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lovingpet -> RE: Where did I go Wrong? (8/30/2009 5:17:19 PM)
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Based on the information you provided, it didn't seem like you did anything in particular wrong. I think what may be a contributing factor is that he was new to playing this way and it may be very hard for him to wrap his own mind around his dominance and sadism. It is a tough mental leap for many to understand that, when they have someone who desires it, that those things can be an expression of love to that person. I am sure you understand this, since you say you have 8 years of experience. You look at those marks left behind with adoration both for the one who gave you and the memories of how they got there. Had he ever left long lasting marks or drawn blood prior to that night? If not, I would suspect that he may well be terrified of how it made him feel to do that to another human being. Trying to reconsile all that to his feelings of love and even, perhaps, protection is not always easy. It is a learning curve for him and demons he will have to face and conquer for himself.
That internal battle is really no reflection on you. He has to come to terms with these parts of his nature, just like you may have struggled accepting your submissive and masochist traits. Many who struggle very hard with their dominance and sadism turn out to be fantastic dominants on the other side of it all. You may not wind up being the beneficiary, but it is possible that down the line he will come to be a great partner for another. I know it doesn't make this hurt any less for you. Just hang in there and keep searching knowing yourself well and what you need. The right person is out there somewhere!
lovingpet
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