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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 7:11:08 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

Do you appreciate the little things? Like how a good wine steward has the perfect turn of the wrist as he pours the last of your wine, so it wont drip down the glass? Or how a tea napkin is folded in a pleasing, attractive arrangement?

Is the ambiance of the room important? Candles and incense? Perfectly shined silver flatware? A properly heated tea kettle?

If I could have my own Somalier, life would be the bee's knees! I absolutely adore the artistry and grace of properly selected, decanted, and served wine (Ideally, wine is NEVER served from the bottle, but is decanted into crystal to breathe, and then served from the decanter).

I also adore having napkins properly folded, and the bed properly turned down and pillows properly arranged.

Having someone around the house who knows how to set a table, and SERVE at table... priceless... as is someone who knows to -heat- a teapot before steeping tea, knows how to function with the use of a tea cozy, knows not to put lemon and cream in the same cup of tea, and knows better than to light incense before something that requires a sense of smell -- dinner, tea, wine-tasting, cheese-tasting. Someone who can go to market and knows the difference between a -good- bell pepper and a -poor/old- bell pepper... exquisite.

Dame Calla

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(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 21

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 9:48:53 PM

KnightofMists

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just some of the things she missed....

when the girls are eating... one hand is on the lap unless needed to use the knife to cut with.

elbows are never to be on the table when eating.

they never are to have their arms crossed.

Water is served with supper and nothing else until the water is consumed.

No alcohol!

No smoking!

They never leave my presences without permission.

well that is some of them....

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 22

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 10:49:38 PM

porcelaine

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i agree that one should always be poised and elegant when serving. the degree of that and the formality involved is really depending on the person, their preferences, and honestly the lifestyle. i have known some that aspired towards something they truthfully couldn't maintain. paying attention to how he conducts himself when you're not in his presence is important. take note of what he enjoys both in and outside the home and whether they differ at all. you will begin to see some patterns and when all else fails ask. i believe service is part anticipatory and other part common sense.

ideally these things have been discussed to some degree before involvement begins. but again it would depend on how much you enjoy being of service and the part you wish for it to play in your relationship. some people are simply more laid back and more formalized environments would be stifling for them. whereas my background is diametrically different and i enjoy structure and order. managerial styles of leadership and dominance are more appealing to me.

while i have a lot of skills and bring a worth of experience on both a professional and social circuit, these things are only as useful as the dominant determines. my culinary capabilities and vino training mean little if he is a processed food loving non drinker. i do believe that certain attributes can be utilized in a generic sense and others are more specialized. one thing you might wish to do is to query his interests. people often have a laundry list of things they've been meaning to try. developing proficiency in these areas provides an added element of service and reinforces your asset status. this is something i make a point of doing always.

porcelaine

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 23

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 10:51:46 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

If I could have my own Somalier, life would be the bee's knees! I absolutely adore the artistry and grace of properly selected, decanted, and served wine (Ideally, wine is NEVER served from the bottle, but is decanted into crystal to breathe, and then served from the decanter).

I also adore having napkins properly folded, and the bed properly turned down and pillows properly arranged.

Having someone around the house who knows how to set a table, and SERVE at table... priceless... as is someone who knows to -heat- a teapot before steeping tea, knows how to function with the use of a tea cozy, knows not to put lemon and cream in the same cup of tea, and knows better than to light incense before something that requires a sense of smell -- dinner, tea, wine-tasting, cheese-tasting. Someone who can go to market and knows the difference between a -good- bell pepper and a -poor/old- bell pepper... exquisite.

Dame Calla

gosh i'm swooning along with you! good help is so hard to find.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 24

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 11:13:15 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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~Fast Reply~
Sir likes iced tea, medium ice & no sugar or lemon, with dinner & black coffee after dinner, with and following dessert. Dessert needs to be chocolate.....He loves homemade bread & biscuits.....the kitchen to be spotless....a full body massage before bedtime, head to toe.....all His leather toys & His collar I wear to be saddle soaped at regular intervals.....a mellow, homey atmosphere at all times if possible.....everything to be done happily and effortlessly with consideration and respect.....the list goes on.

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Post #: 25

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/5/2009 11:47:06 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Another question about service.

This isn't so much a talk about why a service submissive is happy in serving, etc.

This is more about HOW to serve someone gracefully, and pleasantly, I've noticed we talk more about theory around here, then the actual application of it.

So, D-types, HOW do you liked to be served? Let's go with food, drink and your other habits and things you enjoy (smoking, chocolate, how you like your tea, your scotch...etc).

Do you appreciate the little things? Like how a good wine steward has the perfect turn of the wrist as he pours the last of your wine, so it wont drip down the glass? Or how a tea napkin is folded in a pleasing, attractive arrangement?

Is the ambiance of the room important? Candles and incense? Perfectly shined silver flatware? A properly heated tea kettle?

Any ideas and advice are appreciated!

Well this was about 20 years ago. I was blessed with a wonderful slave who desired to stay home and run the household. I was making a wage that allowed that to be possible. She would greet me at the door with my beverage of choice. The house was always in showroom condition. She used to burn either incense or potpourri. I never knew what scent I would come home to. The temperature was always set to my liking and smooth instrumental music was playing in the background.

After I was seated, she would kneel beside me and pledge her loyalty to me and ask permission to serve me I agreed to a returned her wrist bracelet to her wrist. I would then receive a foot massage that would rival the value of orgasm.

She had two little people at the time, who knew that under no circumstances, were they to disturb father for one hour once he arrived home, or face the wrath of MOM (This woman could make Patton look like a wimp) So after the massage, while she was preparing dinner, I would be available for the little people who were 11 and 8.

There was a look I would give her that told her she was allowed to join me for dinner. With our family situation, we had to be creative at times. Dinner was your standard dinner and pretty much a time we spend talking as a family. After dinner, while she cleans up, I put the little ones down for the night. She would then come into living kneel beside me and ask permission to be by me I would allow her to come up on the couch I would put her head in my lap and I would stroke her hair and allow her to speak her mind while we listened to music or watched the fire in the fireplace .

I realize this is probably not as exciting as some, but we are 27/7 individuals with a family and I believe we blended our lifestyle into our real life responsibilities pretty well.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 26

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 3:59:54 AM

allthatjaz

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My ex couldn't be bothered with romance and any of its trimmings and so I delight in now being able to do those things for Stephen who truly appreciates it.
Saying that, I think the best thing I can possibly give him is enthusiasm in how I do things.

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Post #: 27

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 4:21:16 AM

Prinsexx

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Fast reply having read through:
service is not by any means exclusive to bdsm related relationships.
An ex husband (vanilla) was and remains a highly successful business man. He also remains
(as far as I am aware from talking to our adult son) a man of particular needs and wants
and his standards are particulalrly exacting in terms of domestic service.
I learned a great deal about cooking, laundry, how to dress, social skills,
appeciation of music and fine dining, hosting dinner parties and the
nicties of social interaction, codes of dress and so on from being married to this man.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 9/6/2009 4:24:06 AM >

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Post #: 28

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 4:32:00 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Fast reply having read through:
service is not by any means exclusive to bdsm related relationships.
An ex husband (vanilla) was and remains a highly successful business man. He also remains
(as far as I am aware from talking to our adult son) a man of particular needs and wants
and his standards are particulalrly exacting in terms of domestic service.
I learned a great deal about cooking, laundry, how to dress, social skills,
appeciation of music and fine dining, hosting dinner parties and the
nicties of social interaction, codes of dress and so on from being married to this man.

I would concur with this statement. However, I have noted that, these days, aside from hired help, it is much more acceptable for a woman to run the household to her preference when she self-acknowledges as a female dominant individual with a planned "lifestyle".

I've noted, over the past several years, that my own journey is taking me further and further from what I would consider "bdsm" -- really and truly, I am pretty completely service-oriented at this point... but I prefer the old concept of the "servant companion" often ascribed to the households of the Victorian spinster than any other variant that I've come across before or since. Also suited to how I perceive my dynamic are situations akin to Elizabeth I and her chatelaine, and Bruce Wayne/Batman and Alfred.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 29

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 7:13:46 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I always appreciate everything done for me and saying thank you is not an effort no matter what the station of the person doing it for me. Good service for me takes practice during which I am a very patient man. Ideally I prefer my home tom maintain a calmness and level of serenity. I appreciate grace and effortless service. In time I expect a slave to be able to accomplish this and for such effort in gaining this ability I place a greater value on her than I may have had previously. I also like to show appreciation from time to time by some amount of spoiling or other reward.

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http://www.bruincottage.org

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(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 30

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 10:05:54 AM

DavanKael

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When I am being served, I have a keen appreciation for details (Not surprising, really, as when I serve, I have a keen appreciation for the details). The details tell me that the person cares enough about the whole to attend to the entirety of the construct, not simply the outcome. Now, that having been said, none of us are perfect and that is not my expectation, though striving, behaving as is natural, and most importantly intent are pivotal aspects of interrelation in my opinion.
Davan

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 31

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 10:11:04 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Fast reply having read through:
service is not by any means exclusive to bdsm related relationships....

Ha, you know, I was wondering over tea this morning if the trailer trash style/ stereotype is a continuation of the "50's household" thing into the modern era - only in a less glamorous socio-economic bracket.

Service occurs not only in high society.

I had a sort of in-joke with a partner once where, when I had some sort of banal domly expectation to declare I would say "...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORKCHOPS!"

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Post #: 32

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/6/2009 12:01:49 PM

Lucienne

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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Formerly employed as a person expected to do formal (American, not Queen's, standards) service, I feel qualified to offer some suggestions here. Since the OP is talking wine stewards, this may not be news.

The table should be properly set, with cloth napkins and no less than a knife, spoon, dinner fork and salad fork for each setting. (My inner Miss Manners is aghast that someone would need to request a knife to go with their meal). Food should be plated in the kitchen. Serve from the left. Clear from the right. If your D prefers to determine his/her own portion size, then you place the elements of the meal in serving dishes and present them from the left. Beverages are served from the right. There should be no commercial containers on the table (cans, bottles, etc.).

Something that can be difficult to pull off in a larger setting, but should be a simple and nice touch at home is to avoid carrying things directly in your hands -- use a serving tray. Carry out the dinner plate, coffee, dessert, etc. on a serving tray. You should be able to get a decent silver one at any antique mall, or just use a simple wood tray if silver seems too fancy.

The key to gracious service, and why people keep using the term "effortless," is that it does not draw attention to itself. Don't hurry your step, or make any noisy displays of effort. Keep your fluster to yourself. Pay attention to the details. Anticipate needs. Ideally, the person being served doesn't have to ask for anything, because you're delivering it right as they notice they want it. When that happens, don't stand there and draw attention to yourself or your pride in successful anticipation. Gracious service considers perfection the normal state, not something remarkable.

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 33

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/7/2009 11:46:15 AM

LadySunn

Posts: 102
Joined: 7/19/2008
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I appreciate the willingness and care of how my service is given.
I enjoy watching the details and processes performed as my sub prepares to serve me.
His joy in serving me, to please me. This will show through the process and care that he takes.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 34

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/7/2009 2:11:08 PM

Falkenstein

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Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Ideally, wine is NEVER served from the bottle, but is decanted into crystal to breathe, and then served from the decanter.

Dame Calla

Dame Calla,

while I agree with most your post, I must contradict you on that point. Most wines will benefit from the decanter, which allows them to breathe, as you correctly point out. So all wines even, or especially, white (but then one has to be careful with the temperature) should be decanted. However, older (10 years +) wines can be broken by the decanting and it is better to drink them directy from the bottle, I mean from the bottle in the glass

As for being served, when I come back home, I like to have a drink (Bloody Mary, Weizenbier or Wine). The most beautiful for me is when just before the glass is presented to me, she drinks a little sip, or leaves otherwise a mark with her lips on the glass. I always then drinks from the mark of her lips.

Be seing you

Henry

_____________________________

Henry,

Part of that power which still
Produceth good, whilst ever scheming ill.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 35

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/7/2009 4:25:42 PM

stella41b

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From: SW London (UK)
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I find this thread quite interesting, especially the generally accepted concept of 'service'.

I disagree that service has got anything to do with submission, but has more to do with kindness, consideration and attention to details.

For example a toothpick dipped in lemon juice works well on screw threads in hinges and joinings of tables, simply add a tad extra virgin olive oil or groundnut oil to clean the hinges of doors to prevent them from squeaking.

Wine is best decanted, and the angle at which you pour it into the glass is to be slightly more acute than beer as it flows quicker into the glass than beer and needs less time to settle. Practise holding the bottle and the glass at exactly the same angles and counting in your head to achieve equal measures.

Aspirin crushed into water makes for an effective stain remover.

Soups and gravies are never to be left in a metal pan but are best stored in earthenware containers. Such pans are to be washed immediately after use. I also tend to maintain woks and frying pans by rubbing oil in them immediately after drying them.

I have experience both as a maid in a D/s dynamic and also as a domestic cleaner. I work, behave and interact in exactly the same way in both these situations but in the former I am seen as submissive and service-orientated and in the latter I am seen as professional and service-orientated.

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Post #: 36

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/7/2009 9:51:59 PM

masterlink65

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Joined: 11/3/2007
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if you are referring to anticipatory service?

if so, yes. i appreciate very much my slave recognizes and remembers. prepares meals i will like, tries new things in small order and if i do not like it, someone else will i am sure. knowing my body gestures just as i know his is just as important. unless you like getting yelled at you learn how to do things properly, and to your masters liking.

i guess it depends on what kind of slave you want to be. you want to be that stupid bitch, cant do anything right? or do you want to be the best thing in your masters life. something your master needs as much as you need him?

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 37

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/8/2009 3:12:41 AM

Sunnyfey

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From: OK
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Master likes for me to be dressed up pretty when he comes home. Anything from naked to some sort of pretty underthings is acceptable. He expects the noisy appliances to be off when he comes home, and either rum and coke or a margarita made for him (I've surprised myself by pouring him the perfect rum and coke and mixing the margarita just as he likes from day one) and me waiting for him to either rub his feet or offer some sort of sexual service. I also make sure his cloves are waiting for him. That's the main parts of my service for him, (I don't count chores as service so much, more like I'm doing my part to have the house run smoothly, its my JOB, like his job is to go out an work, mine is to stay home and take care of everything) I also see my modeling for his photo shoots as service to him. It's not just sitting and looking pretty, its actively trying to peak his imagination, and bring out more of his creative abilities.

I'll do my best to be pleasing during my service to him. That's anything from a smile while handing him is drink, or just sitting in his lap while he explains something about one of his gaming past times, even if I don't understand a word of it, or if I DO understand it, then offering up my opinion on a particular strategy. I may not enjoy gaming as much as other people, but I will actively try to enjoy whatever game it is he's wanting to play, or at least understand it enough to give him a big kiss when he's completed a particularly hard part of the game.

Other little things I do for him to make life easier, I clip out coupons for our favorite restaurants, or for the grocery store we go to. It's sounds silly but, its me actively trying to help. I carry mints for him, as he seems to like them a lot. He had a little tin of them when we met, and now I buy the big tins, and transfer the mints to his little tin so his pockets arn't so bulky. I make sure he has at least one hair tie on the hook on his key ring, so he never has to look for one. I'll carry his sunglasses also.

hmm i cant think of anything else right now :)

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Post #: 38

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/8/2009 4:58:02 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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Like many of the other Dominants have pointed out, my Master simply likes things to at least appear effortless. I pay attention. I know how He likes His meat cooked, His coffee prepared, how He likes His clothes arranged in the closet. And of course, all the shirts have to be facing to the left!

I do make sure His coffee cup is placed so the handle is toward Him, I set a proper table and make sure the appropriate condiments are there. I would feel terrible if He should have to ask me to fetch something after we have sat down to eat.

Master doesn't require but does notice and appreciates little things like the hand towels and wash cloths in the bathroom folded into a decorative fold. But He appreciates even more that there is never ever ever an empty toilet paper roll.

_____________________________

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Post #: 39

RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/8/2009 8:17:12 PM

Andalusite

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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One thing I haven't noticed yet is being sensitive to context. My Master likes it when I kneel and present a drink or some such to him formally in both hands, eyes downcast. If he needs a bunch of different things for a project he's working on, then doing that for each one would probably get irritating in a hurry, or at least lose some of its special meaning. So, in that case, I would just get things for him/take things from him as efficiently as possible.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 9/8/2009 8:18:21 PM >

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 40

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