RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (Full Version)

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Termyn8or -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 10:32:15 PM)

FR

Poosey, if you are going to go with another guy, get the divorce. Everybody sleeps better at night. Now the way you speak of your soon to be ex, I would imagine that you are not on the best of terms. That doesn't help. Any two people can co-own a house, but if you can't get along don't bother. Also if his health is really bad, you are next of kin. I would assume that right now would not be a good time to get him to sign a durable power of attourny.

Really though, looking at the bigger picture, I don't know what he wants but you want another guy. I say take the money and run. Remember that what happened to the value of your house has happened to plenty of houses in this country. Just get another one while the market is still depressed and if you even lose by a few bucks, your losses are cut. Then you get to ride the next balloon up. If you are used to being a homeowner and can handle it, keep being one. Now is a good time. When you have cash in hand to buy a house right now, that is an enviable position. If the laws in you area are anything like here I can advise. The way we played it because we have the manpower on tap is to fix the house first, then let them inspect it. If they ask anything "That's the way it is/was". Boom. No hassles. I can update the electrical and plumbing, throw in a new bathroom or something and fix the roo(ves)f in a month. THEN you can mortgage it and buy what you really want, and if it doesn't sell, rent it. It's a win win, as long as you get the right property.

We could have done this ad infinitum and owned half this city by now. But we didn't for the same reasons alot of people didn't. It is alot of work, an investment in time. But also proven is that you don't have to buy the whole city, just satisfy yourself. Go as far as you need to get your dream house. Then you can stop. With any luck you might have one other house, which is rented but your dream house is paid off. They can't take it as long as you know what you're doing.

So I would say take the money and build a new life. I think for the sake of happiness that is the best thing, plus if you play your cards right it shouldn't hurt you too badly finacially. And as far as the sale being ordered by the court, as long as the stipulation exists that you can live there, there really is no big hurry. Do it when you get around to it, nobody has money for houses these days. Don't take a beating on it, just live there until the time comes. Then move on.

Good luck. You are looking pretty good right now, order the sale, but they can't order someone to buy it. Reminds me of Krupp over in Germany. They were ordered to sell their firm, but nobody had enough money. So what I am saying there is it will probably take a year or more to sell the house, just live there. Enjoy.

Whatever market you are in when they put you out, is the same market everybody else is in. The only advantage to staying there is a recovery of some equity, but as that happens prices on other properties are going up at the same rate. So it really doesn't matter. Pay the water bill and have a good time.

T



DavanKael -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 10:33:19 PM)

Why isn't the British fellow returning?  Is it a legality thing or is it a tantrum/power struggle?  Those answers would color my answer. 
If the house is holding you back, screw it, ditch it. 
If it helps you to feel more secure, try to wait the ex- out. 
I have no attachment to treating people who behave dishonorably with any level of fairness.  They lose quarter when they profane their sacred duties and commitments. 
  Davan



SweetPoosy -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 10:37:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Why isn't the British fellow returning?  Is it a legality thing or is it a tantrum/power struggle?  Those answers would color my answer.  

Davan


Believe me Davan, if he COULD be here, he WOULD be here...but Immigration (ICE) has his nuts in a vise.



SweetPoosy -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 10:40:58 PM)

quote:

I can update the electrical and plumbing, throw in a new bathroom or something and fix the roo(ves)f in a month.


Hey Termyn8or...wanna visit Arizona for a month? I've got electrical, two bathrooms, and various other things that need fixin'!



Arpig -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 10:57:32 PM)

My advice will probably not be popular, but I say file the papers. You agreed to the final settlement already, tomy mind you are honour bound to abide by it.



DavanKael -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 11:12:55 PM)

Thank you for the clarification. 
If you want to be with the British gent on a permanent basis and you wish to do it promptly, then the answer would seem to be do the paperwork, sell the house, and work on solidifying and cohabitating in a way that will work for the two of you. 
Best wishes, 
  Davan



YoursMistress -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/12/2009 11:34:58 PM)

Miss Rosie,

Speaking from the position of someone who has now gotten legally divorced, but continues to reside in the same house due to the inability to leave without a short sale, I would advise you to get divorced and out of the house if you possibly can.  In my own situation, there is no way I can think of other than walking away from the house and taking the awful lump on our credit.  As it is, I am trading an awful lifestyle for months (maybe one year or more, by the time we can unload the house).  If it was just a question of losing a sum of money, I believe that I would leap at it.  Think long and clearly about what you are really giving up, and what you are getting as you consider the options.  Don't sell your time and happiness cheaply.

yours



DarkSteven -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 5:49:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Loki45

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPoosy
Of course, he knows that the market is bad right now, and he hates to think of me hanging on this long only to get shafted because of the economy. He has said that I must do what is best for me, even if it means hanging on here.


The answer is as simple as it is sneaky as hell.

Sell the house to your Brit for peanuts. Give your ex half of the peanut price and now your Brit owns your house and can then sell it back to you for even less. Done and done.


Absolutely not.  This is fraud and will easily be exposed as such.  After it is, the resultant court-ordered nullification of the sale may put some stress on the Brit.  Not to mention that the ex would have a say in the sale as well.



FullCircle -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 6:34:59 AM)

As Taggart would say "Have you considered Muerdah?



UncleNasty -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 7:23:13 AM)

A purely financial comment:

Given the real estate market currently it could take quite a while to sell your house. Properties aren't moving quickly unless they are in tip top shape and/or priced at bargain basement rates. Perhaps your best move would be to have it appraised to reflect the true current value and to buy him out if possible. Dark Steven is shorely correct about the potential fraud. If you choose this route you'll need to do so with clean hands. I see no reason that you can't do this with clean hands, and even involving your Brit fellow as a co-owner (which may help in the financing).

It is anticipated that the housing market will rebound, though how long that will take is a mystery. "They" continue to tell us that it is already getting better but that isn't really the case. "They" are merely scewing statistics in the hopes that glowing reports, though false or inaccurate, will create that reality. There are still several other shoes to drop in the form of the ALT-A and Option ARMS, et. al., and until those bottom out the market will continue a downward trend. Noteworthy is that even with Obama's "housing rescue" programs the rates of default and foreclosure are not diminishing.

Just my thoughts.

Uncle Nasty

PS I have a friend, a therapist actually, that has a phrase I like. A pity there is so much truth to it. "Divorce is better than murder. But not by much."



pahunkboy -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 7:38:47 AM)

-- Have the ex buy you out.

Give him the divorce but not the house.

If it is a package deal- then- change the package.

Where will you live?

It would be nice to have it all wrapped up- but being that you need the money-  I would just stay put.

I am leary of a paper work problem becoming a problem to a real life.



VeryMercurial -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 7:47:23 AM)

I was in a similar situation last year.
If I were you {and financially able}, I would get a real estate appraisal NOW,
so that the necessary repairs will help bring down/low ball the property.
If the property is appraised at 300K, I would get a lawyer and buy him out.

Legally, you should be able to deduct all the property taxes, improvements, and maintenance  expensives, landscaping, repairs, etc.
You would be surprised how much $$ you have probably sunk into the property to keep it up since he has left!
If he has been gone 5 years, I bet you have put at least 20K in taxes, maintenance, landscaping, and minor repairs.

Depending on how much you have paid/put into the property in the last few years, you should
be able to legally buy him out for far less than you realize.
If the property is appraised at 300K, depending on what you have paid to maintain the property {upkeep,
landscaping, taxes, repairs, etc.}, you might be able to buy him out for about 110-125K.
Then you will own the property, and can do as you please.
You could/can rent in out {as I do}, and live anywhere you like in the world.

Once I deducted ALL that I had put into the home {with receipts}, I got the property for far less than half.
[;)]



LaTigresse -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 7:55:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Honestly....

My advice is to talk to your attorney.


I second this. And if it is sooooooooooooo important to the Brit and he wants to be with you badly enough, have him help you pay for the attorney.[:D]

Personally, your stuck between a rock and a hard place (the ex and the brit) and making a ton of excuses for continuing to allow them to run your life. Instead of allowing them to make life more difficult for you, use them to make it easier. I know that sounds cold and conniving but sometimes life isn't all sweetness and light. Where there isn't a way, make a way.



pahunkboy -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:01:28 AM)

on the electrical--

some of that you can fix yourself.     between the library and the internet-  maybe you can repair some of it.   (really)

I fixed some of it here- I looked at the diagrams in a book- and asked my brother- and took a chance- as long as the power is off when you mess with it.

Nearly every house "needs work".

...if the situation is very bad- then take in a roomer that can fix it all in exchange for room.   You have to be creative.    In a way you have no choice- you would like to be past the divorce- but the money thing is in the way....  and you need a roof- even if it isnt the tag mahall.



VeryMercurial -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:12:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

on the electrical--

some of that you can fix yourself.     between the library and the internet-  maybe you can repair some of it.   (really)

I fixed some of it here- I looked at the diagrams in a book- and asked my brother- and took a chance- as long as the power is off when you mess with it.

Nearly every house "needs work".

...if the situation is very bad- then take in a roomer that can fix it all in exchange for room.   You have to be creative.    In a way you have no choice- you would like to be past the divorce- but the money thing is in the way....  and you need a roof- even if it isnt the tag mahall.



.....she should do only the minor repairs, that she can comfortably do.
She needs to spend a lot of time {and I do mean hours}, documenting every penny she has put into that property
since her husband has left!
She has maintained that property and put a lot of money into it, after he left.

She has thousands, and thousands of equity dollars invested that far exceed her half of the home.
With receipts, and proof {going back years}, and a great lawyer, she will be able to buy him out for
far, far, less than half of the appraised value.

I did it, it took hours of digging up old repair receipts, property tax receipts, lawn care receipts, maintenance receipts, plumbing repairs,  I had to call several businesses and ask for copies of old receipts, receipts from home depot {new toilets, all sorts and I do mean every penny that you have put into maintaing the home.
Property taxes will be where you get the big bucks![;)]
I can't imagine all the money you have put into maintaining that home for almost 6 years!
 
She should try to get it appraised as cheap as possible, have a lot of receipts showing what she has put into
the home alone, and buy him out for far, far less than half, legally.



pahunkboy -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:36:43 AM)

sometimes a few minor repairs- make all the difference.

So she now is living in a tear down which is un-sale-able?

fine.  have him front the funds to make it in legal condition to sell.  otherwise it is a tear down.



VeryMercurial -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:40:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

sometimes a few minor repairs- make all the difference.

So she now is living in a tear down which is un-sale-able?

fine.  have him front the funds to make it in legal condition to sell.  otherwise it is a tear down.



I think we are talking about totally different things here.
My post's were trying to explain how much equity she has put into the home since he moved out, because she has maintained the property and paid property taxes, ALONE for 6 years.

With the proper documentation and receipts, she can legally buy him out of the home for far less than half the appraised value.

I did it, so I know it can legally be done.



GreedyTop -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:47:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPoosy

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Why isn't the British fellow returning?  Is it a legality thing or is it a tantrum/power struggle?  Those answers would color my answer.  

Davan


Believe me Davan, if he COULD be here, he WOULD be here...but Immigration (ICE) has his nuts in a vise.


I wish that immigration would do trades.. I'll go to the UK and they let your guy come here....

*hugs* good luck.. I have no real advice because I've never been in your situation...

(if you cant afford an attorney, maybe talk to a paralegal?.. dont know how much that might help, but since they do the majority of the research and such...)



VeryMercurial -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 8:52:57 AM)

I can not say enough for great attorney's and great doctors.

I will say this, attorney's are not always as expensive as many think, they DO take credit
cards, and they will be worth every penny, when she is able to buy him out for less than half,
and be the sole owner of the property.

I did not have the money either, but I did have a credit card.

I think people missed the fact that she said the home is PAID for.
They have only equity in that home.
The propery has no mortgage on it. 

She can easily get a LOC on that home, to cover the attorney costs.





Hillwilliam -> RE: Divorce Quandry...What would you do? (8/13/2009 9:01:33 AM)

Im a Real Estate broker here.  You have GOT to talk to an attorney.  preferrably the one that handled the divorce.  Hanging on for a bit might be a good idea depending on what is happening in your market.  Some markets are set to pick up this winter or in the spring and your half would be worht more $.  Also, if he passes away, as you are still legally married, there is a possibility that you would then be a widow and own the whole kit and kaboodle.  Prob is, if he runs up more debts, esp medical, than his net worth, you could be on the hook for that. 

so as bad as I hate em.... Talk to an attorney



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