Why do We give assignments? (Full Version)

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SthrnCom4t -> Why do We give assignments? (8/20/2009 6:11:26 PM)

This post was inspired by another thread, but I thought I might throw out a few personal views while asking for the other Lady's opinions.

I like assignments to have meaning, and support some aspect of the relationship I'm cultivating. I don't give out tasks as a daily routine, as I feel this falls more under the guise of ritual/service. If there is a particular daily task, it probably is part of a training exercise which is discussed in detail prior to the onset. Expectations are shared regarding details, which would include circumstances surrounding if the task can't be completed, and how to communicate that prior to it not getting done. A brief daily report is mandatory. For a relationship to work, there has to be a certain amount of flexibility and support by the Dominant to the submissive's life circumstances.

Back to assignments..

In the beginning of getting to know someone, I might ask them to write Me a fantasy. Most people love to share this kind of info, and it tells me a lot about them. It opens up commuication no matter which way it goes and it let's me know if said would-be submissive is serious enough to put in some time for Me. For long distance, I've scripted the content of certain photos to be shot, or had them research a topic and give me a report.

For daily life we have rituals and service, but since we practically live together, I tend to give assignments when we are apart, and usually for the duration of the separation. Wearing a butt plug for a specified amount of time each day, or requiring a certain amount of masturabatory sessions lets him feel connected to Me, in a pleasurable way.

Assignments don't have to be sexual, just meaningful, ie, 'make Me a photo tour of your trip to share when you return'.

Rita Seagrave gives a great seminar on "Assignments for Submissives" if you're ever in a location to hear her talk at one of the conferences.

Thoughts from the group?




SLAVEBOY32 -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/20/2009 11:02:32 PM)

I was talking to a Domme for a while on here, a few months back. She was big on training and protocol, and this was good with me. One day, while talking on the phone, I mentioned to her that there was a small fridge in my bedroom. She asked how come I had never told her before, and I told her it just never occured to me to tell her. She asked what I kept in it, and I told her typically nothing. She asked why I had it and I told her it used to be in my garage for when I did projects out there. Now it ended up in my bedroom, and while it was plugged in, I seldom used it. She told me, that every Thrusday she wanted a "fridge report". I was to go to the fridge, open it, and tell her the contents of it. If it was empty, just tell her it was empty. I was to send her an email every single Thrusday by midnight with this in it. I am really forgetful, so I forgot once or twice, and I felt bad when I would forget, because she would be pissed about it.



MsFlutter -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 4:48:01 AM)

My fascination with human behavior leads me to look for 'tasks' that teach or have an impact years down the road.

Fourteen years ago I told a young man to find a ribbon and tie it around his cock several hours before we were to meet. I happened to encounter him again recently and that ribbon STILL stands out in his mind.

An individual whose first instinct was to put the needs of everyone else ahead of his own was given 24 hrs to tell me what step he was going to take for himself for that month. We would have the same conversation the first of every month. It could be a decision that would benefit him, a purchase that he had always put off because he didnt consider himself to be a high priority, a change he wanted to make, a skill he wanted to learn. Every month its been a different thing - but each thing was just for him and now (I believe) it comes a bit more easily.

Some people have to LEARN how to be good to themselves - there is less guilt involved if someone else sends you off to do it. I had to learn this for myself at one point in my life.

Silly? no sillier than some of the other things I've heard. Sure there's always time for whimsical things.  It fits my sense of practicality that perhaps those tasks can lead to a new life skill. 
 



Reigna -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 10:25:09 AM)

I live with my sub. Activities I'd once have framed as assignments--write me a fantasy, masturbate for 10 minutes without coming, etc.--were ways to maintain a buzz when we weren't together. Nowadays I don't give that kind of assignment; instead, I just grab my sub and march him off somewhere to have some fun with him. He sometimes has to write lines or such, but that's not really an assignment; it's a punishment. Assignments are practical--clean the gutters, paint the door--and are aimed at getting things done.




DiurnalVampire -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 10:30:16 AM)

The tasks and assignments I give are more useful then they are meaningful. Get the dishes done by the time I get home, vacuum while I am gone, write your schedule on the calender as soon as you get it... things like that. Reminders with timeframes.  



ShaktiSama -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 11:28:09 AM)

Two reasons:  to get something done, and to be obeyed.

Both are important.



MsStarlett -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 4:12:13 PM)

Because so many sub males ASK for them.  I've gotten to where I ignore the little self centered dick heads who beg for "assignments" because they NEVER EVER do what I ask... they just want me to think up hot sexy trashy stuff for them to do every day to get their rocks off.  They don't want to do anything meaningful or useful... but they just keep on begging for an assignment, even to the point telling me about the sex acts they want me to 'force' them into every day.  [:'(]

And the 'good ones' wonder why "All Dommes are so hateful".  Yeesh.  [8|]



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 4:14:18 PM)

You give us good little subbies assignments because you want proof that we are always thinking about you.

And the good ones are.

Because they will never fail you... and to fail would be a dishonor.



Tantriqu -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 4:22:24 PM)

Even the simplest tasks are the quickest way to winnow out the twitchy switches, the do-me doms, and the topping-from-the-bottoms. they whine, complain, moan, prick [like bitching, but done by a guy], get angry, bargain, and argue [or try to: whap!] and won't complete tasks well or on time and still expect a blowjob.


The good ones do their tasks, stopping only for clarification if needed, and take pride on completing them as required and on time, and better, and feel genuine pleasure at doing so. Purr!



MsStarlett -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 4:28:03 PM)

Most commonly failed assignment that I've had is "Write to me at least 4 or 5 times a week.  At least two sentences have to be about something OTHER THAN the kink."  In 20 years, I've had TWO, count them TWO men who could do that for even one month.  (Plus Bear comes really close, but he talks about his kinks... which are rather unusual and therefore far more interesting than what other men say.)  It all comes back to "Friends first."  If I wouldn't want to spend vanilla time with you, on a friendly basis, why should I bother doing anything else?  If you don't want to spend vanilla time with me, then you sure as HELL aren't going to get any closer.



Lockit -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 5:10:58 PM)

I use assignments for a few reasons. One, with a new submissive that starts out online or in the past, long distance... I will give assignments to see if they will actually do them. That tells me a lot! They typically don't include anything kinky or sexual besides being told what I expect. And I have found most do not do them or on time. If they can't do it, I don't have the time.

I love in the beginning to give writing assignments so that I can get into their head more and I just love the way some think and express themselves. I also like that we can look back through writing assignments and trace something back or remember... smile

I will use some assignments as a form of correction as well. Even in person I will continue some things online so we can go back and look at things or I can say... go to this and re-read it and then we will talk. Saves me time and repeating myself sometimes.

I did have one going to Italy and I told him to look for things that I would enjoy seeing or taking part in... Something strange happend to that one because... well... he either found something really special or couldn't find anything... as I haven't heard from him since. lol



StoneFox -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 8:18:00 PM)

I like getting dreams reports. Daily is best and it does irritate me when that's forgotten or they can't remember their dreams. That's why it's important to write them out immeditaely after waking up. And it makes me happy. And shouldn't they WANT me to be happy?



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/21/2009 8:50:04 PM)

Okay... so who do I have to write?

Let me tell you of a dream I have had a few days back.

It was night time... and the moon was stuck on the top of a tree. Again.
I climbed on top of the roof and began speaking with the moon. We discussed many things... philosophy, science, how delicious popcorn is.
Ducks were flying backwards. Suddenly a swarm of lovebugs began to pester the moon... and it sneezed off back into regular orbit.

I remember my dreams quite vividly.



undergroundsea -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/22/2009 9:06:26 AM)

I understand your point about the utility of meaningful assignments over frivolous assignments, and their impact on attitude towards future assignments and the broader dynamic. There are parts of dominance that overlap with principles of effective leadership and, in my opinion, what you refer to here falls under principles of effective leadership.

Cheers,

Sea



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/22/2009 9:27:51 AM)

I will assume that is a fast reply intended to the OP.
If not... I am very very confused.



undergroundsea -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/22/2009 10:48:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic
I will assume that is a fast reply intended to the OP.
If not... I am very very confused.


You are correct--it was addressed to the OP :)

Cheers,

Sea



pyroaquatic -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/22/2009 11:05:13 AM)

So... Assignments = Catalysts for Change?



MsStarlett -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (8/22/2009 3:09:51 PM)

Can be.  I actually used to do a series of assignments that actually would lead up to something I thought was rather fun.... but very few ever got past the first two or three steps... so why bother to let them know what was really going on?  They didn't trust me enough to follow a few instructions that weren't what they considered fun.  



WarGoddess -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/2/2009 5:40:21 AM)

I agree with the idea that assignments should always be meaningful.

With my submissives I tend to look at them and envision a series of goals, and train them towards those goals. I use assignments as part of that.

They can be sometimes fun but carry a meaning. Sometimes they are extensions of a scene that can be done alone, and sometimes its for me to get inside their heads.

I always like the idea of making a submissive write out a fantasy or recall a previous experience when first getting to know them.

In the end, does it matter? LOL when a Top says to do something, a good bottom hops to it!



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Why do We give assignments? (9/2/2009 8:45:17 AM)

*shudders at the thought of assignments*



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