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RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 12:48:33 PM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

cuz you get a whole person?

eaven if i am submissive my life actualy have another side to that for some odd reason dusent revolve around BDSM.

For me, i dont do campings, eaven if my Master pland a whole lovely bdsm weekend in a tent, i just dont do camping. He can spank me, fist me, fuck me, whip me and al other kinds of warm fuzzy things, ad camping to the mix and im just not that in to it. So eaven if camping isent a bdsm activity (hmm, ok i guess for some it might be) for me its not but it can still go on my "absolut no no list"

(in reply to Moonhead)

Post #: 21

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 12:49:49 PM

sappatoti

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: sappatoti
... Perhaps what I should have posted is... what is one region's or culture's prohibitions is still not yet prohibited in other cultures or regions?

Thats a very good point and not one I have thought about but surely that has to be so far in the minority. Most of us on here talk very specifically to people in our own country for logistical reasons. ...

Maybe so but as this site has international reach so the one or two that may be out there that find those hard limits enticing may assume others do so as well.

Also, just because one society deems them to be illegal doesn't mean that all members of that society hold fast. Child porn arrests have substantially increased where I live in Florida and, according to a few alleged reports, the imagery found on the suspects' computers may have been kink-related themes. If this is true, it is appalling to me as I, like you, don't often think adults would normally think like this. Yet, it's still out there.

_____________________________

Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 22

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 12:54:41 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I'm feeling the Grammar Goddess beginning to rear her head... yes I am....

*blows smooches to sappatoti of the dazzling blue eyes. (might as well since I"m here)

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sappatoti)

Post #: 23

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:04:27 PM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

So why do so many people list things on there hard limits list that has nothing whatsoever to do with BDSM?

Well, let me take a stab at this. Many people are looking not only for a BDSM partner, but a life partner as well. So the non-BDSM interests are going to be important factors as to whether the relationship will work or not, just like the BDSM factors will be important.

If one person hates the cold, hates getting on slippery slopes, and is simply miserable zipping down a snow covered hill, they might very well list "skiing" as a hard limit...even though it has nothing to do with BDSM.

When a prospective partner starts looking through the first persons profile and sees that they have a LOT in common in the BDSM world they might start thinking that this looks like a pretty good match. However...If the second person loves to ski, enjoys long weekends skiing cross country and staying in yurts, and is maybe even a ski instructor they will come to that Hard Limit of NO SKIING and realize that maybe this isn't the right match for them after all.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 24

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:04:39 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

There are people that like those kind of activities those seeking someone who's into it, it may very well fall into bdsm activities for them, or fetish ones, and if listing things like no beastiality no dead people no children, ect ect, makes them feel they covered al the bases who cares. I know there are people out there that do like that kind of stuff, and if I have no interest in any of it when I was searching, I'll certainly list that so people who like the stuff I don't won't contact me or they shouldn't since we're not compatible in those likes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I was meaning illegal acts that somehow get associated with BDSM hard limits and I'm not sure why.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/24/2009 1:12:35 PM >

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 25

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:16:47 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When I was single I looked for a partner in the UK and yet time and time again I was given one particular hard limit that I for one don't consider has any part in BDSM and it always baffled me as to why they would relate it.
By naming this as a hard limit makes it appear that, that is what some people are into. putting it in the same context as BDSM is in my opinion wrong.

I gather you're talking about the *no children* that people list as a hard limit. I've always thought it quite amusing that it NEEDED to be listed as if it was a *common-place likelihood* that needed to be considered, as if it was a *given* that sex with kids is part of bdsm and needed to be stated. I'm sure there's the odd paedophile lurking , but the way it gets mentioned so often , it does tend to create the idea that it's a common possibility.

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.

On a lighthearted note .....there are also tons of things that I think * Damn, THAT would have been a hard-limit!*

agirl

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 26

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:18:43 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

No way in hell I am gonna tend your goats..no way...total RED...yep...

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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:25:21 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: igor2003

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

So why do so many people list things on there hard limits list that has nothing whatsoever to do with BDSM?

Well, let me take a stab at this. Many people are looking not only for a BDSM partner, but a life partner as well. So the non-BDSM interests are going to be important factors as to whether the relationship will work or not, just like the BDSM factors will be important.

If one person hates the cold, hates getting on slippery slopes, and is simply miserable zipping down a snow covered hill, they might very well list "skiing" as a hard limit...even though it has nothing to do with BDSM.

When a prospective partner starts looking through the first persons profile and sees that they have a LOT in common in the BDSM world they might start thinking that this looks like a pretty good match. However...If the second person loves to ski, enjoys long weekends skiing cross country and staying in yurts, and is maybe even a ski instructor they will come to that Hard Limit of NO SKIING and realize that maybe this isn't the right match for them after all.

It seems to make a mockery of the idea of *hard-limits* when reduced to things that people could simply say they really don't like, have no interest in or even detest, in the context you're speaking of.

agirl

(in reply to igor2003)

Post #: 28

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 1:26:02 PM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

beeing seriuce (well more so than earlyer)

With the internet many of us actualy come to find BDSM online in forums, in chatrooms and the likes.

Where i was "born" so to speek as a submissive things like animals was maybe not the norm but definetly something you needed to state as a hard limit if you didnt whant to "scene". You learn better safe than sorry and add everything just to cover you baces. The internet has allowed for a whole other dimention when it comes to acting out fantasies and to some the ultimate act of submission is having there sub fucked by a dog. Now, to other the mere thought is horrendes and eaven in fantasy in a chatroom something they dont whant to take part of.

When moving from internet to real world, in growing up in your submission you might add all those hard limits to your profile simply cuz your still online, still need to make shure and to be safe and in part, maybe cuz you dont know any better.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 29

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:00:48 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

personally, this slave doesn't see any detail as irrelevant when the limits are coming from the Dominant partner in a D/s or M/s relationship. it seems to be as natural as breathing in and out that the Dominant one will have certain boundaries/rules/limits that must be respected/agreed to/not pushed...or else. it makes no sense to this slave coming from the other side of the slash, but she does have a few theories as to why it is necessary for some folks:

because, much like a safeword, they give folks choosing submission a sense of security?
or
as a way to make sure that the person they choose to submit to won't require of them anything they don't already like?

for example, if SusieSub hard limits using acetone nail polish remover and DannyDom agrees to never have her use it, DannyDom has earned SusieSub's respect and she can feel safe giving him the gift of her submission.
or
if SusieSub hard limits having appendages removed then DannyDom knows without question that SusieSub isn't a mindless doormat fuckdoll without a conscience and can feel safe and proud to give her the gift of his dominance.

that's the impression this slave gets from the whole "hard limits" thing, anyway.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 30

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:12:42 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When I was single I looked for a partner in the UK and yet time and time again I was given one particular hard limit that I for one don't consider has any part in BDSM and it always baffled me as to why they would relate it.
By naming this as a hard limit makes it appear that, that is what some people are into. putting it in the same context as BDSM is in my opinion wrong.

I gather you're talking about the *no children* that people list as a hard limit. I've always thought it quite amusing that it NEEDED to be listed as if it was a *common-place likelihood* that needed to be considered, as if it was a *given* that sex with kids is part of bdsm and needed to be stated. I'm sure there's the odd paedophile lurking , but the way it gets mentioned so often , it does tend to create the idea that it's a common possibility.

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.

On a lighthearted note .....there are also tons of things that I think * Damn, THAT would have been a hard-limit!*

agirl

Phewwww .... thank you agirl!

Interestingly I started this thread on another international site where I could openly be a little more specific and I have seen a recent similar post on an English site but I was a little dubious about posting it here without getting the entire post deleted.

I feel the same way as you and believe that stating this limit rather makes it look like its an inclusive part of BDSM for some.
Interestingly if you go to vanilla sex site forums you never see this as a stated dislike, so why is it different here? Is it because we are seen to be more dark in our needs?
Look at people like The Spanner Trust and those of us that involved ourselves in Kink Fest so that we could enlighten the general public that we are not sex fiends or deviants.
We know that this is a consensual adult site and we all know and except that underage are not part in any way with BDSM and yet the continued inclusion of them on a list of hard limits seems to imply there could be some involvement and doesn't help promote a positive aspect of our chosen lifestyles.

_____________________________

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 31

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:14:43 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

Liver casserole? I mean, really. Liver Casserole?

*whips up a lovely liver casserole of liver, lima beans, hominy, and grits.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 32

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:17:48 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

Okay, now, I like liver, but, I agree, liver casserole? What demented individual came up with THAT? o.O

As far as odd hard limits, things like philosophy. I can understand things being on there that wouldn't. I love teaching my dear one, having me sit in my big chair with him sitting on the floor by my feet as I read philosophy or poetry and we discuss them. And it's something he enjoys too. But, it is certainly not something many would probably enjoy.

However... Liver Casserole? What the fuck!?

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 33

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:23:49 PM

GoddessImaginos

Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline

G.I.'s Irrelevant Hard Limit List pt. 1:
- toilet stuff, because that's just double-plus nasty
- minors, DUH (which is what makes it 'irrelevant' to even mention it)
- non-humans (DUH, pt. 2)
- running marathons, because I like My lungs too much to have to cough them out on the ground and die of a stroke on a public street
- sitcoms, because I hate regular TV (give Me My History channel, Discovery, NatGeo, Animal Planet, Cartoon Network, Sci-Fi, and that's pretty much it)
- stupid people (can't ever get away from 'em, though..)
- starvation
- anything non-consensual
*thinks some more on this, more to come..*

_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
~member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's/Mouthy Wenches having been ModSpanked
~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 34

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:25:02 PM

GoddessImaginos

Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

Liver casserole? I mean, really. Liver Casserole?

*whips up a lovely liver casserole of liver, lima beans, hominy, and grits.

<--- is brave enough and likes weird food so I'd probably try this..

_____________________________

Delicious and nutritious, does NOT taste like canoli.
~member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's/Mouthy Wenches having been ModSpanked
~10 fluffy points
~RJD RIP xoxo

(in reply to daintydimples)

Post #: 35

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:27:29 PM

sappatoti

Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline

Let's go with that liver casserole example...

I have a medical condition that is exacerbated by consuming anything along the lines of liver (among others), so much so that it can bring about minor TIAs or even mimic full-blown strokes. As there are lots of fetishes or kinks that may include food, I would put myself at physical risk if I did not include these food items as part of my list of hard limits.

Even if I didn't have problems consuming liver, I'm pretty sure I'd find the very idea of liver casserole questionable. But, to each their own.

_____________________________

Never mind the man on the edge of the darkness... he means no harm...

"Community, Identity, Stability." ~ A Brave New World, Aldous Huxley, 1932

If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 36

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:40:05 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When I was single I looked for a partner in the UK and yet time and time again I was given one particular hard limit that I for one don't consider has any part in BDSM and it always baffled me as to why they would relate it.
By naming this as a hard limit makes it appear that, that is what some people are into. putting it in the same context as BDSM is in my opinion wrong.

I gather you're talking about the *no children* that people list as a hard limit. I've always thought it quite amusing that it NEEDED to be listed as if it was a *common-place likelihood* that needed to be considered, as if it was a *given* that sex with kids is part of bdsm and needed to be stated. I'm sure there's the odd paedophile lurking , but the way it gets mentioned so often , it does tend to create the idea that it's a common possibility.

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.

On a lighthearted note .....there are also tons of things that I think * Damn, THAT would have been a hard-limit!*

agirl

Phewwww .... thank you agirl!

Interestingly I started this thread on another international site where I could openly be a little more specific and I have seen a recent similar post on an English site but I was a little dubious about posting it here without getting the entire post deleted.

I feel the same way as you and believe that stating this limit rather makes it look like its an inclusive part of BDSM for some.
Interestingly if you go to vanilla sex site forums you never see this as a stated dislike, so why is it different here? Is it because we are seen to be more dark in our needs?
Look at people like The Spanner Trust and those of us that involved ourselves in Kink Fest so that we could enlighten the general public that we are not sex fiends or deviants.
We know that this is a consensual adult site and we all know and except that underage are not part in any way with BDSM and yet the continued inclusion of them on a list of hard limits seems to imply there could be some involvement and doesn't help promote a positive aspect of our chosen lifestyles.

I find it as baffling as you. I've written it off as part of the * no animals , no scat , no blood, no kids* mantra, simply because it's SO common to see it plopped on profiles and lists.

I'm not averse to anything , apart from *kids* .....but I simply don't see what they have to do with it anyhow.

*Raving and avid dominant paedophile seeks sub with same interest*....It's just amusing to imagine someone willing to mess around with children and have *no fava beans* on their hard-limit list. I'm just mildly curious about the fact that *no necro, no dismemberment* isn't as common. I know I'm sick ...but it gives me a chuckle.

agirl

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 37

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:45:35 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I like to know all about the person whether it is bdsm or d/s based or not... becasue I will often use every day type things to bring in some bdsm or d/s. lol Like once I was planning a time of total entrapment with someone. I did have an agenda! hehe Too bad we couldn't make that work out, I am still disappointed that things couldn't be done.

He hated country music... I mean hated it. I knew that. You can bet that I had a time of listening to some country music planned. I had my reasons. lol

I just like to know... because some of it will mean we won't get on in the day to day things. If someone hates something I have in my life that is a consistant and is there often... we need to know that. It could be a problem. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to sappatoti)

Post #: 38

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 2:52:26 PM

Scotty306134

Posts: 172
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline

Birdwatching may be a legitamate part of the BDSM Scene. Have You ever walked by a Mockingbird nest? Them little suckers will try to knock Your head off! They dont usually listen to safewords either. Scotty

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 39

RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:03:18 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Some list no kids not as a sexual thing but more as they dont wish to get involved with people that have children because it cramps their style. I love children but im not ready to get into the baby momma drama of a situation where the mother and father of a child share custody and cant play nice. As well as I seen what its like to only have someone in the picture for a few months here and there then up and poof because this person couldnt make it work. It was hard on my friend. I cant to do that to a kid.

also it could be more of a Look this isnt what im going to do... I list math... I HATE math with such a passion id rather saw off my own hand then do calculus. A Math teacher might get really upset if im his sub and tied up and gnaw off my own hand to get away from him talking about work...

I mean really... besides adding subtracting multiplying and dividing.. do we REALLY NEED the rest....?

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 40

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