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RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 3:40:35 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

ehhh I don't look for ppl online. But when i see something I like I refuse to waste time with e mail chat whatever... talk on phone, meet move fwd.. Not spend countless hours in chat email...

BadOne

_____________________________

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According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 41

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 3:53:06 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Being that I spend a lot of time on a computer I'm simply going to be more interested in people who can communicate the written word in a clear and concise manner.

That's not to say that there may be some men who may be great guys even though they can't type or write worth a damn. It just means I'm not going to be attracted to them just like I'm not attracted to men who ride Harleys or drive rigs. They're just not in line with my personality.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 42

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 5:27:27 PM

GildTheLily

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

Language is at the forefront of our communication. It is one of the leading factors in societal evolution. Through writing, we are able to take our most complex thoughts and turn them into something comprehensible.

When someone takes the time to convey themselves through writing, I get an insight as to who they are. I also appreciate the time, patience and diligence that goes into formatting a well-constructed thought - it demonstrates pride in one's self.

All that being said, maybe I'm a bit biased due to the fact that I'm a graduate student in the field of English.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 43

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 5:35:11 PM

sravaka

Posts: 314
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

maybe I'm a bit biased due to the fact that I'm a graduate student in the field of English.

And yet, somehow, you're a poster child for grasp-of-mechanics not overcoming a disposition toward trite sentiments. Congratulations!

_____________________________

Miseries hold me fixed, and I would gladly cut these roots to become a floating plant. I would yield myself up utterly, if the inviting stream could be relied upon. --Ono no Komachi

(in reply to GildTheLily)

Post #: 44

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 5:39:24 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

For me communication is paramount.

If a slave can not express themselves in proper text words, how do I know they can express themselves verbally. I view the two go hand in hand. The two do have an education corollary. I do not use phone calls. Phone numbers can be traced legally, and then reversed charged to. Imagine finding $200.00 or more of phone bills you had not expected. It has happened to Me. Releasing ones address can be just as bad.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 45

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 5:45:15 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

ehhh I don't look for ppl online. But when i see something I like I refuse to waste time with e mail chat whatever... talk on phone, meet move fwd.. Not spend countless hours in chat email...

BadOne

I agree with this, I want to get things off line ASAP. But...that initial impression is important, is it not?

There has to be some communication to get to that stage.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 46

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 8:09:03 PM

rideemwet

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

From the perspective of somebody who isn't using online as a search tool for relations, I would add a few random thoughts:

The message boards are probably more likely to be frequented by people who are interested in good written communication skills. Of course that includes grammar, but also the ability to get a point across. Other media such as the chatrooms may be more attractive to those that are not as inclined toward written messages. Of course chat rooms are written too, but typically more real-time and less emphasis on grammar and time to compose something.

I spend a LOT of time reading professional material, proof reading, reviewing, and critiquing. When I'm relaxing in non-professional activities such as here, I really prefer to not get into that professional reading mode. I'll do that when I'm on the clock getting paid. My preference here is someone that can convey concepts, ideas, or questions clearly, or humorously, and I happily overlook a bit of grammatical error, etc. For the same reasons I'm not likely to be too picky about what I write.

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 47

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/26/2009 10:21:22 PM

InvisibleBlack

Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

This has been prompted by several recent threads, all rants about "I can't find a sub, dominant, pet rock (whatever)." One thing all these rants have in common is a distinct lack of written communication skills from the OP.

So now to my question:

How important are written communication skills to you? Does a lack in this area imply a lack in verbal communication, or do you feel they are not related?

If someone is not a very good written communicator, do you move on to the phone ASAP, or is that a deal breaker right out of the gate?

Any additional thoughts on this subject most welcome.

I suppose if I were to break down the importance of an e-mail for me it would come down to content, effort, and then technical skill.

I can forgive someone poor writing or typing skills if they send me a heartfelt message with meaning to it. I understand that not everyone has had the benefits of an intensive formal education and years of experience communicating in a written medium. Someone can still tell you about themselves, their hopes, dreams and aspirations and what they see in you that makes them think you can help fulfil them - even if they can only use two syllable words and can't make complex compound sentences. A brilliantly written essay that left me with no better knowledge of a person than I started with wouldn't make me interested in pursuing the person. I'm not looking for a copyist or a speechwriter.

Effort makes a huge difference. By effort I don't mean communicating sporadically, I mean not taking the time to actually write something of substance or respond completely. There's nothing like sending someone a lengthy message discussing their profile, their interests, how you think they match with yours, and asking them some questions about who they are and what they're looking for and getting back a one-line reply. It's almost insulting. Just as people rant in their profiles and journals about "Can't you READ my PROFILE!?" I sometimes want to rant back to a terse response "Didn't you READ my MESSAGE!?". Then again, for all I know, maybe they didn't. Maybe they're secretly sitting in some other country hoping I'll give them my bank routing number and probing questions are a huge turn off. Choosing not to respond I can understand. If someone doesn't find me interesting or attractive - so be it. Responding with almost a throwaway line bothers me a great deal.

Technical writing skills are a plus but not a deal breaker. If someone writes well, can express themselves well, and displays a flair for written correspondence it tells you something about their background and mindset. Odds are they read a lot, have had a fair amount of education and/or have been online a lot. That they've taken the time to ensure that they can present themselves well and communicate well in this medium. For me those are all plusses - but they're not the areas I feel are core to a successful relationship.

Spelling, grammar and writing can be taught - and I will (and did) correct improper communication in more than one sub over the years. Having something to say cannot be learned - it's either there or it's not.

So basically, lack of content or effort are deal breakers - writing skills are a plus but not a necessity.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 48

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 5:31:13 AM

canukeepup

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

(havin a bit of prob naviagting here so bare with me) i read an interesting line....talking too long online can lead for a meeting thats MORE of a let down the they're prepared for...so yes....talk on here or IM for a bit but meeting for a clue for that other bit of 'attraction' needed....good idea not to wait forever.....i've pushed for meeting even 350miles away....ya never know where you'll find what you seek....

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)

Post #: 49

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 5:43:22 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

This has been prompted by several recent threads, all rants about "I can't find a sub, dominant, pet rock (whatever)." One thing all these rants have in common is a distinct lack of written communication skills from the OP.

So now to my question:

How important are written communication skills to you? Does a lack in this area imply a lack in verbal communication, or do you feel they are not related?

If someone is not a very good written communicator, do you move on to the phone ASAP, or is that a deal breaker right out of the gate?

Any additional thoughts on this subject most welcome.

I suppose if I were to break down the importance of an e-mail for me it would come down to content, effort, and then technical skill.

I can forgive someone poor writing or typing skills if they send me a heartfelt message with meaning to it. I understand that not everyone has had the benefits of an intensive formal education and years of experience communicating in a written medium. Someone can still tell you about themselves, their hopes, dreams and aspirations and what they see in you that makes them think you can help fulfil them - even if they can only use two syllable words and can't make complex compound sentences. A brilliantly written essay that left me with no better knowledge of a person than I started with wouldn't make me interested in pursuing the person. I'm not looking for a copyist or a speechwriter.

Effort makes a huge difference. By effort I don't mean communicating sporadically, I mean not taking the time to actually write something of substance or respond completely. There's nothing like sending someone a lengthy message discussing their profile, their interests, how you think they match with yours, and asking them some questions about who they are and what they're looking for and getting back a one-line reply. It's almost insulting. Just as people rant in their profiles and journals about "Can't you READ my PROFILE!?" I sometimes want to rant back to a terse response "Didn't you READ my MESSAGE!?". Then again, for all I know, maybe they didn't. Maybe they're secretly sitting in some other country hoping I'll give them my bank routing number and probing questions are a huge turn off. Choosing not to respond I can understand. If someone doesn't find me interesting or attractive - so be it. Responding with almost a throwaway line bothers me a great deal.

Technical writing skills are a plus but not a deal breaker. If someone writes well, can express themselves well, and displays a flair for written correspondence it tells you something about their background and mindset. Odds are they read a lot, have had a fair amount of education and/or have been online a lot. That they've taken the time to ensure that they can present themselves well and communicate well in this medium. For me those are all plusses - but they're not the areas I feel are core to a successful relationship.

Spelling, grammar and writing can be taught - and I will (and did) correct improper communication in more than one sub over the years. Having something to say cannot be learned - it's either there or it's not.

So basically, lack of content or effort are deal breakers - writing skills are a plus but not a necessity.

Beautifully stated, thank you.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)

Post #: 50

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 5:50:08 AM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

If there seems to be chemistry there, I want to meet ASAP. It doesn't matter how far away the other person is. It's been my experience that if you don't meet someone in the first 90 days, you are not going to. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but if the two don't want to meet ASAP, then I question the validity of the chemistry involved.

Although I consider myself more than capable of communicating via the written or spoken word, I prefer having all those non-verbal communications, like facial expression, body language, etc.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to canukeepup)

Post #: 51

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 6:09:47 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack

There's nothing like sending someone a lengthy message discussing their profile, their interests, how you think they match with yours, and asking them some questions about who they are and what they're looking for and getting back a one-line reply. It's almost insulting. Just as people rant in their profiles and journals about "Can't you READ my PROFILE!?" I sometimes want to rant back to a terse response "Didn't you READ my MESSAGE!?". Then again, for all I know, maybe they didn't. Maybe they're secretly sitting in some other country hoping I'll give them my bank routing number and probing questions are a huge turn off. Choosing not to respond I can understand. If someone doesn't find me interesting or attractive - so be it. Responding with almost a throwaway line bothers me a great deal.

as with all things it is never black or white. but usually falls somewhere in the middle. i've received messages such as the ones you've mentioned. but my response was not in kind. particularly since my profile was once very detailed and the parameters were clearly defined. i don't know, for some reason that seemed to inspire more messages from those that fell outside of the spectrum. almost as if it were a challenge or their attempt to change my mind. some even admitted to this.

it is difficult to surmise what reasoning a person utilized when deciding to make contact. etiquette and common sense aside it is always a risk. there's no guarantee that the effort expended will be reciprocated. i sincerely understand where you're coming from, but other possibilities exist.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

If there seems to be chemistry there, I want to meet ASAP. It doesn't matter how far away the other person is. It's been my experience that if you don't meet someone in the first 90 days, you are not going to. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but if the two don't want to meet ASAP, then I question the validity of the chemistry involved.

i have no questions about the validity of things, but i do believe meeting face to face is important if that is what both parties seek. an ability to travel and to do so with some regularity is an important factor that i look for when conversing.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)

Post #: 52

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 11:38:38 AM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

Language is at the forefront of our communication. It is one of the leading factors in societal evolution.

if you look at the evolution of language...it started with just sounds instead of the nice words we have now.
So we can wonder if we need a word to be written perfectly to communicate also.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 53

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 11:41:08 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

The quality of one's written communication is a reflection of their level of self respect, personal intention, and academic achievement.

One who has the capacity to write properly, yet chooses to write poorly, sends a very clear message about their motivation, their intention, the extent of their discipline, and the nature of choices they would make in further interaction.

Therefore, it all depends upon the objective of the interaction. Many people here seek partners who communicate very little, and simply perform or accept whatever the preference happens to be. Some here are perfectly satisfied with a partner who simply does not care very much about personal excellence, let alone sharing any degree of excellence with their partner.

Apart from a limitation of academic achievement, I basically see the choice like this: "I know how, or at least I can try better, but today I just don't feel like wiping my ass; and, I certainly don't care if you have to smell it."

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 8/27/2009 11:44:32 AM >

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 54

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/27/2009 12:06:11 PM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

Not sure. Over here the Doctors ( well educted academics) have all a shitty old fashioned hand writing. ( never can read the recipes for medicine)
They propably write every word correct..but the style of writing makes it unreadable. So...is this good communication?

Thank god for computers lol now I can read i at least.

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 55

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/28/2009 8:27:11 AM

canukeepup

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

If there seems to be chemistry there, I want to meet ASAP. It doesn't matter how far away the other person is. It's been my experience that if you don't meet someone in the first 90 days, you are not going to. I'm sure there are exceptions to this, but if the two don't want to meet ASAP, then I question the validity of the chemistry involved.

Although I consider myself more than capable of communicating via the written or spoken word, I prefer having all those non-verbal communications, like facial expression, body language, etc.

i agree.....also ya just hate taking months n months outta your life to find out face to face is some sorta let down ..could be a number of reasons.....but get er done farily quick.....:)

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 56

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/28/2009 8:30:58 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I am always very disappointed when a potential Mistress can't spell simple words or can't write basic sentences. All things being equal, I would choose to contact the lady who knows present from past tense.

_____________________________

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http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 57

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/28/2009 8:40:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx
Apart from a limitation of academic achievement, I basically see the choice like this: "I know how, or at least I can try better, but today I just don't feel like wiping my ass; and, I certainly don't care if you have to smell it."

.... or, in my case, the message can be more simply stated as, "I have crumbs in my keyboard and I'm too lazy to fish them all out." Other possible messages from me are... "Yeah, I'm perfectly inclined to take liberties with the english language." or perhaps, "Damnit, if I would slow down to even 100wpm, I probably would stop mistyping 'teh'."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 58

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/28/2009 9:02:26 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

im with the 'content' guys. if there are typos (but not too many) then ill ignore them on the basis that - to be that fussy is probably more of a flaw than sloppy writing.

but i am put off by lots of typos, no sentance structure or punctutaion.

ive been put off content a few times too.. lol

you can edit, its so simple to edit - it says something about someone if they really dont see anything wrong in sending a mess when they are trying to impress.

im not a 'details' type of person, but sometimes an email just shrieks 'cant be arsed so fuckit, probably wont get a response anyway' and in that case i tend to agree with them.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 59

RE: communication skills & the online search - 8/28/2009 9:32:06 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Lally2: I suspect I am a bit more, uh... open-minded about this all than I would've been before I met Carol. Carol's brain doesn't work like most people's. When she writes, it can get very stream-of-consciousness -- especially when she is excited about something. The same thing happens in spades when she's speaking. The thoughts behind the words, however, are frequently very insightful. At the least, they usually offer genuine illumination to me if for no other reason than her viewpoints are usually from some unexpected direction.

For myself, what I care about when I write here is whether communication has been served. I'll fix words which obscure or change the meaning of the sentence. I'll update errors in formatting that make it hard to read. But beyond that I don't much bother with fixing my posts here. It's just not that important to me. Of even less importance is anyone who might think I was not intelligent enough or ddn't care enough on the basis of how I construct my sentences or type/spell them out.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 60

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