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What do you deserve? - 9/22/2009 9:59:56 PM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
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i was always brought up to believe someone doesn't "deserve" anything. They either earn it or they don't.

my Master keeps telling me i deserve certain things ie success, happiness, to be treated well etc etc.

When i told Him i didn't agree He asked me why and questioned my definition of deserve and earn...asking me if i earn some thing then shouldn't i deserve it? i don't think so, i earned it. Deserving to me is similar to entitlement. Once you "deserve" some thing you always should. Whereas to earn some thing means that you need to continue the actions you previously displayed to continue getting it.

i'm just not sold on the idea that someone deserves some thing because they earned it once. You won't keep deserving a paycheck for years if you only go to work one day.

Sooo, my question is...(i think, sorry it's been a long day)...how do you define deserve vs. earn and are the two exclusive or do they interact?

Post #: 1

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 1:12:38 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

to deserve is to earn, also to be worthy of... to earn is to deserve but mainly about money for work.
i think you were probably just in a nit picky argumentative mood and maybe he should have given you a well deserved spanking for dissagreeing with him... i certainly think you earned it.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 2:41:02 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

original bluefireeyez

i was always brought up to believe someone doesn't "deserve" anything. They either earn it or they don't. my Master keeps telling me i deserve certain things ie success, happiness, to be treated well etc etc.

Perhaps in order to “feel” you “earned” what your Master knows you deserve you will proceed to believe him to be telling you the truth or at the least become willing to believe what he said IS what you deserve.

Perhaps you might even submit to his will and authority until you come to fully believe him and realize you are incorrect in your needing to feel worthy before you accept his will. Do not forget to prove you trust him by accepting what he told you deserve in “his eyes” and then go about proving he indeed is your Master through accepting his will for you until you come around to his will for you.

Or you could always continue to pretend he is your “some of the time master” and keep going forth to live out your “upbringing” and continue to disregard your Master totally, that is if you believe you can earn your way to what he has already told you deserve in "his eyes."

Sounds like your Master has your best interest in his will for you. Something’s are not earned while some are simply deserved. Trust him. You have nothing to lose but your old worn-out beliefs that sound like they are hindering not only you accepting the best for your welfare but also not giving your Master your best when it comes to trusting him when he tells you what he believes you deserve in "his eyes."

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

< Message edited by Zevar -- 9/23/2009 2:50:17 AM >

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 3

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 2:46:20 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

Sooo, my question is...(i think, sorry it's been a long day)...how do you define deserve vs. earn and are the two exclusive or do they interact?

this would be a good thing to discuss when drunk.

There are rights we we all have, of the basic human variety, and there are things we deserve. What we deserve we do not have a right to and should not expect to be handed to us. We work for them, strive to have them, and thus they are earned.

_____________________________

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(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 2:46:26 AM

spookyfe

Posts: 74
Status: offline

everyone deserves to feel happy and to be treated well. we also then deserve treat rewards for good behaviour on top of this.

my master says the ame i deserve happiness

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 2:52:21 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

everyone deserves to feel happy and to be treated well. we also then deserve treat rewards for good behaviour on top of this.

my master says the ame i deserve happiness

Good. Trust him.

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

(in reply to spookyfe)

Post #: 6

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 3:53:35 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

It depends on what *it* is.

I have a feeling of entitlement regarding certain things, such as, "pay for services rendered", if that was the agreement.

There are other things that I don't think that I *deserve*.

I don't think I *deserve* to be happy, I don't think I *deserve* to be loved and I don't think I *deserve* success or to be treated well. These are things that I may or may not get and I see no way to attach *deserve* to them.

That said , I don't wander through life thinking that I DON'T deserve them, either. I arrange my life so that the chances of having these things are more likely to occur, without any sense of entitlement. They are things I hope to have, that are pleasant to have and when I DO have them I accept that I have them and that things turned out well.

Other people's opinion on whether THEY feel I deserve something is fine, they are free to make that judgement, but it doesn't mean I feel any particular entitlement to it. It's an expression of what THEY think I'm worth, they are *entitled* to that and it's rather nice.

I'm not going to argue with my sons when they bring me a cuppa in bed and say * Here you go Mama, you deserve it*....

agirl

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 7

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 4:17:21 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I deserve to be in a good relationship instead of a bad and that the alternative to a bad can very well be a good relationship with myself. Think about it, in a relationship you go out to dinner, cook the other person a fine meal, go to the movies, laugh and have fun. If you aren't in a relationship then you ought to be taking yourself out to dinner, cooking a great meal for yourself once a week as opposed to just eating a lean cuisine or a sandwich. You should rent yourself a funny movie and laugh on Saturday night.

I don't deserve in a relationship to be a sometimes option for him while he's my priority.

However him telling you this, op, isn't enough. He needs to give you assignments to do so. Which can be you picking the movie you're going to see next weekend. He does this from time to time and always winds up shaking his head at my taste in movies but does it because, like yours, he wants me to know that I deserve to come first sometimes, even in little things like movies or where to grab a sandwich between errands.

You deserve to be loved in a relationship as opposed to being abused, neglected, mistreated. This applies even if the relationship is with yourself.

I don't deserve to have such a relationship with another just happen, I have to do my share to find it and keep it going.

And you don't deserve to be told you're a bad sub because you can't magically change 24 years worth of programming overnight.

When you say you were brought up to 'earn' it, how does a baby earn their parents love? How does a parent earn the child's love? You either love them or you don't, there is no earning there. If your upbringing was that you weren't loved if you didn't get all A's and did all your chores, then I'm sorry for you. I love my children always,even when I am furious at their choice of actions. And they know it.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/23/2009 4:38:33 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 5:05:40 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

What do I deserve? Nothing. There is no contract at the beginning of life which entitles me to anything. Not love, not caring, not being treated well...absolutly nothing.

The love and caring I receive from others is earned through the actions that I perform each and every day. The day I stop performing those same actions is the day that that love and caring is removed. I am entitled to nothing. I deserve nothing. I earn everything. And I am more than ok with that.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 5:06:38 AM

worthlesstrash

Posts: 114
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

I deserve to be safe and have my basic needs met. At least that is what I believe I deserve. I have pretty much gotten over the idea that I deserve to be happy in life, it's just not in the cards. I will leave what else I deserve up to him, honestly..it's not my decision to make.

_____________________________

~anne

This girl is a slave, but she is also a woman full of love, life, and who has a ton of interests.
Don't judge a book by it's name, judge it by it's content..

His since 10/06/2006
SLRN 166-164-858

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 6:36:36 AM

VeeTee

Posts: 45
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline

We deserve what we earn. We deserve a lot of things we aren't even aware of...which means we deserve them more.

This reminds me of when people say "It isn't fair!" Nothing is fair. Life isn't fair. You don't get your way because it's fair. You get your way - what you deserve - because you earned it.

(in reply to worthlesstrash)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 7:00:30 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

people deserve love, affection, respect and attention. However that does not mean they will get it, even if by some standard they think they earned it.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 7:05:10 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

Me thinks that we deserve to be treated as human beings first and foremost. Anything else is secondary.

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Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 8:12:12 AM

spookyfe

Posts: 74
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

Good. Trust him.

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

I do totally

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 8:39:37 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spookyfe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

Good. Trust him.

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

I do totally

As it should be!

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

(in reply to spookyfe)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 9:56:51 AM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline

Thank you all for your insights and opinions!

While He did say i was simply arguing semantics, perhaps i was in a nit-picky mood. Though, He knows all that is going on and that i tend to be a little stubborn some times. W/we also like to debate and He hasn't ever forced His opinions to be mine. Perhaps that saved me from a spanking.

While i do trust Him, i think W/we are viewing it from two angles. i agree with the person who said that when they stop doing things to earn love, respect, etc then those things are removed. Unfortunately, unconditional love was not part of my vocabulary so i often did have to earn affection etc, i even had to work hard at attaining happiness.

The only things i think someone deserves is the basics of life. i dislike when people take things for granted and feel like they deserve things they didn't work for.

He has completely earned my trust. My problems is i don't trust myself...how is that for an oxymoron? lol. Part of why i came to the boards was to see if i was thinking incorrectly or if W/we have different views. It sounds like a little bit of both!

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 10:16:07 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

this slave deserves whatever blessings or hardships that Master and The Great Architect of the Universe bestow upon her.

love or happiness, as well as submission or even an intimate relationship, aren't commodities or some sort of earned pay-off, as far as this slave is concerned. it either exists...or it doesn't.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 12:21:16 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

See.. now this is where I think people deserve, love, affection, companionship, ect. I don't think everyone will get it, far from it. But someone chose to bring them into this life and because of that they should be deserving of a basic degree of happiness. Sadly there are many that will not, but it is not because they didn't earn it or deserve it.
Babies for instance do not earn attention. As children we did not have to earn the right to learn. As adults we deserve the the right to strive. Earning things goes above and beyond... it would be more like a perk. And honestly I have met more than a few people that get those perks that only had to provide a bit of ass kissing to earn them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluefireeyez

The only things i think someone deserves is the basics of life. i dislike when people take things for granted and feel like they deserve things they didn't work for.

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 1:23:46 PM

kccuckoldmist

Posts: 97
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline

I am of the mindset as the OP. To me when people talk about deserving or have earned it I tend to place those comments depending on the context in two places.

1) General compliments and wishes from someone who wants to see someone happy.
2) People working through justifications that go toward not doing the very thing they are trying to comment on and people who have not learned life is not fair and just and those thoughts are personal delusions.

We prove ourselves everyday and our past actions only builds a foundation and some predictability of our future but does not give us the any right to expect something.

_____________________________

"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

http://mistress-jen.blogspot.com/

(in reply to bluefireeyez)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you deserve? - 9/23/2009 7:29:07 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

What do I deserve? Nothing. There is no contract at the beginning of life which entitles me to anything. Not love, not caring, not being treated well...absolutly nothing.

The love and caring I receive from others is earned through the actions that I perform each and every day. The day I stop performing those same actions is the day that that love and caring is removed. I am entitled to nothing. I deserve nothing. I earn everything. And I am more than ok with that.

This is one of the saddest, bleakest things I've ever read. I know you are OK with it, IrishMist, and it obviously works for you. I just cannot imagine having to earn every single shred of love and caring I receive and then having it removed at my slightest slip. Whether we want it or not, we all DO deserve some basic good things in life. Not necessarily material things, but basic respect and good treatment. I'd hate to think I had to be so good as to earn it each and every minute of each and every day or have it yanked away. With no room for mistakes or forgiveness, that would be a tremendous burden.

Again, I'm in no way condemning your way. I just felt like saying how that would seem to me..............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 20

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