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What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 6:52:32 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		There's that term isn't there about relationship: we have chemistry. I've thought about this with reference to bdsm or WIITWD (or rather what it is that i do as i am safer talking about that around here).
I love that raw chemistry feeling. That feeling of having something'done' to me that feels like it's a part of me rather than being done to me. A feeling of total connection. A feeling within me...who was it that called it 'in the slave's belly' for the first time? It can happen during sensation, during restraint or during deprivation. There is no one situation wherein it happens. It can and has happened with totally different persons..which for me is not type dependent or gender dependent. Chemistry is, I admit, dynamic dependent, meaning that o get a 'raw' kick out of being in the submissive position.
It's difficult to talk about chemistry. But I know when it isn't there.
What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you?
Does it take WIITWD for chemistry to take place?
What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement?
Is it dependent on one particular person?


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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 7:51:18 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you?

Hmmm...butterflies in the belly, some fear, anxiety, and an all out demand mentally/physically/psychologically that I be with that person...the kind of demand that can not be ignored.
quote:

Does it take WIITWD for chemistry to take place?

Nope
quote:

What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement?

Personally, I would say that chemistry just creates sexual need..attraction if you must. BUT, from there, if the people involved do it right, it can evolve into a beautiful relationship.
quote:

Is it dependent on one particular person?

Nope

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 8:09:12 AM   
Aileen1968


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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Chemistry makes it about the person and not the act.
I used to crave the act. Now I crave the person purely because we connect on every single level of our lives.
The end result....the physical acts have become so much more satisfying then I ever thought possible. All because of our chemistry.



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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 8:43:12 AM   
leadership527


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Status: offline 		What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you? comfort

Does it take WIITWD for chemistry to take place? no

What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement? All of the above? Mostly entwinement.

Is it dependent on one particular person? I'm not sure what you meant with this one. I have chemistry with Carol. I could, if I was to go looking for it, have chemistry with someone else. I'm not terribly inclined to go look although I've stumbled upon this place in my life where I might've found it anyway.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:04:46 AM   
DavanKael


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Status: offline 		What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you? Safety, arousal, affinity, affection, etc. 

Does it take WIITWD for chemistry to take place?  Nope, it's about the person and the bond, not the bondage, lol!

What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement?  Sometimes, the most magical connections and sensations I have ever felt, sometimes frustration (When it's denied, truncated, etc.), sometimes an amalgamation but unfettered, chemistry with someone that is safe and toward whom I have emotional connection and love is like my skin doesn't matter, we are melting together, and the Universe is glowing and we are far more a part of it and than is standard in our walk through it.  :> 

Is it dependent on one particular person?  Thus far, it has either been toward people I love or someone I believe I could have grown to love. 
   Davan

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:13:19 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

 it's about the person and the bond, not the bondage,
I have emotional connection and love is like my skin doesn't matter, we are melting together,
. 
   Davan

I wish I had written these two great things..
prin


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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:18:48 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you? comfort

Does it take WIITWD for chemistry to take place? no

What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement? All of the above? Mostly entwinement.

Is it dependent on one particular person? I'm not sure what you meant with this one. I have chemistry with Carol. I could, if I was to go looking for it, have chemistry with someone else. I'm not terribly inclined to go look although I've stumbled upon this place in my life where I might've found it anyway.


Is it dependent on one particular person......I originalily meant I suppose are you in a relationship or have you had a relationship with one person where that feeling of chemistry (however you define it for you) is with that one person. I suppose the question means therefore are you essentially monogamous as opposed to poly (where that feeling of chemistry is diffused across more than one person). But I also supposed I meant is it possible to have chemistry with one person and also have it independently with another... that kind of chemistry that makeds one wander.........


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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:21:48 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you?

Hmmm...butterflies in the belly, some fear, anxiety, and an all out demand mentally/physically/psychologically that I be with that person...the kind of demand that can not be ignored.


I recognise that can'tbe ignored feeling. Yes it's chemistry and chemistry of a particular nature in the body. It's almost an addictive thing for me or it has bee. Not sure whether it is what I refer to as the chemistry between two people though. That kind of can't be ignored thing has lead me to do some pretty wanton anirresposible thiings in my life.
Is that sex addiction I wonder?


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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:25:07 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Chemistry makes it about the person and not the act.
I used to crave the act. Now I crave the person purely because we connect on every single level of our lives.
The end result....the physical acts have become so much more satisfying then I ever thought possible. All because of our chemistry.



Yes it becomes more and more about the person and less about the act. I think men and women (sorry about the gender issue here and so I am not speaking for TG) so I think men and women differ and that men (in general) can and od crave the chemistry of the act. Not all men everywhere but I think it has a gendered chemistry in the brain.
Chemistry has also happened for me with men I have started off by not liking. Now that's a kink for me... submitting to the 'nasties'. (Gotto stop that one.........)
Love the pic here by the way and tried to mail you to say so but yu have no profile availabe.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/4/2009 9:27:24 AM >

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:25:28 AM   
ElectraGlide


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Status: offline 		The kind of Chemistry you are describing is the Pure Trust in your partners.

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:30:34 AM   
leadership527


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Status: offline 		Ahhhh, with that clarification... my chemical attractions are historically monogamous because I totally stop looking when I have a mate. I just lose interest. If [insert super-sexy-move starlet here] showed up at the door naked and begging my collar it just wouldn't register.. that spot in my psyche has no vacancies -- even if I would, otherwise, be highly attracted to said person.

That being said, I may be in the process of becoming accidently poly *laughs*. Life can always throw you curve balls.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:33:13 AM   
allthatjaz


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Status: offline 		I have never really thought about what 'chemistry' entails but now you have brought the subject up, I am just confused but then Im dyslexic and trying to comprehend this kind of word tends to throw me.
Chemistry is a science that's usually divided as organic or inorganic. This is being pedantic and very unromantic!
We have taken a word out of science and used it to describe a connection between two or more people but that word only has meaning to the people that use it and therefore could have a thousand different meanings.

For me, I would describe 'chemistry' as a merging of minds, perhaps body and soul with a lover or just being like minded with a friend. I may sit with someone I hardly know for an evening and walk away thinking 'wow we had real chemistry'. Its that feeling that we have connected and are ultimately very comfortable with each others company.
I would go as far as to say that on first meeting my lover, we had a definite chemistry and it was that, that made us both desire to see each other again. That chemistry continues.

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:52:51 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

, I may be in the process of becoming accidently poly *laughs*.

Were you pushed or did you fall???


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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 9:57:33 AM   
Jeptha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

...That being said, I may be in the process of becoming accidently poly *laughs*. Life can always throw you curve balls.
...Accidently poly?!?!

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 10:00:11 AM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
.
Chemistry is a science that's usually divided as organic or inorganic. This is being pedantic and very unromantic!
We have taken a word out of science and used it to describe a connection between two or more people but that word only has meaning to the people that use it and therefore could have a thousand different meanings.



Then for me chemistry is the study of reactions that take place at the most fundamental levels...atomic? quantuum? Those reactions may be observable (as in change of state say from liquid to gas) but are largely unobservable at the level at which they take place; they are explainable by chemists in some other form (as equations), reliable and predictable given certain controlled conditions and produce something entirely different as the sum of two parts. Again in the scientific sense either a chemical reactions takes place or it is inert.
Chemistry is a metaphore for what takes place in relationships.
But the fact that I have experienced chemostry with an entire stranger, across a crowded room, with just eye contact or a felt presence is extraordinary.
The conditions that heat up the chemistry are my kinks. Defo.



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Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 10:09:36 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx
Were you pushed or did you fall???

Neither exactly. An unexpected situation came up wherein I was helping some friends. The specific nature of the help involved a fairly deep level of emotional intimacy. One thing led to another and now the question is do we wish to explore some sort of 4-some. It's kind of one of those "opportunity knocked" moments. Even when it's unexpected and out of my norm, I don't like to pass by potential opportunities without looking them over carefully.

On one hand, I am deeply mistrustful of the difficulty involved. Heck, I think building a stable 2-way relationship is a trick. My impression is that building a stable, long-term 4-way is going to raise the bar substantially on the minimum required relationship skills meter. On the other hand, these are some really fine people and I can see them being intimately involved in our lives at least emotionally and maybe physically.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 10:17:24 AM   
Jeptha


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From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx


What does chemistry in relationship feel like for you?

It feels like we are functioning exceptionally smoothly and harmoniously in some area. That doesn't sound like a big deal, but the quality in question is not an everyday expereince at all.
quote:

Does ie take WIITWD for chemistry to take place?
No. In fact, I've learned that if I ever have to have a roommate again, I know what kind of chemistry to look for; we should both be able to laugh and talk about awkward things with some ease and understanding.
quote:

What gets created out of that chemistry? Sex? Attraction? Closeness? Entwinement?
I think there can be platonic chemistry, as in my example above. I'd say it just makes bonding easier because some sort of bond is almost intuited beforehand.

I have also been in relationships where initially there was only sexual chemistry, but a great relationship grew from that starting point.

In the example I'm thinking of, I wasn't especially attracted to the person, and our personalities weren't "making sparks" together, but it was mildly pleasant enough.

But when I touched her, she was so reactive that it was extraordinary - it was like playing an instrument, sort of. It is kind of a power rush when just trailing your finger tip along someone's arm can make them shiver.

We stayed together because it did turn out that our personalities were a decent match, but we just wouldn't necessarily have known it at first.

The sexual chemistry definitely came first in that case. That is, it was the first thing that indicated that something significant was going on there.

I think it's also possible to have the opposite, by the way: to have a lot of personality chemistry, but not so much with the sexual chemistry.

quote:

Is it dependent on one particular person?
Dunno, as I don't have much experience with poly, tho I may become a dabbler soon. I don't think it has to be dependent on one person.

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"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 11:33:10 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


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Chemistry:  the diffusion of molecules from a place of higher concentration (Master) to a place of lower concentration (slave), until the concentration on both sides is equal (collared).
 
Graphic Depiction ---> HERE 
 
 

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 8/4/2009 11:36:43 AM >

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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 2:27:15 PM   
allthatjaz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
.
Chemistry is a science that's usually divided as organic or inorganic. This is being pedantic and very unromantic!
We have taken a word out of science and used it to describe a connection between two or more people but that word only has meaning to the people that use it and therefore could have a thousand different meanings.



Then for me chemistry is the study of reactions that take place at the most fundamental levels...atomic? quantuum? Those reactions may be observable (as in change of state say from liquid to gas) but are largely unobservable at the level at which they take place; they are explainable by chemists in some other form (as equations), reliable and predictable given certain controlled conditions and produce something entirely different as the sum of two parts. Again in the scientific sense either a chemical reactions takes place or it is inert.
Chemistry is a metaphore for what takes place in relationships.
But the fact that I have experienced chemostry with an entire stranger, across a crowded room, with just eye contact or a felt presence is extraordinary.
The conditions that heat up the chemistry are my kinks. Defo.




lol I do understand that we are talking metaphors and the metaphors of chemistry, synergy and love are all quite pleasing. By combining elements chemical reactions take place (chemistry!)
What I find interesting is that you can see someone across a room and feel that chemistry (like you, I have done just that) and that chemistry doesn't have to be (at least for me) physical. It can be intellectual, emotional. It can last for a fleeting moment or it can go on for a lifetime.
I'm a romantic that believes that for every individual there is a perfect match/mate for them and the coming together of these two perfectly matched individuals is pretty incredible if it happens. I don't believe this is chemistry alone but a lot of other very unique ingredients too.


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RE: What chemistry feels like - 8/4/2009 2:44:17 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

Allthatjaz commented:
I'm a romantic that believes that for every individual there is a perfect match/mate for them and the coming together of these two perfectly matched individuals is pretty incredible if it happens. I don't believe this is chemistry alone but a lot of other very unique ingredients too.


Personally, I separate out chemistry from compatibility. To me, compatibility is an understandable thing. It is a combination of both starting state and whatever value we do or do not place on remaining compatible as the years progress. Every day, Carol & I make choices to be more rather than less compatible and so now, at the 15 year mark, we are way more compatible than when we met.

Chemistry, on the other hand, I have in the realm of indefinables. I put my nose in Carol's hair and take a deep breath and she smells like love. Not shampoo. Not conditioner. Love. Why is that? I can only assume some sort of pheremony/chemical thing. When I'm all stinky, it smells like "chicken soup" to her. Again, why? In my head, chemistry is something which happens deep in our lizard brains somewhere and is therefor resistant to any sort of analysis.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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