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RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/26/2006 9:13:13 PM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline 		Aww sorry he did a no show :( in his defense, not that I'm defending his cowardly actions of not calling to cancel and leaving you hanging, it can be quite the daunting thing to show up at someone's home. So keep in mind a lot of these boys will get all that they can out of phone/online play and learning this does happen this early in your journey is a good thing ;)

Some you'll find will be genuinely fearful and work themselves into an emotional lather just thinking about knocking on your door, though others will say whatever you want to hear and then run a mile when backed into a corner. Most will invariably try to get back in your good books and if feeling generous I'll invariably give them at least one more chance, although I remain skeptical until proven wrong. A second no show is banished from the queendom ;)



_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.


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(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/27/2006 6:17:45 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		thank you jasmym for your support. Letting the boy come to my house was, I now realize, putting his money where his mouth is. He had been pursuing me for sometime and I was tired of the virtual masturbation. Yet, I also wanted a toy to play with. I do not regret my actions, though I will take more precautions. While I am a little anxious about how long it is taking me to find a submissive, I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks. So I appreciate everyone listening to my whining.

Best regards, princess september

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New to the lifestyle - 2/27/2006 9:18:55 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

While I am a little anxious about how long it is taking me to find a submissive, I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks.


Three weeks is a mere drop in the bucket. There are people on this forum who have been searching for the right partner for YEARS. I, personally, spent 3 years searching for Sir Right Dom before He found me, and I consider myself lucky to have found someone who matched my needs so perfectly even that quickly!

Three weeks is barely long enough to have coffee, exchange a few emails and a phone call or two. Patience.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/1/2006 8:52:33 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Three weeks is barely long enough to have coffee, exchange a few emails and a phone call or two. Patience.


Yes, I am developing more patience. And I want to wait to find the right one. I do understand I have to start small and expand from within.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/1/2006 9:23:56 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

quote:

well, here it is . The Sub, who had been pursuing me, crap out... He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid...


Just a note about meeting people - it sounds as if you were planning on playing first meet? Generally not a good idea, and not terribly safe. I usually meet a couple times in a social setting (coffee, dinner, movie) before I'd consider playing with them, so I get a decent feel for who they are as a person.


And actually, not necessarily safe for the submissive either. How experienced was he? Don't discount him when he said he was scared. He had never actually met you. It's hard to develop trust to put yourself entirely in someone's hands when you've never actually met them...unless the sub is just a player.

Patience is a virtue.



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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 4:36:17 AM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, yes, yes, better safe than sorry. Lesson learned. Heard everyone loud and clear.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Jasmyn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 9:58:58 AM   
imadom4u


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: september

Yes, yes, yes, yes, better safe than sorry. Lesson learned. Heard everyone loud and clear.

Please don't take what everyone is saying as a pounding lesson or that they are using harsh words. Just understand that a lot of us lose our breath when we simply hear the words, "New to bdsm". There are soooo many precautions you need to know about, and the suggestions we use are just that. Suggestions. And there are more precautions than just using a condom. What if you wanted to play with electrical devices? I would never suggest "just" to read a book. I would suggest to read a book AND go to classes, then play. Try to understand that we are here to help and not to put you down.

I wish you luck in your search and welcome to bdsm. This is the ultimate ride that never stops!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
(When hee-haw meets bdsm)
Where oh where are you tonight, how could you leave me here all alone.
I searched the world over and thought I found the true one. You met
collarme and you were gone.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 10:29:57 AM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline
I'm not going to add in on the "be careful" thing, but there's another way to look at this. New folks tend to think of some of us veterans as far too cautious and far too slow because of how long we take to get things going. What you may learn in the coming weeks and months is that sometimes waiting one more week or taking one step off the path is the difference between getting your hopes dashed and finding a real partner.

In a case similar to yours, I would have had him meet me for a vanilla lunch somewhere. When I do this, I make sure it's somewhere that I want to go to lunch anyway regardless of whether they show up or not. If they don't show, then no harm, no foul. wha tI learn, though is that they are not going to take the big step any further. It keeps me from getting my hopes (and hormones) revved up so high that it hurts when they fall. It is about reatining a bit of control over my own excitement.

That being said, generally anyone who gets involved with cyber right away tends to only stay cyber. They may taunt me with "real-life" scenarios or "when we finally meet to play for real," but none of those have ever come to fruition. I know that other Mistresses have had other experiences, so consider that as well. Needless to say, playing online does not get me what I want, so I don't do it. It's a choice. I prefer real. Going really slow means that i finish the game with someone who is as serious about it as I.

Again, I also recommend getting in touch with local groups. Lots of groups. Make no judgements about the groups or people for a while. Just hang out and spend time with whatever meetings or events are going on. You can learn a lot just by being around other people.

Good luck. Have fun. Don't rush, simply for the sake of sanity.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/2/2006 4:54:09 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Please don't take what everyone is saying as a pounding lesson or that they are using harsh words. Just understand that a lot of us lose our breath when we simply hear the words, "New to bdsm". There are soooo many precautions you need to know about, and the suggestions we use are just that. Suggestions. And there are more precautions than just using a condom. What if you wanted to play with electrical devices? I would never suggest "just" to read a book. I would suggest to read a book AND go to classes, then play. Try to understand that we are here to help and not to put you down.

I wish you luck in your search and welcome to bdsm. This is the ultimate ride that never stops!


I do appreciate your wisdom. Thank you so much for the the BDSM love. Thank you.

quote:

Again, I also recommend getting in touch with local groups. Lots of groups. Make no judgements about the groups or people for a while. Just hang out and spend time with whatever meetings or events are going on. You can learn a lot just by being around other people.


Yes, this is my next step. I tend to not be a joiner but I am interested in learning and meeting. I have heard DC has a lot of good munches.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to MsPurrmeow)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 4:50:22 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, this is my next step. I tend to not be a joiner but I am interested in learning and meeting. I have heard DC has a lot of good munches.



Black Rose is a decent group - they hold regular socials and educational functions. You can find them at www.br.org.

There's a femdom munch in Laurel, MD on the third Monday of every month. You can find info on them at groups.yahoo.com/group/YourMAMA.

There's also BESS in Baltimore at www.bess-md.org.

There's also an assortment of other munches and such in the area.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 6:33:39 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you, MissSonnetMarwood, for the info. I will get to work.

In addition, in considering that it will take a long time to find my submissive, you know it has a fantastic effect on my communication with the prospectives. I use to conversate with all of them, just to get a feel for any I might miss, only to find that they are wankers. Now, if I detect a whiff of anything sketchy or anything I find uneven. I give them the "thank you for your interest, but . . ." you have trained me to be a discriminating Domme. It makes me feel good because it puts me on the road more purposefully. On the one hand I have not had any coffee meeting but the positive side is I have not wasted my time on wankers.

Thank you for the support.

Best Regards, Princess September

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 9:38:55 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I got played. He even had the nerve to say he was coming by cell phone, 45 minutes ahead of time. On the phone he said he was afraid. So I have a lot to learn about honesty.


Watch that jump to conclusions you might get caught on something uncomfortable. Being a novice and likely having been approached by another novice it's possible that he really was on his way and freaked out. Personally all new play partners and ESPECIALLY potential subs are met at a restaurant or coffee house...clothes on no play. I don't want wierdos having directions to my home or those with malicious intentions being close in private. For a novice, sub in my mind, public meetings should be MANDITORY.

My last boy probably would have chickened out too had I not been on the phone with him reassuring that it's just some drinks...maybe some chips and dips minus the chains and whips. Novices can be like trying to feed wild deer. They may come close enough to have a look but the wrong scent or move and they spook.


< Message edited by theRose4U -- 3/3/2006 9:52:53 PM >

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/3/2006 9:48:17 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am humbled in the fact that I have only been at it for about three weeks.


OMG!!! Three weeks isn't enough time to be worried about not finding "the one" regardless of what people claim about the numbers of available male subs it takes a LOT of time to weed through the wankers, marrieds, do-me boys and life support systems for fetishes. My last boy took about three months to find after becomeing serious in that intent. I went about 3 YEARS since the one before that, a few months before that, and another couple years before that.

Some days I wish that the search was as easy as some seem to think...go to the drive through of sub castle..yeah I'll have a 6'+ sub with cheese, I'd like to upsize to a graduate degree and a good job...oh yeah and hold the back hair please

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/4/2006 9:07:49 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Some days I wish that the search was as easy as some seem to think...go to the drive through of sub castle..yeah I'll have a 6'+ sub with cheese, I'd like to upsize to a graduate degree and a good job...oh yeah and hold the back hair please


I'd like a side of humor with that, please. And hold the ex-wife, thanks.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/4/2006 9:15:25 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		Well everything you say is true. I just spent the last twenty-four hours emailing a sub who in the end is of everything. I asked for a photo and he said he wasn't ready because, "I'm always paranoid that we'll find out we know each other in real-life somehow." I mean what did he think we were talking about doing, wanking in cyber space forever. I don't think he considered we might meet. Actually I think it would be great to find out that a person I see from day to day shares this interest. Neeedless to say, he is not in the consideration anymore. It just gave me an ick feeling. And I have learned that ick is enough to go to the next one.

I feel for him. I see he is not ready and told him so. I wish him well.

_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/6/2006 8:54:18 PM   
MarinaBlack


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Domination is about control. No props or costuming required for that.
BDSM? Don't need a dungeon or a suspension rack for that.

I've been doing pro-Domme work on-again/off-again for 22 years and gotta say I have had great hotel sessions with equipment that fit into an overnight bag and shite sessions with a 3 storey BDSM playhouse at my disposal.

Leather? Not necessary, unless you happen to have a heavy leather fetish.
Now, I am well-aware that the "right" outfit can realy get you in the mood, but there are so many other ways to "dress as a Woman in Power" that do not require the budget for leather.
You probably already have such clothing in your wardrobe.
When in doubt, throw a corset on it.:)

(in reply to september)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/20/2006 7:43:53 PM   
september


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/17/2006
Status: offline 		I  found him! I found my submissive. I met him tonight. We have been corresponding for over a month. He's an angel. He is the dust of the stars in my eyes. I have found him, we are flying and he's taking me back to the sky. He cares for my happiness and wants only to please me, even when it means he will not get what he needs. He tells me he is lucky. He is number ninety-nine, the one out of one hundred that seeks my attention. But he does not seek it to please himself but to please me. He submits to me and wants his pleasure to errupt only when I am satisfied. So he is perfect. Obey and that is what he does.

I am content with this one and I see in his eyes, how much he wants me. He comes very well trained. My hats off to his former Domme. She made this perfect for me.


_____________________________

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

(in reply to MarinaBlack)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/21/2006 1:22:47 AM   
Jaguarsub


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline 		I have been reading the posts here and realize that I have a lot of reading to do.  I am new to this life style and i am looking for someone who could lead (train) me in the right direction.  I will in the near future (I hope) be looking for a Mistress

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/21/2006 5:37:08 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		Unfortunately you’re going to learn many things the hard way. Never use enough caution. Even if he seems perfect every coin has another site. I’ve seen the sweetest most submissive males turn evil ugly because they didn’t get their way. Be careful who you allow into your inner circle. This is not to frighten you but please heed this advice from someone who has been down many paths, many many moons in this lifestyle & profession.   Before getting involved in the fetish biz, so to speak, I was an executive, business suits, the whole nine yards. I am naturally dominant so when the idea first presented itself to me my blood literally raced through my body. I was on fucking fire! Lol- A friend brought over these videos and magazines. Back then this stuff was still underground. Anyhow, I spent a week, even cancelled some appointments to read, watch videos and masturbate. It was like a revelation to me.   You don’t understand this really penetrated me emotionally, spiritually and sexually. It changed my entire life.   When I watched the videos I wasn’t that impressed with all the leather, latex, snarls and pain. I loved the subjugation, being spoiled and pampered. It wasn’t until much later I developed an understanding and appreciation for BDSM. Today I am not a sadist but can appreciate the concepts of punishment and reward. Also when you witness the intensity of SM you’ll develop a curiosity that will make you hungry for more. Still, I am much more into the mental aspects of dominance and submission.   I spent time traveling to meet other dominant women. Some I was impressed with and learn a lot. Others I wasn’t so impressed with. I wasn’t interested in being like anyone but myself. It was all about me & developing my own style. In fact I remember people making comment when I first hit the scene thinking I was too nice, too fru-fru, etc. not serious. Boy did they learn differently.   Most men are more attracted to the natural dominant that follows the beat of her own drum. At least an intelligent male which is the only types I will deal with. I want a man who is as complex, creative and strong as I am only this man bends his knee only to me. I am impressed by his ability to push ego aside and relinquish control.   Nothing turns me off more then a “do me” sub. They are only in it for their sexual needs. You’ll learn to spot these soon enough. I dislike one who has to try and challenge me or a smart ass. Some women like this. I find it disrespectful.   Do what you want to do first. If they perform well and please you, consider their needs. As cold hearted as it may sound, to some, its my reality… I come first.   Good luck and please feel free to email me any time.   Dianna Vesta    

_____________________________



(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: New to the lifestyle - 3/21/2006 6:06:18 AM   
Nahemah


Posts: 34
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		september, welcome to the boards! I wish you the best of luck!

Warmest Regards,
Nahemah

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 40
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