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RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/24/2006 2:05:35 PM

phoenix1

Posts: 107
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bear372217355

...some of the lofty attitudes here, have driven people away from this forum.. those people came here looking for a reasonable answer to what they thought was a reasonable question, and then they were made to look the fool...

Are we that jaded and wrapped up in our own selves that we can't even look past someones noviceness and allow them the chance to make a mistake and learn from it?

Somebody reffered to a "pack" mentallity in here once too... Nothing causes silence like the fear of being ridiculed. Nothing creates an atmosphere of censorship like a hostile environment.

The understatements of the year.

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RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/24/2006 4:00:35 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Okay.. so what are some suggestions for finding out how your "significant other" feels about stuff if you can't even get them to sit down and communicate with you? He is hot one day and cold the next... unfortunately I am finding that the spankings and biting are all happening in public ..building up this whole incredible feeling... then when we are together... wham.. its all vanilla... not that the nilla thing is bad.. because its great.. its just that i really want more... ~sigh~ I dunno... is upside down a bad thing? Because thats how everything feels right now...

T

T,

You are in a bit of a unique situation simply because 'most' family's these days aren't 'Cheaper by the Dozen' in size. Finding 5 mins to brush your teeth is a feat in and of itself at your house! You two are going to have to make a concerted effort to TALK, even if you have to tie him up and drag him away and leave the rugrats with a sitter.

There is a style of play called 'Topping from the Bottom', in which the bottom or submissive is the one who actually takes control and initiates actions. Normally, this is not something I advocate but in your case, I'd make an exception and that's only because I know you. You have a good vanilla sex life, so the next time the two of you are feeling on the randy side, drape yourself over his life with your bottom up and tell him you want to talk and you're not moving until you do. Ask him to rub your ass or lightly spank you while you talk. Tell him when it feels good and ask him how it's making him feel. Keep the flow of conversation going and see where it leads.

It could be that he's embarrased to discuss sexual activities, it could be he's afraid of hurting you even though you like that sort of thing.. there are any number of reasons why the heat is on in public then the ice comes out in the bedroom, but until you find out 'why', you're going to be getting lots of ice with your tea. Pick him up a copy of The Topping Book. Since you have the main interest here, it's up to YOU to keep things going in the right direction till the light bulbs go off for him.

Feel free to call me, hon.. but do try some of these things and see if they help. If not, perhaps some of the other posters here can come up with some techniques to help you. I have to say though, that the 'talking' part is really important. Without communication, you're going to be vanilla for a very long time.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/24/2006 4:12:56 PM

MsNdsisuv

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/20/2006
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Vanilla is alright... but I want butter pecan for a while hehehe

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RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/24/2006 6:15:33 PM

Bella1

Posts: 64
Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsNdsisuv

quote:

~sigh~ I dunno... is upside down a bad thing? Because thats how everything feels right now...

upside down, I'm movin in with u. {{{{{cyber hugs for u girl}}}}}}

*Bella*

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RE: ?'s for the brand spanking new - 2/26/2006 8:21:35 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bear372217355

quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

I'm a newbie, but I've got to admit, I do find it odd that sometimes people will turn up asking really basic questions because before I came out, I read every damn thing I could find about this lifestyle - couldn't help myself actually - to the point my parents hid their porn*...so although I won't pretend I have any real experience, I at least have an appreciation of the ideas I will encounter.

I suppose it applies to anything you're interested in, reading around the subject incurs no risk and in this age of the internet there is no excuse not to (unless you have no internet).

*which disappointingly consisted of a copy of "The Joy of Sex" and a pair of handcuffs. They even hid the first aid manual at one point because I was asking too many questions about bandages.

You can read till your hearts content, but in reality things swing in different directions. Books can not give you the human touch, scent or sound, they can only describe it. Some people just want to hear it from the horses mouth too.

I totally didn't mean for that post to sound so arrogant and I do agree with you. In future I need to engage brain before posting posts.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

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