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PhoenixRed -> RE: heterosexual males sucking cock (the setup) (8/15/2009 5:59:57 PM)
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The highlighted above is exactly some of the reasons that I don't do the spring it on him theory in reality. This is one of those areas where, unlike S/m play, you can disturb someone psychologically, and not be able to see the effect. It's highly going to depend on the individual that you're dealing with.
While this might be something that could be a very hot fantasy for the male, a responsible Dominant is going to put a lot of work into the scenario. She's going to find out his thoughts about m/m interactions Is it a turn on? Is it something that he can do as an act of devotion without harming him? Can it be done without him having serious battles with his own identity? Where is he on his path of submission and service? How does he see himself in terms of his own sexuality and how rigid is it? What works best at getting inside his head and which buttons are the right ones to push?
Then, there's always those beginning steps. If I incorporate a phallic symbol into play, how much resistance is really there when I tell him I want it in his mouth? Is he reluctant to comply? Does he do well when I praise him for following My command? Does he have a physical response to the game? If I throw out terms like he's My good lil slut or what a pretty cocksucker he is, does he have more enthusiasm for the task?
Talk after the scene that involved that object. Talk again a few days later when the heat of the sexual experience isn't as high. How's he feeling? What did he think? How did he respond to the fact that the act, his submission, his obedience turned Me on?
Do it again. Start making the verbal suggestions of replacing the object with a person. Shampoo, rinse, repeat as above.
If that goes favorably, it's time to put that work into exactly who that other person is going to be. I absolutely NEVER do these things with random people who I haven't got every assurance that they are safe as well as disease free. I may or may not chose to reveal this to the sub. This could lend to the concept that it's being sprung on someone, even though it's not the case.
Some could argue that isn't really submission, but I would disagree. During each of these baby steps. I'm exerting more power and control as I go along. I'm also reaffirming trust in the D/s dynamic. Even if this particular outcome is not the result, I've brought his submission closer to Me in one form or another.
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Thank you, Lady Pact, for saving me the keystrokes! I agree with everything you say, and use the same approach myself.
This is something I talk about extensively with any man that either expresses and interest in it or that I want to try it with. Most of the men I've had don't identify as bi-sexual per se but "heteroflexible". Two were very straight. Some are interested if they will enjoy this form of contact because they are curious. Many are interested in this activity because humiliation is a big, huge hot button for them. All of them have said that the control element that I provide is key toward making it work for them. With those that are bi-curious or comfortable in their sexuality, I can relax and enjoy a bit more because I don't have to monitor them as closely. Make no mistake, I do monitor them closely! For those that this is a humiliation trigger, they need intense scrutiny to make sure it isn't too far too fast. Even if they've been trained with a dildo for a period of time, having a flesh and blood man in front of them can be a whole other ballgame for them. There is a fine line to walk with some between pushing boundaries and causing psychological harm. The former I can explore with them, the latter I guard against. For any man that has this as a hard limit, it stays just that.
Even if the sub does not know the man I am going to put him with, I certainly do! I make sure everyone involved has been recently tested and checks out to be clean. I have "sprung" a scenario like this on some men...or so they thought. They just didn't realize the planning work I did.
I have had one of my boys perform with an audience. I own a swinger's group geared toward bisexual men and couples with bisexual men. At one of our parties, not too long ago, I put my boy into service. Now, despite what anyone runs of fantasizing about, it is NOT a big free-for-all orgy. It's a group for like-minded people to meet others. Sometimes there is play, many times there is not. Some of the men in the group are curious but have zero experience with men. So, I stripped my sub and blindfolded him, had him stand in the middle of the room with his hands behind his back. I let some of the men touch him. I let one suck on his cock. I then had my sub give a hand job to one of the other men. (We didn't know this man well, so I wouldn't allow any kind of oral or anal sex). Everything went well. After the fact, the man that was serviced by my sub told me he had been waiting for years for this first experience and that he was extremely grateful for the attention he was shown. The man was older, and no one else at the party seemed to take an interest in him. On the car ride home, I told my sub who this man was, why I chose this man to be served, his background, and how profound the experience was for him. My sub took pride in the fact that he was able to affect someone else in such a way during his service to me.
So. Lots of triggers, lots of reasons why people do it. As always, it comes down to the communication and trust between Domme and sub.
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