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Elipsis -> RE: Too Picky??? (9/21/2009 10:03:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bimtrain
Actually, one is in British Columbia, another in Jacksom Mississippi, One in College Park Maryland and one is local here in SoCal. Again, They seem serious but Ican't know for sure that they'd go through with it until they do which is why I continue to search.
Oh. Actually the fact that they're not all local makes me feel a lot better. Haha.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Bimtrain
Through most of my life I would have agreed wholeheartedly. I too went to school in a place that was littered with really hot college girls. And now I live in Los Angeles which certainly lives up to its reputation. I go to Hollywood clubs and flirt with all the dimes, 10's whatever you wanna call them and I have my fun. But most of them while in the ball park aren't quite as hot as I want, mostly because they're already attractive enough to have any man (except me of course, lol) so why bother going the extra mile? Also, because they can get any guy they want they have a sense of entitlement. They generally feel they can use men and at best be equal. They're never submissive. Well, some of them are submissive in bed but never outside and certainly aren't potential slave material. This is where they fall short and why I decided to tap into the BDSM community. I want a slave or at least someone EXTREMELY submissive.
Again, I've experienced the value of having an emotional and mental connection with someone. I've decided to make that take a back seat to my physical desires but it is still present.
Hot girls are indeed a dime a dozen but the one I seek is as rare as they come.
Ya. I agree that the entitlement thing is kind of repulsive... actually probably way more so for you than me given what you're looking for. I guess if that is what you want you'd have a far better chance finding it here than most other scenes. In your case maybe it makes sense then... you've made your physical desires so highly specialized that someone would almost have to be mentally in line with you relationship-wise to even be considering becoming what you're looking for.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
Yes, but it's okay, we need a side-stop.
If I may, I think you're falling into "Nice Guy Syndrome". It's a trap!!
You're doing a lot of things because you genuinely care about them, but (I'm betting) you're ALSO lamenting that they don't get you the same ease of results that being a grade-A asshole seems to get other people.
The thing that the grade-A asshole will never understand is the idea that virtue is its own reward.
Listen, I've had the bimbo. I've also had the deep, sensitive girl that I could share my most intimate thoughts with. And they were both fun. I've never had the same level of success - with either of them - as someone a foot taller than me, with 100 lbs of more muscle and $500,000 more in his bank account could have. I've had six sexual partners in my life, and every single one of them lasted more than 2 years. I've maintained a poly household. I've maintained a 7-year committed relationship. I've maintained a 4-year monogomous pair-bond. I've been the envy of the local fetish scene with the amount of play I was getting. And yet my track record sucks compares to people like Bimtrain.
Before I start rambling further, let me try to pull some thread of coherence out of all of this:
First, stop trying to be a Nice Guy and start trying to be a Good Person. They're remarkably similar - so similar, in fact, that you can often accidentally slip into one when you think you're still doing the other. It is better to be Good than to be Nice. Being Good is its own reward. Being Good is about doing things because they're what need to be done. Not because they're the right thing to do, per se, not because they make you a "good person", and certainly not because people will think better of you - but because doing them will make the world a better place for everyone stuck in it. So keep being good.
Second - and this is an extension of #1 - always remember that Being Good is its own reward. More specifically, I mean that you don't Be Good to pick up chicks, and if you find yourself lamenting that Being Good isn't getting you laid as much as Being A Jerk gets other people laid, it's time to question your motivations. On the other hand, don't be too hard on yourself - you need to Be Good to you, too, and remember that sometimes you're going to get frustrated or desperate or jealous. This too shall pass.
Third - realize that, while you may not have the same short-term success rate as other people, if you stick at it you will eventually learn to succeed. Think of life as a kind of game, with no referee and no scorekeeper. All the asshole tricks that you see working are cheating. And if you want to cheat, great - there's ultimately no rules except the ones you make. But if you choose to make rules for yourself, then try to actually live by them. How much more satisfying is it to learn to win by playing - to learn the actual skills and traits of a master player - than to fall back on the "easy" path of cheating your way to victory?
So, yeah. Hang in there. Even if you don't get what you want as soon as you want it, remember that that isn't the path you chose, and the path you're on has its own rewards.
Interesting, interesting. I spend a lot of time questioning myself. The way you've described it the difference between your Nice Guy and Good Person lies entirely in motive, not action. I follow so far, but when I look at my own motive things get more nebulous because I don't think of myself as either Nice or Good. In fact, if you knew my personality you'd probably describe me the way most of my friends do which is more like "harsh", "abrasiveness", or "blunt." Whilst I am also known other positive qualities which aren't the subject of this conversation, it's been a long time since anybody has accused me of being "Nice."
Here's why... and now we're going to reference the part of your post highlighted in red. Those people. Muscles, maybe... but specifically the kind of girl who is going to be won over by a bankroll is profoundly not for me. Those girls who expect to receive expensive gifts and live a fancy lifestyle have about as much of a chance with me as I do with them. It's a terrible match and it's so far from what I'm looking for that being that guy wouldn't help me find the kind of girl I'm looking for in the slightest. I could have a million billion dollars and I would still wear all the same clothes and drive the same car. This isn't because I consider myself Nice or Good, mind you... more like I'm just one of those people who has a tremendous distaste for most the things that society deems important. If a girl said to me, "I don't want to be with a guy who doesn't have a lot of money," I would tell that girl she's a superficial cunt. This isn't something a Good Person or Nice Guy would ever say to someone. I'm more like Abrasive Douche.
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