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RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:14:56 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		and it should also be noted that just because a person lists something and says it is "off limits" doesn't necessarily mean that is the case. many times it is assumed that would be a no go and it allows them to see how a prospective suitor feels about the fetish.

i'm well aware that there's some pooch loving, incest craving, necro trying people on collarme. whether they'll fess up to it when you're conversing is another thing. so i wouldn't really take that limit stuff as gospel either.

i personally feel to each his own. it isn't my business what anyone is into, unless i'm watching. otherwise i couldn't care less. that's probably why they talk to me.

porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:26:54 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I have a permanently messed up foot.

This means that doing things like skiing, skateboarding, hiking, etc. are out for me. I have to carefully plan my time on my feet. So if I meet a sub whose ideal in life is having a Domina who can run a mile farther than he can and in better time...um, I'm not her. I am not going to be her. I find Republicans to be people who I can't get along with. So that's on my hard limit list. I don't want to scene someone in my house who finds my altar to be a Shrine To The Devil.  Or someone who will need to stop halfway through the scene and use his epi-pen because he happens to be allergic to my cats.

I think it's fair to let people know that up front.

And I think I need to edit my profile again to explain I want a sub to brush my hair, not to serve as my toilet.




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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:35:24 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		there are a lot of unmentionable things that are often considered part of bdsm, though it has nothing to do with the things I consider bdsm.  But I have heard more than a few people assume k-number is normal sub activity, or enticing younger sisters, ect. as if it was normal bdsm activity.  PHHHT.
for me stuff that is off limits are normal sane people off limits things like animals, snuff, kids, scat, vomit.  But I see others where scat and vomit are ok. 
I think people who put in all sorts of irrelevant (in most peoples view) hard limits have just run across those strange ones that think that stuff is ok.. and they just want to be sure it is known that they are not into these things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

and I hate mint icecream, marmite, liver casserole, spiders and my mother coming to stay for more than a few days!!
but thats not really what I meant. I actaully gave you a few clues in my first post but was trying to be tactful.
I was meaning illegal acts that somehow get associated with BDSM hard limits and I'm not sure why.


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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:35:37 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I guess i am just not sophistocated enough   -  i always assumed that the no kids thing referred to live-in um's   - as in they didn't want to parent someone elses um's.



Silly me!

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 3:43:30 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		That is true too, however most people mean it in the no sexual contact way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Some list no kids not as a sexual thing but more as they dont wish to get involved with people that have children because it cramps their style.

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 4:07:50 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		the references to children can go either way. while i don't see it stated as much on cm, i have been other places where people have spoken openly about their unwillingness to date persons with children period. as always the profile is merely a snapshot, not the whole kit and kaboodle. i know for certain this was not mentioned in mine in the past and it is something i have never wavered on either.

porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 4:25:07 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Exactly; I neither want anything to do with inappropriate behaviour, regarding younguns, nor do I want to raise any.

I mean, kids are great, several miles away, just not in my house.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 4:31:08 PM   
rc4otkVA


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		Some people are looking for a relationship with someone else in the lifestyle, and there are somethings we can't tolerate in our everyday lives. Some people are into Scientology. I'm happy that they are happy, but I couldn't have that in my daily life.

I understand what you mean though. I always look at profiles and think, "I don't care that you like BEACHCOMBING".

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 4:32:01 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Exactly; I neither want anything to do with inappropriate behaviour, regarding younguns, nor do I want to raise any.

I mean, kids are great, several miles away, just not in my house.


there goes my fantasy of having little level's running amok.

porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 4:38:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

and if I went on an adult holiday would I expect to see ums?


I get where you are coming from but at the same time, I wouldn't have expected to get messages asking me if I would be into being constantly pregnant for the dominant's pleasure. Yet I have and the messages never have any sense of interest in the child beyond their kink of having a breeder slave.

At this point I just tend to assume that people have a reason for whatever they put as their hard limits and don't think much about it. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that someone was sending out messages about shoving fruit salads up a slave's bum.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/24/2009 4:40:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 5:09:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Because in the end everything has to do with bdsm?

If one lives this as their life then everything in their life is bdsm and thus they feel a need to list whatever it is that is a limit for them in life.

I personally don't list everything that is a limit in my life simply because I prefer to get to know each other and talk to each other and find out who each other is instead of having a list of do's and don'ts.

As for this:

quote:

I was meaning illegal acts that somehow get associated with BDSM hard limits and I'm not sure why.


In the past I've had to list illegal acts that I refuse to do because I was running into a lot of "doms" who wanted me to partake in those illegal acts. After awhile I felt it a necessity to have to list those as limits.

Unfortunately not everyone who is into bdsm is healthy or sane or rational.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/24/2009 5:12:04 PM >

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 5:37:20 PM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline 		The first time I saw a profile listing "kids" as a hard limit, I asked for clarification and was mortified that someone would feel the need to announce that they were NOT down with exploiting children. I would hope that was understood.

Personally, I have "nihilism" listed as my hard limit... because I've read Bakunin, and because I've seen the Big Lebowski.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 5:39:20 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Unfortunately not everyone who is into bdsm is healthy or sane or rational.


which is subjective, but i get what you're implying and i agree. there's a lot of weirdo's out there. literally.

porcelaine


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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 6:01:53 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

So why do so many people list things on there hard limits list that has nothing whatsoever to do with BDSM?

I actually find this whole thread quite amusing.

You should look back through posts over the years and read the same questions from others...only their's fell under the heading of having no limits.

You are questioning why people feel the need to include things like 'no children', 'no animals', ........fuck, I have even seen some people from time to time put up death as a hard limit.

And yet, the same people who question those who put up hard limits such as these, are quick to question a slave who would say that he/she has no limits.

Amusing. Very amusing.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 6:46:42 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


So why do so many people list things on there hard limits list that has nothing whatsoever to do with BDSM?

Because we do more than just have kinky sex?

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 7:50:09 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Because somebody who has five cats and I are never going to be in contact. I like being able to breathe not choke, sneeze and tear.

And being a mother of a female, I have gotten offers to train my daughter for their sexual pleasure back when she was underage.

You know, I like birdwatching but he absolutely hates it. If we're having a picnic and I notice an interesting bird on a tree, he's fine with that. But spending the day being absolutely still in the hopes a rare bird reported to be in the area drops by is something he is not willing to do.

And smokers, he just hates it, I'm allergic to it.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:19:29 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
it makes no sense to this slave coming from the other side of the slash, but she does have a few theories as to why it is necessary for some folks:[/color][/font]

beth,
You seem to be a sharp lady. Do you honestly mean that it makes NO sense to you that a submissive partner would have ANY boundaries/limits/rules? If you don't have any, that's great. But can you truly say you can't comprehend why others ever would? According to the theories you propose, it seems they may have them for a "sense of security." I think everyone is indeed entitled to that and I don't see why it would ever be problematic for a submissive or slave to have it. You certainly seem to have a great sense of security in your own relationship. If others need boundaries/limits/rules to achieve the same, why is that hard to understand or accept?

I have a theory of my own about the issue. I enjoy reading your posts and you have written often about being naturally submissive versus having to feel "inspired" to submit. I think this issue of having limits (which you apparently look down upon) goes right along with that. Is it that anyone who has to be "inspired" to submit is probably the same ilk who's going to have some kind of limits/boundaries/rules and that isn't your way and that doesn't seem appealing or acceptable to you at all? You basically can't even comprehend or make sense of it at all according to your own statement. Just as you have written often about being judged negatively for being naturally submissive to everyone who would dominate you (in the past), I feel your posts give off the negative judgment toward those whom you feel have to be "inspired" or who have any boundaries, even healthy self-chosen ones.

People come into their submission differently and there is no wrong or right or better way for all of us as a whole. Just as it is unfair for you to have been labeled bad, wrong or sick for naturally submitting to most anyone it is just as unfair to insinute that those who must feel "inspired" to submit or those who have boundaries of any kind are somehow less than or worthy of doubt or scorn.

I hope this post is taken in the spirit in which I meant it. I think you and Merc are a darling, committed couple and what you have works wonderfully for you both. I just felt a little jabbed at the contention that it's hard to understand why any submissive would have any limits/boundaries/rules at all. I hope I've expressed myself respectfully and you can see my differing point of view for what it is and not as an attempt to put down your feelings or argue angrily.

Blessings,
luci


< Message edited by slaveluci -- 9/24/2009 8:20:28 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:21:30 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

The first time I saw a profile listing "kids" as a hard limit, I asked for clarification and was mortified that someone would feel the need to announce that they were NOT down with exploiting children. I would hope that was understood.

Personally, I have "nihilism" listed as my hard limit... because I've read Bakunin, and because I've seen the Big Lebowski.




*cackles*

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 9/24/2009 8:25:15 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:25:34 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.


I've had to endure brussel sprouts. Once. Believe me, I've never felt more violated

luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:36:14 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		This made me laugh out loud:

I've had to endure brussel sprouts. Once. Believe me, I've never felt more violated

luci

How about rhubarb? Now that's stuff just plain wrong.


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Profile   Post #: 60
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