RE: The "How To's" of Service

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/10/2009 11:55:11 AM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
On our first date he was not at the table when dinner was served and the 's' in me awaited his return to begin. He was very greatful for this, and so now he always eats first. Simply remembering what he says he likes. He expects obedience and smiling as much as possible (his dad was a therapist so he can "read" me quite well and knows instantaneously when a negative thought flickers over the radar).

The polite person in you should always wait for your dining partner to return before you begin eating. Unless you've been told by them to start without them.

I don't know... there's something off about your story. Something about the fact that you haven't discussed this with him and that you aren't exclusive suggests to me that this will not end well. Something about your tone, which sounds like a little girl describing what's happening at the tea party she's set up for her dolls. I guess I just think it's dangerous to be going to these mental places with someone who doesn't realize what you are doing.

For all he knows, you read the paper and carry on discussions with strangers because you're an intellectually curious person. And if he always expects you to smile, that's not a good sign for a long term prospect. There's a difference between wanting someone to be happy and wanting someone to never bother you with anything negative. I hope my sense of this is wrong and everything turns out fabulously.

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/10/2009 1:50:47 PM

lucebella

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I know this question was for the Tops, but just wanted to put in my two little cents :)

I feel almost every Top likes to be served in a way that requires them not to ask for everything. In my opinion, the best way to serve is to be always looking for new and interesting ways to serve/please and to anticipate needs.

I know that after a 12 hour day, my Husband is achy and with hot feet. I almost always will offer to remove His shoes and give Him a rubdown.
I know that in the middle of the night my Husband is often thirsty; if i wake up to get a drink or use the bathroom, i will bring him a glass of water just in case He wants it.... etc.

And of course: always just do your best, and if you want fulfill His needs, be honest about why.

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/10/2009 3:01:29 PM

mixielicous

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Manners IS something new in my life, not to get too into detail, but only since the end of high school have I begun to learn proper protocol. For me manners are part of grace and grace is quite integral to the type of service I enjoy preforming. This also includes my paper reading. I am overcoming an anxiety disorder coupled with PTSD and reading a paper before I go out to refresh my memory of current events is very important in helping my confidence in public. I want to be fully prepared. This was not to imply I do not keep up on current events otherwise, I just *make sure* I am prepared for talking with strangers. This is a habit I picked up from my new job where I am on the spot a lot for conversation and given my coupled conditions sometimes that can be quite difficult.

I strive to encompass these features in any relationship with a dominant personality-type of people I like. It is my way of showing respect. I am not the type to submit only to my Dominant or Master. I would be willing to treat anyone I like or admire with the most graceful of service possible. That is what makes me happy and it is my personality type. Should I be discussing my kinks with every person I aim to serve? Should I bring up my lust for service when he already receives it with open arms? I mean, its not like I am hiding my submissive nature or he hiding his dominant one, I just prefer not to bring up the topic of BDSM and ownership until I can guage how its received. He sadistic, demanding, powerful and has very high standards, I would not ask for anything less. There isnt much to discuss if were both happy..
And because we arent exclusive does not mean either of us are sleeping around. We mutually decided this was the best course for the time being with our busy schedules. Things were to be reevaluated if they continued down the road we were both enjoying.

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/10/2009 4:19:55 PM

quietlycontent

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There is no secret ingredient in being a good sub. And how to serve someones needs is something that can only be learned with time and patience. Any personal relationship needs time to mature, and whether that relationship is d/s or vanilla makes no difference, it takes time to learn the little things that please, and those that annoy. So i think time and attention to the way your partner reacts to each situation would probably be a good place to start, and just learn from there.

< Message edited by quietlycontent -- 9/10/2009 4:20:55 PM >

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/10/2009 5:41:41 PM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

Things were to be reevaluated if they continued down the road we were both enjoying.

As already noted in this thread, it's a bit jarring to see normal gracious hostess behavior pulled under the BDSM umbrella and defined as submission. I very much enjoy being a gracious hostess, but it never would occur to me to define it as a kink (and perhaps I've misunderstood, but I read you enjoying this service in a non-sexual manner). Or submissive, really. I prefer to think of good manners as a result of social conditioning not personality and think they should be promoted as such. I find it interesting that you're taking nice/good things that you do (be polite, generous, work on self-improvement) and broadly framing them in terms of sub "service" to unwitting subjects. (Not a psychologist, but maybe that's something to do with the PTSD?)

As for your gentleman friend, you feel comfortable describing him as sadistic but fear how a conversation about BDSM might go? Not being able to talk about things you are already doing is not a recipe for healthy relations. Also, your last sentence is in the past tense as if the chance of re-evaluating the non-exclusive nature of the relationship is over.

I realize my comments probably come across as critical, but I'm genuinely curious and honestly just the sort of person who sometimes shares my impressions/gut instincts with strangers on the internet.

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RE: The "How To's" of Service - 9/11/2009 6:47:53 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucebella

I feel almost every Top likes to be served in a way that requires them not to ask for everything. In my opinion, the best way to serve is to be always looking for new and interesting ways to serve/please and to anticipate needs.

But not every dominant wants things anticipated so all they do is wait their passively. Some actually prefer to give orders.

Mine frequently wants me to ask, not assume what he will want. Hot tea, cold water or both? I'm supposed to ask not set it out like he's incapable of making a decision on his own.

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Post #: 66