Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (Full Version)

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SteelofUtah -> Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 8:53:33 PM)

Proof Of Life has been a big thing lately, it has shown up in threads where someone is asking for a Drivers License Scan >>Easily Faked<< to another thread where someone wanted to see a Birth Certificate >>Again Easily Faked<< and people who REQUIRE any myriad of things to determine that who they are talking to is who they say they are.

I have a simple rule. If we cannot talk on the phone within the first few days of deciding we want to get to know each other then I assume you are just lying, either about who you are or your current living situations.

Here is my List of requirements for getting to know someone.

1) The be a naturally born Female or very upfront and honest about being a pre or post op transexual.

2) Be single and available for conversation and possible connection or honest about only wanting friends and anyone that you know be aware that you will be talking with me, I will NOT be someones dirty little secret.

3) Send a full body Picture (No Not a Nude) as well as three more that show the SAME person, it is difficult for someone to produce 4 pictures of the same person without all 4 being in the same outfit.

If you are not willing to do this then I simply have no interest. I am not willing to try and begin a commitment to someone who cannot give proof of life. Blur out your face if you have to I understand safety but if you send me 4 pictures of you in the same outfit those can easily be stolen off a MetLife account of any Model shoot.

The Phone contact is the most important because that at least shows me they are willing to prove gender, sure the pictures may be old or of someone else but rarely can someone who is not female pull off being female.

My Methods may not work for everyone.... if this is the case what methods do you require to show proof of life and how accepting of these mathods are the people you contact?

Steel



littlewonder -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:02:18 PM)

I always wonder if these same people ask for these things when they meet a person at a bar or grocery store or whatever. I mean anyone can say they are someone else.

I trust my instincts and simply pay attention when meeting someone and if they aren't the person I was attracted to online then I just figure we're incompatible and we move on. Nothing gained, nothing lost.



BitaTruble -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:03:17 PM)

quote:

My Methods may not work for everyone.... if this is the case what methods do you require to show proof of life and how accepting of these mathods are the people you contact?


I meet people at events I'm going to be at anyway. That has never failed to work. If they don't show, I still get to have the fun of the event. After that, I trust my instincts on whether or not to pursue any interest. All rather moot, though, at this point since Himself has cut-off my Topping and has never allowed me to bottom to anyone but him.



Mistress4Gurls -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:03:54 PM)

I agree with those not able to speak on the phone rather quickly. If you cannot talk on the phone then my thoughts are what are you hiding???



fluffypet61 -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:13:52 PM)

About phone calls...they are all well and good, but as for me i don't give out my number to just anybody.  My only phone is my cell phone and i am a little careful with my minutes.  It's easier to block someone on Collarme cmail if it goes bad. 
 
If someone doesn't trust me through email until we meet in person, then that's too bad.



SteelofUtah -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:17:57 PM)

Agreed fluffypet61 but that would be the sole reason that I would have to walk away. I'll give out my phone number to just about anyone changing a phone number is easy and blocking a phone number is equally as easy so I find that the risk is lessened by my ability to roll with changes.

Now if you were willing to meet in person within the week SURE that would be fine for me. The Phone number issue would not be an issue.

However if you expect me to e-mail you for 6 months without any proof of life sorry I just am not willing to deal with that. And I would walk away.

Steel



daintydimples -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:31:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I always wonder if these same people ask for these things when they meet a person at a bar or grocery store or whatever. I mean anyone can say they are someone else.

I trust my instincts and simply pay attention when meeting someone and if they aren't the person I was attracted to online then I just figure we're incompatible and we move on. Nothing gained, nothing lost.



I trust my instincts, but am alert to obvious red flags, such as not being willing to give out a phone number, going offline abruptly with no explanation, having only one picture b/c you are "shy."

I do like to meet ASAP, though.

For instance, I'm meeting someone next week that I have been talking to for less than 2 weeks.









LadyPact -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:52:47 PM)

For partners, I'm pretty much in the same boat as Bita.  I meet people at an event that I was going to anyway.  That way, there's no issues. 

In a lot of cases, if I don't know someone, there are a lot of times that we still know a person in common, or maybe one more removed.  I used to joke with folks saying how do you know I'm not just some guy in Jersey in his basement?  I couldn't pull that off today if I tried.

Friends, well, you know that answer already.  I'm not huge on the house number thing.  Probably less than twenty people on this site have it.



AnimusRex -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 9:55:21 PM)

We all have our personal rules for relationships- how many times a call is unreturned before you move on, how much baggage is too much, etc.

But I think it needs to be said there is a basic inequality and asymetry to the sexes; men generally are the aggressor, and women generally fear physical threats; The worst that men fear is being scammed.

I don't think it should come as a surprise to anyone that in addition to imposters and inflated resumes, the BDSM world is also home to a relatively high percentage of very deranged and sometimes violent individuals.

Demanding "proof of life" from a woman too quickly would make most sane women suspicious about this stranger who can now track her home address very easily. Even demanding full figure photos is unsettling, since women are conditioned to loathe their bodies- they know full well that their photo will be put side by side with Miss September and they usually will be found lacking. Unless one is into humiliation, demanding a figure shot is only a polite way of saying "show yer titz".

Compared to the risk that women face, being strung along for a few days by a lingerie model who turns out to have a dick is the lesser of the two dangers.



p.s. Can someone forward to Me the names of these women who only want a man as their "dirty little secret", the no strings attached booty call stud muffin? I am, um, doing some research...



Arpig -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:02:40 PM)

quote:

they know full well that their photo will be put side by side with Miss September and they usually will be found lacking.
Have you ever done this...I haven`t



mydestiny2043 -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:05:02 PM)

I'm not one that takes pictures I think since 1991 there have been a total of 8 pictures,no I'm not shy I just don't like the way I look when photographed.As far as giving my number before we meet it doesn't happen often but I have done it.I'm the kind of person that needs to look you in the eye while we're talking to get a feel of what you're all about so I prefer face to face meetings in neutral territory to start the process.  



GraciousLady -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:18:48 PM)

As a woman who meets men off the internet I have very strict rules for my protection. I decide if we meet, where we meet and when although I do take into consideration the area where people live and their schedule. You don't get my picture, phone number or anything that you can track me with. I'm as careful with my liscence plate as I can be. If you can't understand that this protects not only me but you then you are probably not the type of person anyone will get along with. Neither of us has anything to lose but a short amount of time sitting where ever. I NEVER let myself get into a private situation until I know a person a while. I have these rules because I have had trouble with men before. As for my picture, my job is not the type that I can spread my face all over the internet.

Each person has their own circumstances but all must be careful. Woman have to be far more careful than men. Anyone that tries to poo poo my caution is rejected as having the potential to be trouble. If your rushing and can't be cautious your inviting trouble.



SteelofUtah -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:23:37 PM)

For those that refuse to give any real proof of life how do you go about actually getting to know someone? Do you require they give you what you will not give them?

Seriously how do you meet people with all the secrets involved?

Steel



HeavansKeeper -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:25:03 PM)

I agree with the concept of verifying those you speak with, more so when you might meet them. I'm not entirely sure I like your system, some considerations:

Why does the natural sex come into play before their pants come off? I can understand if being transgendered is a deal breaker for some people... But really... How is it different from race, age, or "proper" sex? On principle, if my hands are not in "her" pants, then I don't NEED to know what's in there.

I agree with number two in theory. In practice, many people are in a transitional phase, and I can understand that each person's relationships are "a little complicated right now." I do appreciate (require?) transparency on where they are, if they are in transition.

I like the phone "test". Most people do not have the skill/desire to lie to strangers on the phone. I love voices, and I love the phone, so for me it's not a test - it's the preferred method of interaction. I'm eager to hop to the phone before most are, which is fine... I must keep myself aware of that when I offer a call. I've noticed women take a little longer to warm up to the call level (with good reason, I suppose), so if I have to maintain some amount of patience.

A note about licenses, birth certificates, school ID's... DON'T. A crafty person can reverse engineer a lot more harm than an address that way. If someone needed my driver's license to validate who I am, I'd cut them out. They're not the NSA.



LadyPact -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:36:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

For those that refuse to give any real proof of life how do you go about actually getting to know someone? Do you require they give you what you will not give them?

Seriously how do you meet people with all the secrets involved?

Steel


Again, I go to events.  I don't ask for things that I'm not willing to give when first starting out.  Usually, it's offered, so it's not that big of a deal.  It allows Me to block My number if necessary.



SteelofUtah -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:40:54 PM)

The Natural sex is because I want Honesty. If they are claiming to be a woman and I spend the next 2 months getting to know them and then they say "I have something I need to tell you..... I'm really a Man" I could care less about their Gender I am more upset they are lying about who they are.

That is what I care about the Natural Sex.

As for them being in a Transition stage. I do not have time for that kind of drama, Contact me when you can be free to TALK to me, I am not asking you to get naked and fuck the Broom in front of your Ex Partner or Current Husband but if they do not know you are talking to me and you have to hide that you are talking to me then I am NOT interested I refuse to be ANYONES dirty little secret ........ Except for maybe Angalina Jolies, I will be her dirty little secret.

The Point is that If I meet someone in a Bar I can usually ALREADY Tell all these things for myself. If I meet them on-line then I have to trust what they say. I expect this kind of Transparence from anyone who wants to be in MY life.

Steel



SteelofUtah -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:42:21 PM)

LP you are not the Demographic I was refering to.

I don't see you as being out of line but then again I am not a Male sub perhaps if the tables were reversed I would feel differently....... I'm just glad to be one of the 20.

Steel



LadyPact -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:48:44 PM)

Hey, you ask, you get responses from everyone.  [8D]



littlewonder -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:55:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

For those that refuse to give any real proof of life how do you go about actually getting to know someone? Do you require they give you what you will not give them?

Seriously how do you meet people with all the secrets involved?

Steel


No secrets. I just don't go and hand out my pics or phone number to every Jack and Jill I talk to online....hell, I don't even do that with people I meet in real life.

How have I met people? We talked online getting to know each other's likes, dislikes, morals, values, lives, personalities, etc...and if we felt comfortable with each other or were curious to meet then we agreed upon a time and a place and met, usually for coffee and if we still found each other interesting we agreed to see each other again and went from there....ya know..typical date night stuff.



SteelofUtah -> RE: Proof of Life ~~ Know your contacts (8/8/2009 10:57:21 PM)

Not Typical for me I always Call My Date on the way to pick her up having gotten her number when we originally met so that I could call her and spend more time getting to know her.

Steel



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