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RE: Distancing Yourself from Negative People. - 9/9/2009 8:07:53 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

If I had a quid for every negative comment that was said to me I would be a very rich woman indeed.
A glass really is half empty or half full.

Mine isnt.

Mine's in a constant state of needing to be refilled.

I'm thirsty like that. XD

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~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

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Post #: 41

RE: Distancing Yourself from Negative People. - 9/9/2009 8:25:00 PM

InvisibleBlack

Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

On a Daily Basis I find myself in situations where the input I receive from other people is Negative. They focus on what is wrong and seek to share this wrong with other people and Oddly enough it isn't because they seek understanding or even advice it would seem that want someone else to feel just as shitty about life as they do.

Sometimes people just need to vent and, from my point of view, part of being a friend is to be there and listen when they need to blow off steam. So I'm usually more than willing to listen to someone go on about their breakup, job loss, money problems or whatever.

That, however, is different from someone who makes a career out of wallowing in their misery. Fortunately, such people tend to avoid me. I suspect it's because I just start offering advice as opposed to unending sympathy. After ten minutes of me thinking about it and saying "well, you probably need to go and do this" or "you can go to the IRS and request an extension and file an amended return" or whatever, they usually stop whining at me and after returning to me and whining some more and getting something like "so you never went to irs.gov and downloaded that form? what are you waiting for?" they realize they're not getting any sympathy or emotional valdiation and stop coming around.

I'm a huge beliver in offering sympathy and support and just plain getting off your ass and helping when someone you care about is in trouble or has a real problem. I have a low tolerance for people who cannot be bothered to address their own problems in any way and have no interest in being an enabler for their stasis.

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Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

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Post #: 42

RE: Distancing Yourself from Negative People. - 9/9/2009 8:27:20 PM

InvisibleBlack

Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

A glass really is half empty or half full.

Hrm. I think the glass is twice as large as it needs to be. It could probably be redesigned.

It's that engineering background. Always looking to optimize something.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

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RE: Distancing Yourself from Negative People. - 9/9/2009 9:13:04 PM

MarcEsadrian

Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Anyone else feel like they attract the most negative people on the planet?

If so when you find that you care about them as people but can't stand their negative shit how do you distance yourself from them while also careing for their feelings. I mean these are people who are annoying the hell out of me but they are also people who have been there for me when I needed someone.

The hard part is that it seems that they just wanna STAY Miserable.

So what do you do?

I avoid the unhappy and morbidly unfortunate, lest I stick around too long and transform into something similar. We all have the natural desire to help those who, by misfortunate circumstance, have arrived upon a dark moment in their lives. Helping them is a good thing, indeed, but such individuals are entirely different from those who are incurably negative. In our desire to help the other type out, we may inevitably end up getting drawn into their quicksand ourselves. Life is just too short for that.

The decision just has to be made, whether it's enforced subtly or not. It might hurt the feelings of said individuals, but your feelings need to come first, and it sounds like you've recognized a pattern you don't like in how said individuals make you feel. An event can be overcome, but a pattern cannot be. The way out of a pattern is not through; it is removing oneself from the confines of the pattern itself. Extrication is often the only solution.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

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Post #: 44