lovingpet -> RE: Under Protection???????? (8/7/2009 5:31:40 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote:
ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA Funny how those that support the "Under Protection" thing think it "upsets" all that don't or that we "take issue" with it, instead of the reality of simply finding it stupid, as well as illogical, manipulative, self-serving, and hypocritical. I don't think that it is always illogical, manipulative, self serving or hypocritical. I'll elaborate... 1) Illogical -- because Adult X is in no position to know what's best for Adult Y. 2) Manipulative -- too often Adult X uses the "Protector/Mentor" dynmic as a ruse to obtain the milk the cow would not have otherwise consented to allow them. 3) Self-Serving -- See #2 above, as well as adding in the "ego" thing. A shining example by one of your fellow-posters here who stated: quote:
ORIGINAL:DarkSteven If I don't think a relationship would be good for her, it ain't gonna happen. 4) Hypocritical -- They're supposedly "protecting" another from one who is DIFFERENT from themselves, so they are not "protecting", but LIMITING. Thus, said "Protector" is the one they should be avoiding. Newbies, especially, have no idea of every dynamic, and for the most part, many subs/slaves who enter this dynamic thinking one thing, years later find they've changed considerably. Said "Protector" is ONLY ALLOWING ACCESS TO THOSE THAT MATCH THEIR IDEA OF THE DYNAMIC. So they are not "protecting", but limiting... to THEIR likes and dislikes. A newbie sub/slave has no idea what THEIR likes/dislikes are yet. This is no different from a parent allowing their son/daughter to only date this person or that person, because those are the people the PARENT "approves of"; which may not be what the son/daughter wants, or even needs. Now extend this attitude/outlook to ADULTS. It's not "protecting", but limiting. The alleged "protector" is the only they need to be "protected" from. We all know those that solicit opinions about the power dynamic... that's vastly different from disallowing an ADULT to choose whose best for them. Again, it's patronizing and assumes all the poor little subs/slaves are idiots. Let's see, when DS wrote that he was talking about a relationship between himself and a submissive seeking his protection. Can he not know himself well enough to know that he is not a good match for her? As far as limiting other relationships, the dominant in a protector status should be helping the submissive find what the SUBMISSIVE is looking for. This involves communication and being nonjudgemental about the submissive's expressed needs and desires. You are still assuming the dominant is getting some sexual gratification from this arrangement? Why? None has been implied. Relationships (platonic or otherwise) normally do serve self in some way. As long as this is not at the expense of the other person in the relationship, who cares? Further, I believe the statement that poster made to have more to do with being self aware than self absorbed. That simply is not necessarily so. People can assist a person in taking a direction that would not be appropriate for his/her own life, but very much what the other person both wants and needs. Further, experience and familiarity breeds a knowledge base that is not available to the person under protection. This is the whole reason it is sought and provided. I'm sorry, but in some cases mommy and daddy were right to limit those options for their offspring. Of course, the thickheaded ones had to go headlong and find out for themselves, but parent try to protect a child from undue pain when they can. The same is true here. There can always be a conscious choice to take the protector's opinion under advisement and proceed anyway. Despite this bullheaded foolishness, the protector may be willing to be the safe place to return after it all goes to hell anyway. Other times, it may be best to suffer the consequences of a poor decision. In response to another one of your posts, who said the protector is just functioning in a bdsm capacity, that the person is always new, unable to support themselves, or unable to say no on their own? This protection and advisory position could be family or career oriented, etc. The person could just need down time (death of or release from the service of a dominant) and have no interest in being intimately involved or possibly even active in the scene during this time. Perhaps the person could rent a place of their own, but it would be more prudent to save instead. Maybe their no is ignored while someone elses with more position within any given community is better received. Your worldview is very narrow. I have no interest in being enbroiled in some flame war. I will just have to now go to a more neutral corner and let this play out. This has nothing to do with my personal beliefs. Once again, I am not much one for the whole "under protection" thing. I still defend others' right to engage in such. Best wishes lovingpet
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