BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
|
quote:
What is the best/ what are some good ways of explaining this to a friend/ co-worker/ family memeber etc? What if they're curious in a positive way? What if they're curious in a negative way? A friend of mine is getting curious...
I'm going to use Bella as an example, because she's been a 'nilla friend in real life for quite some time. :) I've been out for several years, and over the last few years, every once in a while she'd ask me a question about the way I live my life. I would just answer those questions which she asked as honestly as I could. I didn't elaborate on her questions, just answered the specific ones in which she was interested in. I never pushed her or pressured her to accept my choices, but, she's a sweetie and, in fact, did accept me just as I am. Her curiosity became such that she wanted to try a few things for herself.. submission being one of those things which I saw in her a long time ago just because of the way she speaks about her husband and pleasing him and the life choices she's made up to this point, but everything had to be in her own time and in the steps that she could take. She calls them 'half-baby' steps. :) For those who are curious in a positive way, I'd just answer the questions they wished to know as long as I was comfortable with given out the information. For those who are curious in a negative way, frankly, I don't see them coming to me if their intention is to just berate BDSM and they won't get a lot of satisfaction because I have better things to do with my time than try to appease the narrow minded. I don't bother them, they don't bother me. If someone asks a direct question, I answer it.. but I don't try to convince them that BDSM is the end all, be all of living life.
One of my favorite answers when someone asks me a question that I feel is designed to belittle or where I believe the person has a hidden agenda is to respond in one of two ways..
Why do you want to know? or How is that knowledge going to be of value to you? A good answer to one of those two questions 'might' get more information out of me. Generally, the response I get to those questions is.. "I'm curious" which is just too bad. One of the questions I get a lot is.. "What do you do to your slaves." And, that's no one's business but mine and theirs.
quote:
I hope you're ok with multiple questions...
I am, but want to make it clear that my multiple answers are 'only' my ideas and ways, unless there is something which is factual, in which case, I'll let it be known that it's a truth rather than an opinion and will back it up with whatever sources I have used to arrive at that truth.
quote:
How do you handle the balance of having children/ what are some good guidelines? *note- I don't have children.... but someday I will and I've been thinking about this a lot*
I do have children and now grandchildren, so I completely understand how it can be a concern. Quite simply, when they were younger, all my BDSM activites were kept out of their eyes and away from touching them in any way. That said, I do know there are households where children are exposed to common terms and living BDSM is not hidden and those children grow up happy, healthy and secure. Living in a BDSM structured home is far less important than just having good basic parenting skills. Reading to your child, feeding and clothing them, loving them, encourage their exploration of the world and building their self-esteem from birth.. all that is going to have the impact to raising productive humans regardless of other life choices. The choice whether to live an open BDSM life is up to the individual. Thoughtful consideration of what is good for your children is going to be the best gauge of what you do by them and how you do it.
quote:
Last one... for now ;)
What if I'm painfully shy and traditional in my monogamy but want some involvement in this scene? How can I have friends and find social settings that cater to my crazy, introverted ways?
If you are painfully shy, go slow, limiting your contacts to just a few others until you feel that you are comfortable. You can always expand your circle in your own good time. Small gatherings with good friends are the preferred choice for a lot of people. I'm not at all shy, but still prefer small and intimate to large and noisy. When you feel a connection with someone, just tell them.. hey, I like you, I like the way you think and I'm willing to take a risk that we can have a friendship. Sometimes that's all it takes. If you get turned down, don't dispair, just try it again with the next person with whom you connect. I know it can be hard to come out of a shell and make those approaches, but, in all honesty, the vast majority don't just have friends drop into our laps.. we 'must' make some kind of effort. Attending local munchies is non-threatening and if you go up to the host, tell them that you would like to be introduced to just one or two people, most who host munches are going to be more than happy to take you around or they'll have helpers who's job it is to do just that. That's what they're there for, to help in your transition from stranger to acquaintence.. once you get to that point, being a 'friend' will be up to you. Once you find some like-minded people with whom you feel comfortable, the sky's the limit for social activities. It's whatever you all enjoy doing that will determine the where's and when's.
One last thing... this isn't the Olympics so there's no gold medal for reaching the finish line first.. don't push, don't rush.. just be yourself and your shyness will ease as your comfort levels go up. Half-baby steps work really well.. just ask Bella!
Celeste
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
|
RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread