what i did wrong

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ORIGINAL: lilgirl2008

I am truly bothered by the idea of punishment. We are after all adults. I choose to submit to someone. If someone has to work so hard to control me then it raises the question of how submissive am i in the first place? I personally tell all potential dominants that physical punishment is hard limit with me. There have to be more creative ways to redirect a submissive. I had a conversation with one of my ex doms about this very topic recently. And he said he always used correcting me not to get what he wanted, but to better me as a person. But truly all he had to say was he was dissapointed in me and it would kill me inside. So is all that other nonsense neccessary? It really depends what the crime is. The punishment should fit the crime. What would kneeling on legos teach me other then to fear my Master. What would beating my ass teach me other then to serve in fear. I refuse to ever serve in fear again. I serve out of respect and desire to serve. Not because if I am bad I will be beaten...or made to kneel on painful things. I realize this is how i live my life, and not everyone is going to agree...that is just my 2 cents.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

While I agree with you that there are indeed many creative ways to discipline or to punish someone that do not involve physical punishment, I will...with certain reservations...disagree with the idea that "I am disappointed in you" is the worst punishment. 
If you (the generic you) keep screwing up in the same manner, then obviously "I am disappointed in you" is not working all that well, is it?
If your frequency of screw-ups keeps up at the same level, despite repetition of the admonishment "I am disappointed in you", then despite how bad it makes you feel, it doesn't make you feel bad enough to improve, does it?

When I first joined collarme, I was against physical punishment.  Through various threads and conversations with other dominants, I can see the necessity of it on the extremely rare occasion.  The course I usually take is going to be one of "the punishment/discipline fits the crime" and that is going to come along with the telling of why she did what she did and...occasionally...the expression of my disappointment.  While I can see the sense of expressing your disappointment...every bit as well as I understand allowing a submissive to express her disappointment or anger or frustration over something I've done...I am just cynical enough, having experienced the low level of success with only expressing how I feel to know that expression of feeling alone is not enough.  That's why there are rules and that is why there is a disciplinary facet to most D/s dynamics. 

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I am truly bothered by the idea of punishment.

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Well I can only speak for myself. When I am involved with someone, I do my best to please them . Screwing up over and over again in the same realm just wouldn't happen. Again i say, if you have to work that hard to get someone to do as you wish, then either they are having a problem submitting to you, or they are having some kind of power struggle. Communication is always the best way. If the submissive doesn't care that she is disappointing you, then really what is the point in the relationship? If you have to use brute force to make a submissive do what you want her to do, or to teach her a lesson, it says very little of her submission or of your dominance. I am all for pain for pleasure....but i do believe it is damaging mentaly to physicaly punish a submissive. That is my opinion and it is also how i live my life.

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ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

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Well I can only speak for myself. When I am involved with someone, I do my best to please them . Screwing up over and over again in the same realm just wouldn't happen. Again i say, if you have to work that hard to get someone to do as you wish, then either they are having a problem submitting to you, or they are having some kind of power struggle. Communication is always the best way. If the submissive doesn't care that she is disappointing you, then really what is the point in the relationship? If you have to use brute force to make a submissive do what you want her to do, or to teach her a lesson, it says very little of her submission or of your dominance. I am all for pain for pleasure....but i do believe it is damaging mentaly to physicaly punish a submissive. That is my opinion and it is also how i live my life.

I just want to clarify here that several of the dominant persuasion have made it pretty clear that this isn't necessarily about physical punishment. I, for one, have never used physical punishment, though I wouldn't rule it out after the thread that opened my eyes to some effective aspects of punishment in a dynamic. That being said, I've always gravitated towards what I consider to be 'discipline' or 're-education' in managing disobedience. I also note that it isn't up to anyone outside of a relationship to decide that -all- physical punishment is mentally damaging, provided that having physical punishment as a part of the dynamic is a mutually acceptable aspect of a given relationship.

Dame Calla

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
<snip>

I ... and others ... also noted that while punishment/disciplinary dynamics may not work for some, they do work for some of us.  Perhaps just as well...if not more so...than the sole expression of "I am disappointed in you".

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ORIGINAL: UrbanSpider

A suggestion from an outside source has been submitted, that I make her sleep on the floor without cover or pillow. I like this one. 

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ORIGINAL: lilgirl2008

I am truly bothered by the idea of punishment. We are after all adults. I choose to submit to someone. If someone has to work so hard to control me then it raises the question of how submissive am i in the first place? I personally tell all potential dominants that physical punishment is hard limit with me. There have to be more creative ways to redirect a submissive. I had a conversation with one of my ex doms about this very topic recently. And he said he always used correcting me not to get what he wanted, but to better me as a person. But truly all he had to say was he was dissapointed in me and it would kill me inside. So is all that other nonsense neccessary? It really depends what the crime is. The punishment should fit the crime. What would kneeling on legos teach me other then to fear my Master. What would beating my ass teach me other then to serve in fear. I refuse to ever serve in fear again. I serve out of respect and desire to serve. Not because if I am bad I will be beaten...or made to kneel on painful things. I realize this is how i live my life, and not everyone is going to agree...that is just my 2 cents.