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d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/5/2009 9:54:19 PM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		I'm curious to hear opinions/experiences/philosophies about efforts to keep a D/s dynamic active during a submissive's time out in the work world away from his/her dominant.

Submissives-- are you required to do anything (rituals, wearing something, whatever) in the course of your workday intended to keep you focused on your Dominant, and if so what?  How do you feel about it?  Has it ever given rise to conflicts and how do you handle them?

Dominants-- do you require any such things of your submissive?  Is it something you do routinely or intermittently?  How do you resolve possible conflicts? 

More generally, where do you (doms, subs, anyone) locate the most comfortable or effective balance between relationship-focus and work-focus? 

Thanks in advance for any/all responses.


_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/5/2009 10:14:51 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		my dynamic with my husband doesnt change just because we're not physically together.  I know I'm his regardless of where I am or what I am doing.  No 'special' stuff needed.  

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/5/2009 10:38:02 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Chastity devices sure do the trick.  I wear a heavy chain anc lock with PROPERTY OF MS. M engraved on it.  Also a dog tag with my slave registration number and a caricature of Ms. Mlicious.  These things keep her on my mind.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/5/2009 11:17:30 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		An employee by definition has surrendered, is submitting, and is subservient. The actions of an employee are controlled by their employer. Employees are required by law to perform various rituals -- 15 minute breaks at specified times, giving part of your pay to socialized insurance (medicare, social security), periodically being accountable for following a complex set of rules and protocol, even being required to donate money to the political campaings of politicians who act against their interests and who they do not want to support.

The question is not whether a submissive submits at work. The question is whether the master is sufficiently humble to surrender to their partner's employer, and release certain preferences in protection of the better interests of their partner's employment.

Many people seem fixated on the mere physical act of submission. Well, that is not surrender at all. The germane question is whether a submissive person holds in their heart -- surrender to their partner, while also surrendering to their employer. That is, whether one's heart is too small to do both. The narcissistic master will suffer doubt from their own insecurity.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 8/5/2009 11:20:49 PM >

(in reply to slavekal)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 1:37:50 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

my dynamic with my husband doesnt change just because we're not physically together.  I know I'm his regardless of where I am or what I am doing.  No 'special' stuff needed.

Well said, Greedy.
quote:

Submissives-- are you required to do anything (rituals, wearing something, whatever) in the course of your workday intended to keep you focused on your Dominant

My boss pays me to be focused on my job during working hours. While it is different for everyone, "requirements" which distract the sub in the workplace are, IMO, not a good idea.


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 2:17:35 AM   
sravaka


Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you, Greedy, slavekal, aldompx and Wyld....

I SO agree that work time is work time and other is other... also that if he's not in my head as a matter of course there are problems that rituals or tasks or whatever are not going to fix....   In my own situation things are somewhat complicated by the fact that I work at home a great deal and have rather vast latitude when I'm at the office, therefore seem more exploitable than if I were strictly 9-5.  Also, I can't claim to be entirely efficient or strict in delineating work vs. non-work time, and that part is my problem.  But still.  It's not as though I'm sitting around watching tv and eating bonbons all the while, and it can be trying to have non-work claims on my mental energies during times I'd hoped to concentrate.  (on the other hand, it's his prerogative, and I did sign on for trials.)

Something like slavekal's chastity device seems manageable-- it's a constant, background thing rather than something specifically designed to take you out of work-brain.

I wanted to listen rather than vent, but I can't help it:  I'm so glad you all responded.  Perhaps I'm not entirely hopeless.

And yes (since I know someone will say it), I'll discuss it (further) with him too.  I just get curious about others' experiences when I'm pondering one of my own.

Anyway, still curious to hear from others, too, whether your experiences/views are positive or negative.





_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to WyldHrt)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 3:04:50 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Keeping it simple used to work for My sub and I. She had a client facing job - needed to look and be professional at all times. She would choose outfits suitable for that day's work. I would choose which she wore. She would also wear an anklet as her "public" collar. Sometimes she had more latitude - in which cases we used it.

"Real life" (whatever that is) took priority in worktime or UM time, but we were never far from mind.

Worked for us.

(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 3:57:46 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka
Submissives-- are you required to do anything (rituals, wearing something, whatever) in the course of your workday intended to keep you focused on your Dominant, and if so what?  How do you feel about it?  Has it ever given rise to conflicts and how do you handle them?


Master does not require rituals or anything else to know I am his.  So neither do I.
 
the.dark.
(.whoknowsherplaceanditmakesherwarmnfuzzy.)

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 4:12:24 AM   
bondmaid123


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/6/2009
Status: offline 		I've heard of craziness like getting a phone call that requires one to go to the bathroom at work and masturbate, etc etc.  I tend to think, frankly, that ~that~ sort of silliness shows a very shallow grip on the D/s dynamic not to mention a *huge* level of disrespect for both the employer and fellow coworkers and a blatant disregard for the employee who may very well be risking their employment (I *get* it that risky behavior is a turn on for people... I just think it's irresponsible for both parties to engage in things like this).

My Master prefers that I text him when I arrive at the office, I'm leaving for/returning from lunch and when I'm heading home.  That's about it as far as specific "reminders", but I don't think that's necessarily a D/s thing, just a common courtesy thing. We email periodically throughout the day, but it's more casual conversation than anything else. We both have hectic days filled with phone calls and meetings, and the bulk of our attention is on our respective work tasks, eh?



(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 6:53:23 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

An employee by definition has surrendered, is submitting, and is subservient. The actions of an employee are controlled by their employer. Employees are required by law to perform various rituals -- 15 minute breaks at specified times, giving part of your pay to socialized insurance (medicare, social security), periodically being accountable for following a complex set of rules and protocol, even being required to donate money to the political campaings of politicians who act against their interests and who they do not want to support.

The question is not whether a submissive submits at work. The question is whether the master is sufficiently humble to surrender to their partner's employer, and release certain preferences in protection of the better interests of their partner's employment.

Many people seem fixated on the mere physical act of submission. Well, that is not surrender at all. The germane question is whether a submissive person holds in their heart -- surrender to their partner, while also surrendering to their employer. That is, whether one's heart is too small to do both. The narcissistic master will suffer doubt from their own insecurity.


Besides being well thought out and well written, it is indeed a pleasure to find something  aldompdx in which I can agree with whole heartedly and support 100%.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to aldompdx)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 7:00:21 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka

Something like slavekal's chastity device seems manageable-- it's a constant, background thing rather than something specifically designed to take you out of work-brain.
My job is about precision. I need to be 100% focused on what I do. Mistakes cost my company money. Make enough, you no longer have a job.

Master would be prefer that I put my focus where it's required and keep my job.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 7:11:28 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I suppose it depends on the relationship dynamic as well as the work place etc. I do think people need to be realistic with this as with the otehr parts of a d/s world. I would imagine it is very few who work outside the home who would be able to include extensive rituals that are solely a bdsm thing. Now on the other hand, i like to touch base with people i care about throughout the day whether they are in submission to me or not, so brief im's, texts and sometimes phone calls are acceptable. What determines the interaction however are the demands of each of our lives, but isn't that always true?

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 7:23:28 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

my dynamic with my husband doesnt change just because we're not physically together.  I know I'm his regardless of where I am or what I am doing.  No 'special' stuff needed.  

aww hot warm fuzzy feeling...

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 7:25:59 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sravaka
Submissives-- are you required to do anything (rituals, wearing something, whatever) in the course of your workday intended to keep you focused on your Dominant, and if so what?  How do you feel about it?  Has it ever given rise to conflicts and how do you handle them?


Master does not require rituals or anything else to know I am his.  So neither do I.
 
the.dark.
(.whoknowsherplaceanditmakesherwarmnfuzzy.)

aww another warm and fuzzy feeling...
spreading from the south-east and covering the entire UK

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 7:35:21 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Holding a job is part of my service to my Master.  My primary purpose in our relationship is to provide my Master with a place of peace, joy, harmony, comfort, ease, and pleasure.  At this time, my income helps make this possible.  My Master also finds joy in my successes and He give me praise for any job-related accomplishments.  Doing a good job at work is doing a good job for my Master.  There is no conflict between the workplace and our relationship any more than there is conflict between His workplace and our relationship.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 8:13:22 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		As others have said (over and over), nothing special is REQUIRED to know I'm His. We both know it all the time. That being said and understood, yes, sometimes He does something like lock on my chastity belt so that I can wear it - unbeknownst to others - all day under my skirt at work and think of Him and why I'm wearing it. Do I NEED to wear it to know I'm His? Nope. Do I enjoy wearing it because He desires I do so. You betcha! I mean if ya wanna get technical about it, if your relationship is solid and secure, you don't need to do/say/wear/etc. ANYTHING as a reminder. But it sure is fun sometimes just because He desires it.

And, btw, I don't know what you guys are thinking about but something like wearing a chastity belt is not so distracting that I'm going to be unable to think and focus at work, thereby losing money, offering horrible customer service or losing my job totally. Whew....there are some in betweens....some things that can be quietly, discreetly and privately done that are fun and allow one to maintain. As with anything, there IS a wonderful middle ground..........luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 8/6/2009 8:14:35 AM >

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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 8:23:30 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Dominants-- do you require any such things of your submissive? Is it something you do routinely or intermittently? How do you resolve possible conflicts?
Easy - I don't allow any conflict. beth's career is serving me. We live through my work and income. Once I knew, and was able to define, my "ideal" partner; serving only one Master was a fundamental requirement. I could think of no other way to avoid setting that person, and the relationship, up for failure. I didn't want to put my partner in a position to have to decide which 'Master' to serve, job or the relationship; especially with money as the given incentive. That philosophy proved to be a major encumbrance in finding a partner.

It's not easy to find someone willing to submit their lives into the complete focus and service on another. There is a natural conflict. A person's need for identity must be reconciled; "personal satisfaction" and possible long term resentment considered. The level of reciprocal trust, projecting out all the consequences of the decision, is essential in order to make this type of commitment.

To some it's worth it, to many its not. As I said, getting someone to seriously consider such a commitment was a primary reason it took so long to find a partner; especially in NYC. Sure, you can get someone lazy, incapable of holding a job to do it. However, the intelligence, confidence, strength, and desire to excel I projected onto my ideal mate were the exact same qualities that would make a person want to have a career. It's not so impressive handing out a business card with the title - Merc's 'slave'.

Sure now, after 6+ years it seems like it was a 'no-brainer' for beth. But when she made the decision, my situation was totally different than it is today. Trust me beth 'works'! I think she has less responsibility and 'pressure' were she to continue her prior career path; but she has zero conflict. I know whenever I need to travel for business she's available to go; whether to Europe, or driving to center city LA when I need her to join me so I can ride the 'commuter' lanes. I have a person always available to do, or administer in my absence, any work that has to be done at the house. I can call her and have her set up a formal dinner at the home at a moments notice. Best of all, I wake up to coffee waiting, served with nipples coated with whip cream; coming home from the office I smile knowing that when I walk through the door a drink is waiting, served by a smiling, topless, gorgeous woman. Even if my finances could only afford a trailer, or tent in a field; I wouldn't make a trade off for her generating income. But that's just me.

Does she get satisfaction and take pride in herself? I sure people would doubt it, but yes. she gets constant feedback; periodic "bonuses". I'm proud of her, especially when introduced at any business or personal occasion she's asked; "What do you do?" she answers, "I keep him pleased and happy" while gesturing toward me. (Yes, she can use 1st person speech in a business setting.) The woman glare, and the men look envious.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 8/6/2009 8:26:23 AM >

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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 8:57:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
my dynamic with my husband doesnt change just because we're not physically together.  I know I'm his regardless of where I am or what I am doing.  No 'special' stuff needed.  

Yeah, this is like Carol and I. It is certainly true that life being life and all, sometimes her attention wanders. When that occurs, typically a comment from me is enough to do the job. More recently I've experimented with having her ask me every morning before her day starts, "How may I serve you today?" I'm getting "mixed results" from that. It appears like regular old conversation still works best for us.... you know... something real master/slavey like, "Hey honey, you're getting a little distracted with the xxxxx, how about you keep a little more focus on me."

quote:

Aldompdx said:
The question is not whether a submissive submits at work. The question is whether the master is sufficiently humble to surrender to their partner's employer, and release certain preferences in protection of the better interests of their partner's employment.
I guess I didn't see it this way at all. When Carol still worked, I saw it as "sending my slave out to gather money" -- not a whole lot different than sending her to the grocery store to gather food. I never "surrendered" her to anyone. The moment that I no longer wanted the money, she didn't work anymore.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 9:32:41 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Dominants-- do you require any such things of your submissive? Is it something you do routinely or intermittently? How do you resolve possible conflicts?


Yes, I do require something. I require that my servants who work outside our household do their absolute best and give their complete attention to their work tasks. That is the best way that they can show their dedication to me and to our dynamic -- by making their outside work an extension of their commitment to what we have, not in special rituals or anything like that which might distract a servant from their duties to their employer, but by doing their work impeccably and with full concentration (or as close to it as is reasonable in a human being). I also encourage our servants to participate in some of the social aspects of their outside job. Forging healthy work relationships is a key aspect of assuring continued ability to nurture our household with their contributions.

Dame Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to sravaka)
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RE: d/s in and around one's worklife - 8/6/2009 2:00:20 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline
quote:

leadership527:
I saw it as "sending my slave out to gather money" -- not a whole lot different than sending her to the grocery store to gather food.


What you explain tends to highlight the difference between direct and proximate causation -- the extent of foreseeability. That is, how far removed can you perceive the extent of duty.

Your partner purchasing food is acting as your agent. Thus, the seller of food has a duty to you -- the principal. By definition, your partner as an employee is acting as the agent of their employer/principal, not you. As an independent third party, you have no authority over the employer/principal, and they owe no duty to you. You allow your partner to temporarily become the agent of another principal, and thus you surrender authority for that time.

(in reply to leadership527)
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