Prinsexx
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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
quote:
But although I can bathe her cuts, hug her and calm her down I can't change her submissive nature.
I see myself when I was young and knew no different.
My daughter has a very submissive nature and, nope, I don't think you can change it. It is what it is. She's 30 and trust me when I say, when she acts like she's 3 instead of 30 I absolutely bitch slap her (verbally telling her what is rather than what she wants it to be) and her husband too, when he acts like a 3 year old. She needs it and I love her to pieces, so I do that service for her and she always appreciates it.. eventually.
If you're not willing or able to bitch slap these two, who so clearly need it, then hold your breath for 9 days because he'll be in the army where he will be required to put on his big boy panties and maybe your daughter will get the time necessary to pull her own big girl panties on, too.
Your hands are tied, Mom and your options are limited. Loving our sons and daughters and being an advocate is about the best we can do as parents and letting them make their own mistakes and forcing them to acknowledge their personal responsibility for them is part of the job description so they grow up 'better' then we did.
I want my children to be better than me. Grow past me, exceed me and if they end up hating me in the process, so be it. That's a price I'm willing to pay to raise outstanding humans. So far, they don't hate me.. in fact, they love me a lot and show it, but life ain't over yet and there are all kinds of mistakes I can still make as a parent that might be just around the corner. Who knows?
Young submission .. you gotta pay your dues, yanno, and one of those dues to play in this field is to behave like a grown up.
You said that you knew no different when you were young. Yeah, I relate. I didn't either. But I do now and my daughter has me now, with all the shit behind me, all the lessons learned to, perhaps, avoid a few of the mistakes that I've made along the way .. if she'll listen.
There's the rub.
Good luck with this situation, Prin.
Bita:
Every single word of what you have said i thank you for and I absolutely agree with your take on it and your stance.
Thank you so mush for bringing some middle ground, some sanity and the concept of parenting as advocacy to this thread.
Two of the reasons (major reasons) why I have taken the stance I have are:
1. That this boy has developed a trust in me which reaches beyond the trust he has ever developed in another adult, even his own parents and within his own family. The transformation he has made in his life in order to go and fight for his country (eventually) is enormous. He still has a long way to go. But that unbridled agression which he has used to lash out with is the very same agression which in battle we would be applauding. The British Army take young thugs off the streets and transform them in something professional. And despite anyone else's political take on this I personally am grateful for those who are at the battle front fighting for me to have these very freedoms to sit here and say what I say.
2. I cannot be an advocate if I betray EITHER one of them. I am house mother to ALL the young people who pass through my house and there are many and my house is a focal point of safety and tolerance. It will always remain so for as long as Ihave breath in my nody. I am not 'one' of them They would indeed all feel unsafe if that were the case. But I marvel at their creativity, their music, their loyalties.
3. If my daughter and this young man are to stand any chance of making it into this so-called adult world, my daughter in particular will be the one eho, as a girl friend of an Army boy, will have to learn loyalty. She will have to learn to understand anxiety and for long periods take second place to his life in uniform. Army life is not new to me. My grandfather served in days when there was malaria and no such thing as post traumatic stess disorder.
They were no doubt both dead drunk. There have been quite a few young men coming home in body bags recently. The stress they are both under must be enormous.
So yes it takes skill to guide them. My daughter is a complex blend of extravertism, beauty and is deeply submissive.
Dealing with what went on yesterday can't all be done by knee jerk reactions. But I have had calls and mail from dear friends who understand not only domestic violence but they understand me, the stance I take and the nature of submission. And I am thankful for that.
So thank you too. I know you understand.
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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel
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RE: Young submission and its consequences - 
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