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RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 7:12:00 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
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I've been with my male sub for six years now and we are monogamous. So yes these types of relationships are out there and they do last. You just have to be very careful when your screening/negotiating.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 21

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 7:29:49 AM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
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i don't think it's unrealistic at all

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your living nightmare

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Post #: 22

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 8:35:44 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInocent

Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous? I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it. Could a "Real" committed relationship take place? I mean, do you know of any?

I used to think it unrealistic, but not anymore. Sir & I have a monogamous, committed relationship, and it's wonderful!!

I don't know firsthand of any poly relationships.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 23

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 10:16:01 AM

CuddleDom

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/11/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Monogamous relationships are the only kind that work for me. I also embrace an ownership dynamic; can't do that (when "burdened" with priciples and a conscience) if there isn't a greater mutual committment.

But I get where you're coming from. Waaaay too many doms and "masters" adopt their title role as justification to screw around and manipulate naive subs....

Focus.

Could not agree more

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 24

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 10:25:13 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Highlighting what kyraofMists and NihilusZero said.

Adding my thoughts:

Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous?
****No. Do you?

I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it.
****Okay.

Could a "Real" committed relationship take place?
****Reality is perception. Certainly, a committed monogamous relationship is possible. I also want to say that I was in a relationship with a person for 17 years. We were utterly committed t one another during that time. We also had poly relaitonships during that time. Poly does not abrogate commitment, in my Universe, it extends it. Most of our relationship, however, we were monogamous. There is often the misperception that poly people are out screwing anything that moves all of the time and while I defend the rights of people who do that in an open, honest, consensual fashion, that isn't what some of us who embrace plurality desire and surely, as someone who lived with the possibility of poly for over a decade (Closer to a decade and a half), I can assure you that it wasn't all fun and games all of the time: nor is any relationship.

I mean, do you know of any?
****Committed monogamous relationships. Sure, some. Committed non-monogamous relationships. Sure, some.
Davan
(Who isn't even in a relationship and isn't looking for a poly relationship yet is defending plurality)

_____________________________

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It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 25

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 11:15:34 AM

roland23

Posts: 241
Joined: 9/11/2006
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Yes, it is possible. However it is also possible to be poly etc. Bear in mind that for some of us, BDSM is not always about the introduction of traditional intercourse. I have dominated subs without any intercourse. For some of us, the psychological aspect of BDSM is the most important.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 26

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 11:35:26 PM

SouthernSpankin

Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInocent

Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous? I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it. Could a "Real" committed relationship take place? I mean, do you know of any?

This is a BDSM site, not a swingers site. Yeah, if you were at a swingers site, that would be pretty unrealistic to expect to find someone that wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you. But this is not a swingers site. This is a BDSM site, and one of the most basic concepts of BDSM is "safe, sane and consentual." And really, that's one of the most basic concepts of the entire world we live in, BDSM or no BDSM. Look back at your life and all the people you have met... how many of them were safe, sane and consentual? For me, the vast majority of the people I've met in life are safe, sane, and consentual. In the BDSM world, I have had a similar experience... the vast majority of the BDSM people I have known have been safe, sane and consentual. All of us, BDSM or no BDSM, have been cheated, been betrayed, been lied to, come across people that we thought were insane... but how many people have you met like that? In my life, that was a very small minority.

In your search for a Master, if you make it clear from the beginning that you are looking for a monogamous relationship, and he still wants to pursue a relationship with you, chances are that he is looking for the exact same thing you are looking for, based on my life experiences. But of course you have to watch out for that small fraction of people out there that aren't into being safe, sane, consentual... you've got to watch out for the small fraction of people out there that will cheat you, betray you, lie to you, etc. But from my experience, it's not common to come across people like that, and I think that is unrealistic of you to think that people like that are the norm.

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 9/11/2009 11:49:10 PM >

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 27

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/11/2009 11:44:59 PM

SouthernSpankin

Posts: 106
Joined: 7/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I would guess that some 60%-80% of the people I know on collarme are either in a monogamous relationship or are looking for one.

Does anybody disagree with this? Because I don't. In my entire experience with BDSM I've found that the vast majority of people into BDSM are into being monogamous. And I've never met anybody who felt otherwise, expect for the OP (who is new to BDSM).

And I'm one of those types that is very cool with either monogamy or polygamy, even if I'm the one being monogamous and my lover is the one being polygamous. But I have never and will never engage in any kind of polygamy while I am in a relationship with one who is looking for monogamy.

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 9/11/2009 11:50:57 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 28

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/14/2009 4:55:14 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInocent
Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous? I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it. Could a "Real" committed relationship take place? I mean, do you know of any?

Carol and I have been married for 13 years now.. together for 15. So I'd say that should count as "real" and "committed", right? We are both fundamentally monogamous although as her Master and the leader of this team, I am exploring (very carefully) the built-in assumption we both have that monogamy is the only way.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 29

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/14/2009 6:39:20 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

It is possible to find a monogamous relationship within BDSM. Make sure you let others know that is what you are interested in and you'll have a better chance of finding it. Put it in your profile and let people who contact you know that is what you are looking for.

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 30

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/28/2009 6:18:33 PM

SireKane

Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline

Most doms who don't have additional subs are because they can't get additional subs anyway. It's like the dominat men who tells you that he prefer bbw's over slim women, most could not get a height and weight porportionate woman even if they paid for her.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 31

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/28/2009 6:27:11 PM

SubOnlyForHim

Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

Most doms who don't have additional subs are because they can't get additional subs anyway. It's like the dominat men who tells you that he prefer bbw's over slim women, most could not get a height and weight porportionate woman even if they paid for her.

(This is the nicest way I could put this.After being dubbed "Terminator" and "Bitch #2".....I am trying very hard to keep those sides calm)

< Message edited by SubOnlyForHim -- 9/28/2009 6:28:46 PM >

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Post #: 32

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/28/2009 6:30:42 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInocent

Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous? I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it. Could a "Real" committed relationship take place? I mean, do you know of any?

Several.

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 33

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/28/2009 6:32:49 PM

SubOnlyForHim

Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

And, of course, you can have a monogamous relationship. It's all about what you desire. Hold out until you get someone monogamous. For me, personally, I cannot imagine only having sex/intimacy/deep companionship with one person the rest of my life. Yikes! Though, any other relationship I have will be with a woman and my relationship with Sir will ALWAYS come first.

_____________________________

just call me "sophie" ~~~ Thanks, sirsholly, for the new nick! i now feel so special. Whoohoooo!

*committed*

~The more answers i get, the more questions i have.~

(in reply to SubOnlyForHim)

Post #: 34

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/29/2009 1:03:43 PM

bliss4us09

Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
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Not unrealistic at all. Monogamy is part of many D/s relationships. Just make sure you're clear going in.

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 35

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/29/2009 1:17:41 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

Collarme is a very diverse place with a wide variety of monogamous, poly, and assorted other types of relationships going on, but I think these forums can give an unrealistic view of what a relatively new submissive will encounter when looking for a dominant, namely, a great number of dominants telling him or her that they're not "real" or even submissive for wanting monogamy. I know that's been my experience.

All I can tell the OP is that you are not being unrealistic, and those that tell you you are likely have their own agendas in mind...

(in reply to bliss4us09)

Post #: 36

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/29/2009 1:26:26 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheInocent

Do you believe it to be unrealistic to look for a Master that is monogamous? I new to BDSM, but now I can't seem to fathom sex without it. Could a "Real" committed relationship take place? I mean, do you know of any?

Most people are monogamous. A lot of people confuse poly with a good way to say "I want the option to screw around with anyone who's drawers I can get into." also.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TheInocent)

Post #: 37

RE: Can you have a monogamous relationship? - 9/29/2009 4:11:48 PM

SaharahEve

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuddleDom

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Monogamous relationships are the only kind that work for me. I also embrace an ownership dynamic; can't do that (when "burdened" with priciples and a conscience) if there isn't a greater mutual committment.

But I get where you're coming from. Waaaay too many doms and "masters" adopt their title role as justification to screw around and manipulate naive subs....

Focus.

Could not agree more

I agree. And yes, OP - it's possible.

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to CuddleDom)

Post #: 38

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