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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

"equal two way street?" huh?? i think if anyone told my Master that providing for my needs should be his primary focus, he would laugh and laugh and laugh . equally ridiculous to us are the idea that my obedience to his will should ever have anything to do with love, trust or happiness.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
There are other dominants on this thread who've expressed the same sentiment...which is a simple explanation of the overall concept...and then have gone on to clarify the complexity of what lies beneath the concept.  If I meant it as an ultimatum, then there would be no explanation in my profile and no further explanation given when I speak to a submissive about my thoughts and feelings regarding a D/s dynamic.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I would agree with this sentiment. I certainly don't think the prospect of leaving should be a threat at all. It should be brought as a genuine concern for the status of the relationship. Admittedly, though, it's not easy to express that distinction during the reality of the moment and it can be easy for the s-type to feel it's a form of pre-punishment even if it isn't. I try to take considerable effort in making my thoughts on this clear when the situation arises.

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ORIGINAL: catize
For the most part, time and trust and experience have desensitized me so that things which were difficult at first have become much easier. I can see past the discomfort and know that it will turn out well in the end. There remain a few other things (very few but they are there) that I do obey but the best ‘tude he’s going to get is tearfulness or a grim determination to abide by my agreement to obey him.

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ORIGINAL: kdsub



Are you happy and fulfilled?

Butch

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: kdsub



Are you happy and fulfilled?

Butch

is this two posters using the same handle? just wondering, i confuse easily.

am i fulfilled? absolutely. happy? much more so than i ever dreamed possible for me...tho perhaps not in line with most others' standards of "happiness." but both of those required much time and many growing pains. i have also experienced the depths of despair while in this relationship, and that too i (and imo any slave) must accept. regardless of my emotional state, or level of trust, or whether or not particular needs are being met, my place is to serve, to obey, to please, to give 100% always.

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse


Might I suggest your focus is in the wrong place.... she need not enjoy what I have told her to do, she is in submission to Me, she enjoys pleasing Me, obedience pleases Me. As for respect, it is ME she respects not whatever activity I set her to doing.

Whilst certainly in the relationship as a whole I ensure both sets of needs are encompassed, to take that and try and apply it to each and every demand... are you in a D/s or M/s relationship? if so I think our definitions are rather differant!

When I give an order or make a demand I don't expect that the task will be compleated 100% perfectly..... what I DO expect is that she will give 100% effort into compleating it as fully as possible whilst maintaining a pleasing and positive attitude.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
...according to someone with your beliefs, i would definitely fall under the category of "mentally ill and outside the meaning of the lifestyle." my Master would laugh at that as well, lol.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
There are other dominants on this thread who've expressed the same sentiment...which is a simple explanation of the overall concept...and then have gone on to clarify the complexity of what lies beneath the concept.  If I meant it as an ultimatum, then there would be no explanation in my profile and no further explanation given when I speak to a submissive about my thoughts and feelings regarding a D/s dynamic.

I just read your profile, and actually didn't see that phrase, or "disobey once and you will no longer be my submissive slave" (that's another popular one here, and most of them, unlike Jeff, mean a breakup rather than a shift in relationship dynamic). Most of the other Dominants who've used those two phrases here also don't have them in their profiles, but have expressed that it comes up early. I guess for me, it's a bit of a trigger, much like many people here detest the word "test." I tend to take those things literally, and if it's expressed before I've done anything wrong, it's the kind of thing that would really make me guarded and censoring myself, and push myself to do things which *would* be harmful. I'm also worried that it would negatively impact my mindset while I was obeying. Since I'm in a relationship now, it's not really an issue, since my Master and I have discussed it, and he's reasonable and understanding that I'm human, and imperfect. I'll try my best, and I'm not bratty, a SAM, or willful in general, but at some point, it's possible he'll give me an order which I'll feel I can't obey, even if he feels I can. He'll decide if it's important to him or not, and if so, we'll communicate about it and try to get what he wants, or possibly delay it while I work through it, or whatever. He's very patient and reasonable, and he knows that I'm not setting out to defy him. That would be pointless, since the whole reason I'm his slave is that I *want* to serve him, please him, and obey him! Back when I was looking, none of the men I actually dated or was discussing it by e-mail had that attitude listed up front, but a lot of them don't post on the forums. Reading it so frequently made me worried that they felt that way too, and just weren't saying so as directly!

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ORIGINAL: leadership527



Finally, given that I haven't been able to observe any clear boundaries about what is and out of "the lifestyle"... in fact I'm not even sure what exactly that phrase means other than "someone who's taken some aspect of BDSM out of the casual scene mode"... I figure you must be at least as "in" as I am *chuckles* -- which isn't saying much.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

There is a distinctive difference between an s-type who obeys for the sake of obedience as an act (and does it to a decent degree in a begrudging manner) and an s-type who obeys because the concept of pleasing hir D-type is a prioritized motivating factor on its own. In the case of the latter, the desire to please/serve controls their demeanor and their inner appraisal of the task even if they find it uncomfortable or displeasing.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

From the perspective of a D-type, there's a certain catch-22: the concern for the internal status of the s-type (or the status of the relationship) and the expectation of obedience. When the reaction to a task is one of huffing or, as stella put quite well, passive-aggressive behavior, then it isn't as simple as just making the s-type obey or waiting for the s-type to obey because a mentality that treats tasks (at least on a semi-consistent basis) with a grumble or a roll of the eyes or a huff and puff or a subdued internal whine-fest noticeable in body language is one that would give the D-type pause to consider if the s-type is actually in a dynamic they are actually suited for or whether continual tasks down the line will just become liquid poured into a container that will eventually overflow into outright resentment.

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ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

I don't understand people willing to tell somebody obviously loyal and dedicated to them, obviously trying very hard, and perhaps with a very long history between them to "walk" or declare that they suddenly aren't your slave anymore after maybe one incident of disobedience. Isn't that demanding a standard of perfection that is impossible for any human being to keep...including yourself?

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Man commands, woman obeys...there is peace in the house, the end. *giggles*

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ORIGINAL: sravaka

This is a beautiful encapsulation, Marie....   it really does come down to trust, on both sides.

Sometimes obeying against your first impulse turns out to be glorious thing (or at least a happy/satisfied one)...  but on rare occasions (i doubt LadyPact had these exceptions in mind, but still, it's true) it goes beyond simple disinclination to something potentially destructive.  I have trouble sometimes knowing whether to obey first and explain later, or explain first and risk being seen as disobedient in such circumstances. 

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something potentially destructive. I have trouble sometimes knowing whether to obey first and explain later, or explain first and risk being seen as disobedient in such circumstances.

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
Call me misogynist or chauvinistic but please note the use of the term "many" and not the term all...why is it that many women take things literally when it comes to something that a man says and yet, expect the man to be able to see so many varying shades of gray when considering something a woman has said or done?

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ORIGINAL: abuddingdom

I stand by my words, agirl. Obedience is not only  a cornerstone of our relationship but of my developing style&philosophy. 

This is a case of "different strokes for different folks" : you choose to disobey occasionally for your reasons & it works for you&Master, whereas there's no room for disobedience in my life asa D type. I speak or I write & she obeys, pure&simple. I'm more than open to discussion most of the time but  as I  previously said she ultimately obeys whether  she's  in total agreement with me or not. 

It wouldn't work for us otherwise.  Structure's paramount & it would collapse if she weren't obedient.

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ORIGINAL: kdsub

If you were not and still stayed with him then you would be mentally ill and outside of the meaning of the lifestyle.