Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

effects of submission on your real life?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> effects of submission on your real life? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
effects of submission on your real life? - 8/8/2009 10:42:32 PM   
kemen


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		fellow slaves and subs,

has your life as a submissive to your Owner had a negative impact on your life outside of BDSM/Gor/etc?

When this boy first entered the world of Gor on IRC, he was arrogant, snobbish, and just generally unpleasant to be around. Being a slave to his first Mistress, however, trained him to be polite, conciliatory, and humble; to say words like "please" and "thank you" and he learned that real strength can lie in serving, and in enduring.

Now, however, after having been away from Gor for several years and doing very well in his job, he decided to return. Since returning, he has begun to lose some of his leadership skills and abilities in his real life, particularly with regards to his job. he has also lost confidence in himself and this has interfered with his ability to interview for a new job.

This boy is becoming afraid that he may need to leave again, or else be unable to move forward in his career and in his life in general. Have any of you had similar experiences? If you have any advice that might help, please share.

Thank you.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/8/2009 10:59:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

however, trained him to be polite, conciliatory, and humble; to say words like "please" and "thank you"


yeeaahh...I learned to do those things in grade school..but anyway...no, online nor my submission to Master or any of my previous relationships has ever been detrimental to my career.

Maybe you need to step away from the computer for awhile?

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 12:53:19 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Interestingly enough, to me anyway, my discovering I'm submissive has had a positive impact on my life.  I used to be kind of a doormat in general.  Now I'm way more assertive and in control than I used to be with everyone except Sir.....with Him I give over and surrender my control.  I had to learn to be more assertive and in control of my own life, to make sure that the vultures didn't take advantage of me.....and I learned it in short order and the hard way.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 3:25:19 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I cant blame the impact on anyone but myself, I followed stupid orders that affected my education at uni when I was new and excitable. Massive lesson learned I am a bit more sensible now.

To be fair tho it is not submission that has a negative impact it is relationships that can and do. I had a bloke who built my confidence up only to rip it down a few months later, I was silly to let him have that element of power. Again my fault really.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 3:38:29 AM   
Shaykers


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/14/2008
Status: offline 		I, like lilly, had a very similiar experience. I was young, niave, but unlike you I don't blame myself. I met someone who had done nothing for the last twemty years or so, and think about nothing except better ways to hurt boys. I have recently told this individual, exactly how I thought anout the whole situation. (Suprisingly, I actually used words instead of the 30/30 I wanted to use ;) ) But I have noticed almost 180 degree turnaround in myself. Although I am more mellow now, I am also some what more hostile, not a good trade-off in my eyes.... Ohh well, C'est La Vie... Zhasto Ne? 

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 3:42:52 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I blame myself for not making adult choices, I was being stupid to allowing someone to do that. I still think both men are twats but I picked em

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to Shaykers)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 3:50:18 AM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		I've found being submissive to Master to have a positive influence on my life. I'm more secure in myself and have more confidence. I don't feel like I'm just floating with no destination or goal. And I've learned too that being submissive is a natural part of me and I feel fullfilled when serving.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 4:30:57 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've found the opposite to be true.
My submission has made me more efficient, more energetic and more motivated than I ever have been.



_____________________________



(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/9/2009 7:49:47 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

he has begun to lose some of his leadership skills and abilities in his real life, particularly with regards to his job. he has also lost confidence in himself and this has interfered with his ability to interview for a new job.


As seen from the comments above, it is general consensus that submitting should make one more confident and feel more fullfilled than without it.  If the experience is not doing this,  it is time to re-evaluate limits and needs.  Do not purposefully ignore one's overall well-being for the sake of any type of relationship and do not engage in a relationship with a Mistress who purposefully ignores such things either. Purposefully destroying one's own property is not the act of a healthy mind.  Serve a Mistress with a healthy mind and have a healthy mind in turn.


(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:02:55 PM   
thesubmissiveboy


Posts: 40
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		The only positives I've gained from being submissive with my mistress (x mistress I should add) was that I became more confident in my role, and learning to be a lot more cautious (due to certain situations I've been in). But I don't feel it has changed me outside of the lifestyle. My job and personal life is very demanding and requires me to be very assertive and dominating if you like. Like a lot of submissives, it is opposite to what I desire. But I feel I am naturally submissive, always wanting to please and make people happy. I always have been like that, even before serving my mistress.

(in reply to petmonkey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:05:27 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		being Master's slave IS this slave's career---submitting to Him IS this slave's real life.

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:12:33 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

kemen stated:
This boy is becoming afraid that he may need to leave again, or else be unable to move forward in his career and in his life in general. Have any of you had similar experiences? If you have any advice that might help, please share.

OK, step back from the hookah and just think about this statement. If you are subjecting yourself to the leadership of one or more people and their influence is turning out to be detrimental to you, it seems like you have three choices:

a) Stop submitting entirely: Probably the best choice if you can't pick wisely.
b) Stop submitting to idiots: Nice, but requires that you be able to choose those you submit to better
c) Continue as is and become damaged: Easy and the path of least resistance.

Pick your poison.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:15:47 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

OK, step back from the hookah...


hey now, not everyone who enjoys the hookah has issues with logic...just sayin'.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:17:20 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		When I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a dominant male, it has a very positive effect on my life, b/c it has a very positive effect on me and who I am as a person. 

I am a more well-rounded person, I function better, I am *at core* a happier individual.




_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 12:23:21 PM   
BotanicalMiss


Posts: 82
Joined: 11/19/2006
Status: offline 		As a dominant, I would say that if you look at your job performance as a way to make your Mistress proud, your focus will change so that you do your work to the best of your abilities. From my limited understanding of Gor, I believe that male slaves are the very bottom of the food chain and perhaps that idea is what is making you allow yourself to suffer in the "real world".  Perhaps looking into a different D/s philosophy from the gorean one, wherein a polite, confident and strong male is a treasure, may be of benefit to you. If the particular path you are leading is detrimental to your confidence, feelings of self worth, and success then I would say it's not a good path to be on. Best of luck to you.
~Botanical Miss~

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 1:59:05 PM   
VeeTee


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		When I am with the right Master, he makes me a better person. All the way around. With him, with others, at home, at work. For me, any relationships, D/s or otherwise, should make me a better, happier person.

(in reply to BotanicalMiss)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 2:01:05 PM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		because i'm not able to engage in the lifestyle, i feel more or less hollow inside

_____________________________

your living nightmare

(in reply to VeeTee)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 2:52:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I have found one unusual negative side effect.
I was always nervous driving new places, especially with lots of traffic.
Since he does all the driving except around town, and it's a small town, I have discovered that I really can't go someplace entirely new if it involves highways. I simply haven;t done it in so long I have lost that ability.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to fadedshadow)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 3:06:04 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Belonging to Master has had a positive effect on my life.  When i was inschool he was my biggest cheerleader and gave me incentives to do well.  I am a happier person (not that i was not before just happier now).  More relaxed and fufilled and moore productive.  I just feel good having him in my life.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: effects of submission on your real life? - 8/10/2009 4:42:27 PM   
darrkdezzire


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		Master has had a positive influence on me and my life.  He wanted someone that understood the balance.  At first I didn't fully understand what that meant, but he was willing to teach and show me how to do that. The things that he has taught me regarding the "lifestyle" flows over into my work and home life.

(in reply to kemen)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> effects of submission on your real life? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109