heartfeltsub
Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Andalusite heartfelt, I hope things work out wonderfully for you! I'd suggest you do some journalling about why you're having trouble accepting these things, what "good things done for you" you *would* actively enjoy and feel pampered by. What feeds and nurtures *your* needs? Think of that as separate from him enjoying getting his hands all over you while he bathes and massages you, just as he might enjoy touching you in any other way. As far as the compliments go, I never have had trouble with graciously accepting them. I prefer milder ones "better!" (or preferably *specifically* what I improved or did well) instead of "perfect." "You're cute/pretty/sexy," "That outfit looks lovely on you," "You have such expressive eyes" made my heart sing, but "You're the most beautiful woman in the world" or other over the top ones felt like they were putting me on - it still seems a little bit fake. "Good girl" is nice from my Master, or from my previous dominant, but I'd rather they tell me more specifically what they liked, and from someone I wasn't involved with, it felt outright patronising and condescending. Is it that you didn't or don't believe that you're beautiful and skilled, or just that you feel a little flustered, especially if the specific compliment feels like an exaggeration? i was just going to reply, but then i knew i would forget some of the things in your post that i wanted to reference, so a quote works better. my needs are met meeting other people's needs. That is what brings me the most joy, in all honestly. Other than that, i like quiet times, just being held, cuddled, maybe watching tv or both reading quietly, that sort of thing. i loved hearing good girl from my former Dominant and i can accept the same type of compliments that you mentioned from people i know, i just say thank you. If they are over the top, they irritate me. i feel and know that i am very skilled at many things, and have no trouble if someone tells me that i did a good job at a, b or c. i, however, am not beautiful and never have been. Cute, pretty, attractive, i can deal with, beautiful feels like a lie to me. i am fairly certain it all goes back to my childhood where it was expected that i do well at everything that i did, but there was no emphasis and never a comment about any sort of attractiveness. Also as someone who was sexually abused as a child, i shunned being attractive for many years, it felt safer. That is now healed for the most part and i can be attractive and can thank people when they compliment me on being pretty or attractive, it was just work to get to that point. Thank you for your reply, they are very helpful and insightful. heartfelt
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Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others. Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood. Life is either a great adventure or nothing. Helen Keller 50 NZ points
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