RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission

RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

ownedgirlie -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/2/2006 8:26:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u Hey V, I think we should share the vodka and nibbles with ownedgirlie warm smiles to all Mmmm thanks :)

SimplyV -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/2/2006 8:46:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u Hey V, I think we should share the vodka and nibbles with ownedgirlie warm smiles to all Well we can't leave out Jali or anyone else. sets out a buffet of booze and nibbles on the coffee table, and surrounds it with comfy chairs settles in with her bottle of vodka Everyone Rehydrate! [:D] V

ownedgirlie -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/2/2006 8:52:17 PM)
Well there's a party goin' on in the forum! [:D]

SimplyV -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/2/2006 8:54:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Well there's a party goin' on in the forum! [:D] Well its only natural.. I mean.. this type of opening up usually only happens after a few dozen beers or so right? So we got it backwards this time... no matter.. we'll catch up. [:D] V

ownedgirlie -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/2/2006 8:57:40 PM)
LOL true. But i am only allowed one drink. i asked him once, "If the glass never actually empties....and just keeps refilling..is it still considered one?!" hee hee

Driver1961 -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/3/2006 4:11:52 AM)
He enters, dips His lid, arms outstetched........ A huge hug to each of the reflective posters here. Feel the warmth of the hug for it is not in pity--but admiration of your strength and your continuing growth. A hug of love to be received as You are worthy of this love....... My Wild (Redheadedfire4u) will require this recognition of touch, warmth, and empathy....not because she is weak, unworthy of love but because she is human and all of us require recognition of ourselves, as ourselves, moving forward dropping our 'hidden' baggage so that we may prance, fly, and delight in the 'weightlessness' of living... May all of you have slept well and continue to smile upon your new days, acknowledging that it is the actions of the abuser/manipulator who is responsible not You; you with well intentioned naievity and reciprocated (justified) trust in another. It pleases me how YOUR stories further educate others with their struggles. These posts example to Doms/subs the value in obtaining truly Precious Ones.... I can wax lyrical further here, but those who understand, know the depth and sincerity of my words. It heartens me to see Male Victim abuse here, and this is a subject within itself. Too many males never reach adulthood from this- I hope that many Dominants (partic males) are scrutinising this thread. Those like myself will see with admiration the collective strength and the similarity in behaviours here, the others will gain an insight to elements of 'admiration of others strength' previously unknown. It truly is sad that 'Hollywood' continues to put this 'sexual kick' to rape depictions unlike mainstream European Cinema, it only serves to perpetuate the difficulty a victim has in believing that she/he never gave consent. So, on a lighter note Redhead (My Wildchild of today not past) will not be having Southern Comfort - straight or mixed, I havent been able to control her on this! She may partake in My 'vodka and Agrum' knowing I warm her more ways than one! Plus is it any wonder that in BDSM healing a D seeks to 'positively' re-imprint past ' key negative terms'? My WILDCHILD is My Slut, My Cumslut, My Painslut, My Friend, and most importantly... My beautiful LADY!- with each day she grows lighter, more agile, more feminine,knowing she has the right and control of being a Lady. Thankyou ladies for allowing my input. Adieu, He Bows n' departs

ElektraUkM -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/3/2006 11:28:05 AM)
My previous relationship was abusive, and now I'm happily in a D/s relationship. As a couple of people pointed out earlier in the thread, abuse isn't about particular acts (hitting, whatever) so much as it's about the abusive person's attempts to at control through underhand methods. (this works for me as a definition, at least). The difference between the consistency, solid rules, CONSENT, and mutual respect of a D/s situation and the completely out-of-control, desperate, angry, frightened or deliberately cruel and underhand behaviour in an abuse situation is Absolutely Easy to See. As a sub/slave, my desire to please someone I respect totally is something that I NEED to be able to do in order to be happy. You CANNOT please an abuser ~ they don't want to be pleased. There's the difference. ed. for typo

Rayne58 -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/3/2006 3:05:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Thankyou so much for everyone contributing to this thread, I think its really valuable and I'm sure everyone is appreciating it as much as me. I have been lurking and reading everybody's posts, my abuse wasn't near as bad as some of you but I have been raped by my then fiance/now ex husband when he was drunk and endured a long emotionally abusive marriage with him. It has taken me almost 4 years to build up some self esteem and to learn that I am a worthwhile person who can cope perfectly well on her own if she has to [:)] Jali, Master started a thread on another forum about abuse, He was wanting to help a friend in the USA who was on the verge of committing suicide because she was so unhappy and beaten down about the 16 years of abuse she endured at the hands of her husband. Part of it was the fact that HE left HER - she couldn't cope with feeling so worthless that apparently she was not good enough to beat anymore, in her words "I didn't scream loud enough for him anymore". This lady is still alive 4 years later and she is coping pretty well. That thread is still going too and many people have shared their stories on it and other caring people have posted messages of support and given them advice - that thread was also the catalyst for Master and my friendship which developed into so much more. I have a banner in my sig line for that site which reads "I am not a victim of abuse, I am a survivor." Sending a big "thumbs up" to all of us who are survivors![:)]

redheadedfire4u -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/3/2006 3:45:04 PM)
quote: My WILDCHILD is My Slut, My Cumslut, My Painslut, My Friend, and most importantly... My beautiful LADY!- with each day she grows lighter, more agile, more feminine,knowing she has the right and control of being a Lady. Thankyou ladies for allowing my input. Adieu, He Bows n' departs hmmm Sir You left out chat slut lol, may I become all that I can be and may the best of me be in Your life now and always, and yes I hear You ... no Southern Comfort lol quote: So, on a lighter note Redhead (My Wildchild of today not past) will not be having Southern Comfort - straight or mixed, I havent been able to control her on this! hmm that is not how I remember it at all, I do not recall You having that much trouble lol and am sure should I drink it again to excess that my memories would be even more potent!! ... hard to drink even through a straw with a fist in your hair lol <on my knees at Your feet Sir, happy with a smile on my face> warm smiles to all from the redhead

sophia37 -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/5/2006 11:43:47 AM)
After many years of reflection, I understand that what drives me is the willingness to serve. Its my nature to serve the world. So thats never gonna change. The one thing I learned I could change tho, was what I wanted in a man. And while I could post my own story version here, it would sound like every other abuse post. So lets just say mine follows the pattern except in one major way. All the abused women posting, have at this point chosen Dominent or Masterful men to continue along the pathway with. I on the other hand made the conscience desicion to say, NO MORE DOMINANT MEN! So guess what? I picked out a submissive one! Ive discovered having a wilingness to serve does not make me subserviant or even a submissive, although I'll willingly submit to what might make for a better experience. Thats sort of my criteria. All I know is, at age 45, I was ready for a little pampering and attentiveness. Sure sure. Issues still arise. But now the issues are more like who's the giver and who's the taker. So now, my favorite other person and I, submit to each other on an ever changing basis. There's a much better ebb and flow. Im not constantly running into walls and getting all banged up. So from my own experience I'd have to say to all women out there who find themselves in a pattern of any sort they'd like to change, dont forget to consider areas or people who fall outside the obvious. Open your thoughts to the possibility that you might work well with a "type" you've never considered before. You might be suprised by what you find.

Ares1 -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/5/2006 12:25:58 PM)
quote: I often get a vague, detached "that is kind of interesting" sensation more than anything. And sometimes I really question what exactly am I getting out of this. It is okay to feel confused. But it is immoral to hurt and deceive other people in the process. Think about that.

thetammyjo -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/5/2006 5:54:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sophia37 And while I could post my own story version here, it would sound like every other abuse post. So lets just say mine follows the pattern except in one major way. All the abused women posting, have at this point chosen Dominent or Masterful men to continue along the pathway with. I on the other hand made the conscience desicion to say, NO MORE DOMINANT MEN! So guess what? I picked out a submissive one! Actually I shared my story and I'm 100% not a submissive or a slave or a bottom. No, I don't have a desire to serve either.

sophia37 -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 4:32:50 AM)
I did think about your story Tammyjo. But I wasnt quite sure of where you stood in the end. So ok. yes, I guess you too dont have the same outcome. Which is interesting to note.

thetammyjo -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 6:47:10 AM)
I think the differences just demostrate how similar backgrounds do not equal similar outcomes. Who we are is unique based on nurture, nature, society, economics, religion, time period, etc infinity.

SimplyV -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 3:06:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I think the differences just demostrate how similar backgrounds do not equal similar outcomes. Who we are is unique based on nurture, nature, society, economics, religion, time period, etc infinity. Exactly... this is what I had hoped would come of this thread. We all have different pasts.. different personalities.. different cultures.. differences.. what affects someone in one way.. may affect someone else in a totally different way. There are no exact rules. I do wish more dominants had replied to this thread with their stories though. As I know there are much more dominants who have them.

Sensualips -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 4:19:33 PM)
quote: my abuse wasn't near as bad as some of you It is not a contest. Sometimes people tell themselves "it is not as bad as x" and that gets in the way of experiencing, feeling, and getting past something. Just a general comment, not specific towards your situation.

moxieangel -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 7:05:37 PM)
Wow...i'm so glad i found this thread....i spent years in therapy healing from incest, rape, molestation and other forms of sexual abuse and I still kept my fantasies of being dominated secret until I took a self-defense course called Model-mugging. I was incredibly turned on by being thrown around and held down and talked dirty to by the men who posed as the attackers and rapists. Of course, I still kicked their butts---that was the point of the course! And they encouraged me to. But in the middle of the experience, I admitted My bdsm fantasies to my therapist, an incredibly wise and accepting older woman from California (i was in Seattle at the time), and she told me that there was a difference between what i had endured as a child/young woman and what I might choose to do sexually and consensually as an adult. She basically told me my fantasies were not sick and that i might even choose to act them out. Interesting that it took me over 10 years and two marriages to find my way to my Master from that point. Everything is timing. I was ready to accept what I really wanted and sufficiently healed from the wounds of the past. Along the way I wrote a book of poems about the abuse and how i healed from it. It's out of print, but I have a few copies; if anyone is interested contact me directly here. It's called "Resculpting". Amazon.com still carries it too. Thank you to everyone here for sharing the difficult stuff and the joyful stuff too.

misfire -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 10:28:29 PM)
..oh, wow. Funny that this thread would be the home of my very first post here, huh? I was born with a defect that had fused half of my internal organs together. (At least, that's the laymen's version I keep getting.) My dad thought it was appalling, and he didn't want to raise some freak kid, so he bailed, leaving my mom to deal with the situation. Unfortunately for me, my mom isn't good at dealing with situations. The abuse didn't start until three, when I was running around and talking in sentences and parroting behavior picked up at the local daycare. The first instance I remember was when she had a pillow over my face -- I'd lied about something, 'cos one of the boys said it was a good way to get attention, and she'd started slapping me and punching me. I cried, and she put a pillow over my face.. she kept screaming at me to shut up. If my grandmother hadn't been there to pull her off of me, I probably would've died then. The abuse escalated from there; if I overslept, she'd beat me - sometimes with a hairbrush, sometimes with a kitchen knife.. anything handy, really. She'd fling me outside in the dead of winter with nothing on but the tshirt I'd slept in. She'd yell at me, berate me, and make me feel so worthless that I wanted to die before I started junior high. I was raped when I was 13; a friend had invited me to spend the night at her place.. unbeknownst to me, she'd paid her half-cousin to hook up with me because she felt sorry for me. He was my first kiss, but I wasn't even sure I wanted that. I fell asleep that night, only to wake up with him panting and grunting over me, my jeans and panties around my ankles. Looking back, I wish I'd fought; I wish I'd socked the bastard in his pointy little face. But all I did was sniffle and cry and pray that it would be over. At home, things kept getting worse. We finally moved out of our apartment, which I thought would be helpful, but it wasn't. In the freedom of a rental home, she could throw an iron at my head without the neighbors calling the cops; she threw me out at least once a month - I was a fixture on my friends' couches and floors. I always came crawling back, and the violence and namecalling started up again. I've had to stand by and watch as she attempted suicide -- only to throw up and blame me. I've listened to her tell me how much of a failure I am, how I've ruined her life, and how I should've been aborted. The words, the wounds.. they're still raw, and it hurts to type this out. After graduation, I was sexually assaulted twice: once by a peer at my college, and once by the acquaintance of a mutual friend. I've spent all of my 22 years trying to please someone, only to fail -- like it was mentioned above, abusers cannot be pleased. I can bend over backwards and serve as an ottoman, and it still won't be good enough. D/s is reminding me daily that I'm not just some fuckup - that I can do things right, and I do make someone happy. It's not quite a replacement for therapy, but just knowing that, in his eyes, I'm not a failure.. that's enough to get me through the roughest of times.

SimplyV -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 11:30:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: misfire D/s is reminding me daily that I'm not just some fuckup - that I can do things right, and I do make someone happy. It's not quite a replacement for therapy, but just knowing that, in his eyes, I'm not a failure.. that's enough to get me through the roughest of times. Its a great feeling doing things right and stability. Thanks for you sharing your story. Often those that think we're a failure is just merely that they're one and afraid to face it. Glad to hear you sound much happier. V

BitaTruble -> RE: Going from abuse to conscious slavery/submission (3/6/2006 11:44:07 PM)
quote: For anyone who has been in an abusive situation and then found BDSM how was the process for you in accepting your role as a submissive/slave without lingering doubts that you wre somehow just falling back into an old pattern of accepting abuse? I still have doubts, but loving and being loved helps a lot. quote: How did you resolve the conflict that would naturally occur within yourself? I didn't. quote: What did you realise? That it's ok to be conflicted and it's ok to have doubts. My fear is that by resolution, I'll accept and by accepting, I'll forgive and by forgiving, I'll forget .. and I've chosen not to go there. I'd rather stay angry. I'd rather feel it. It empowers me.. I can say.. fuck you.. you didn't win .. you didn't get what you wanted .. you could not defeat me no matter how hard you tried. I don't want the pain to go away. It needs to stay real in my head, so I don't ever, EVER let it happen again. It keeps me watchful and alert.. There were a lot of holes for a really long time.. now there's .. well, whole, so that's a good thing. What I don't allow it to do is to effect how I live my life in the here and now. I own that particular monster.. it doesn't own me. I'm reading this back and it sounds so contradictory, but in my own head, I get it and I do what I have to do with it. Ok.. took me a week and at least 6 attempts to post to this thread. I think I'm finally through with the delete button. To those who posted their stories here, I thank you. They really pissed me off to no end.. and that's exactly what they should have done, but there was also a lot of hope and healing there.. and that makes me feel good.. so, thanks for that as well. Celeste

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.347656E-02