RE: Men and Emotions?

RE: Men and Emotions? (Full Version)

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IronBear -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:23:39 PM)
Some of us blokes have been doing this for years. We still open doors, hod chairs for ladies, offer to carry parcels and even known to cry at weddings and funerals. the best reaction I had was after the birth of my son, I used to carry him in a baby holder on my chest and sing to him when he cried .. in public when shopping too. I was hated by a few "manly types" because their wives used to point to me and ask why they couldn't do the same thing. I still get abused for old world courtesies but I simply ignore that and deal with real ladies as I was taught and doff my hat and occasionally kiss the back of a lady's hand as a greeting.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:31:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Some of us blokes have been doing this for years. We still open doors, hod chairs for ladies, offer to carry parcels and even known to cry at weddings and funerals. the best reaction I had was after the birth of my son, I used to carry him in a baby holder on my chest and sing to him when he cried .. in public when shopping too. I was hated by a few "manly types" because their wives used to point to me and ask why they couldn't do the same thing. I still get abused for old world courtesies but I simply ignore that and deal with real ladies as I was taught and doff my hat and occasionally kiss the back of a lady's hand as a greeting. See and there is a nice value judgment, what is a lady? If my aspiration as a female is to be a lady then to be a real one I shouldn't be uncomfortable with a man kissing the back of my hand? In that case I am not really sure that I want to be one. I would actually rather get no special treatment due to my sex, because with that comes expectations that I very well may not want to adhere to. So I am happy with my 'men' not wanting to hold open doors, doff their hats or hold out chairs.

VanIsleKnight -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:40:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 quote: I also suggest healthy support network of friends and family I have this, but I don't feel as free to discuss things with them seeing as how this was within the world of D/s, so to speak. I have to leave out details when talking to friends and family. Why? I'm slowly letting on that I'm into this sort of thing. I'm not gonna go around wearing a gimp outfit and ask to be beat, but I'm not going to really hide this interest or be ashamed of it either. If it were purely -sexual- maybe... cuz talking about what sort of porn or erotica I like with my parents is just a big heavy no [:D][:'(]

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:42:48 PM)
quote: what i find important for men to do is embrace feeling emotion, allow to be weak. Same as if a woman wants to be a housewife she can still be a femminist, a male should be able to step outside a dominant social role(manly man type) and still be considered a "real man". I agree with this wholeheartedly. I think, though, that perhaps it's other men that keep a man from feeling free to express emotion... maybe? I think the majority of women, myself included, would tell you that we highly respect and appreciate it when a man says how he feels. It eliminates so much of the guesswork that can lead to problems in relationships. I'll admit that a lot of women find the tough-guy, bad-boy thing sexy. But we (hopefully) eventually realize how much heartache can be brought about by getting hooked on one of them. Myself, I'm 32, and I spent the majority of my teens and 20s being attracted to this type (which I guess proves the point of many on here who suggested I only go after, or attract, the jerks). But I can finally and honestly say that I'm done with all of that. It's a turn-off to me now. This shift in what I find attractive only occured recently, but I'm just glad that it occured at all. I want a man who is kind and understanding and patient. I still like certain "manly" qualities, but the tough-guy thing has lost it's appeal. So to all you sweet and sensitive guys out there (as I have come to discover, you do actually exist), please don't feel weak for not being an asshole.

InvisibleBlack -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:45:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 Wow, this was really just incredible, thank you SO much. You're an awesome writer. I just added you to my favorites and can't wait to read your entire profile. It never fails to amaze me how many highly intelligent people you run across on this site. Thank you. quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 Why did she break up with you, btw? If you don't mind telling. Looking at it, in retrospect, I think it was insecurity, distance and time. We were both going to college and it was a three and a half hour trip between universities. I was going for an engineering degree and she was going for her BS in biology. So we'd get together on most weekends (except when we had projects or studying to do) but weeknights, obviously, it was a no-go. I think she needed more attention than that and things built up until they sort of burst at the most stressful moments (holidays, finals, etc.). Not that I knew this at the time, mind. The first time, as I recall, it was because I "was too immature" and then, of course, by the next summer when we started going out again I had "matured so much". I didn't think I was any different, but can anyone truly judge their own level of maturity? The second time, I think I either found out or she told me later, there was some local guy she was interested in pursuing but immediately on breaking up with me she realized she'd made an awful mistake (according to her). The third time, I have no idea since at that point I told her I didn't want to talk with her anymore and ended all of our interaction. This was something like twenty years ago, so it's easier to sit back and look at it dispassionately and try and deduce what was what. In the middle of the mess, I was pretty clueless.

VanIsleKnight -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:47:15 PM)
Hmm. Had a thought here. If most guys are generally sweet and sensitive in their teens and 20's find that the assholes in their teens and 20's are getting the women, do they decide "screw being nice, it never got me anything" and become assholes in their thirties? Do the assholes in their teens and 20's ever change out of that habit? Is there any reason to? Once they hit their thirties, there is never going to be an end to the naive, innocent 20 somethings that are still attracted to the jerks.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:48:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Some of us blokes have been doing this for years. We still open doors, hod chairs for ladies, offer to carry parcels and even known to cry at weddings and funerals. the best reaction I had was after the birth of my son, I used to carry him in a baby holder on my chest and sing to him when he cried .. in public when shopping too. I was hated by a few "manly types" because their wives used to point to me and ask why they couldn't do the same thing. I still get abused for old world courtesies but I simply ignore that and deal with real ladies as I was taught and doff my hat and occasionally kiss the back of a lady's hand as a greeting. Awww... big kudos to you!!! quote: See and there is a nice value judgment, what is a lady? If my aspiration as a female is to be a lady then to be a real one I shouldn't be uncomfortable with a man kissing the back of my hand? In that case I am not really sure that I want to be one. I would actually rather get no special treatment due to my sex, because with that comes expectations that I very well may not want to adhere to. So I am happy with my 'men' not wanting to hold open doors, doff their hats or hold out chairs. I think it's a personal choice. I don't feel all that comfortable being treated like a "lady", either, in the old-fashioned sense of the word. But I think it's sweet when a man treats someone this way, and there still are women out there who appreciate it.

InvisibleBlack -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:49:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VanityFix Same as if a woman wants to be a housewife she can still be a femminist, a male should be able to step outside a dominant social role(manly man type) and still be considered a "real man". Hey! C'mon here! I must be a "real man"! I don't eat quiche!

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:51:58 PM)
quote: Why? I'm slowly letting on that I'm into this sort of thing. I'm not gonna go around wearing a gimp outfit and ask to be beat, but I'm not going to really hide this interest or be ashamed of it either. If it were purely -sexual- maybe... cuz talking about what sort of porn or erotica I like with my parents is just a big heavy no Haha. :) I dunno, I just feel like, for me, it's a private thing. My parents are open-minded but straight-laced, and I think it would weird them out to know that their daughter wishes for a man to beat her, lol (not really beat, but you know what I mean). It would just feel icky for them to know. And the reason I keep it from other folks is probably so that it doesn't make its way back to my parents.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:52:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VanIsleKnight Hmm. Had a thought here. If most guys are generally sweet and sensitive in their teens and 20's find that the assholes in their teens and 20's are getting the women, do they decide "screw being nice, it never got me anything" and become assholes in their thirties? Hmm is not being sensitive being an asshole? Anyways with that put aside, I have met men in their 40's who have been less than wonderful as well as men in their teens, and vice versa. I am sorry but it is not an age thing. Also an important point is that compatibility is so often ignored as a reason for the breakdown of a relationship and the labels 'bitch' and 'tosser' get bandied about. quote: Do the assholes in their teens and 20's ever change out of that habit? Is there any reason to? Once they hit their thirties, there is never going to be an end to the naive, innocent 20 somethings that are still attracted to the jerks. Again it is a real misconception that assholes get the women. Often it is not seeing things properly and the fact that some women are very very very very vocal when they feel they have been wronged.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 2:57:50 PM)
quote: The first time, as I recall, it was because I "was too immature" and then, of course, by the next summer when we started going out again I had "matured so much". I didn't think I was any different, but can anyone truly judge their own level of maturity? lol, too funny [;)] quote: Looking at it, in retrospect, I think it was insecurity, distance and time. We were both going to college and it was a three and a half hour trip between universities. I was going for an engineering degree and she was going for her BS in biology. So we'd get together on most weekends (except when we had projects or studying to do) but weeknights, obviously, it was a no-go. I think she needed more attention than that and things built up until they sort of burst at the most stressful moments (holidays, finals, etc.). Not that I knew this at the time, mind. This sounds like it's probably right on target. And I agree, you can't always figure these things out when you're in the middle of it.

leadership527 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 3:31:29 PM)
quote: I agree with this wholeheartedly. I think, though, that perhaps it's other men that keep a man from feeling free to express emotion... maybe? I think the majority of women, myself included, would tell you that we highly respect and appreciate it when a man says how he feels. It eliminates so much of the guesswork that can lead to problems in relationships. Trust me on this... if men could attract hawt sexy women by being emotionally available, they would be. It doesn't work that way. You'd have to ask women why not. But just like men, women do NOT select for the things they say they want. There is, apparently, some sort of serious disconnect between what our intellectual selves tell us we should want and what we actually want. If you want my guess, the things that men "compete" with each other on are as follows: #1) The girl on our arm. #2) Our earning ability #3) Our physical ability.. sports or violence But of those, really, the first is the trump card. A guy walks into the room with a little hottie on his arm and pretty much he wins -- even if he cried during the sad part of the movie.

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 3:42:08 PM)
quote: If you want my guess, the things that men "compete" with each other on are as follows: #1) The girl on our arm. #2) Our earning ability #3) Our physical ability.. sports or violence I think it's really sad that guys feel their sexiness and worth are tied to earning ability. I understand that this is because men are conditioned to be the "protector" and be able to take care of someone (which they think has to involve money). But FYI to all the guys out there, in case you have any doubts... there is at least one woman (me) who doesn't care about your job or your money. Honestly, if I had to choose between someone who does some kind of manual labor (construction, whatever) or a high-paid attorney or doctor, I'd be MUCH more drawn to the first guy. I guess maybe I'm getting off topic, but I just wish guys didn't feel like money = worthiness. quote: A guy walks into the room with a little hottie on his arm and pretty much he wins Sorry, but this sounds reeeaaalllly shallow. Not that you said it, but the fact that men find it important to have a pretty girl on their arm.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 3:54:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarderToBreathe2 I think it's really sad that guys feel their sexiness and worth are tied to earning ability. I understand that this is because men are conditioned to be the "protector" and be able to take care of someone (which they think has to involve money). Sorry, but this sounds reeeaaalllly shallow. Not that you said it, but the fact that men find it important to have a pretty girl on their arm. money is seen as being an important thing by some women, probably more than would openly admit it. Also, there is an assumption that a pretty girl is that alone, which is pretty shallow also

pyroaquatic -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 4:06:38 PM)
quote: #1) The girl on our arm. #2) Our earning ability #3) Our physical ability.. sports or violence I must be a woman then. None of these things intrigue me. [&:] I care not for competitions.... or pissing contests. It was one of the few reasons why I disliked high school, and subsequently exiled. I will admit I am normal compared to people I have met elsewhere. It feels good to know I am not to far out there. YAY!

leadership527 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 5:04:29 PM)
quote: A guy walks into the room with a little hottie on his arm and pretty much he wins Sorry, but this sounds reeeaaalllly shallow. Not that you said it, but the fact that men find it important to have a pretty girl on their arm. laughs No offense taken... it really is incredibly shallow. But the fact is that when you're talking about things like "mate selection" or "pack hierarchy", you're talking about parts of us that go WAY WAY back... way before we got all evolved and civilized and drove fuel efficient cars. These things are shallow and they ought to be. I just try to shake my head at such things and acknowledge them without getting all wrapped up by them. Yeah yeah.. Women like men with a big paycheck. Men like 21 year old swimsuit models (me included). The trick is to find people who keep these things in balance with other aspects.

FawneTwo -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 5:46:48 PM)
Hi I'm over looking the grating cliches and pettiness, OP. IMO we don't need to coddle your pose as a small minded ninny. You do know better, fess up now. (I say gently with a wink). "I have nothing left to say" is not always final. It can mean he's tired now. No more tonight, I have to get up early. ( I've heard it said and he is fine indeed). I feel like that right now but it's not about HarderToBreathe2 Maybe later take care

IronBear -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 5:53:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 If you want my guess, the things that men "compete" with each other on are as follows: #1) The girl on our arm. #2) Our earning ability #3) Our physical ability.. sports or violence But of those, really, the first is the trump card. A guy walks into the room with a little hottie on his arm and pretty much he wins -- even if he cried during the sad part of the movie. I don't bother competing except the rare pissing contest for my amusement but I have to say having been married to a lady who always was immaculate and had a superb dress sense, when we used to spend time in a piano bar attached to one of the hotels we were planning to dine at, it is a huge buzz and aye ego boost to walk into a room peopled with high flyers and exceptionally wealthy men and women ans have most of the blokes spin about and oogle at your partner. The same happens when Neets and I go to dinner at one of the Leagues Clubs and she heads off to the pockies for half an hour. A few times I have chirtled quietly when guys who have been tracking her with their eyes ghet a hard slap up the back of their head from their women. Seriously though, as I was growing up, it dawned on me that all the 'Bad Boys" were ther ones getting to cute and hot girls. I obviously didn't follow the "Bad Boy" route which is why I am here now and not dead having been put down by my loving parents ~ chuckles ~ Ity took me a long time to work out that in the end, the nice blokes usually get a good woman.

DomImus -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 5:59:58 PM)
So after five pages of largely anecdotal responses that can only loosely be strung into some coherent consensus... do you feel like you understand the big picture better?

HarderToBreathe2 -> RE: Men and Emotions? (8/12/2009 6:07:19 PM)
quote: "I have nothing left to say" is not always final. It can mean he's tired now. Which is why it's best not to burn the bridge, I guess. I usually take people at their word when they say this, though. Sigh. You're right though, sometimes people change their mind after they get some time to themselves and the anger/tiredness/whatever wears off. Question is, would he feel safe enough to come back around, ya know? That's his decision though. quote: Hi I'm over looking the grating cliches and pettiness, OP. IMO we don't need to coddle your pose as a small minded ninny. You do know better, fess up now. (I say gently with a wink). lol [;)]

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