quote:

ORIGINAL: destiny2009
I continue to be amazed , even after this long how many men who say they are true dominants are far from it. I would expect that a person who i will trust to care for me, guide me, keep me safe and manage our situations in life may exhibit these qualities in their own life. All too often the so-called dominant is incapable of providing care and security in his own life, without thinking of doing so for another person. Not able to hold down a job (even before the credit crunch), an environment that is so filthy and messy, you would not keep a dog or cat in there, a thin grasp on what reality or real life constitues etc etc. They then advertise themselves explaining that their ultimate role is to provide, care for and train their sub/slave. I say their training should start closer to home first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: destiny2009

I continue to be amazed , even after this long how many men who say they are true dominants are far from it. I would expect that a person who i will trust to care for me, guide me, keep me safe and manage our situations in life may exhibit these qualities in their own life. All too often the so-called dominant is incapable of providing care and security in his own life, without thinking of doing so for another person. Not able to hold down a job (even before the credit crunch), an environment that is so filthy and messy, you would not keep a dog or cat in there, a thin grasp on what reality or real life constitues etc etc. They then advertise themselves explaining that their ultimate role is to provide, care for and train their sub/slave. I say their training should start closer to home first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Ah but Steven couldn't a woman do the same thing? Think about it couldn't a woman who can't care for herself, her own mental, emotional or physical needs simply call herself a submissive or slave in order to be taken care?

quote:

ORIGINAL: destiny2009

All too often the so-called dominant is incapable of providing care and security in his own life, without thinking of doing so for another person.

quote:

ORIGINAL: destiny2009

I continue to be amazed , even after this long how many men who say they are true dominants are far from it. I would expect that a person who i will trust to care for me, guide me, keep me safe and manage our situations in life may exhibit these qualities in their own life. All too often the so-called dominant is incapable of providing care and security in his own life, without thinking of doing so for another person. Not able to hold down a job (even before the credit crunch), an environment that is so filthy and messy, you would not keep a dog or cat in there, a thin grasp on what reality or real life constitues etc etc. They then advertise themselves explaining that their ultimate role is to provide, care for and train their sub/slave. I say their training should start closer to home first.

quote:

CarrieO said:
No matter how much a person who chooses to call themselves a dom/me may want a sub/slave, if they aren't willing or able to accept the reality of caring for another individual, they should either work to better who they are and what they can offer or admit it will be nothing but a dream.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

quote:

ORIGINAL: destiny2009

All too often the so-called dominant is incapable of providing care and security in his own life, without thinking of doing so for another person.

One of the problems I've found is the inability to accept reality.  I've come across both dom and sub who either aren't willing, or able, to accept responsibility for themselves and their life choices or who feel their surroundings and how they chose to live should have no bearing on their ability to be seen as dominant. 

As an example...Let's pretend I love dogs, big dogs, and it has been my life-long wish to own a Irish Wolfhound.  I've dreamed about this...studied the history of the breed...looked into the proper care and feeding requirements...even gone so far as to purchase some toys and a rather large dog bed all in the hope of one day being the proud owner of one of these beautiful creatures.
The opportunity presents itself for me to take on a IW pup.  All my preparations are about to pay off.  There's just a small problem...I live in a 300 sq. ft studio apartment in NYC and I work 12 hour days 6 days a week.  I don't like to exercise because I have very little time to devote myself to activity.  I spend much of my time indoors and have a bit of an addiction to ebay which means I've a rather large collection of "useful items" taking up the majority of the 300 sq ft of my living space.
But.......this is the dog of my dreams and I know I can handle it!  Right...right???

No matter how much a person who chooses to call themselves a dom/me may want a sub/slave, if they aren't willing or able to accept the reality of caring for another individual, they should either work to better who they are and what they can offer or admit it will be nothing but a dream.

There was a question asked a while back in the Ask a Master forum about whether or not it was selfish for a dom to make demands and for a sub/slave to not expect anything.  One of the answers, given by leadership527, was a question I believe all dom/mes should ask before taking on a sub/slave... "Why on god's green earth would another human give themselves to me, either partially or totally, to do with as I will?" 
I hope he doesn't mind me reposting this but I really do think it was the best bit of advice given...short and sweet...for anyone.  Goodness knows I've taken to asking myself this question everytime I speak with a male sub now that I've found myself moving further and further away from submission ( I still identify as a switch though ).

OP, there will always be people, on both side, who make claims they can't live up to.  It falls to you to be mature and responsible in the choices you make.  You make the choice of whether or not to serve someone...be clear with your expectations/wants/needs.

Just my long-winded 2cents worth!

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

Oh how my ex husband would resent the op's statement and love a couple of the other's! It is not just that I am not submissive that things didn't work out. A pot bellied, hardy har har, flat joking male, belching and farting and barking out order's while sucking up a bottle of bud at home, while being a good ol boy in big business isn't my idea of someone I wish to be sexually intimate with, much less listen to a word he says. But then he always said to me and about me... the lights are on, but no one is home and if a girl doesn't want to kiss you; you take it.

Now if that is attractive to someone else, I cannot know because anyone I offered him to wouldn't take him.