Sub males...Are you really trying?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Sub males...Are you really trying?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Sub males...Are you really trying?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 7:42:47 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

There has been a lot of talk lately about if there are any real lifestyle dommes out there and how guys go about meeting one. I have a question for all the submissive males who have been without a Mistress for an extended time or who have never had a Mistress. Are you really doing everything in your power to meet a dominant woman? Is your profile complete? Is there a good picture on it? Do you attend lifestyle events and parties? Do you try to gauge the domina potential of women you meet in vanilla settings? I am not trying to start an argument or insult anyone. Just asking if the guys on here are really giving it the old college try or just wishing and hoping.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

Post #: 1

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 8:12:29 PM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

Am I doing a good job? Nope.

I do try to judge if a woman is the type I can get along with. (Check) But being a domme isn't the only quality.

Do I go to local clubs and events? Nope. Two reasons keeping me from going to any local events.
(1) I'm way to embraced to even consider going.
(2) Personal reason I'll leave out for now.

Now by what I've said so far, that pretty much means I've eliminated 99% of my chances lol.

I'd get more detailed about the situation, but I'd end up offending someone, so I keep it at the simple answer of; "I'm doing everything in my power, that doesn't cause anyone to get mad."

My answer might not be the best one, but I haven't really posted in many threads.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 2

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 9:19:39 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

In truth, this is a good question for anyone... even me in my 15 year marriage.... Am I doing everything I can to maximize the potential? I try to stay focused on this. It is, of course, the unachievable goal, but the effort is in my opinion worth while.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 3

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 9:39:27 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

how guys go about meeting one.

One?

Oops.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 4

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 10:14:48 PM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

Mostly; wishing and hoping. Not exactly the old college try, but then I kind of skated a bit in college. In that sense, maybe it is my old college try. Are you going to be grading on a curve?

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 5

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/19/2009 10:45:45 PM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

i do what i can =]

_____________________________

your living nightmare

(in reply to YoursMistress)

Post #: 6

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 12:20:18 AM

VanityFix

Posts: 141
Joined: 7/20/2009
Status: offline

Sub males...Are you really trying?
nah, i dont really care that much, too busy with stuff right at the moment but in general im netrual.
if random domme chick stumbles into my life thats great but its not some immediate thing i despratly need, i dont get the whinning/panic for a dom that comes from some people, or just the a drop of standards to get a date,
iv never been one to really need a relationship, im more a relationship guy then one night stand, exspecially in the femdom catigory, but really if i want a domme i will have one at some point, im not stressed about finding one, im not gonna franticly search, lower my standards or panic at all. I find that you run into things and people you want (dommes included) when your not despratly searching and typically out of nowhere

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 7

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 7:59:30 AM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

I didn't try that hard for a long time (3-4 years just sort of wishing and hoping) but last month I became very serious about searching and managed to actually have a selection of Dommes to choose from before choosing and being choosen by my now current Mistress. :) Give it all you got if it's importent to you.

< Message edited by shadowowl -- 8/20/2009 8:00:38 AM >

(in reply to VanityFix)

Post #: 8

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 8:42:20 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

So far, results are what I figured. Of the several sub males I know personally, most are not really trying. They tell me how lucky I am, but I can tell they are not really giving any effort. Trying long but not hard.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to shadowowl)

Post #: 9

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 8:50:40 AM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

The Dominant Woman I seek will see the potential and work ethic I have. She will have her own metric of will but it will be imposed on mine.
Even if there is no Domme in my life currently you still have to give yourself to.... yourself and shine accordingly.

I have my willpower to give to my Lady, and my cognition.

And the get up and GO.

Many are stuck in a labyrinth.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 10

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 8:55:31 AM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

Many are stuck in a labyrinth.

at the moment i don't think i'm stuck in one =D

i believe i'm currently in a house instead

_____________________________

your living nightmare

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 11

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 9:01:50 AM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

Actually something that I just kinda remember thinking before.

I want to say... It feels awkward to be both submissive, and yet the one seeking to find, and then put together the relationship.

Like, am I coming off as dominate to her? because I'm trying to find her, and get her into the relationship?

Will she find me pushy?

Then comes good ol' "Easily Embarrassed" that I could only assume, would come natural to most people who are submissive.

I could only assume this also applies to some of the guys who are looking, but not looking hard.

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 12

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 9:13:09 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Dominant and goal driven are not mutually exclusive. Submissive and lazy are not the same thing. I look at being a domme's slave like looking for a job. Can't just sit at home wishing. You'll starve to death that way.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 13

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 10:38:59 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eivarden

Actually something that I just kinda remember thinking before.

I want to say... It feels awkward to be both submissive, and yet the one seeking to find, and then put together the relationship.

Like, am I coming off as dominate to her? because I'm trying to find her, and get her into the relationship?

Will she find me pushy?

Then comes good ol' "Easily Embarrassed" that I could only assume, would come natural to most people who are submissive.

I could only assume this also applies to some of the guys who are looking, but not looking hard.

This is a thought process that needs to be looked at, because I think it is more common than people know. And for some men, it might be subconscious the way that the think of it. And that is that part of the attraction of the idea of a "dominant woman" includes the submissive being pursued - not the other way around. For some men, the ideal behind female domination, what makes it so exciting and sexy, is that they are the one being pursued. The idea that they have to pursue the femdom seems backwards and it doesn't compute.

I think a couple of things come to mind. The first is that some femdoms do enjoy the "pursuit" and courting of sub men (I do) and the process of seduction. But this really, honestly, is like a needle-in-a-haystack thing: Unless you make a total commitment to be highly visible, highly attractive and in the range of these women in hopes of being "seduced" - and then waiting it out. Tough call. However, I have seen it happen, even in a forum like this one - where a man with charm, diligence, a great attitude is able to post enough and long enough that the ladies get a sense of who he is, and he finds himself being pursued. But it's not a sure thing!

The other approach is to realize that even though a dominant woman ENJOYS domination, that does not mean she will arbitrarily dominate you based on availability and then "see if there is chemistry." That's backwards for women; we seek attraction, connection first, and then the dominance follows. Our flirtation styles may carry a domination flavor, but in reality, we seek the same qualities (in a broad sense) that vanilla women do: Class, competence, intelligence, empathy, charm. But we also really, really appreciate (I am speaking in general terms, but not for all of course) tenacity, drive and ambition.

There is nothing about being a submissive that dictates you can't carry your own weight, at the least, in the initial stages of courting. Even if it's in a forum like collarme and the personals here. By carry your weight I mean -- keep the conversations going, don't just slip into a role of obedience, quiet politeness, and passiveness (!!!!!). I can't tell you how many guys have contacted me on the other side, I like their profile, we start chatting in email, and ultimately, it's me asking all the questions, him answering them, and saying, "What else do you want to know?" -- with not even ONE question about me, comment about what I said, or interest in what's going on in my life. Unless I SAY to him, "Do you have any questions?" and then it's like pulling teeth and I don't know if he is asking because I told him to ask, and it's not even something he cares about. But some submissives feel that by asking questions they are taking over the process. YOU AREN'T!! You are *participating* in the process. If you DON'T ask questions and show interest and drive some of the conversation, you just come across as a submissive looking to be free from work and like the attention.

And by questions, I mean NON SEXUAL and non kinky questions. If by about the 4th email (I like to move to telephone pretty fast) I am still doing all the asking and all he is doing is answering, I pretty much lose interest. I feel like I am carrying the entire thing.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 14

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 10:55:02 AM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

In reply to AAkasha, that is about right.

I'd like to throw in another thing from that.

Mainly because of comments from Dommes, here, and other experiences, I make sure to keep asking them questions about themselves, as that's the best way to keep a conversation going, when you have nothing else to think of.

And with the Sub males I know personally, (This would be only my friends I know outside of CM, who I can tell are quite submissive, but haven't really figured it out themselves yet.) most of us were geeky, and not the best "Socially" and of course, being unable to properly socialize will come back at us, when trying to find a domme. (This of course was based on a small scale, not sure how "everyone" is.)

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 11:25:36 AM

jssubc

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

I am in the somewhat unique position of Mistress having tasked me with sifting through her in box.

I find the OP's question interesting because I have wondered often as to what some submissive men consider to be an adequate approach. I shake my head every day at the sheer volume of entreaties that are bad to the point that I wonder why they bothered at all. About 70% of the approaches I would consider insulting if I were a Domme. "Hi,"... "want to chat?" want to dominate me on cam?" really do not constitute a serious approach to my way of thinking. About 25% will offer a good opening letter and WILL get a response which they immediately blow by saying "lets get together" or here is my "do me list" or perhaps most important of all, they do not leave any room for the Domme to respond. For heavens sakes guys ask some questions! Heaven forbid that you actually start a conversation! The numbers I have posted are not scientific or accurate but are meant to imply an image of what actually goes into a Dommes mail box and believe me in the hundreds that they get it is not particularly difficult to stand out.

I have come to believe that of all the submissive men on here very few actually are, the majority are just looking for kinky sex. I agree and disagree with the OP, truly submissive men do find a Domme ....lthe rest just dont get it.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 16

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 11:37:24 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eivarden

In reply to AAkasha, that is about right.

I'd like to throw in another thing from that.

Mainly because of comments from Dommes, here, and other experiences, I make sure to keep asking them questions about themselves, as that's the best way to keep a conversation going, when you have nothing else to think of.

And with the Sub males I know personally, (This would be only my friends I know outside of CM, who I can tell are quite submissive, but haven't really figured it out themselves yet.) most of us were geeky, and not the best "Socially" and of course, being unable to properly socialize will come back at us, when trying to find a domme. (This of course was based on a small scale, not sure how "everyone" is.)

I can't say for sure..but, I have a *hunch* that femdoms and kinky dominant women are more attracted to geeks, introverts, nerds than most women. Seriously. And I think the dominant women are more forgiving (than vanilla women) when it comes to things like social shyness, uneasiness and nervousness - heck, many of us find it really charming and kind of hot. A guy squirming just because he doesn't know what to say because he's intimidated? That's much more attractive in person than a guy trying to be smooth and coming across as arrogant. Shyness is ok; quiet confidence is even better. Thoughtfulness, intelligence. It's all good. Love the geeks!!!

But I do have a warning, and that is, don't stay in your shell so much that you become the stereotypically creepy older guy at parties and clubs leering and saying socially inappropriate things to femdoms. Even if it makes you uncomfortable, try to get the basic fears out of your system when it comes to chatting with women and learning how to have a conversation MINUS THE KINK!! :)

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 17

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 12:08:37 PM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

But I do have a warning, and that is, don't stay in your shell so much that you become the stereotypically creepy older guy at parties and clubs leering and saying socially inappropriate things to femdoms.

Aww...

There went my future plans... ; ;

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 18

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 2:12:19 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

If you go to munches and such, you might make some friends who can go to parties with you. You look a lot cooler hanging out with a buddy than being that lone geek on the periphery.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 19

RE: Sub males...Are you really trying? - 8/20/2009 3:43:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

hate to break it to you malesubs but Dommes are still females and most females want a man to pursue her, to wine and dine her, to show her she's special to you.

So ya know..sitting back and doing nothing will earn you..nothing.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Sub males...Are you really trying?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109