RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (Full Version)

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ShaharThorne -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (8/28/2009 1:53:27 PM)

How about the Dom who Photoshopped his chin to cover up the acne breakout...*shudders* The goatee was black ink and did not match his hair color!



canukeepup -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (8/28/2009 6:48:02 PM)

seems to me to just be out right rude and dishonest would be a bad start..and should be a quick ending lol



MasterSteve57 -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/5/2009 6:39:27 PM)

Every sub is different. Some adore humiliation and crave it deeply while others loathe it. Some love pain while others hate it. My biggest mistake in my early dom days was assuming that subs would have numerous common traits. They don't.

Listen to subs carefully. Heed their comments.






AlexandraLynch -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/5/2009 9:34:15 PM)

What I've found, with a little over a year's experience.

Be honest. About who you are physically, intellectually, your experience, your limits, your interests, and your skills. How can you ask that from a sub if you don't practice it yourself?
Be responsible. Someone's putting trust in your integrity and skillset, respect that and treat them well. (Not that this precludes making them scream in pain...it does mean that unless your sub wants to recover alone, you have a responsibility to stay with them and provide aftercare.)
Remember that reputation means a whole lot in this game.  Word gets around about bad players, and it's hard to regain respect once it's lost.
Every dom is different. Just because someone else does it a certain way doesn't mean you necessarily need to. Find what works for you.

Oh, and have fun. Cause this is one of the better games I've ever found.



Loki45 -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 2:29:25 AM)

quote:

Original: porcelaine
calling yourself a master while lacking the capacity to articulate what you've done.


What, you mean like a verbal resume?

I've run into submissive girls who appeared to desire that. I usually have no interest in them.

Much like I "talk" to a girl to learn about her, I expect the same.

If you want to share experiences and conversate, fine. But I'm not going to sit there and give a dissertation on all of my past experiences as though I'm up before some kind of D/s evaluation board.



WyldHrt -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 3:11:34 AM)

quote:

calling yourself a master while lacking the capacity to articulate what you've done

quote:

What, you mean like a verbal resume?
I've run into submissive girls who appeared to desire that. I usually have no interest in them.
Much like I "talk" to a girl to learn about her, I expect the same.
If you want to share experiences and conversate, fine. But I'm not going to sit there and give a dissertation on all of my past experiences as though I'm up before some kind of D/s evaluation board.

Seriously Loki, WTF?
You took one thing out of a list of 5, then read something into it that wasn't even there. Are you looking for something to be offended about?

As for what porcelaine said, I agree. If I'm talking to a dom, the time will come to discuss experience. If said dom IDs as "master", but can't or won't tell me what areas he is experienced in, or how he related to former partners, that's rather a big red flag. Same goes if I tell a Dom I'm a "painslut", but can't or won't say if I've ever been hit with anything other than a bunny flogger. I would expect that the Dom in question would red flag me into next week if I couldn't tell him in simple terms what I have experienced, and what I haven't. So how is it different on the other side of the kneel? Isn't this all part of the "getting to know you" dealio, after all?



Loki45 -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 5:05:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
Seriously Loki, WTF?
You took one thing out of a list of 5, then read something into it that wasn't even there. Are you looking for something to be offended about?

As for what porcelaine said, I agree. If I'm talking to a dom, the time will come to discuss experience. If said dom IDs as "master", but can't or won't tell me what areas he is experienced in, or how he related to former partners, that's rather a big red flag. Same goes if I tell a Dom I'm a "painslut", but can't or won't say if I've ever been hit with anything other than a bunny flogger. I would expect that the Dom in question would red flag me into next week if I couldn't tell him in simple terms what I have experienced, and what I haven't. So how is it different on the other side of the kneel? Isn't this all part of the "getting to know you" dealio, after all?


Seriously Wyldhrt, WTF?

Are *you* just looking for something to be offended by? All I did was ask a question and then expound on one possibility of that question. What part of that prompted a "WTF?" from you?

And I shall leave you with a relevant quote from the movie "From Dusk 'Til Dawn:"

Jacob: Are you such a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won?
Seth: What did you call me?
Jacob: Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again?
Seth: Mmm-hmm.
Jacob: Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the F.B.I., is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. You've won, Seth, enjoy it.




UKEvolutionary -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 9:05:55 AM)

Errrrr !! What's a "Ficticious" movie got to do with this post ?? Oh boy, How wierd it is that one post can diversify into another "walk of life" !! lolol



Loki45 -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 11:01:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UKEvolutionary

Errrrr !! What's a "Ficticious" movie got to do with this post ?? Oh boy, How wierd it is that one post can diversify into another "walk of life" !! lolol


The quote was designed to show she was getting huffy at me for no reason, as I just asked a question and then made a brief comment.

The quote in the movie shows Seth first getting pissed because he thinks Jacob is insulting him. To which Jacob replies he didn't 'make a statement,' he merely asked a question.



SteelofUtah -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 12:33:15 PM)

And how are any of you still on Topic?

Lets get to the brass tacks of this subject.

I see lost of STUPID STUPID STUPID Shit Posted on these boards about what the most important part of BDSM is. I Laugh and Laugh or I bash my head against the desk at the Stages people are still in when it comes to BDSM. Guess what BDSM is a Canopy of Concepts with so many Facets there is really no way to get a hard core line of what each one does that makes a difference. For every Dominant who REQUIRES their submissive toi be Ball Gaged, with an anal plug in and wearing 7 inch High Heels there is a submissive dying to be required to wear them.

For every calm cool collected Dominant who has a plan and a reason for what they do there is a submissive who wants to be collared and used and abused the same day they meet the "Dom" of their life.

I agree that there are common issues that seem to come up over and over again that carry a derogatory aspect but you know they get taught this is how they are supposed to be, they are rewarded for this behavior by other people who believe that is what they are supposed to be.

So in short everyone is right and everyone is wrong.

Steel



softness -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 2:57:53 PM)

lols . . .

understanding the difference between the noun dominant and the verb to dominate. If I get one more email starting with "I am the dominate you have been waiting for" ... *shudders* ... well it wont be pretty or graceful.






naughty2pls -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 9:08:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UKEvolutionary


1) Assume that EVERY submissive has to "bow down" to you

2) Listening too much to other Doms instead of your inner self

3) NOT being clear and firm from the start in what you expect from your
submissive, and any rules you need them to adhere to

4) Trying to appear more impressive than is within your being

5) Trying to obtain a submissive too soon with too limited knowledge and ability

6) Not learning enough about the lifestyle by reading, talking to other
Dominants or submissives.

7) Being too "eager" to own a submissive

8) A mistake I have seen many make is as the emotions between the Dom
and submissive begin growing, the Dom has tended to not be as
strict or consistent as He was in the beginning. Maybe in fear of
losing her but forgetting that is the reason she craved Him in the
first place.

9) Not recognising a new subs inability to take responsibility for
their own safety. Through enthusiasm and an eagerness to please,
new subs can be their own worst enemy. A good Dom/me will recognise
the signals and take responsibility for them.





I found this list indeed very helpful.
I will say #2 was my biggest pitfall which caused me to question my confidence and confidence is key if one wants to live a dominant lifestyle fulfilled.



UKEvolutionary -> RE: "New" Dominant ...... "Common" Mistakes !! (9/6/2009 11:23:39 PM)

Thank you naughty2pls, I'm glad this list of ideas was useful to you.
#2 has already caused a "bit of a stir" earlier on in this thread, but allow Me to again clarify.
Listen to other Dom/mes, and learn from them, but don't treat ALL of what they say as "gospel". It may well be that although THEY are passionate about what they say and do in trying to "teach" you, it may not be right for you, that is why I say "Listening too much to other Doms instead of your inner self"
Use your inner self to filter out what is right for YOU.

Good luck in your journey.



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