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Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 4:58:18 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I met a Vanilla from another site with a military backgroung (UK)...If that makes a difference....Conversed over several months and during which time he found out I was a sub......We embarked a various conversations and he decided he liked the idea of being a Dom.......And so the Education started....

I'm a sub of 8 years experience....

I gave gentle advise of what he may what to purchase, etc etc

1st time we met.....Great.....For him duck to water

2nd time......Great again but subdued as at my house....but still great

3rd time....... In prep for this (He's insistence.......Every conversation was to how exstreme he was going to get....with detail over a 4 day period, he would proceed)....He wanted to push my hard limits....to the extreme????

In order to meet him, I had to endure a 6 day stretch of 12.5 shifts....to allow 5 days total with him.

1st day there.....went out with his friends.....got a spanking before we went out

2nd day........out all day with his mates and spent the rest of time getting his boat ready for sailing......sort of spanking on the morning and some extreme sex

3rd day.......All day with friends

4th day.....He had family over....and after a while he decided to get into Dom mode after family had left....and I was put to bed with a slightly sore bum

5th Day........Nearly time to go home....He ups the anty.......Then he lashes my arse and draws blood.....slightly

Day 6.....I'm home, he freeks and Im dumped.....

Dispite the fact he says he has loved me throughout, met my family and no contact at all

Help?

Oh and before some bright spark says " Youre Dumped HUN!".....Yes I do realise that......

My Question is....I gave him My Heart, My Soul and My Body.........Would other Doms kick a sub in the gob like that?

Oh and for our USA pals.....'Kick in the Gob...Means Kick in the Teeth!

xxxxxx

Post #: 1

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:03:39 PM

Wantstocontrolu

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

No

Life is however full of ups and downs. and in each phase one learns and one grows.

be patient maybe the next will be better... or worse. but if you do not try you will never know.

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 2

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:05:00 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Oh Sorry forgot to mention.......Profile hidden........Due to obvious reasons

x

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 3

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:06:12 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Thank you...Nice reply

x

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)

Post #: 4

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:07:38 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You're a Paki?

Bill, prince of Wales, should I cakk the old geezer.

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Post #: 5

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:08:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

He thought you sounded like "fun"...as in an easy lay, someone to fuck and play with which unfortunately a lot of men hear "sub" or "slave" or "kinky" and that's the automatic thought that runs through their head.

He had his fill of fun with you, got what he wanted and that was that. He's moved on dear. Next time maybe slow down a little and get to know the man. Date, do the whole courtship thing and take your time before jumping into things.

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 6

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:13:13 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

A what?....In England....They Call Paki's Asains....Nope Matey....

Im English through and through.....Of Irish heritage

But Cheers for the remark

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:13:54 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingdomwanted

.Would other Doms kick a sub in the gob like that?

Oh and for our USA pals.....'Kick in the Gob...Means Kick in the Teeth!

xxxxxx

Other Doms? Sure they would. ALL Doms? No.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of online players out there. Happens a lot. It's the risk we all take when seeking online.

Many times in threads here, we give out the advice to get to know one another really well as people first, before delving into the BDSM. Your story is a big reason why.

It hurts, I know, I've been there myself and don't intend to go there again.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 8/30/2009 5:15:27 PM >

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 8

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:17:19 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Based on the information you provided, it didn't seem like you did anything in particular wrong. I think what may be a contributing factor is that he was new to playing this way and it may be very hard for him to wrap his own mind around his dominance and sadism. It is a tough mental leap for many to understand that, when they have someone who desires it, that those things can be an expression of love to that person. I am sure you understand this, since you say you have 8 years of experience. You look at those marks left behind with adoration both for the one who gave you and the memories of how they got there. Had he ever left long lasting marks or drawn blood prior to that night? If not, I would suspect that he may well be terrified of how it made him feel to do that to another human being. Trying to reconsile all that to his feelings of love and even, perhaps, protection is not always easy. It is a learning curve for him and demons he will have to face and conquer for himself.

That internal battle is really no reflection on you. He has to come to terms with these parts of his nature, just like you may have struggled accepting your submissive and masochist traits. Many who struggle very hard with their dominance and sadism turn out to be fantastic dominants on the other side of it all. You may not wind up being the beneficiary, but it is possible that down the line he will come to be a great partner for another. I know it doesn't make this hurt any less for you. Just hang in there and keep searching knowing yourself well and what you need. The right person is out there somewhere!

lovingpet

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)

Post #: 9

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:17:51 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I know Hun.......But he declared love as I did the first time I left on the train to go home....It costs a small fortune to visit....So time together was precious....Well at least it was to me......

Well all I can console myself with is I was a good lay....and I didn't give in to his dream....lol

xxxxx

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:20:20 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Thanks Windchymes

Big Hug To Ya

x

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 11

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:22:20 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

Thanks Lovingpet

So well very said.......Its going to be so hard to leave him behind.....

xx

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 12

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 5:57:25 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I think he probably wanted to please you and so made big plans... in his head.
The reality was that he felt ambivalent about it and so kept busy with other plans.
As lovingpet already stated, things got too real when he drew blood.
He realised the 2 of you weren't compatible and ended it.

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Post #: 13

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:13:26 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I know.....And then that was when my heart broke.........And I know this is where I will be sent to the Wolves.....But I would be willing to give up BDSM for him....

Mad Or What Guys........Im Crying Here....I love Him So Very Much....

Ive been a Hard and Fast Sub for 8/10 Years...And Im willing to give it all up to a nilla life

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 14

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:18:14 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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You would be killing off a part of your soul.

Don't you think it would be better to find someone who can embrace all of you, accept all of you; love all of you?

I know it hurts.

I am sorry for your pain.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 15

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:27:02 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with AngelikaJ. This is not something to be put behind you. It is a part of you. I can personally speak to the hurt and rejection, ultimately resentment, trying to cut out a part of yourself truly is. It cuts deep enough to kill (spiritually that is). There is someone who will want all of you. Just have the patience to wait it out. Your heart will heal. Give it time. This is a fresh wound. Be good to yourself right now and get your feet back under you. I know it's hard.

lovingpet

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 16

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:28:39 PM

lovingdomwanted

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

I Know........But I want this man more than life itself.......

Is that so wrong.......If I could give this fraction of my heart to him to win his love then I will......

.......But it will ever be......

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 17

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:37:09 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingdomwanted

I Know........But I want this man more than life itself.......

Is that so wrong.......If I could give this fraction of my heart to him to win his love then I will......

.......But it will ever be......

Nope. It's over.

He played you, and now he's gone.

I'm sorry that it happened... but he announced loud and clear that he's not going to fill your need.

You're still in denial. It'll take time to get over what you thought he was.

Good wishes for speedy healing.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 18

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:38:05 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

You have cmail.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 19

RE: Where did I go Wrong? - 8/30/2009 6:49:56 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingdomwanted

I Know........But I want this man more than life itself.......

Is that so wrong.......If I could give this fraction of my heart to him to win his love then I will......

.......But it will ever be......

Nope. It's over.

He played you, and now he's gone.

I'm sorry that it happened... but he announced loud and clear that he's not going to fill your need.

You're still in denial. It'll take time to get over what you thought he was.

Good wishes for speedy healing.

I am not quite sure where the idea comes from that his disappearance is based in being a scuzzy human being. I'm sure that is possible. I also think that, since it appears this was his first attempt at BDSM play, he wasn't quite ready for it all. Is it so bad to stand down when you know you can't fill another person's needs? I think it is a bit jaded to assume this was the intent from the beginning. Months of conversations and several weeks of visits and almost a full week together is not exactly a one night stand sort of deal.

I do agree OP is going to have to take time to heal and move on. It is the only healthy option left at this point.

lovingpet

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 20

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