SmartStrongSub
Posts: 23
Joined: 1/26/2008
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Vanilla, D/s, it doesn't matter: cheap is cheap and ultimately it's the relationsip that counts.
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
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ORIGINAL: XYisInferior
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ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
Well, because they're different XY. When I am awooing a partner i am more than happy to pay for drinks or a meal e.t.c. However I would have no time whatsoever for a person that said to go on a date with them I would have to pay everything or that a minimum fee was needed to enjoy they're company. My personal time is fee enough. If others feel differently that is fair enough Xy but the difference between the two is there.
So you don't have a problem paying; it's just that when She tells you that you will be paying, it becomes an issue. Fair enough.
I go back to my original point. First, accept that MOST (not all) women (including femdoms) have some level of expectation of generosity (ie, paying for dinner if he asks her on a date, or bringing flowers as part of courtship) from men who pursue them. The guys that choose to "go dutch" or consider all these women "gold diggers" because they expect to be courted, are called cheap pinnypinchers by women who date them, and these women don't go on second dates with them. That's how it works in the vanilla world.
The fact that dominant women state their expectations UP FRONT, however, is what the problem is? My vanilla girlfriend who was highly sought after by men when she was single used to call me up and tell me about her dates, and the guys that did not offer to pay for dinner were written off and they didn't get a second date. They were called "Cheap." We had an eligible bachelor in our office who drove a Lexus at the time and had very expensive hobbies, but refused to spend money on women until he felt they "earned" it. The women in our office all tried to beat sense into him but it feel on deaf ears. In networking circles he had the reputation of being CHEAP. He remained single despite being very handsome, athletic and successful. He was dating a sweet young lady once and they were at the stage in a relationship where it was very romantic, and it fell on Valentine's Day, and he sent her an e-card intead of flowers or something more traditional, and proudly told all of us he was being smart because flowers are so overpriced on Valentine's Day. I could care less about getting flowers on that day, but to send an e-card and then brag about it as being smart, not even thinking about what the lady felt like in her office --it shows a total lack of understanding of women. There are plenty of alternatives, if you don't want to buy into the marketing of sending roses on V-day - he chose the lazy way out intsead of even trying to be creative.
I fight this debate passionately because I think sub guys often use the fear of being "duped" as an excuse to be cheap. Dominant women are up front about their expectations, and we clearly can tell the difference between, "Send me $20 via paypal if you want me to respond," and "I expect flowers on our first meeting, or a bottle of wine for us to shar," or a woman getting irritated that the guy didn't pick up dinner or ask her out on a proper date before expecting play or S&M...it's just CHEAP.
I'll add, again, once more, that I don't even fall into the category of a woman who desired being courted. I did the courting. I liked to pay, not only for myself, but for the guy. I equate money with power. I did (and still do) most of the "gifting." I have sent guys gifts more than I have received gifts. I have paid for more "first dinners" and limos, and expensive courting rituals than guys, because I am more comfortable in that role. But for the femdoms who expect to be courted in a traditional manner to have to deal with all this cheap stuff it's just sad. Ladies, date some vanilla men who actually find pleasure in romancing, courting and making a nice impression on the woman he's pursuing. If being up front about your expectations is turning them off, you were better off without them!**
** edited to add: Perspective is key here, also, when it comes to 'courting gifts.' The guy who drove the Lexus appears incredibly cheap when he takes a lady on a date in that, she gets all dressed up and then the bill comes and he calculates her half. The same woman wouldn't expect to go do that fine restaurant with a college student - in his case, it's offering to buy the coffee, or sending a handwritten poem on Valentine's Day. it is not the money, it's the act of generosity.
Akasha
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RE: BOIZ, LEMME TELL YOU HOW IT'S DONE....THAT TIRED OL... - 
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