Does total submission make a master lose interest?

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Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:17:39 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

I was in a switch relationship for a few months and the man complained several times about me not tying him tight enough or being dominant enough. I responded by tying him up tighter and being more dominating to please him. I on the other hand don't mind being tied up, but not to the point of having my circulation cut off, and I don't like nipple pain. I gave him what he wanted and he gave me what I wanted, so I thought we were satisfying one another. I will admit that I wasn't very submissive when it was his turn to dominate, but I was afraid that if I gave him total submission, he would lose interest since the challenge would be gone. When I told him my fear, he assured me that wouldn't happen. The last time he came over, I finally decided to trust him and totally submitted to him. He seemed to want to cuddle with me alot when I submitted to him, and kept gazing into my eyes with a longing I had never before seen. A couple of days later, 2 days before Valentine's Day, he ditched me saying that he needed some time to himself. A few days after that, he seemed to want me back, but I demanded an apology in person. He acted like he intended to do that, but then he turned around and griped me out for being unfair to him. He said I tied him up tight and he didn't get to tie me as tight. so I was being unfair. He wasn't willing to accept that I thought we were both pleasing each other cause each of us was giving what the other wanted. I tried to apologize several times and convince him that I never intended to be unfair to him, but he wouldn't listen. Then he started in about me not being submissive enough. When I reminded him of my total submission the last time I saw him and said all that got me was dumped 2 days before Valentine's Day, he got even more mad and called me a bitch. I tried so hard to be what he wanted and when I gave him my trust, he broke his promise and shattered it. What did I do that was so wrong? Why does a dominant man demand total submission and then lose interest when the woman finally trusts him enough to give it?

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

Post #: 1

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:30:37 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Hard for me to think of a reply for this one, Im not a switch nor have I ever been with a switch mate...so forgive me if I get totally off base with the answer, cuz Im really coming from someone who doesnt understand switching. I like things to be black and white, when there are grey areas, I get really confused.

Ok saying that, it sounds to me like your partner didnt know what he really wanted. Maybe he was having a confusion himself over the different types of feelings he was having, just as you were.

To my mind, it would really be a hard thing to change from one role to another, both roles opposite the other, they would have to conflict at some point.

Anyways...most probably disregard this post, Im really clueless on this subject.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:44:25 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

I am not a switch, as I personally dislike the relational chaos often inherent in switching. I will say to your opening question, however, no—total submission is a sought after but often seldom obtained ideal. It's never boring to me.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:46:05 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

The first thing I would say you did wrong was choosing this guy to try to have a meaningful relationship with. Second would be thinking he was a Dominant man. He was a switch and he was only into this for his appearent pleasure. You did what you could, love. It wasn't that he lost interest, it was that it wasn't all about him.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:51:22 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

defiante, i don't think most Dominates demand total submission and then lose interest when the woman finally trusts him enough to give it. Unfortunately, i cannot give you any suggestions as to how to figure out the workings of a Man's brain... *grins, ducks and runs*...

If i can be so bold as to suggest that i think what bothered you was that he disappeared just before Valentines Day, and you were hurt by that one act. You were hoping for a special day... he took off to never neverland.

Also, some of the Doms/Masters i have spoken to, don't want a girlfriend that they give candy or flowers to on Valentines Day, They want one thing, a submissive or a slave.

i can, however, tell in your post that you are hurting for that you deserve huge hugs.

just my 2 cents worth

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 5

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 6:55:28 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was in a switch relationship for a few months and the man complained several times about me not tying him tight enough or being dominant enough. I responded by tying him up tighter and being more dominating to please him. I on the other hand don't mind being tied up, but not to the point of having my circulation cut off, and I don't like nipple pain. I gave him what he wanted and he gave me what I wanted, so I thought we were satisfying one another. I will admit that I wasn't very submissive when it was his turn to dominate, but I was afraid that if I gave him total submission, he would lose interest since the challenge would be gone. When I told him my fear, he assured me that wouldn't happen. The last time he came over, I finally decided to trust him and totally submitted to him. He seemed to want to cuddle with me alot when I submitted to him, and kept gazing into my eyes with a longing I had never before seen. A couple of days later, 2 days before Valentine's Day, he ditched me saying that he needed some time to himself. A few days after that, he seemed to want me back, but I demanded an apology in person. He acted like he intended to do that, but then he turned around and griped me out for being unfair to him. He said I tied him up tight and he didn't get to tie me as tight. so I was being unfair. He wasn't willing to accept that I thought we were both pleasing each other cause each of us was giving what the other wanted. I tried to apologize several times and convince him that I never intended to be unfair to him, but he wouldn't listen. Then he started in about me not being submissive enough. When I reminded him of my total submission the last time I saw him and said all that got me was dumped 2 days before Valentine's Day, he got even more mad and called me a bitch. I tried so hard to be what he wanted and when I gave him my trust, he broke his promise and shattered it. What did I do that was so wrong? Why does a dominant man demand total submission and then lose interest when the woman finally trusts him enough to give it?

What can I say lass? You know you chose the wrong person, but hindsight has 20/20 vision. In your case, many I feel would have made the same initial choices. I salute you for having the determination and courage to demand a personal apology. People like him, are IMO, not suited for the lifestyle and should never have control over another even less be allowed to bind them.. I fear for the next person he tries this on….. Given time and especially a few good friends, I am sure you will learn to trust again and regain confidence enough to try. Chin up chicken and the best of Aussie (and Grizzly) luck to you…..

(Sorry no graphic visuals here what happened to you makes me angry and I can feel your hurt..)

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 7:07:36 PM

Angelicanimal

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

well, i don't think a Master gets tired of total submission.......he gets tired of other things, though. Handling the same problems over and over again is what got me dismissed in one relationship. Disrespectful ...no, make that unruly and childish behavior got me gone in another. I also know that men hate to be scolded about valentines day and their timing...it insinuates that it was the reason for the breakup, and calling a Master "cheap" is rather disrespectful, even if he IS a cheapie! However, demanding an apology, in person...would not go over well. It is sometimes a wise idea to let Master have his time alone. Sometimes everything is a test, or seems to be. If you really trusted him, you would have let him have his time....and his coming back to you would have been more pleasant. If he never came back to you, you would still have Yourself, the gift that no one can take from you!

angelica

_____________________________

"twice have i stood a beggar
before the throne of God"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 7:13:57 PM

Angelicanimal

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

in addition, according to your recollection of his communications with you, he sounds like a wishy washy sort of guy....not the kind you may want to trust with your submission. it is too important. the time to tell of "things being too tight" is AT THE TIME. It sounds as though he was fishing for excuses. Again, there are things to be learned from each one we meet.

angelica

_____________________________

"twice have i stood a beggar
before the throne of God"

(in reply to Angelicanimal)

Post #: 8

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 7:16:43 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Angelicanimal

well, i don't think a Master gets tired of total submission.......he gets tired of other things, though. Handling the same problems over and over again is what got me dismissed in one relationship. Disrespectful ...no, make that unruly and childish behavior got me gone in another. I also know that men hate to be scolded about valentines day and their timing...it insinuates that it was the reason for the breakup, and calling a Master "cheap" is rather disrespectful, even if he IS a cheapie! However, demanding an apology, in person...would not go over well. It is sometimes a wise idea to let Master have his time alone. Sometimes everything is a test, or seems to be. If you really trusted him, you would have let him have his time....and his coming back to you would have been more pleasant. If he never came back to you, you would still have Yourself, the gift that no one can take from you!

angelica

i'm not sure this was a trust issue and she said nothing about being disrespectful... or called him cheap.

*goes to her corner and hushes*

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to Angelicanimal)

Post #: 9

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 8:33:25 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Hi Defiant ! Welcome to the boards here ! !

I will answer your basic question. As a Dom I do NOT lose interest when a woman gives me total submission. On the other hand I don't expect that the first time and I love a woman that has a good head on her shoulders and can think for herself. Sometimes that means she isn't as submissive as other times but that's okay. When she has been with me for awhile and learns she can trust me (or I've earned that trust in her eyes), I feel all the better for having her total submission. I thrive on it and enjoy it and it NEVER gets boring for me because I know that she is not a doormat and can take that submission back if I fail to live up to my part of the relationship.

I'm truly sorry for what happened to you. I don't know what to tell you that hasn't already been said here. I wish you well and hope that you find someone who will be what you want and need.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 9:01:55 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

Switching has never been a like of mine. Way too confusing. If you do enjoy it however, it might be less confusing and frutrating to have 2 separate partners for your different needs. Have a Dom and a sub - then you can experience both aspects of yourself without the added complexity of your partner switching on you when you're not ready.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 11

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 9:20:56 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

It has been a journey with Master bringing me to a place of complete and total submission. i asked, him, "Will You bore of me when i am there?" It truly was a concern of mine. His reply: "Why would I be bored with what I have been seeking all this time? Why would I not sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor?"

It is unfortunate when men such as the one you have been with (or women, for that matter) are so confused they cause undue pain to another.

i hope you are able to move on to a healthier place.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 9:31:47 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I tried so hard to be what he wanted

In answer to one question - this is what you did wrong. I do not believe that you can be what someone else wants and still have a relationship work. You have to be who you are. If they're cool with that, then yipee and you can see what happens next. If they're not, then too bad for them and good for you.

I know nothing of being a switch, but it seems to me that in any budding relationship, each person must be very honest about who they are. You can only be you; you cannot be a presumed mix of what someone else wants.

newflowers

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 9:44:30 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I agree with what everyone is saying, why would someone with a truely Dominant personality get bored with having a relationship with someone who is truely submissive? That doesnt make sense. The only way that could happen is if the person wasnt really dominant...and then you've got a HUGE problem on your hands.

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 14

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 2/28/2006 9:48:10 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

i think it is natural for a submissive to be concerned about..."once i am THERE, then what?" and worry that if there is no more challenge in building the submissive, then what? This just means she doesn't see what he does, which is often the case.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 15

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 3/1/2006 4:26:18 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

I was afraid that if I gave him total submission, he would lose interest since the challenge would be gone.

This word really stuck out for me. Total submission is a wonderful thing. Having a sub feel they are challenging me or react to me by in a challenging way is what would cause me to lose interest. Classic indication that a submissive is toppy & only responds in order to satisfy self.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 3/1/2006 5:51:23 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

I was afraid that if I gave him total submission, he would lose interest since the challenge would be gone.

This word really stuck out for me. Total submission is a wonderful thing. Having a sub feel they are challenging me or react to me by in a challenging way is what would cause me to lose interest. Classic indication that a submissive is toppy & only responds in order to satisfy self.

i don't think it is that the submissive feels he/she is a challenge in and of him/herself. It is that we sometimes think the process of developing a submissive is an enjoyable challenge...and once the goal is achieved, the dominant might get bored. It was a concern of mine until i asked him about it.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 3/1/2006 5:52:17 AM >

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 17

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 3/1/2006 6:21:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I agree with what everyone is saying, why would someone with a truely Dominant personality get bored with having a relationship with someone who is truely submissive? That doesnt make sense. The only way that could happen is if the person wasnt really dominant...and then you've got a HUGE problem on your hands.

I agree with your original reply: I think he just doesn't know what he wants and that you were probably moving too fast.

However, while doms don't get BORED usually of having "total submission," they CAN get burned out AND a case of "grass is greener." This can lead to the same issues as if they were bored.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 18

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 3/1/2006 7:52:27 AM

Kiaban

Posts: 124
Joined: 7/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I was in a switch relationship for a few months and the man complained several times about me not tying him tight enough or being dominant enough. I responded by tying him up tighter and being more dominating to please him. I on the other hand don't mind being tied up, but not to the point of having my circulation cut off, and I don't like nipple pain. I gave him what he wanted and he gave me what I wanted, so I thought we were satisfying one another. I will admit that I wasn't very submissive when it was his turn to dominate, but I was afraid that if I gave him total submission, he would lose interest since the challenge would be gone. When I told him my fear, he assured me that wouldn't happen. The last time he came over, I finally decided to trust him and totally submitted to him. He seemed to want to cuddle with me alot when I submitted to him, and kept gazing into my eyes with a longing I had never before seen. A couple of days later, 2 days before Valentine's Day, he ditched me saying that he needed some time to himself. A few days after that, he seemed to want me back, but I demanded an apology in person. He acted like he intended to do that, but then he turned around and griped me out for being unfair to him. He said I tied him up tight and he didn't get to tie me as tight. so I was being unfair. He wasn't willing to accept that I thought we were both pleasing each other cause each of us was giving what the other wanted. I tried to apologize several times and convince him that I never intended to be unfair to him, but he wouldn't listen. Then he started in about me not being submissive enough. When I reminded him of my total submission the last time I saw him and said all that got me was dumped 2 days before Valentine's Day, he got even more mad and called me a bitch. I tried so hard to be what he wanted and when I gave him my trust, he broke his promise and shattered it. What did I do that was so wrong? Why does a dominant man demand total submission and then lose interest when the woman finally trusts him enough to give it?

Truest and most complete answer ever?...NO

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Does total submission make a master lose interest? - 3/1/2006 8:52:20 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I agree with what everyone is saying, why would someone with a truely Dominant personality get bored with having a relationship with someone who is truely submissive? That doesnt make sense. The only way that could happen is if the person wasnt really dominant...and then you've got a HUGE problem on your hands.

remember... there is only one side of the story here...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 20

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