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How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:04:17 AM   
Kinkerbelle68


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/25/2009
Status: offline 		I am somewhat new to the lifestyle and feel my progress is going well.. I am having touble with one thing and hope that a skilled Master may have words that may help. I have experinced a Dom that had touble understanding and ever worse providing my needs. I have the knowledge to take care of most of the problems so ill cut to the chase. How do i make clear that my financial needs must be meet as well in order to have a true power exchange. Am i wrong in thinking that that is how is should be? I am by no-means looking for a sugar daddy nor am i a gold digger. But is i right for me to do without? PLEASE HELP???!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:12:05 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I won't play if you won't pay?

If you are looking to be kept, or even for recompense......


Look; maybe you are just better off to say it starkly.

You should have conversations like that up front, and in detail.

There was a girl out here some time ago, and may still be here with a different profile, different writing, that more or less said: I seek a generous dom. I am a world class cocksucker.

She was good looking, and you look pretty spiffy.
I don't think there was ANY sort of privation in her life.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:22:18 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		I seek a generous dom, and I'm a world class cock-sucker. And for Ron's information, I *DO* swallow.

Oh but wait, they might be more to it! All that pesky compatibility crap.

*flounces off back to work



_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:25:40 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am, however; not generous. I think there is going to be a compatability issue there.


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:34:17 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		You are going to get many different answers to this question I just want to address my views on it and offer some information.

There is such thing as a Pro-sub. This is a person who exchanges services and submits to a person who is paying for their services. There are some on this board who you can talk to about this, I personally do not understand trhe agreement and thus will not be much help other than to tell you that this does exist.

There are also kept submissives. This is a submissive who is completely dependant on their Dominant for all necessities. In most cases they are also completely contingent on what the Dominant sees as a need. If the Dominant sees it fit they have a cell phone then the Dominant gets the cell phone and pays the bills on that. As a common idea the sub simply relies on the Dominant to cover what is necessary. However there are times when a sub comes in with bills and expences and things they require the Dom to cover and the agreement is that the Dominant will.

There is also Gold Diggers and women looking for suggar daddies where it is more important they they maintian a certain way of life and that is the basis for the surrender.

A Power Exchange in my opinion is not about the Financial Aspects, the financial is a PART of it but not the basis. Fir instance I would never own a slave who required that I pay for thier nails and hair to be done every week for a few reasons the most important is that I perfer low maintenance slaves and expect them to maintain themselves without requiring a Stylist or Staff to do so. Neither of my girls wear makeup because they are naturally beautiful and makeup would make them more artificial than I like. I know there are Masters who LIKE that look and yes they pay to have it maintained.

I require my slaves to work. With the cost of living and my current earning ability I need the extra income to facilitate the houshold to my required levels. The girls agree with my required levels and thus when they earn income they agree that it is to go to what I believe is necessary. Also they are allowed to give me input on things that they would like and as long as they have good reason and it will benifit the household then they usually are afforded what luxurys they like.

If you basis for a Power Exchange is that you require a certain financial commitment then I would suggest you write out a budget of your expenses and give this to a potential dominant and tell them that this is a NEED for you and is Non negotiable. Realize that most of the Dominants that I know will look at it and send you on your way as it is you defining the expectations of a house and that is not something I or most of the Dominants I know would agree to.

That being said, there is someone for everyone and I know lots of men that enjoy supporting women financially I just don't personally know any Dominants that do. They all set what they feel is a Necessity and if the submissive wants more than that it is discussed and usually earned.

May you find your Bliss, just realize when you put on requirments you will need to be patient as it can take time to find a diamond among glass.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 9:47:35 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		How did you make sure your needs were met before you discovered this lifestyle? Personally, my financial needs did not change when I moved in with my Mistress. I still had bills to pay and I still had to go to work to get the money to pay those bills. I did have the additional costs that come with a girlfriend, but to me that isn't necessarily lifestyle related. Bottom line was I still had to do what I always did to get things taken care of.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 10:00:41 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkerbelle68
I am somewhat new to the lifestyle and feel my progress is going well.. I am having touble with one thing and hope that a skilled Master may have words that may help. I have experinced a Dom that had touble understanding and ever worse providing my needs. I have the knowledge to take care of most of the problems so ill cut to the chase. How do i make clear that my financial needs must be meet as well in order to have a true power exchange. Am i wrong in thinking that that is how is should be? I am by no-means looking for a sugar daddy nor am i a gold digger. But is i right for me to do without? PLEASE HELP???!!!
I guess I'm confused. Your profile makes it perfectly clear that you are looking for someone to take care of you financially. Didn't your Dom know that going in? If not, how come? If so, then he has misled you somehow.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 10:24:27 AM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		Its called "TRUST"
Taking care of your financial issues is minor when compaired to taking on the responsibility of  a Human being.

The biggest concern is full disclosure on your part so that they know fully what they are accepting along with you.


_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 10:31:57 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Assuming that at this time I were in the market for a slave who would require financially looking after my deal would be that once collared she would become part of the Bruin Cottage Staff on wage based on the standard for a live in domestic. An allowance would ge handed to the slave on a weekly basis and the balance banked so that she would have a form of forced savings accessible by her on termination of service. That's it in a nutshell without the frills and extraneous information which the slave and I would sort out at the onset. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 10:42:33 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Looking to be taken care of is not something that you should get from day one. What makes you so wonderful that you should be financially taken care of? What did you do to deserve that sort of care? In the economy we are in now, allowing a slave to give up a job and live off the Master is a lovely fantasy but often in real life application will not pan out. In short, yes, you do have to do without, at least until the relationship gets to a point where you are a useful enough addition to a Master's life to also be a financial burden and your usefulness outweighs the burden. From my point of view, there is no way there is enough to do here in my home for a live at home slave to stay usefully busy all the time. I am certainly not going to have someone who is a burden, my slave is there to make my life easier. Therefore, he needs a job, and to contribute to the household so that I can live in the manner to which I am accustomed.

When your usefullness outweighs the difficulties supporting you creates then you will have that need met. Until then, you are severely limiting your options holding out for someone who is willing, able and in any way interested in taking care of you from the get go.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 10:44:39 AM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		By no means should you expect every dom to keep you simply b/c you submit although some might Ask yourself this is it realistic especially in todays economy? If you take care of yourself finacially BEFORE collar why not after?

If this is what you truly need or are looking for I would suggest you sit down and figure out what your NEEDS are finacial or otherwise and not confuse them with your wants. The reality we are all adults responsible for our own well being, mental, pysical and even finacial. If you are looking for a dom to "keep" you be prepared that your needs and his idea of your needs may not always line up, plus if he is your only source of income you are in a position to where you may not be able to leave if you felt so inclined to.



< Message edited by SweetNika -- 8/28/2009 10:46:43 AM >

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 11:05:10 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		you ask if you should 'do without' - what do you exactly mean by that.

the thing is, ultimately this is a dating site, but the people here follow an alternative lifestyle to mainstream.  but thats the only difference really.

owning all aspects of a slaves life does happen but we are probably talking about Total Power Exchange - is that what youre looking for

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 11:07:01 AM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		lally,
I was in a TPE relationship and trust and believe I still worked and contributed to the household. So not all TPE relationship include finacial support.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 11:22:35 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am, however; not generous. I think there is going to be a compatability issue there.



Well DANG !!


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 11:42:02 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I have the knowledge to take care of most of the problems so ill cut to the chase. How do i make clear that my financial needs must be meet as well in order to have a true power exchange.

Good for you to know with confidence what you need and want. Are you as aware of the items and issues in your profile that stand as hurdles to achieving that goal?

As the owner of a someone who I've taken full financial responsibility I know what it entails. When I found her I was seeking full control. The financial aspect was minor compared to other requirements. But since that's the focus of your inquiry I'm happy to disclose some of the thought process.

As you know, it is not a minor issue. There are a lot of responsibility involved which I have to to live up to. Before making that commitment I required my partner to know and meet MY expectations of her, not her expectations of me, outside the responsibility of her personal health and well being. It wasn't even her idea for me to take on the financial issues, it was mine. It wasn't made for her benefit, it was my selfish needs that sought out a person who would be completely at MY service. A 24/7 service not limited to fitting in around a career or any other commitment but me. Anyone seeing us now would think it was a easy choice; but I assure you conditions six years ago are nothing like the life we have now.

There is consideration of how you define "taking care of you financially". For instance, your partner lives in a single wide on the side of a road on the FL panhandle, selling road kill for spending money. You can move in today and adopt his standard of living. Are you ready to do so, or do you require a 6000 square foot 5 bedroom house with pool and spa overlooking the gulf of Mexico?

Next you should look at what you are "selling". Reality is, any profile seeking anything is 'advertising'. Your advertisement appears to be full of major conflicts. On one hand you want and expect a TPE. At the same time you have 12 items listed as "hard limits" and specifically mention you are not "into poly relationships". You're not looking for contingencies, but you require contingencies of anyone's domination over you. Sorry - but that representation comes across as a person who is willing to trade off a limited access to some experiences considered "lifestyle" in exchange for someone else taking on your financial obligations. Stipulating to the "seat for every ass" concept, I won't say it is impossible, but your chances of success would be better if you presented a broader range of potential services rendered. Your ideal partner as it reads would be a service top who has the resources and desire to fund your lifestyle. Not saying that's a bad thing - but is that how you wanted to present yourself?

At 41 you aren't naive to believe that anyone willing to take on that responsibility wouldn't have their own list of specifications. Trusting you not to take this the wrong way, but were I responding to your profile, the question I'd ask would be why? Your representation that you are "somewhat new to the lifestyle" triggers a number of alarm bells. I would suspect that your representing yourself as a submissive seeking a "Master" because, as we all know from our reading, Masters "take care" of their slaves, feed, cloth, and provide for them in exchange for agreed to "service". Well.....BULLSHIT!

On the other hand, if you enjoy some of the sensations associated with being on the receiving end of the flogger and are willing to experience them in exchange for financial consideration - go for it! It's a pragmatic way for both partners to have their needs fulfilled.

quote:

Am i wrong in thinking that that is how is should be?
Not at all, as long as you are not lying to yourself, or to any potential partner.

Finding someone who fits the criteria and is willing to take on full responsibility over you and your life, you better be prepared to back up your representations.

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 11:58:17 AM   
GrizzlyBear


Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline 		Just what exactly do you consider your needs to be?  Better set them all down in writing, and make sure everyone who seeks to consider you as a slave gets a copy at the very beginning.  That way they are part of the negotiations.  If someone won't agree to provide what you feel you are entitled to receive in return for your submission/sexual favors, say no thanks and move on. 

I don't think you will have to reject very many on this account; if your list includes you being provided with a long list of expensive things and not holding down any sort of job, most will give you a pass right away. 

Just a refusal to contribute to the household income would remove you from my consideration.  I expect a slave to make my life easier, not add to my burdens.  Others may feel differently, depending on their disposable income and just what other than adding income to the household you have to offer.  Flawless skin?  The body of a swimsuit model, and the ability to put your ankles behind your ears?  Suck start a Harley, maybe?

If you are hot enough, and sexually skilled enough, you will eventually find a rich man who will give you whatever you want in exchange for being his sex toy, that is, your ability to get him hard and get him off.   At 41, you don't want to be too picky though.  Your value as arm candy drops every year.  You are liable at some point to get traded in on a newer model, with shinier paint and fewer miles on the chassis.  Why?  Because, if he has that kind of money, he can.


_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 12:05:19 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		<QR>

I can understand the need for finances to be out of the way for power exchange to be more real. (Subsequently, I also understand the need for "real" power over role played power exchange)

The mental connection must be very strong for the bottom to be the breadwinner and still feel dominated. Feelings of boredom, superiority, a general malaise about serving can all stem from not needing the top. The principle of least interest suggests that the one who needs the other more is less powerful in a relationship.

Imagining I submit for a moment... I would prefer my dominant be able to pay for all my basic needs. That way I could be truly, 100% devoted to her whim. If I had to have a job, that's 40+ hours of having another dominant to serve. I can see how the latter situation is a deal breaker for some.

Just like all deal breakers, be clear and concise from the offset. You would be just as straightforward about requiring your dominant to be single, or not a drug user (one assumes, as most people find these to be attractive traits...) Yes, it will hinder progress and eliminate otherwise great prospects... But that is the cost of quality is quantity.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 12:26:03 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Seriously, I think the OP got hooked up with someone who said they could "meet her needs" and she realized he could not meet them in a manner she wants/needs.

And yeah, after reading her profile it does seem as if she' s looking for a free ride.







_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 1:08:15 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkerbelle68

I am somewhat new to the lifestyle and feel my progress is going well.. I am having touble with one thing and hope that a skilled Master may have words that may help. I have experinced a Dom that had touble understanding and ever worse providing my needs. I have the knowledge to take care of most of the problems so ill cut to the chase. How do i make clear that my financial needs must be meet as well in order to have a true power exchange. Am i wrong in thinking that that is how is should be? I am by no-means looking for a sugar daddy nor am i a gold digger. But is i right for me to do without? PLEASE HELP???!!!
My initial thought was to be flippant but then I read through some of the responses and decided differently.

First...you say you do not seek a sugar daddy and that you are not a gold digger...BUT...you expect your financial needs to be taken care of.  To me---and yes, I am a divorced man---that sounds suspiciously like someone who is seeking a sugar daddy and IS a gold digger.  Especially in terms of this lifestyle where you can look at someone like Merc who makes it clear that it was HIS idea, not beth's, that she not work and that was so she could be FULLY (she has no limits vs. your own rather long list of limits) available to him 24/7 with her only commitment to him and the dynamic ANE relationship AND household they'd established and someone like GrizzlyBear who views it differently in that he wants his slave to work to, like Merc, make his life easier.  There is also Steel who has sat down with his ladies and has outlined the life he wants he and them to be able to live and what that will entail and that means work for all of them.

As Merc noted, given what you seek, you may want to reconsider what it is you are offering in exchange.  If I could afford to not have a submissive work, then I can guarantee you that the dynamic I would seek would be different simply because I expect something in return for what I am giving.  However, that does not mean that I would take on a NEW-to-the-life submissive with a LONG list of hard limits just because she is willing to work, it means that I know that as long as she is working, not 100% of her time can be devoted to me.  I can live with that but I cannot live with someone who wants to severely limit what I can and cannot do with her but who expects full acceptance and meeting of her financial needs.


(in reply to Kinkerbelle68)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do i make sure my needs are met... - 8/28/2009 1:36:19 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I would like to know what it is that every girl deserves ? (from the OP's profile)
Food? Tampons? A beer every night?  A diamond for every year spent with a dom?  Shopping at Foleys instead of Walmart?

after reading the profile i get the feeling of a spoilt pretty girl who has lived off her looks, and now is getting older. (shock, horror)

If i am inaccurate, then perhaps  the OP can list what she deserves, so people like me can get a better idea of what sort of person she is.  The profile is a bit ..... mememememmeeme.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 20
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