Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 5:50:23 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		That's adorable Raven

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat



(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 5:59:45 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Very good point Raven, thank you.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 6:02:18 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for your replay DesFip. Most of my D/s relationships up to this point would fall under the category of D/s without "caring", only had one that didn't and that didn't go to the level of affection that the Dominant that i have been talking about likes to go. Thanks again for your reply.


heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 6:12:45 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

porcelaine, thank you for replying. i realize that it is my issue, i don't know how to receive well and i realize that. and i would (if i end up in a relationship with the Dominant that i was speaking about) would not say no please don't do that. i am asking how, when i know it is my issue on not being able to receive well, how do i get over that. Your answer did answer some of that and intellectually i can and do agree with what you wrote, i am just not sure how to deal with it emotionally. To me, and this will probably sound odd, to me i feel more in control when i am serving and out of control when i am being done for. i remember Lucky Albatross mentioning something like that once and it did indeed resonate with me. Thank you again porcelaine for your reply.

heartfelt


This is just a guess, but it's been my experience that when someone doesn't know how to receive, they have a self image or respect problem. It's hard to get past that, but it is possible. Accepting that you deserve things if someone wants to give it to you is the first step. If you were in the scenario of receiving a bubble bath, remind yourself that your partner thinks you've earned that treat. Maybe you could have him tell you how much you deserve it since hearing it from others helps some people believe it.

Just my


_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 6:16:27 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply Catchy. There may be some of that in there, not feeling like i deserve it, but that isn't what i sense. i sense just a level of discomfort from it. But i will look at it. Thank you again for your reply.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 6:48:37 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		WHOA! Deserve? WTF! it isn't about deserve! It isn't about fair, it isn't about ANYTHING other than the Master decided it would happen in the way He has chosen for it to happen.

If My girl asked Me why she 'deserved' whatever it was the ONLY real answer that matters is because that is what I have decided... If you start down the road of 'deserve' then you will run into a roadblock when the girl has been 'extra good' and feels she deserves something... only for the Master to decide something else is happening. Don't build a sense of entitlement, it will trip you up further down the road!


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 9:05:33 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply Raven, as i replied to Catchy, i don't think it is a matter of low self-worth and not thinking i am worth being nice to. i don't think that is why i struggle with being done for. i understand your comments about deserving and the trap that can be. i wasn't actually going there in my head. Thanks again for your reply.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 9:59:28 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		To the OP, one view from the D side.

I enjoy massage. I enjoy stroking My sub, touching her body, relaxing her (which is after all - if you wish to see it that way putting her mind in the place I want it to be).

Sometimes its the massage for its own sake. Sometimes its a precursor.

Her body is Mine to do with as I will.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 10:58:12 AM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		I like to spoil my subs/slaves. It is in my nature..I am good to my friends...I am good to my slaves.
I like to give them things...and such...because I respect and like them.
If it is uncomfy for them..they should talk..and I can change it. But I hate to guess what people like or dislike. 
On the other side....when needed....I can change instantly and be strict..and all what is in the great book of Doms...  ;)


_____________________________

Justme696 on the otherside
- D stands for Damian....not dude

(in reply to Whenready)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 11:23:17 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		This is one of the reasons why I don't like talking about * Stuff I like to do*...or * Stuff you like to do* when I don't know someone very well.

I know full well that I'm not repulsed by ANYTHING to do with M. I've known him for a decade, been owned by him for roughly half of that time and all the nitty, gritty and knotty things came about and were dealt with in real situations as friends, and then M/s.

I don't want to spend my time agonising over things, that simply by being spoken about cause me anguish, when I don't know them well enough to have experienced it with them. I know enough, over time, to know that * *nice* things aren't always as *nice* as my mind might have envisaged and nasty things, ditto. Best find out.

I don't want to KNOW what horrors lay ahead, I want to know the PERSON that may or may not administer them. Having needles inserted in my nipples or being handed a yummy meal he's rustled up....... he's the same evil man.

You're saying that the idea of it has made you uncomfortable. The experience of it may not. The only way *I* could dispel that kind of thing, or confirm it, (personally speaking) is to actually experience it WITH the person concerned.

Failing that, think of situations or people, who have *served* you..( read that as, doing rather nice things for you)..........where you HAVEN'T felt awkward or uncomfortable and ask yourself *why not?*. Is it restricted to *dommy people*? Is it restricted to * People, or person, I'm meant to *serve*?*.  Just a thought....it was very illuminating for me, moons ago.

Regards, agirl








(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 12:25:30 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i knew it, i knew there had to be a great book of Doms out there somewhere (grinning). Thank you for your reply.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 12:34:12 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Another great answer agirl and something that i will have to think about. i will give it more thought, but an off the cuff answer would be, anyone doing for me period makes me uncomfortable. i don't like, it makes me feel needy, weak and uncomfortable like the roles are beng reversed. It doesn't matter D-type or s-type either one. i don't like being taken care of when i'm sick, the worse torture someone could do to me is tie me to a chair and not let me help when work needs to be done. i have a terrible time answering the question about what i want for a birthday or christmas present, that sort of thing. i can and do accept those presents and appreciate them, but i don't like asking for anything specific and if forced won't mention anything costly. i know, i know, i'm weird. Thank you again for the great reply and the great question.

heartfelt 

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 12:49:49 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i don't like, it makes me feel needy, weak

The entire D/s dynamic is built on degrees of neediness and weakness (depending on interpretation).



_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 2:15:57 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		This is not meant as a stupid question, but i have never found that to be the case. Is it not a relationship based on the exchange of authority and autonomy from one person to another person and not as you said based on weakness and need?

i have always been a fairly self-sufficient person, in fact that is one of the things that my last Dominant most appreciated about me, that i was so self-sufficient. All He had to do is tell me what He wanted done, and as He usually didn't care how i accomplished the task, that was all that was needed. He knew it would be done, be done well, on time and to His satisfaction. Yes i did come to need Him in my life which made breaking up with Him difficult, but the basis of His and my relationship was not on my neediness or weakness, but rather on the exchange of authority and control.

Hopefully i have not just highjacked my own thread.

heartfelt

*edited to add an additional thought

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 9/8/2009 2:40:50 PM >

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 2:35:16 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		~~fast reply~~

TheEngineer likes to do things to/for me.  we have an informal interaction most of the time...he enjoys cooking, so he cooks most of the time.  i clean up. 

we know i have health issues and at the moment cannot see well enough to drive.  so he takes me to my dr appointments.  and we *have* had moments that he's said "you deserve a treat for going through that, lets (fill in the blank)".

i feel uncomfortable when he does something of a personal nature for me.  but...he's the bossman so whatever he does is right.  (unless its terribly wrong and i have to correct *him*, which occasionally happens.)

kitten

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 2:39:00 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply pixiedust, i agree that as the bossman, He would get to decide. It is also nice to know that i am not the only s-type that is uncomfortable when something of a personal nature is done for me.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to pixidustpet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 2:42:27 PM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Case in point: We just nipped for some shopping, My girl is a little droppy, a little spacy and still has quite a sore back from the play We had on her Birthday on Sunday evening. she went to put on her backpack to carry the heavier items home and I saw a wince that I interpreted as meaning that carrying that would mean her back took longer to recover. So I took the backpack off her and put it on Myself.... to be met with a "but thats my job!"...

Mistake, she just got a reminder (aka mini lecture) of the fact that something is only 'her job' if I tell her it is 'her job', she doesn't have ownership of the task, it is something I ALLOW her to do for Me and if I decide I am doing it then it isn't her job any longer, it is My job!




hehe I like that.  And it is indeed the D's job everything is since the D has control and deligates to the sub what tasks they are to perform or not perform.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 2:50:13 PM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		For me and my relationship my Domme may pamper me or do things for me or go out of her way for me at times I don't call it service though.   I am her property, her pet,  she trains me I obey she loves me and pampers me on occasion but I had better not forget at any time that I am still her pet or property.   If she wants to do things to make me happy that's good it means I am making her happy that she wants to show her gratitude.  If she wants to allow me an opinion on what to do then it's because she values my input it doesn't mean i'm still not the sub.  
Another thing is deciding what to do I actually ran into this not long ago she asked me what I wanted to do and I said something along the lines that was her job cause she was in control :P  well much like RavenMuse's post she gave me a bit of a reprimand along the same lines that yes I was the sub but that didn't mean she didnt' want to hear my opinion and it was only her job if she didn't wish to ask me to do it.
 

(in reply to shadowowl)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 5:44:57 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for your reply shadowowl, what you said about her doing something to make you happy because you are making her happy actually helped alot. Thank you.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to shadowowl)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace - 9/8/2009 6:42:08 PM   
FawneTwo


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		Oh heartfeltsub - a fine topic of discussion and so many lovely replies. THIS is what makes visiting CM worthwhile (to me ).

I always had difficulty receiving. The focus is on me and I squirm. I was selfish - selfish by being so touchy denying I had worth - when it was not my call.

I do best sometimes if i allow myself to be - I am a toy, a thing, his doll pet whatever. I objectify myself to relax. And really - if he were to bathe me He'd have a plan I wasn't aware of that may well be devious ;0 and that's not a bad thing. It may be as simple as i feel. I hope he is gloating - " oh man, hee hee I have such a beatiful doll to play with! ha hah ha ha .
I can pull her hair, cut off her clothes and girl is my toy, my OWN toy and I can play MY way any time I want. yes, yes, yes! Hmmmn, nicey nicey all wet and sudsey and ooh so slippery!
and it makes a little cute mewing sound now... " :)
If He lifts slides His hand up your silky perfumed limb and circles your wrist - pssst He is measuring your shackle size as likley, as not.
and i'm day dreaming is all...

smiles


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Accepting Service From A Dominant With Grace Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094