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ElanSubdued -> RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OLD TOPIC, "TRIBUTE"..... (8/16/2009 1:46:39 PM)
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TexasMaam and Everyone,
quote:
BoiJen wrote:
The gifts MsTM describes ain't why she has her boy. It ain't why she loves her manthing. Those gifts as MsKitty has described it to me, are reminders of HOW MUCH he is committed to her, how much he wants to make her day, how much he wants to care for and take care of her. Any man buying any woman a gift will illicit a reaction. That reaction is an emphasis of that woman's feelings for that man. Example: creepy guy gives girl flowers... girl gets mad cuz guy is creepy, MsTM's manthing buys her stuff she likes, she gets revved up cuz here's her boy doing things for her that she enjoys.
TexasMaam wrote:
oh Myyyyyyyyyy... what a brouhaha I started on the boards! Tempest in a teapot, & all that...
I'm actually secretly thrilled to learn that I'm a greedy, judgemental, tactless golddigger. >>>>shivverrr!<<<< mmm, delicious! >>>>rubs her hands together in excited anticipation of yet another lot of booty!<<<<<<< where is that manthing, anyway? :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
I always kind of admired that type, in a funny sort of way.
You know, that girl on the cheerleading squad who dated the Quarterback for all the things he could do for her, not because she had any real respect for him......the same girl who flamed him in the hallway with her friends and ridiculed him every time she talked about him to those select few she deigned to admit to her 'special' clique.....yes, something in Me has always sort of made Me shake My head in wonder, not only at her, the scurrulous, crafty, shallow little golddigger, but at the guy who selects her for his prize, as well.
Goodness knows I've run across My share of them as I made My way through life. Classmates, business associates, an occasional female boss, more than a few bosses' wives, politicians and politicians' wives, you name it, the golddigger has been among them!
It's pretty funny to find Myself cast in that light after all this time!
BoiJen, thank you. I couldn't have explained it better if I'd tried!
~~~ and Manthing? I am STILL ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY OVERWHELMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>> exits left, singing...
Getting revved up is fine. Feeling overwhelmed? It happens to all of us from time-to-time (and in this case it's the good kind of overwhelmed to boot). Insulting others and carelessly reprimanding them for not living up to your own financial position (or that of your boy)... this is dehumanizing, tactless, and rude. I accept that you cherish your boy and want to shout this to the world. However, the garish way you did this didn't sit well with me and nor does your approach above. It would have taken only a moment to clarify and to apologize for the unintended effect of the OP, but this is a moment you didn't take. I do see the humour in this situation and I appreciate this in your post. What is lacking though is a sense of grace and understanding for others. True enough, I don't know you at all and BDSM forums are charged, distorted arenas of communication at best. So yes, this may be a case of Internet miscommunication and I apologize if I've misjudged you throughout this thread.
quote:
TexasMaam wrote in the Types of Dommes thread:
~~~~ as in all things, VanIsleKnight, tribute is what you make of it.
(snip)
2 a: something given or contributed voluntarily as due or deserved; especially a gift or service showing respect, gratitude, or affection (a floral tribute). b: something (as material evidence or a formal attestation) that indicates the worth, virtue, or effectiveness of the one in question (the design is a tribute to his ingenuity).
I've decided to reply to this here because it's very on topic. To those that concentrate on the idea of tribute, I say the following. I've never found this a productive approach to long term relationships and indeed such an approach is usually baneful. In short term relationships, tribute or quid pro quo oriented mindsets may be workable, but my experience is that all relationships are more enjoyable and rewarding when each partner considers what they can bring to the other's happiness. Keep in mind I'm not espousing an accounting approach - far from it in fact. When each person goes in counting what they give and get, and expecting perfectly balanced books, a relationship is usually headed for bankruptcy in due course.
Relationships are never balanced and at times, due to the partners needs and the emotional investment in each other, may be very unbalanced. Example: one partner needs to go to school and the other helps pay and holds down household expenses to enable this. Another example: one partner needs help with a family member so the other contributes many hours of assistance (and perhaps some money too). Rarely do these outlays (whatever they may be: time, effort, emotional support, money, etc.) balance. One does these things because they care about their partner and want to see their partner as healthy and as happy as possible. Sure enough, if one partner takes all the time and never gives anything in return and/or never addresses their partner's needs, this almost always causes problems and likely, in time, causes the relationship to end. A healthy relationship, in my experience, is one where each partner feels cared about and rewarded by the other, and where all partners contribute to the emotional, logistical, and financial health of each other and of the relationship.
The key here is that all of this happens organically, as a result of each partner contributing of their own, free will, and as a result of each partner's love and commitment to the other. When "tribute" is expected, the contribution is no longer a gift, no longer of free will, and, perhaps, no longer based on love and commitment. These types of contributions, in short order, tend to change the focus of each partner from "what can I give" to "what can I get". In my experience, this kind of mindset is cancerous and few relationships survive it. So, while the notion of tribute may fit BDSM roles and hierarchy, I put it that this is better left as a tactful way of describing professional fees. Indeed, no matter the gender or role, when someone demands gifts or focuses on what they're going to receive (particularly in a dating profile), this is extremely unattractive because it's indicative of a cancer yet fully matured.
Specific highlight to TexasMaam: I'm not implying you demanded anything from your boy. Rather, I simply want to get out the idea that gifts demanded aren't really gifts at all.
Elan.
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