RE: What do you consider Disrespect???

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/5/2009 9:00:16 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JCVash

And I have one advantage that those in the armed forces and management do not..I lead just one person, and know her intimately and understand her far better then 99% of those leaders ever will their own employee's or soldiers. In the end I will get what I want without the hassles of people quitting or raising a mutiny.

Well, if what you wanted was to have your submissive come into a public arena with a half-told story of disregard which seems to indicate a general distrust of your assessment of things (to the point where she wants reinforcement from strangers), you are certainly welcome to such a dynamic.

But to introduce such a thread in a forum of folks who, by and large, expect some modicum of obedience (in word and deed) and then to follow up by explaining how an instance of it is permissible because you're "laid back" is just (intentionally or not) a 2-part trolling.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/5/2009 9:34:03 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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Based on your edit to clarify that the no smoking rule was in effect when you lit up, I don't think you forgot to tell him that you slipped up, I think you avoided telling him.

Quitting smokes is hard, and it's great that you're beginning to make attempts, or even just talking about making an attempt to quit. It's a step in the right direction. Don't beat yourself up over it, just keep trying.

But I think you should just come clean and tell your Sir that you thought you were ready and then you realized you weren't and then you didn't want to disappoint him, so you kept the info from him. And on his part, well, maybe he should have thought twice about thinking that it was going to be as simple as obeying an order. Either way, don't blow this into something bigger than what it is. Don't let this incident become some big question of disrespect and disobedience and blah blah blah...You're both human, you both played a part in this, and you're both learning.

Good luck on your next attempt to quit. Many people try more than once before they succeed. When you're ready, there won't be any question in your mind about what you have to do.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/5/2009 11:28:09 PM

aldompdx

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Only a foolish master would believe their slave could kick a physical addiction cold turkey. With such foolishness, and failure to take greater responsibility for achieving the goal, a master is disrespecting himself.

The question for a slave is -- are you doing your absolute best, and is your master supporting the process with compassion and awareness.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/5/2009 11:36:34 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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I tried to quit last year, in accordance with my ex-Doms wishes. He asked me to quit cold turkey.

Do you know thats its easier to quit heroine then it is smokeing cigs? Maybe if he helped you do it, got you on with a Doc who knows how to handle addictions like this, then he could help you better. Frankly, unless you smoke, and have tried to quit, you dont really know how hard it is to just not do it. This is out of his league unless he is infact a Doctor. Which I doubt he is. Unless your in therapy for it, he is setting you up to fail.

But then again, you did infact, with hold information from him about you disobeying a direct order.

Your both wrong here.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 5:48:53 AM

CaringandReal

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quote:

Was there a timeframe on the order? "Stop smoking cold turkey by the end of the year" is different from "Never pick up a cigarette again, starting right now."

Not that it matters much, but I don't think there is such a thing as "stop smoking cold turkey by the end of the year." That's like saying, "I'm a little bit pregnant." (Meaning only partially pregnant, which is impossible.) Cold turkey means stop right away, no more. The alternative is generally referred to as a ramp down or gradual cutback or similar terms.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 6:32:22 AM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caraV
would you consider that disrepect or just... lets say forgetfulness??? I think forgetfulness...

I suppose you came on here looking for support that you were in the right....I don't think your going to get it. If my sub had done this sort of thing she wouldn't be sitting down for a while.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 7:13:52 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

There IS such a thing as "trying" no matter what Yoda said

I agree, actually. What I was ‘trying’ to point out, in a very vague manner, is that the OP’s phrase “I wasn’t trying to be disobedient” comes across as an attempt to avoid responsibility. We all screw up from time to time.
But the OP’s question was: was she disrespectful or forgetful? I don’t believe for a minute that she ‘forgot’. And I believe it is respectful to admit one’s screw ups rather than make lame excuses.

My opinion is that you were more correct the first time. Try could be tied to the beginning of a particular action but never a state of being. You cannot try to be a brain surgeon, or try to be female or even try to be happy. You can act toward becoming but you cannot try to be.

Long before Yoda was in the immagination of Spielburg, one of my high school teachers asked my class to drop our pencils on the floor. We did. Then he asked us to try to pick up our pencil. As we bent to pick it up he yelled at us not to pick it up but to try to pick it up. After we all became frustrated he explained that we can act and succeed or act and fail but that try is not a verb in any true sense.

A few years after that demonstration, my boss at work told me the secret to success is to never be afraid to fail. That there was no sin (error) in the failure of an act but only sin in the failure to act.

So in all desire to make changes, one will act and often fail but continued action toward change brings about the change. No good ever comes from denial, cover-up, or misdirection of one's failures. Celebrate an honest failure! You could not have failed if you had not acted in the first place.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 8:22:00 AM

xXsoumisXx

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

Only a foolish master would believe their slave could kick a physical addiction cold turkey. With such foolishness, and failure to take greater responsibility for achieving the goal, a master is disrespecting himself.

The question for a slave is -- are you doing your absolute best, and is your master supporting the process with compassion and awareness.

I agree. The order shouldn't have been given in that way.

There is no magic wand to cure addictions instantly.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 10:11:53 AM

roland23

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Smoking is a problem. I've encountered few subs who do it. Most disrepect involves 1) Not wearing appropriate clothing; 2) contacting me at home or 3) Hanging out with ex-boyfriends or other male doms.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 10:57:35 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caraV

If your slave told you she would quit a bad habit... i.e. smoking ... Cold turkey ... and she happend to have a few ciggies afterward... and didnt tell you... and the way you found out is because she was smoking while you where on the phone... and she simply just didnt think it was all that important to let you know she hadnt quite yet... would you consider that disrepect or just... lets say forgetfulness??? I think forgetfulness...

caraV ... JCVash's lil slut.

EDIT :

I told Master I would quit, and he agreed to support me in it, and it was in effect when I had another smoke

I wouldn't handle this in a manner that would elicit such a reaction. People lie about smoking. They do so because they feel compelled to quit when they're not in a position to be effective at it. However, once that promise was made, I would consider honesty to be part and parcel of that promise. Because of that, I would consider the above scenario to be deceitful -- certainly not "forgetful", since you obviously decided to smoke the remaining cigarettes. Not telling wasn't "forgetting" it is lying by omission.

That being said, whether or not I considered lying by omission to be disrespectful (sometimes a lie is just a lie), I certainly would consider trying to wiggle OUT of it by attempting to justify the behavior and trying to elicit public opinion to -support- my decision to try to attempt to wiggle out of it by trying to justify the behavior to be disrespectful.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/6/2009 10:59:13 AM >

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 1:01:06 PM

BoundDragon

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My gut response is that it is disrespectful but not for having the smoke.

I have learnt the hard way not to make promises I am not 100% sure I can keep. Sure quitting smoking cold turkey may be a good intention but is it an absolute certainty?
It is there the problem lies... I have learnt to be honest with myself and sir, it does not cause trouble to do so and means our trust is not put into doubt.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/6/2009 6:36:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Lying to him about it was wrong. The question is why you lied. Did you think that he was going to order you in for a punishment while still grieving? Were you afraid to talk to him?

Because if so, that;s his fault. You should be able to come to him for support and help when you need. In a case like this, that means being able to say "I've started smoking again. I know I said I was able to quit but I'm not". And then getting help like discussing patch or Wellbutrin or e-cigarettes.

The smoking is minor. Not being able to ask for help is major. Resolve that first.

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RE: What do you consider Disrespect??? - 8/7/2009 11:41:15 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: caraV

If your slave told you she would quit a bad habit... i.e. smoking ... Cold turkey ... and she happend to have a few ciggies afterward... and didnt tell you... and the way you found out is because she was smoking while you where on the phone... and she simply just didnt think it was all that important to let you know she hadnt quite yet... would you consider that disrepect or just... lets say forgetfulness??? I think forgetfulness...

caraV ... JCVash's lil slut.

EDIT :

I told Master I would quit, and he agreed to support me in it, and it was in effect when I had another smoke

To the smoker
There is absolutely no way that you can make that fly. You are going to tell me that your brain took a nap for that entire time you smoked? Sorry I don't think so. It was was not forgetfullness.

To the OP
Whether or not I believe it to be total disrespect and blantant disobedience is not important, that is up to you. But if you knew she was smoking why did you not say something?

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Post #: 33