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RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 6:20:47 PM   
Leiren


Posts: 206
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

a financial tribute.

Leiren, I don't blame you for using that tawdry phrase, because it's apt.  Before I duck out of this debate, I would just like to say that I'm never going to give any woman 'a financial tribute'.  If there are any women around who want to call me 'tight-fisted' and 'penny-pinching' because I have that policy - I would just like to state, in as simple a way as I can, that as far as I'm concerned they can fuck off and swivel on it.   



PeonForHer,

Again, I'm not looking to insult any female dom type. I'm sincerely trying to understand why the financial tribute seems to be so important to them.

What I give in service is at least, if not more important than financial tributes. I'm still trying to wrap my head around why some female dominants seem to equate financial matters with submission.

But what the eff do I know? As I mentioned, I've always been in male/female D/s relationship. And I've never had a male dominant who expected financial tributes.

My dedication to his service has always been enough. Of course, I've given my various dominants gifts. It's just who I am. I love giving not just service, but gifts that I know made each one of them smile.

But at no time, did any male dominant insinuate that  a 'financial tribute' was expected of me. At no time did any male dominant insinuate that I was less than worthy of their time if I couldn't afford a full set of five different floggers, or a vehicle for them to drive around in.

*sigh*


_____________________________

We have forgotten how to walk softly on the earth as its other creatures do.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 321
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 7:04:51 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
Surely sexual attraction is the most needed?


Not for me. I totally distrust sexual attraction as a partner-picking criteria. Whenever I've let the little brain (yes, we females have those, too) make my partner selection for me, it's been a disaster.

Back in the day when I was a hot young thing and could (and did) have pretty much any man I wanted, I only dated men toward whom I felt a strong sexual attraction. Unfortunately, the fellows I felt strongly sexually attracted to were handsome, smart-assed, egotistical pricks. I was all of these things, too. Perhaps it was the challenge that made them so exciting to me, and me so attractive to them, I don't know, but those relationships just didn't work out at all. Fun sex, but out of bed they really irritated me, and I them.

I wasn't sexually attracted to hubby when I first laid eyes on him. He was pleasant looking enough, and had a pretty fabulous physique, but I wasn't at all hot for him. He grew on me as the date progressed and I really liked the way he squirmed and stammered when I toyed with him, but while I enjoyed our later play-time, I still wasn't all that sexually attracted to him. I liked more aggressive men. I wasn't really interested in having more of him and blew him off after our second date.

Fortunately, I blew him off kindly and we stayed in touch. After a couple of other dating experiences, I realized that the things that he had to offer were the things that were really most important to me. He's a straight-shooter - he never says anything he doesn't mean. He's trustworthy, loyal, helpful, intelligent, handy, devoted... and also a smart-ass, which I really like. He was everything I needed and wanted in a man, I just had to wake up and figure it out.

Once I realized how many of the qualities that were really important to me he posessed, I fell in love and had to have him for my own. We've been married for 8.5 years, during which time sex, which wasn't all that important to begin with, has become increasingly less important and we have become increasingly more in love.

I'm one hell of a lucky gal.

(in reply to Starbuck09)
Profile   Post #: 322
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 7:58:54 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		There is a bit of spillover from this thread to the one under General BDSM, about financial tributes and pro-Doms.

As a male Dom, I am an outside observer to all of this, except the comparisons to men asking for service such as laundry, housework, etc.

There is a level at which all partners contribute to the home and family, regardless of whether they are a kinky couple or vanilla. Usually this is all done within the context of a loving, freely given relationship- each party gives money, time and effort without calculating what they get in return.

In general, men still outearn women, and have a stronger desire for instant sex, which translates into a marketplace where sex and beauty is traded for cash. Somehow this is seen as acceptable when it is draped in the cloak of the kinky lifestyle.

I think what rankles more than a few, is when we become objectified-  both men and women feel insulted, as though we are reduced to a commodity. It stings even worse, when we are on the losing end of the calculation- when poor young men or plain older women are told they are of no value in the "beauty for cash" marketplace.



(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 323
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 8:02:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoDolphins

I'm interested to know this too.  I'm wondering if tribute is expected from male subs by so many female dominants because they're subs or because they're male (i.e. going back to the traditional male role of being the primary monetary provider in a relationship). 

I brought this up a few days ago and have yet to receive a single response, but maybe with two people bringing it up now it'll be discussed.  I really think a lot of people's issues could be resolved if we discussed whether this comes from the BDSM role of sub and dom(me) or from gender roles of men and women. 

This was in response to Leiren.  I didn't expect about 5 posts would get in between then and the time this got posted.


Not that this thread has particularly stayed on topic, but I'm sorry for the diversion here.  Excuse Me there, folks.  Just a private word with GoDolphins, if I may.

GoDolphins, often when a thread gets to a particular length, and has been a bit heated at times, such as this one, questions will get missed.  It's not something that happens intentionally, but as you saw, sometimes, a lot of other things will come up, even in just a matter of a few minutes.

For Me, any time the issue of tribute comes up, it is in a BDSM context.  I think I've used the term as it applies to Me three times in ten years.  Twice, it was specifically regarding lilacs.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GoDolphins)
Profile   Post #: 324
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 8:27:56 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		I'm starting to think if a Tribute is equal to "Hey, are you paying attention to me? This is what I really like."

I always do.

I hang on the the words and desires of my friends and loves very closely.

I do not see what is so difficult about being submissive. My kink is: Doing what you ask of me to the best of my ability. OMG is that kinky enough?

No offense to my father (he admits it) but he is such a bitch to his wife (and Loves her dearly). AND HE IS NOT EVEN KINKY. It is a very 'normal' relationship.

It boggles my mind... how one can say... this is kinky, this is vanilla... this is kinky, and this is kinky, but that is not kinky. Did someone give you a label gun? Note that this is not directed at anyone specifically, just the totality of wankster kind (yo yo).

I think I ran out of steam.



LOVE LOVE LOVE IT IS DONE OUT OF LOVE!!!!!!!
*falls over, dies*



_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 325
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 8:34:29 PM   
GoDolphins


Posts: 78
Joined: 3/26/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah I know, sorry if this came across as complaining.  I was just stating a fact that happened.  I didn't try to guess why it happened.  I do think it should be answered though.

< Message edited by GoDolphins -- 8/17/2009 8:38:18 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 326
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 9:22:47 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hard to believe you don't see the distinction. If a maledom made financial contributions a relationship prerequisite, he'd be on the TV Dinner circuit for a long time.

There is a night and day difference here.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 8/17/2009 9:23:08 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 327
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 10:39:31 PM   
NoreenSwan


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

I'm sincerely trying to understand why the financial tribute seems to be so important to them.

What I give in service is at least, if not more important than financial tributes. I'm still trying to wrap my head around why some female dominants seem to equate financial matters with submission.



Gosh, there's an exchange of power between the dominant and the submissive, correct? Your master wants control over your body, right? You obey and give him control. Taking control over your sex is a form of domination, right? Well, yeah. It's part of submission. Taking control over someone's money is a form of domination. The giving away of money (or your body in your case) is a form of submission in an exchange of power dynamic. What is hard to understand?

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 328
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/17/2009 11:18:06 PM   
Starbuck09


Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		But why can't you have both Mmegigs? Whenever I choose a patner I do so because I find them attractive and I like them for their personality.

(in reply to NoreenSwan)
Profile   Post #: 329
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 4:36:11 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
But why can't you have both Mmegigs? Whenever I choose a patner I do so because I find them attractive and I like them for their personality.


You said that sexual attraction was surely the most needed trait or quality that one would look for when choosing a partner. For me, it's not. It's pretty far down the list. While I wouldn't date someone I found sexually repulsive, I find *lots* of people sexually attractive, and have found that sexual attractiveness is a poor criteria for partner selection.

(in reply to Starbuck09)
Profile   Post #: 330
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 6:40:24 AM   
Arillis


Posts: 75
Joined: 10/28/2008
Status: offline 		Many women are incapable of submerging themselves in passionate screaming clawing sweating multi orgasms so of course, the euphoria’s and ecstasies found there are of little or no consequence for them.

< Message edited by Arillis -- 8/18/2009 6:41:02 AM >

(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 331
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 6:48:04 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arillis

Many women are incapable of submerging themselves in passionate screaming clawing sweating multi orgasms so of course, the euphoria’s and ecstasies found there are of little or no consequence for them.


Not the women I've dated, fella.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Arillis)
Profile   Post #: 332
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 6:49:16 AM   
Starbuck09


Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I find lots of people sexually attactive Mmegigs and I wuld never have sex with someone that I found unattractive, at least not without a liquid dinner to impair my judgement. I'm not putting forward sexual attractiveness as an indicator that someone will be a good partner but what it is for me is critical to a relationship as without it all other personality traits become irrelevant as the relationship I would be pursuing with someone whose personality I liked but found physically unattractive would be one of friendship. If it is different for you mme gigs then fair enough.

(in reply to Arillis)
Profile   Post #: 333
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 7:32:36 AM   
XYisInferior


Posts: 166
Joined: 2/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

a financial tribute.

Leiren, I don't blame you for using that tawdry phrase, because it's apt.  Before I duck out of this debate, I would just like to say that I'm never going to give any woman 'a financial tribute'.  If there are any women around who want to call me 'tight-fisted' and 'penny-pinching' because I have that policy - I would just like to state, in as simple a way as I can, that as far as I'm concerned they can fuck off and swivel on it.   



Bitter much?

_____________________________

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

Do your own homework. Write your own stuff.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 334
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 7:34:22 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leiren

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Male dominants expect sexual favours, cooking, cleaning, etc etc.  Tribute's what you make of it, right?




Am I understanding you correctly when you imply that female dominants enter into all of their relationships with no expectation of sexual services?

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky. As I mentioned, I'm not at all familiar with female doms and their male subs and what each party expects from one another.

It still boils down to the fact that I've never been involved in or even heard about a male dominant requiring a financial tribute.



I have never seen or heard of a male dominant requiring financial tribute....BUT, I have seen MANY female submissives that want, expect, and GET, a male dominant to fully financially support her. Then the guy can use some trite excuse like, "I only want her to serve one master."

So yeah, I think a large part of it does come down to gender.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Leiren)
Profile   Post #: 335
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 8:00:39 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

a financial tribute.

Leiren, I don't blame you for using that tawdry phrase, because it's apt.  Before I duck out of this debate, I would just like to say that I'm never going to give any woman 'a financial tribute'.  If there are any women around who want to call me 'tight-fisted' and 'penny-pinching' because I have that policy - I would just like to state, in as simple a way as I can, that as far as I'm concerned they can fuck off and swivel on it.   



Bitter much?


Well no, actually, he's not.  He just knows that he is worth the price of admission all by himself, and isn't about to pay for someone's attention.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to XYisInferior)
Profile   Post #: 336
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 8:17:14 AM   
NoreenSwan


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

a financial tribute.

If there are any women around who want to call me 'tight-fisted' and 'penny-pinching' because I have that policy - I would just like to state, in as simple a way as I can, that as far as I'm concerned they can fuck off and swivel on it.   


They can go fuck off? That's a little over the top, no?

(in reply to XYisInferior)
Profile   Post #: 337
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 8:52:56 AM   
XYisInferior


Posts: 166
Joined: 2/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: XYisInferior


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

a financial tribute.

Leiren, I don't blame you for using that tawdry phrase, because it's apt.  Before I duck out of this debate, I would just like to say that I'm never going to give any woman 'a financial tribute'.  If there are any women around who want to call me 'tight-fisted' and 'penny-pinching' because I have that policy - I would just like to state, in as simple a way as I can, that as far as I'm concerned they can fuck off and swivel on it.   



Bitter much?


Well no, actually, he's not.  He just knows that he is worth the price of admission all by himself.


I'm certain Peon knows he's worth the price of admission; of that I have very, very little doubt. That aside, experience has shown me Women get the "price of admission" in one way or another, and stinginess is seldom a desirable trait in a man, especially when expressed in such...enticingly florid prose.

_____________________________

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

Do your own homework. Write your own stuff.


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 338
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 8:58:42 AM   
Starbuck09


Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Xy Peon is not professing that he is stingy though. He is making a distinction between being generous with money and paying an expected financial tribute. I agree with him wholeheartedly.

(in reply to XYisInferior)
Profile   Post #: 339
RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 8/18/2009 9:17:28 AM   
XYisInferior


Posts: 166
Joined: 2/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Starbuck09

Xy Peon is not professing that he is stingy though. He is making a distinction between being generous with money and paying an expected financial tribute.



Why must the distinction be made in the first place?

_____________________________

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

Do your own homework. Write your own stuff.


(in reply to Starbuck09)
Profile   Post #: 340
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