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Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 3:09:14 PM   
lilredridingcrop


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/12/2009
Status: offline 		Hello Everyone. Ok so I just had a quick question...I, out of habit, use the term "Sir" alot. I've been taught that it's manners when speaking to someone you know is a Dominant, Top, Master, or Mistress etc. to show your respect and call them Sir (or Ma'am) and if they don't approve of a sub/slave not under their protection or ownership using "Sir" (or Ma'am) they will or should let you know....Is this accurate? Or is it obnoxious that I call Doms or Dommes Sir (or Ma'am) without really knowing them?
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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 3:14:06 PM   
GoddessImaginos


Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline 		Hi. I don't think it's obnoxious at all - of course I am Southern, and was raised to say Sir and Ma'am as the simple gestures of respect that they were originally intended to be. Manners are a lost grace in this world, and the exercisement of them should not, I don't think, ever be considered a mistake.
That being said, this is a looney bin, and there's just no telling sometimes what people appreciate or what will conversely set them off. I say go with the good manners in just that context, and if people are lame enough to let it upset them, they aren't worth trying to know anyway.
Just sayin'..

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 3:29:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I didn't grow up in a place where everyone called everyone "Sir" or "Ma'am". I don't call anyone Sir or Ma'am other than Master or the little old ladies or men that come into my office because well..it makes them nicer to me because they seem to have a habit of coming in and yelling and screaming about something or other.

If you wanna call everyone those terms then go for it. Just don't expect everyone else to use them. Not everyone grew up in an atmosphere where such terms were a big deal.

Calling someone by their given name or Mr or Ms/Mrs/Miss always worked perfectly fine for me. It's not the title that will command respect. It's actions and civility/politeness.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 3:35:34 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		my use of honorifics refers to my upbringing and has little to do with their title. as a matter of habit i will use Sir or Ma'am when addressing a person both on and offline if we're not well acquainted. particularly in written correspondence. if i'm engaging in a dialogue and the person has signed with their name or a monicker i defer to this instead. i do not address anyone as Master, Mistress, or other similar names unless specifically instructed to do so.

porcelaine


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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 4:02:15 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It works in My world.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 4:54:28 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I too am from the South...of California.

There are those (ok, maybe just me) who grate at the instant familiarity of children addressing adults by first name, of grocery clerks who never met me addressing me by name instead of Sir. It isn't friendly, it is encroaching on the boundaries we keep to separate those who are in charge (adults) from those who aren't (children), and strangers from friends.
Likewise, the custom of employers and employees pretending to be chums, calling each other by first name, is phony and intended mostly to conceal the very real power dynamics at work- usually to the detriment of the employee.

So your use of Sir shows you are admirably well mannered and polite.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 4:58:41 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I suspect you're going to find preferences all over the map here. For me personally, I prefer not to be addressed with honorifics by those who don't know me well enough to actually have an opinion. But I also don't make a big issue out of it one way or another. I'm well aware that there are different schools of thought on the topic and someone else might be coming out of a different door.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 5:28:50 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Works in my world too. better to err on the side of using a title when addressing some one than risk looking ill mannered and not use it at all. 

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 5:35:53 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		I would say Sir/Ma'am just out of respect for others.  Plus, with women I don't know whether they prefer Miss, Ms. or Mrs.  I use Sir and Ma'am non-bdsm people too, esp those that are older than me.  To me it's just good manners, and if someone doesn't want to be called such, they can always tell me. 

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 5:36:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends on the people involved. I'm a New Yorker, the Southern tendency to use Sir and Ma'am is not common in my area. Mr or Ms Smith works better for me unless asked to call by first name.

Now with that said, I have a question for the OP. Are you asking about in a BDSM dungeon or club or gathering? Or are you asking about online?

Some clubs have high protocol which means this is just one of the rules you need to follow. But online we're all just pixels on the screen and can only judge each other by the quality of their posts. I certainly wouldn't call a certain thread hijacking dominant Sir. I might call him dumb ass because that's what the quality (or rather lack of) of his posts merit.

And, as anybody who has ever been in the military can tell you, "Yes Sir" can be used in such a way as to perfectly convey the fact that you think this so called superior couldn't find his own ass with both hands.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 6:55:48 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		From my point of view, I dislike someone that isn't a friend calling Master "Sir". He's not their Sir.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 7:32:06 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		If someone thought I was ill mannered because I didn't call them  or others  Sir or Ma'am I'd tell them to get over themselves. Provided of course we're not at an event where it's required, I'd never go to an event that had rules I  wouldn't agree to abide by Nobody is entitled to being called Sir, or Ma'am  by the masses simply by virtue of being a dominant, and not automatically addressing people as such isn't rude, not in my opinion. But then again I admit I  am not old fashioned at alll, and have different idea's as to what are "ill manners" and what are not.


Edited because I wanted to clarify something.
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Works in my world too. better to err on the side of using a title when addressing some one than risk looking ill mannered and not use it at all. 


< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/17/2009 8:05:58 PM >

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 7:49:36 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Of course the modern youth are sadly lacking in good manners and tend to be in such an in your face, I want it now, aggressively rude attitude I would expect this from them. But then it is highly unlikely they would be attending any function where Hi Protocol was in use. It they were and then if pulled over for not using the Sir or Ma'am, and told the person pulling them over them self, that rude individual would be ejected asap and banned from returning. This too is quite reasonable. In the outside world we have to rub shoulders of all walks of life, persuasion, gender, race, creed, background and age. Not all will see things the same way nor will they all behave in a similar manner. That is just life and we learn to adapt and tolerate or remove ourselves from the general masses. 

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 7:53:00 PM   
manxcat


Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		I was raised in probably the last era where using honorifics was commonplace.   I think in any venue it is better to err on the polite side.  I still use sir and ma'am with store clerks, secretaries, customer service reps, etc, whether they are older, my age OR younger than myself.  The fact that they are in service to me in a store, entitles them to that courtesy.  Period. 
I firmly believe that many of our present day problems stem from loosening habits of *common* courtesy.   The old adage of familiarity breeds contempt is evident everywhere, and with contempt comes the ability to go further into wrong behaviors such as theft and violence.  IMO

manxy


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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:02:35 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		High protocol events and such, are of course different, I'd never go to a high protocol event, then refuse to follow party rules. I should of clarified I wouldn't go into those type of situations and then tell someone what I felt of them for expecting, as party r ules dictate how you're to address dominants.

However online or at normal play parties or regular interaction where people Who happen to be dominant, and people who happen to be not dominant are mingling and there's no rules to do such I would.
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Of course the modern youth are sadly lacking in good manners and tend to be in such an in your face, I want it now, aggressively rude attitude I would expect this from them. But then it is highly unlikely they would be attending any function where Hi Protocol was in use. It they were and then if pulled over for not using the Sir or Ma'am, and told the person pulling them over them self, that rude individual would be ejected asap and banned from returning. This too is quite reasonable. In the outside world we have to rub shoulders of all walks of life, persuasion, gender, race, creed, background and age. Not all will see things the same way nor will they all behave in a similar manner. That is just life and we learn to adapt and tolerate or remove ourselves from the general masses. 

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:06:42 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		No foul there tfb lass, I was responding to your post and not to you as a person. I had pretty much worked that you'd not be one of those obnoxious upstarts from reading many of your posts and I also understand that above all you are a woman who will speak her mind when needs be, especially here in the forums.


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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:11:31 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Well, I can understand manners.  But, to let you know, I don't really like when someone that's not my pet calls me "sir".  Although, I will generally let them know politely. :)

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:20:01 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Good good, and of course I understood it was a reply to the statement and not me as a person, but it was a good reminder that there are such events that it's very formal very formalized:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

No foul there tfb lass, I was responding to your post and not to you as a person. I had pretty much worked that you'd not be one of those obnoxious upstarts from reading many of your posts and I also understand that above all you are a woman who will speak her mind when needs be, especially here in the forums.


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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:25:51 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredridingcrop

Hello Everyone. Ok so I just had a quick question...I, out of habit, use the term "Sir" alot. I've been taught that it's manners when speaking to someone you know is a Dominant, Top, Master, or Mistress etc. to show your respect and call them Sir (or Ma'am) and if they don't approve of a sub/slave not under their protection or ownership using "Sir" (or Ma'am) they will or should let you know....Is this accurate? Or is it obnoxious that I call Doms or Dommes Sir (or Ma'am) without really knowing them?


Tems such a Sir, Ma'am, Miss Mrs or Ms, are simple terms of respect one will use in all walks of life. They do not imply dominance or submissiveness by either party. Some dominants prefer their birth names be used as they do associate these terms with the lifedtyle and ones dominance or submissiveness. Either way I would not find someone to be obnoxious if I was addressed as such unless I have told them that this is not how I wish to be freferred to as.

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RE: Manners or obnoxious? - 9/17/2009 8:26:24 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Makes little difference to me how you address me.

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