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RE: Paradox ?? - 9/18/2009 5:06:31 PM

LeatherBentOne

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It's the Dominant's choice whether or not He/She gets satisfaction from pleasing a submissive, rather than the submissive demanding the Dominant do so. Also, if a submissive asks for something, the Dominant can choose to say NO.

I see this as being Dominant since the submissive receives pleasure ONLY when the Dominant cares to satisfy His/Her own desires in doing so. Sort of like a fringe benefit for the submissive who may be forbidden to as, or always gets a NO when she/he does.

Personally, Im one of those Dommes that takes great pleasure in sexually satisfying a worthy submissive. I makes me feel powerful to know that I can, when I wish to, but always in my time and in my way.

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RE: Paradox ?? - 9/18/2009 7:22:07 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: katrinka

What caught my attention here is "Both focus on the needs of the Dominant" -

I don't know about how long that can stay good and healthy; a good relationship is about everyone's needs being met as well as possible.... and ultimately d/s IS a relationship between two people.

Here, both focus on the needs of the relationship. Which means there are times when we both have to forego stuff we want, or do things we don't want to, simply because there's a problem in the relationship that needs fixing.

And in order for the relationship to be healthy, we both have to be satisfied.
Which means ultimately that we have to like the same things, have a similar ethical code or it wouldn't be possible for us both to be satisfied.

I don't want a relationship where I get my way one week while he's unhappy and he gets his the next week when I'm unhappy. We have similar tastes in food, in music, in sexual/kink activities, in damn near most things.

But I have weird tastes in movies. I of course think he has weird taste in movies. I like Indie films, he likes action and horror. And I won't watch horror.

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Post #: 42

RE: Paradox ?? - 9/19/2009 9:27:26 AM

AislynLass

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ShadowOwl wrote, "yes D's can walk away but D's don't set the limits they only work within the limits set by the sub."

I don't agree with this at all. Don't dominants have their own limits? Are there not things that dominants have decided for themselves that they will not do that are based on their own preferences or morals, not based on those of the submissive? For example, scat play. Would all dominants engage in this, or is this something that individual dominants have decided for themselves is a limit for them? What if a submissive wanted to be beaten literally to death? I would certainly hope this would be an absolutely, unbreakable, no-go limit for the dominant. My point is that dominants do (and should) set their own limits.

< Message edited by AislynLass -- 9/19/2009 9:28:23 AM >

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RE: Paradox ?? - 9/19/2009 12:23:11 PM

Falkenstein

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UKEvolutionary

Well, I suppose you will get the usual flak from the fundamentalists for that post, a REAL master would never etc. etc.

So I thought that a bit of Hegelian dialectic, the famous Master-Slave Dialectic to be precise, could elevate the debate

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master-slave_dialectic

My primary interpretation of it is that Hegel do not see self awareness and self-recognition as possible without other people, who reflect our awareness, a bit like mirrors.

Applied to BDSM, I see it so that masters are utterly dependent on their slaves to exist as such both materially and -- more importantly -- in their self-picture.

History teaches us that any person, or country facing such a dependence will secure its source. Your approach consisting of making your sub the center of your concern and pampering her, within limits, to avoid bratty behavior, is humane, humanistic and pragmatic.

Kinky regards

Henry

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Post #: 44