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?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/20/2006 11:42:43 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

There have been several ::hundred:: pages written about what advice old farts & grandma's would give to those who are fresh out of the wrapper and have found a haven in BDSM. I thought it was time to turn the tables and find out what those who are new have to say about what they 'want' to know. You've found collarme, you've found the forums.. so now that you're here, what kind of advice or commentary are you seeking?

How to find a Master/Mistress?
Where do I get some of those neat fuzzy handcuffs?
What's a flogger?
What's BDSM and how do I get the bumper sticker for my Ten speed?
Is it safe to tie myself up with my gym socks?

The forum is open and I'm sure you'll get lots of answers, some good, some horrible and some which speak to your heart.. if you only have the courage to ask. I will make you a promise. I, personally, will not laugh or scoff at any question in this thread which is posed by someone new, but I can't speak for what others will do. Deal?

Grandma Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Post #: 1

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 12:41:26 AM

GingerleeDREAD

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

LMBAO!!
If Your a granma Im one of those freaken mummies that come up outta the dirt in that movie............
Can We make a rule that for every newbies question can We say that none can post with out finding at least 5 past posts that address the very issue they are asking and pos that with their answers just to make this more interesting ? ~smiles~

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/21/2006 5:56:12 AM >

_____________________________

"My inner children are all mean little fuckers"
"Get inbetween' em and youll get hogtied, hitched up, n hacked"

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 2

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 12:50:28 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

LMBAO!!
If Your a granma Im one of those freaken mummies that come up outta the dirt in that movie............
Can We make a rule that for every newbies question can We say that none can post with out finding at least 5 past posts that address the very issue they are asking and pos that with their answers just to make this more interesting ? ~smiles~

::hands you a shovel to help dig away the dirt and some scissors to cut away the gauze::

I have three grandsons, the oldest is going to be 10 in about two weeks. :)

Can I call you Mummy now? ::chuckles::

As to making a rule for the newbies, .. well, yes, we could, but I doubt it will help.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to GingerleeDREAD)

Post #: 3

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 4:42:08 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LMFAO Celeste

Nice post

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 4

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 5:13:14 AM

servingwench80

Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

I don't think it takes newbies long to realize that when they ask such basic questions, they're probably going to hear people griping about how many times the same things have been asked.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 5

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 5:35:03 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

Fresh out of the wrapper...my favorite expression ever!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 5:35:20 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

/quote]The forum is open and I'm sure you'll get lots of answers, some good, some horrible and some which speak to your heart.. if you only have the courage to ask. I will make you a promise. I, personally, will not laugh or scoff at any question in this thread which is posed by someone new, but I can't speak for what others will do. Deal?

Grandma Celeste[

Unfortunately Grandma I think your newbie grandkids may be put off by the ferocity of some other posters but Come on Newbies

Give this a go...............

All so far will be tolerant(Myself included)

He dips His lid to all newcomers reading here

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 7

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 6:12:50 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

I facillitate the Newcomers Discussion group at my bdsm club. While this means new to the public scene and not necessarily new to the leather community in general, you would be amazed by the questions our less than experienced friends ask. Many times, it is the same questions over and over again and it becomes a little difficult to give full, comprehensive answers. However, I realised one day that getting back to the basics, even for old juice like myself, is not a bad thing. It is like anything else in our life where we pause for an identification reassessment or to take new inventory. One of my favorite questions to ask in return of these newbies is exactly the one the OP is asking here. Also, "What are your expectations, if any?" One can learn alot from fresh blood. : )

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 8

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 10:37:24 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

I'm a newbie, but I've got to admit, I do find it odd that sometimes people will turn up asking really basic questions because before I came out, I read every damn thing I could find about this lifestyle - couldn't help myself actually - to the point my parents hid their porn*...so although I won't pretend I have any real experience, I at least have an appreciation of the ideas I will encounter.

I suppose it applies to anything you're interested in, reading around the subject incurs no risk and in this age of the internet there is no excuse not to (unless you have no internet).

*which disappointingly consisted of a copy of "The Joy of Sex" and a pair of handcuffs. They even hid the first aid manual at one point because I was asking too many questions about bandages.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to Synocense)

Post #: 9

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 10:56:57 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with asking the same question again and again..

New people.. new ideas.. new opinions...

Swinging doors... people in.. people out..

Either respond.. or ignore.. to get frusted over same question being asked again... is as much as waste of energy as Jealousy is.. (another thread.. lol)

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 10

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 11:46:39 AM

Bella1

Posts: 64
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Not so long ago I was givin advise about this site. I was told to READ, Read, and Read more. So I'm not asking any questions yet, and I'm finding the answers as I read.

ty Celeste for the Great Advise

(in reply to GingerleeDREAD)

Post #: 11

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 11:53:12 AM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

There have been several ::hundred:: pages written about what advice old farts & grandma's would give to those who are fresh out of the wrapper and have found a haven in BDSM. I thought it was time to turn the tables and find out what those who are new have to say about what they 'want' to know. You've found collarme, you've found the forums.. so now that you're here, what kind of advice or commentary are you seeking?

How to find a Master/Mistress?
Where do I get some of those neat fuzzy handcuffs?
What's a flogger?
What's BDSM and how do I get the bumper sticker for my Ten speed?
Is it safe to tie myself up with my gym socks?

The forum is open and I'm sure you'll get lots of answers, some good, some horrible and some which speak to your heart.. if you only have the courage to ask. I will make you a promise. I, personally, will not laugh or scoff at any question in this thread which is posed by someone new, but I can't speak for what others will do. Deal?

Grandma Celeste

Taking you at your word. . .

Should I get branded on my first meeting with my Dominate?

Thanks for your help.

Best,

LaMalinche

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 12:26:39 PM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

truesub and bella,

While I absolutely agree with reading all that you can, there is still an incredible difference between what goes on in your mind and what happens when you are staring something in the face. Neither is more or less than, it just "is" .... that said, newbies who come to the club, for example, have also read books and websites, but even that didn't prepare them. We have heard it said a gazillion times, "there are as many variations of ways to do something as their are people who do them" or something of the like, hehehe. Trial and error has it's place in life, but I don't think its always necessary. Sometimes it sufficient to simply ask the question : )

peace and love

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 13

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 1:04:39 PM

HisGirl8

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

Ok... I too try to read and find my own answers before I ask stuff but since you're offering and I'm new I'll ask a few out of the bajillion things that are rumbling around my brain begging for attention...

I saw a thread on this recently but it didn't really address this question..

What is the best/ what are some good ways of explaining this to a friend/ co-worker/ family memeber etc? What if they're curious in a positive way? What if they're curious in a negative way? A friend of mine is getting curious...

I hope you're ok with multiple questions...

How do you handle the balance of having children/ what are some good guidelines? *note- I don't have children.... but someday I will and I've been thinking about this a lot*

Last one... for now ;)

What if I'm painfully shy and traditional in my monogamy but want some involvement in this scene? How can I have friends and find social settings that cater to my crazy, introverted ways?

I totally appreciate that you opened this up for repeat questions. I can understand getting over replying to the same stuff all the time. I've been reading and reading and I love all the advice and honesty here...

Thanx

*curtsy*

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 14

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 1:16:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisGirl8
What is the best/ what are some good ways of explaining this to a friend/ co-worker/ family memeber etc? What if they're curious in a positive way? What if they're curious in a negative way? A friend of mine is getting curious...

How do you handle relatives?

Talking to Vanilla People

Family

quote:

How do you handle the balance of having children/ what are some good guidelines?

What MOST people do is nothing- they act normally or "in a traditional way" around children, and save all play and kink when the children are not around.

SOME people actually come out to their kids over time or when they are older, and make their children aware of things and how to deal when other people ask questions.

quote:

What if I'm painfully shy and traditional in my monogamy but want some involvement in this scene? How can I have friends and find social settings that cater to my crazy, introverted ways?

A lot of us are shy and traditional :) You will have to screw up the courage to meet people in social settings just like you would in the vanilla world. But there's a myriad of options to you and give yourself time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to HisGirl8)

Post #: 15

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 1:23:28 PM

HisGirl8

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline

You rock!

Every time I read something you've posted I find so much information and education....

I asked about meeting people because He's brought it up lately but knows where I stand on certain things. As for children well, I am curious cause it would so alter our little world and I was wondering how others handled it.

Thank you bunches!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 1:34:04 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bella1

Not so long ago I was givin advise about this site. I was told to READ, Read, and Read more. So I'm not asking any questions yet, and I'm finding the answers as I read. ty Celeste for the Great Advise

I'm guessing that you're not counting the questions you ask me on the phone. lol

{{{{{{{{{bella}}}}}}}} Welcome to the boards. :*

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Bella1)

Post #: 17

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 1:44:28 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Should I get branded on my first meeting with my Dominate?

No, save that discussion for your 1st anniversary, give it thoughtful consideration on your 2nd anniversary and if you both still want it, it will make a wonderful 3rd anniversary present for you and him/her. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 18

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 2:39:10 PM

bear372217355

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

If I may take this in a slightly different direction, but along the same path, as I see some have thrown the ball in that direction already anyways,,

I know this is likely gunna get me trashed, but what the hell, it's the truth.

How about all the superstar subs and oh we're not worthy Domme/Dom's, just answer the question posed without the drama and sarcasm or posting links or "Read the forum board" or as was so eliquently put "griping" about how many times they've heard this question or that question or "As I would say to blah blah blah....

Someone rather smart, stated it in another thread, that if we all just came here and read what was said a month ago, a year ago or whatever ago. The forum would likely stagnate and no one would learn anything truely new or inovative.

In some cases, someone may just want a fresher perspective or get their name out here and be seen. Or perhaps in their newbie nervousness they missed the umpteen posts about that very topic.

In any case, some of the lofty attitudes here, have driven people away from this forum. Ya, I know, so what. Well, those people came here looking for a reasonable answer to what they thought was a reasonable question, and then they were made to look the fool. Is that the impression of ourselves that we would like newbies to walk away with? Are we that jaded and wrapped up in our own selves that we can't even look past someones noviceness and allow them the chance to make a mistake and learn from it? Or how about, who cares, just answer the question as it was posed and move on.

As alot of you are knowledgeable, wouldn't it be a little more graceful to temper that wisdom with some humility or compassion (I read that in here somewhere too).

Somebody reffered to a "pack" mentallity in here once too, I will admit to being caught up in that effect. To which I will hang my head in shame and say I was wrong. I have the ablity to say that because I am the bigger man. Both in reality and figuratively.

As soon as the holier then thou, look down their noses types stop doing just that, this place might just pick up a lot of new vioces.

Nothing causes silence like the fear of being ridiculed. Nothing creates an atmosphere of censorship like a hostile environment.

Things to think about.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 19

RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/21/2006 2:46:27 PM

bear372217355

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

I'm a newbie, but I've got to admit, I do find it odd that sometimes people will turn up asking really basic questions because before I came out, I read every damn thing I could find about this lifestyle - couldn't help myself actually - to the point my parents hid their porn*...so although I won't pretend I have any real experience, I at least have an appreciation of the ideas I will encounter.

I suppose it applies to anything you're interested in, reading around the subject incurs no risk and in this age of the internet there is no excuse not to (unless you have no internet).

*which disappointingly consisted of a copy of "The Joy of Sex" and a pair of handcuffs. They even hid the first aid manual at one point because I was asking too many questions about bandages.

You can read till your hearts content, but in reality things swing in different directions. Books can not give you the human touch, scent or sound, they can only describe it. Some people just want to hear it from the horses mouth too.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Post #: 20

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