RE: Flaws

RE: Flaws (Full Version)

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lally2 -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 5:27:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Leiren , but: whenever someone on a public forum says something like "no-one gives a shit about you or" or uses the term "us", it always makes me wince a bit ... I don't actually like having people speak for me, or make comments on my behalf, and it's not necessarily accurate either - somewhere in the ether there may well be someone who does care. Gawd help em, but it’s their choice to. point taken and agreed. i usually try not to make generalised statements that include everyone else in my thought processes - and i dont usually let someone piss me off this badly either. flaws? - (smile) - i just love the irony of this thread [:D]

RapierFugue -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 5:51:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: RapierFugue , but: whenever someone on a public forum says something like "no-one gives a shit about you or" or uses the term "us", it always makes me wince a bit ... I don't actually like having people speak for me, or make comments on my behalf, and it's not necessarily accurate either - somewhere in the ether there may well be someone who does care. Gawd help em, but it’s their choice to. point taken and agreed. i usually try not to make generalised statements that include everyone else in my thought processes - and i dont usually let someone piss me off this badly either. I certainly got that impression (and I think I've seen a post or 2 from you before, and they didn't ever register as unreasonable), which is why I was as gentle and polite as humanly possible when mentioning it - I didn't want to get caught in the cross-fire. Thanks for being so understanding and fair. Although Leiren certainly didn't do herself any favours, I was surprised by the responses some of her early (before it all turned ugly) comments brought out in people - there's clearly a bit of history there, which I'm not party to, nor do I particularly want to be. I tend to speak as I find; indeed I did so yesterday, so I won't bother bringing it all back up again. On the good news front, Apocalypso and LillyoftheVally had me in utter fits of giggles, so it wasn't all train-wreck observation [:D] And I learned a new phrase: "shit fucking molecule", which also had me in stitches. quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 flaws? - (smile) - i just love the irony of this thread [:D] Well quite: it's almost impossible to comment in such circumstances without showing one's own flaws. Everyone has them, as no-one is perfect. Apart from me, obviously [;)]

daintydimples -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 7:27:33 AM)
*realizes I need to get ironing down as a hard limit.

porcelaine -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 7:37:55 AM)
what i really want to know is what would compel anyone's sir or ma'am to devote the time and energy to venture to a message board or respond to posts from a topic their submissive didn't have to participate in or view. assuming he neither has nor desires to maintain a presence here. i'd like to think he'd have better things to do. porcelaine

CreativeDominant -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 7:40:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Shall I send you some more recent ass and pussy pics????? If Ron doesn't want them, I do...[8D]

TurboJugend -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 7:43:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 Shall I send you some more recent ass and pussy pics????? If Ron doesn't want them, I do...[8D] I can live with copies.... but make them high resolution..so we can zoom in :D

CreativeDominant -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 7:53:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes I was going to stay out of this thread but I can't stop myself anymore. Not one person on this thread gives a shit fucking molecule what anybody's "Sir" has to say. So, put away the Shangri-La records. All I gotta say about sir is, I cannot say much for his taste. Why LaT...whatever do you mean? Because he chose a submissive who is another one of those who is most likely all sweet and kind and properly obsequieous to him and then turning all that repressed anger on others because she "is not anyone else's submissive"? Or because he chose a submissive who doesn't appear to have any common courtesy? Like you, I've had several disagreements with Prinsexx, if not on the boards then at least in my head. But those disagreements in my head had nothing to do with what she was posting at the time so they were not brought out. I find it distasteful that someone brings their obvious dislike of Prinsexx...or anyone else, for that matter...to a thread and uses the thread as an excuse to dump on that person. Leiren did such a thing here by coming down all over Prinsexx instead of just answering her questions. She could have avoided all that has come down on her head since by sticking to the topic raised instead of turning this into a personal attack that then spread. Leiren...bring on your Sir. I just love dealing with dominants who, instead of controlling their submissive's behavior, seem to delight in arguing with others not because of their own words and deeds but because of their submissive's words and deeds. Funny...one of the things that is noted on these boards often is that one of the things you should take notice of when considering a partner is how they treat people that are unimportant to them or that they do not know. Their kindness and courtesy...and lack thereof...should give you a clue. I guess the aforementioned clue was not forthcoming in your dominant's case, eh?

Apocalypso -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 8:29:41 AM)
Ok, I admit it. I'm Leiren's Sir. Sorry everybody. I turn my back for one second and she's guzzling down the Sunny Delight. It won't happen again. [X(]

RapierFugue -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 8:36:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Apocalypso Ok, I admit it. I'm Leiren's Sir. Sorry everybody. I turn my back for one second and she's guzzling down the Sunny Delight. It won't happen again. [X(] heh. You bad man. What's amusing the hell out of me is the way some people keep saying "personal attacks are wrong!" ... and then go straight into a personal attack on someone [:D] But then my SoH has always been a bit ... warped.

DemonKia -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 11:14:54 AM)
FR, after continuing read thru & aimed at whoever the quote thingie says I'm replying to . . . . . First, I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge the wealth of perfectionistic attitudes that was displayed in this thread. In particular was the [sarcastic] obvious correlations between perfected writing forms & other career achievements . . . . . As online dwellers we should all understand that only perfect prose is worthy of believing or even reading for that matter, lol . . . ... [/sarcastic] [well, kinda sorta] Ah. & I note that those most displaying their expectations of 100% perfect correlations of this, that, or the other thing across many or even all areas seemed to be inviting misery in their doors with their perfectionistic attitudes . . . . Okay. Next: quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx OK so let's assume that we culd take away a D type's 'changing' agenda. Isn't controlling a form of changing the other? Clarification about my statement: quote: changing the other seems like an unrealistic expectation Let's contextualize this some; all is change. Things change, it is in the nature of the universe to evolve & shift & swirl . . . . . But. Expecting an other to change to benefit self, that's a very specialized form of change. Sometimes it works out that way, sometimes not. The other, the one needing that change from the perspective of self, may or may not recognize or desire to change in that particular way . . . .. If self is a D or M type & the other is an s type, & if the s type wants to change, then there may be movement towards change. May not be. Hell, many individuals would like to change this or that aspect of self & yet cannot, or cannot do it easily, quickly, effortlessly, or without other major change rippling thru their lives . . .. . . Is control a form of change? I want to say that they're related, but they have, to my mind, essential differences . . .. .. Connected but somewhat independent variables . . . . .. . quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Yes perfectionism sets an unobtainable standard so why try? why even attempt? Rhetorical questions by the way. (Gonna answer these, anyways, [;)] ) There is the ostensible & the actual. Outside of the context of that Buddha quote in my original reply to the OP, perfectionism mostly seems to exist in the realm of the ostensible. But its expectation has consequences in the actual, frequently these are those negative, 'failure' states: dejection, despondency, despair, giving up, apathy, & so on . . . . . & I have to suspect that sometimes, that's the goal of the perfectionist utterer, to inspire depression & failure, a goal engaged in a covert, subconscious manner . . . . . Similarly to how 'success' is an obviously desirable goal-state, & the stated desire of many who then turn around & engage in myriad 'failure' tactics. Ostensible & actual. Humans are such that, in a communication, in the heat of the moment, or in the eye of the desired, they may feel the need to posture as to their movements towards those desired states of being (success, perfection) & then, in the longer run, the actual emerges .. . . . Sometimes accompanied by all the verbiage 'smoothing' the way . . . . .. & then there was this: quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal If I were a spychologist.... Good thing I'm not a spychologist, isn't it? That is the most awesome 'typo' . . . . . Mucho gracias por la favor. A 'spychologist'. That is gonna take some digesting, it's such a fabulous coinage . . . . . .

jeninvegas -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 11:29:33 AM)
OP, you shouldn't worry about what others you don't even know in real life thinks or what judgement they pass on you. They are not your Maker and certainly not fit to judge anybody else. I have a tattoo on my back that says, "Only God can judge me." I think it rings true enough, although, yes, certain things people say hits the mark for me and it stings, but most of the time it's from a close family/friend or my boyfriend, someone I care to bother letting it hurt me, yknow. Do you see yourself as perfect? Certainly not. I don't see anybody as being "perfect." It's such a relative term anyway. Do you see yorself as flawed? Of course. I believe we all are, in some form or another. It's how we recognize them and deal with them in real life that matters to me. Do you expect perfection in others? No way. Like I said, nobody is perfect. I feel everybody is flawed and I look at how they interact with others with those flaws. If no what flaws can you handle, what flaws are actually appealing? I wouldn't say flaws are appealing. It's how people handle it is what makes me admire them sometimes. There are a ton of flaws we can talk about that everybody tolerates on a day to day basis. What IS the 'gold standrad' you are using? I have no idea what this question is asking... If you are D type would you train, iron out those flaws in an s type? N/A

velvetears -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 2:07:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Do you see yourself as perfect? Do you see yorself as flawed? Do you expect perfection in others? If no what flaws can you handle, what flaws are actually appealing? What IS the 'gold standrad' you are using? If you are D type would you train, iron out those flaws in an s type? i don't see myself as perfect but i see myself as perfect for someone. i might want to be perfect at doing something but to BE perfect? Would not want it, life would be so very boring. i see myself as flawed as but i don't necessarily see my flaws. When i do see perfection in others.............[sm=hearts.gif] it is a lovely thing. If flaws were all too apparent upon meeting others no one would ever fall in love lol. There are no gold standards i use. The only way to know if you can tolerate someones flaws is to spend time with them.

Antheia -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 3:58:47 PM)
Hi there Prinsexx, Glad to see you are still posting on CM and asking the questions that are important to you. No I don't know you, have never exchanged e mails with you (though I think they might be very worthwhile ), but I have been hurt to as have many many of us here on both sides of the whip. And as you have heard before , sorry I am going to say again, that is life. Learn from it, give yourself a mental boot in the ass so you don't "repeat history" and get on with whatever turns your crank. Now on to some of your questions quote: Do you see yourself as perfect? Do you see yorself as flawed? Do you expect perfection in others? If no what flaws can you handle, what flaws are actually appealing? Perfect at what? Being a ass? Sure at times. Being a good friend? Not perfect but I hope I have been a good friend to those that matter in my life. Perfect looking in face and body? Nope just average and I am happy with that. So nope , not perfect . Just me... I know I have many flaws. I am a emotional person who can cry or fly off the handle in the same situation depending on what time of the month it is or who is pissing me off at the time. Sometimes I gossip with the other gals at work. Sometimes I lie. Sometimes I snore . Many many flaws. But they are all what makes me who I am . I can't be perfect so I don't expect anyone else to be. I would rather know someone who can be themselves and not create a whole different person than who they really are, well that is more perfection in my opinion. What flaws are appealing? Good question , which I may get some ideas from reading more of this thread you have started. Thanks Prinsexx for getting us all thinking. I hope in the not to distant future you find all you are looking for. If you do , see if he has a brother ;) Take care A.

sexisubi -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 4:04:26 PM)
i think this post lagged out my computer cause it was so big lol [8D]

Prinsexx -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 4:41:20 PM)
Going to ineject in the box if that's ok.... quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant All I gotta say about sir is, I cannot say much for his taste. Why LaT...whatever do you mean? Because he chose a submissive who is another one of those who is most likely all sweet and kind and properly obsequieous to him and then turning all that repressed anger on others because she "is not anyone else's submissive"? Or because he chose a submissive who doesn't appear to have any common courtesy? I'm not anyone's submissive at the moment. But when I have been in relationship, both as a sub and a slave, as far as I am aware this has not altered my relationship to others outside of that partnership. Now, I'm not saying you are making that point about me specifically but I can understand how that might happen. A sense of feeling too controlled....Dom goes away on business and it's an opportunity for free access to the internet to take one's frustrayion out on a complee stranger. But I am always aware thatI am not in a dynamic to this forum. Although I will admit that I slip easily into a dynamic when I am in the communicabe presence of domination. That's why I admitted to having been affected by relationships on line. Is that contradictory, my relationship to this forum and to those i engage with in personal one to ones? Like you, I've had several disagreements with Prinsexx, if not on the boards then at least in my head. But those disagreements in my head had nothing to do with what she was posting at the time so they were not brought out. I find it distasteful that someone brings their obvious dislike of Prinsexx...or anyone else, for that matter...to a thread and uses the thread as an excuse to dump on that person. Leiren did such a thing here by coming down all over Prinsexx instead of just answering her questions. She could have avoided all that has come down on her head since by sticking to the topic raised instead of turning this into a personal attack that then spread. The above made me smile. Not only do participants here have disagreements with me on line and in their heads but they form relationships with me on line and most definitely in their heads. (smiles again). There is a most distinct deterioration in the threads and I have only been here two years. The deterioration is not just with newbies who have ony been here two weeks and made say 40 posts. Lenbevity here may have something or nothong to do with rudeness. There are long term posters whom I would have credited with intelligence who hand onto judgment an prejudice about me without ever having met me, wthout knowing the whole picture and even more so passing judgement on aspects of my ife way outside of kink... my profession, my mothering and so on. Do I set myself up for it? Yes I probably do. I never used to consider it was a flaw to open yself up here. I have always been a radical...AND I also enjoy a good debate, revel in freedom of expression and on the whole get more value that I do loss. Leiren...bring on your Sir. I just love dealing with dominants who, instead of controlling their submissive's behavior, seem to delight in arguing with others not because of their own words and deeds but because of their submissive's words and deeds. Funny...one of the things that is noted on these boards often is that one of the things you should take notice of when considering a partner is how they treat people that are unimportant to them or that they do not know. Their kindness and courtesy...and lack thereof...should give you a clue. I guess the aforementioned clue was not forthcoming in your dominant's case, eh? I've had time to reflect on Leirin's words. I simply feel sorry for her, sad and a little protective. Anyway we're squared away aren't we you and I on the disagreements front. Maybe there is unfinished business...in your head. (smiles).

Prinsexx -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 4:42:25 PM)
Sorry repeated myself for some reason...

Prinsexx -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 4:49:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonKia quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal If I were a spychologist.... Good thing I'm not a spychologist, isn't it? That is the most awesome 'typo' . . . . . Mucho gracias por la favor. A 'spychologist'. That is gonna take some digesting, it's such a fabulous coinage . . . . . . It's one of the best 'Freudian slips' I've seen....

Prinsexx -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 5:08:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DemonKia There is the ostensible & the actual. Outside of the context of that Buddha quote in my original reply to the OP, perfectionism mostly seems to exist in the realm of the ostensible. But its expectation has consequences in the actual, frequently these are those negative, 'failure' states: dejection, despondency, despair, giving up, apathy, & so on . . . . . & I have to suspect that sometimes, that's the goal of the perfectionist utterer, to inspire depression & failure, a goal engaged in a covert, subconscious manner . . . . . This is definitely given me food for thought. I say I am a radical. What I mean by this is that I don't give much credance to the ostensible...well far far less than most people I live amongst...(family and friends excluded). I'm ushioned from the ostensible in my work and daily life. In all the work I do I am amongst those who ern and give respect based on intelligent, intellectual and creative contribution. In my famile (extended and covering two households) we value the same form of contribution. I'm not concerend about the state of the housework so much as the state of conversation around the dining table 9or whereever the focal point is in the house at any one time). The actual: I'm cushioned. I'm out of office type behaviours and conformity but very aware at the same time that I am a role model for teenagers and I also represent my professions. These are the external modifiers to my behaviour. That is why it has always proven difficult to find a dominant who can co-exist with the lack of conformity in my daily life and the roles/controls/expectations he wuld necessarily want to waeve into the relationship. The freedoms I would expect to maintain could, and often do appears as a mojor flaw in what he would call WIITWD. Does this make sense? I want (don't need, reallt don't need) a dom who can, instead of seeing my need for freedom as an opposition, can embrace that, take that as power, take that as empowering of him, instead of seeing it as a personal challenge to him (which is more often than not percieved as a flaw in me). Ostensibility and actuality indeed.......... edited to add: my lack of emphasis on ostentation, on what my image is, is maybe why I shoot from the hip as they say...maybe post from the heart is a better term...

RapierFugue -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 5:32:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx I say I am a radical. What I mean by this is that I don't give much credance to the ostensible...well far far less than most people I live amongst...(family and friends excluded). I'm ushioned from the ostensible in my work and daily life. In all the work I do I am amongst those who ern and give respect based on intelligent, intellectual and creative contribution. In my famile (extended and covering two households) we value the same form of contribution. I'm not concerend about the state of the housework so much as the state of conversation around the dining table 9or whereever the focal point is in the house at any one time). The actual: I'm cushioned. I'm out of office type behaviours and conformity but very aware at the same time that I am a role model for teenagers and I also represent my professions. These are the external modifiers to my behaviour. That is why it has always proven difficult to find a dominant who can co-exist with the lack of conformity in my daily life and the roles/controls/expectations he wuld necessarily want to waeve into the relationship. The freedoms I would expect to maintain could, and often do appears as a mojor flaw in what he would call WIITWD. Does this make sense? I want (don't need, reallt don't need) a dom who can, instead of seeing my need for freedom as an opposition, can embrace that, take that as power, take that as empowering of him, instead of seeing it as a personal challenge to him (which is more often than not percieved as a flaw in me). Ostensibility and actuality indeed.......... edited to add: my lack of emphasis on ostentation, on what my image is, is maybe why I shoot from the hip as they say...maybe post from the heart is a better term... "Why is it that what you said strikes me as a mass of rationalisations?" "Hey, don't knock rationalisations! I don't know anyone who can get through the day without 2 or 3 juicy rationalisations - they're more important than sex". "Oh come on! Nothing's more important than sex!" "Ever gone a week without a rationalisation?"

Prinsexx -> RE: Flaws (8/26/2009 5:50:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Antheia Hi there Prinsexx, Glad to see you are still posting on CM and asking the questions that are important to you. No I don't know you, have never exchanged e mails with you (though I think they might be very worthwhile ), but I have been hurt to as have many many of us here on both sides of the whip. And as you have heard before , sorry I am going to say again, that is life. Learn from it, give yourself a mental boot in the ass so you don't "repeat history" and get on with whatever turns your crank. Now on to some of your questions quote: Do you see yourself as perfect? Do you see yorself as flawed? Do you expect perfection in others? If no what flaws can you handle, what flaws are actually appealing? Perfect at what? Being a ass? Sure at times. Being a good friend? Not perfect but I hope I have been a good friend to those that matter in my life. Perfect looking in face and body? Nope just average and I am happy with that. So nope , not perfect . Just me... I know I have many flaws. I am a emotional person who can cry or fly off the handle in the same situation depending on what time of the month it is or who is pissing me off at the time. Sometimes I gossip with the other gals at work. Sometimes I lie. Sometimes I snore . Many many flaws. But they are all what makes me who I am . I can't be perfect so I don't expect anyone else to be. I would rather know someone who can be themselves and not create a whole different person than who they really are, well that is more perfection in my opinion. What flaws are appealing? Good question , which I may get some ideas from reading more of this thread you have started. Thanks Prinsexx for getting us all thinking. I hope in the not to distant future you find all you are looking for. If you do , see if he has a brother ;) Take care A. I have sent mail Antheia. Not sounding defensive (even that sounds defenxive around these parts right now) but I'm not looking consciously at least any more. What happened was I crossed someone's path or rather our paths crossed.. and he has set the standard. I'm somewhat stuck on him at the moment. But since it appears that nothing is to come of it I will just have to let time pass. What you say about realsing you are not perfect and this not expecting anyne else to be...well I have this contradiction inside. Not so much a contradiction but two aspects of me that aen't sitting very well together at the moment. These are: that I am a radical (as I've described in another reply here) and have freed myself from so many linitations. If you check my era...you will understand my life has been like emerging out of the dark ages into the light. Almost all social roles and expectations both within the ifestyle and without have been like milestones that have been passed. The LGBTIQ movement...the bdsm movement if we can call it that. So many activists. This is a time now when anything goes it seems. And so the standards I am set are those that I set for myself. And I am my own worse judge. No one beats up on me the way I beat up on myself. I'm always striving to be better. And when there are no new milestones to surpass I will set up new ones in order to be able to do so. With regard to that new man.. I though he was one of those milestones. And I thought I was worthy or rather I thought he would think that I was...and I would respond and go for it. Hard lesson.

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