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RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:41:12 PM   
worthlesstrash


Posts: 114
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		I used to list hunting, but I didn't see it this time(and since I am not looking, there is no point). The reason for that was I couldn't be with someone in any form that did it, so for me it was a valid limit. :) No reason for a hunter to write me when there would be no way it would work for us..saved us both the time.

_____________________________

~anne

This girl is a slave, but she is also a woman full of love, life, and who has a ton of interests.
Don't judge a book by it's name, judge it by it's content..

His since 10/06/2006
SLRN 166-164-858

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 8:43:37 PM   
MichiganHeadmast


Posts: 726
Joined: 8/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.


I've had to endure brussel sprouts. Once. Believe me, I've never felt more violated

luci


Wonders how you violate someone with brussels sprouts.  Do you insert them?  Use them in paint ball guns?  Hmm, gives me ideas..... 

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 10:02:31 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		Awhile back I exchanged afew friendly emails with someone who posts often on the boards(including this thread) and we only talked of a couple subjects. One was the costume which she was wearing in her pic, which was what originally caught my attention, & the other was a vanilla  interest which we both share that she mentioned in her profile but wasn't on the lists provided by the sites.

I hear what you're saying, op, while at the same time as lengthy as the lists the site provides it could easily be made more comprehensive and it would be fine with me. Reading some of the non BDSM or D/s things people put as hard limits  is amusing  to me at the worst (someone used birdwatching as an example and that a good one.  a good example, that is) and several have opined that things like that do provide a bigger picture for people viewing a profile and I agree. As far as things which aggravate me in life, this would be one I'd file under " don't sweat the small stuff".

(in reply to MichiganHeadmast)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 10:09:12 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I keep telling people that if you mistreat the brussel sprouts, they'll mistreat you, but no one listens. Lightly steamed just, and I repeat, just until cooked through, and then tossed in bacon drippings. 

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(in reply to abuddingdom)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 10:33:45 PM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		This is partly a reply to Luci re: her post on Beth's apparent disregard for boundaries/limits. I too enjoy reading the Merc/Beth posts and living in the same community know they are respected and held in high regard in the local scene. When I read the posts, I don't get the same sense you do Luci, of judgement. Seems more like an honest expression of Beth's feelings on the topic, not that she puts others down or thinks of them as less worthy because they arrive at their submission in other ways, express themselves differently.

I am sure she could reply on her own, if she wishes, and perhaps will. Just commenting on how her posts come across to me, personally.

Kind of "idealistic" and open to everything. I rather love to hear her feelings spoken so clearly. I never get the impression that she's recommending the same view to others.

Also enjoy your posts too, Luci, as they are another view into the sub's mind.

This does relate to the OP in that I don't list any kink or limit because I am waiting for that look into my sub's mind--to see what he/she needs and desires. How will I reward or punish? There are things I won't do, not because they are a limit of mine, but because i don't trust myself to pull it off competently, but in those situations I usually know another mistress who is extremely adept and would help out. So my own limits tend to be those--skill/competence in certain edgy areas, but since they won't affect the sub, I leave them out.

I don't list kinks because I love for the sub to figure it out--to learn by watching and listening. I value my subs for that reason, that they cared enough to be extremely attentive and then use their intel.. to please me. That is my biggest kink--being pleased by someone who was paying attention.

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/24/2009 10:39:45 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

because theres alotta people wanting that in real life

Bow wow wow Yippie Yi Yippy Yay

AtomicDog


DAMN you, ROn...

*runs off to find the CD with that song on it.....*


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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 6:10:13 AM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		Agree with MsMillrove - I don't list any BDSM interests in my profile either. I say enough about myself in the body part of the profile to - hopefully -  pique  enough interest to attract someone's attention so that they'll initiate contact. Thats when people start to get to know each other, after making contact, and I want to get to know someone before jumping feet first into kink talk, even via email.

& my pretty one converted me to brussel sprouts. She lightly fries them, I think, but I know she doesn't use bacon drippings. Olive or grapeseed oil, most likely, but she uses  butter more liberally than I was previously used to so maybe it's butter. Speaking of butter, we saw that movie about Julia Child recently - I don't recollect the title but Merle Streep did a good job portraying Ms Child. The younger woman was pretty irritating with her self-absorbed whining. I enjoy bio's(though as most movies this was heavily twisted) of most anybody, written or filmed.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 7:43:28 AM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		There are real laws aka "hard limits" that seem to have no grounds in reality.  Like it's illegal to tie your elephent to a parking meeter if you don't pay the meeter in some southern states.    They exisit because at one time or another  someone tried to do it!   
so if you put no "bird watching" or what ever on your hardlimit list it's probably because someone tried to make them do it ...
what seems irrelevent for some is very relevent for others. 
what if the D was an avid bird watcher and enjoyed forcing a sub to do it with them :P
BDSM is all encompasing there is not anthing that is a "non" BDSM activity  there is always someone kinky enough to put a BDSM twist on it lol.
I always look at it like this:
vanilla people shop at the adult toy stores for their sex toys.   Kinky people shop at the hardware store ;)




(in reply to abuddingdom)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 9:09:45 AM   
Moonhead


Posts: 16520
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowowl

There are real laws aka "hard limits" that seem to have no grounds in reality.  Like it's illegal to tie your elephent to a parking meeter if you don't pay the meeter in some southern states.    They exisit because at one time or another  someone tried to do it! 

It's illegal to be drunk in charge of a horse over here, but I've been told that one would never make it into legislature in a couple of the southern States.

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(in reply to shadowowl)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 10:37:12 AM   
bliss4us09


Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline 		Nothing to do with BDSM according to who? If by the "lifestyle" we mean one's whole life, it's up to the individual what's in or what's out, no?

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 11:47:47 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bliss4us09

Nothing to do with BDSM according to who? If by the "lifestyle" we mean one's whole life, it's up to the individual what's in or what's out, no?


If you read my further posts you would of understood I was talking mainly about underage. Some people understood that and some didn't. By trying to comply by the rules of posting it wasn't able to be so specific and because of that the thread went off in another direction.
I am not talking about general likes and dislikes and putting daft stuff down as a hard limit. I actually find some of that stuff quite amusing and it certainly would not inspire me to start a post about it.

Of course underage are noting to do with BDSM and no it is not up to the individual or whats in or out.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to bliss4us09)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 12:46:16 PM   
shadowowl


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz


When I was single I looked for a partner in the UK and yet time and time again I was given one particular hard limit that I for one don't consider has any part in BDSM and it always baffled me as to why they would relate it.
By naming this as a hard limit makes it appear that, that is what some people are into. putting it in the same context as BDSM is in my opinion wrong.



I gather you're talking about the *no children* that people list as a hard limit. I've always thought it quite amusing that it NEEDED to be listed as if it was a *common-place likelihood* that needed to be considered, as if it was a *given* that sex with kids is part of bdsm and needed to be stated. I'm sure there's the odd paedophile lurking , but the way it gets mentioned so often , it does tend to create the idea that it's a common possibility.

I also find it funny that people list things like... (sorry Merc, but you're a dom, you can take it...lol)....brussel sprouts , bluegrass, ironing and so on.

I have tons of things I'd rather not do if possible .....but nothing that I'd feel *violated* if I had to endure.

On a lighthearted note .....there are also tons of things that I think * Damn, THAT would have been a hard-limit!*

agirl




underage is a variable and not a set age depending on culture and location.   So there is nothinh wrong with setting it as a hard limit at a set age even if it seems obvious cause it's illegal in your own country in some countries it's not and if you are global searching then it becames more importent.
Age of consent is drasticly different in many countries:
The range is from basicly a toddler not even a year old in some middle eastern countries (saudi arabia) (after marriage only (regardless of age )and approval of the family)  granted these types will not be into BDSM cause they can legally beat their wife anyway so no need to ask for concent or safe words..

9 years old in parts of mexico, philippines, some places in africa.
to 19 in most of the USA though Canada and some US states are as low as 16
So there is a perfeclty good reason to say you have a hardlimit of over 19+ or over 16+ 
for purposes of Collarme I think making a note of no children as a hardlimit is kind of importent if they consider 16 a child since it is legal in several states and in Canada so is a posibility albiet remote.
I'm not judging or anything but I think it's a good hard limit to have and not always as obvious as some may think nor as illegal as some believe.
refrence: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 2:45:35 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowowl


underage is a variable and not a set age depending on culture and location.   So there is nothinh wrong with setting it as a hard limit at a set age even if it seems obvious cause it's illegal in your own country in some countries it's not and if you are global searching then it becames more importent.
Age of consent is drasticly different in many countries:
The range is from basicly a toddler not even a year old in some middle eastern countries (saudi arabia) (after marriage only (regardless of age )and approval of the family)  granted these types will not be into BDSM cause they can legally beat their wife anyway so no need to ask for concent or safe words..

9 years old in parts of mexico, philippines, some places in africa.
to 19 in most of the USA though Canada and some US states are as low as 16
So there is a perfeclty good reason to say you have a hardlimit of over 19+ or over 16+ 
for purposes of Collarme I think making a note of no children as a hardlimit is kind of importent if they consider 16 a child since it is legal in several states and in Canada so is a posibility albiet remote.
I'm not judging or anything but I think it's a good hard limit to have and not always as obvious as some may think nor as illegal as some believe.
refrence: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent




I am not sure where you get your statistics from but you are wrong about some middle eastern countries.
Middle eastern countries often engage a child at a very young age to a promised one but the child will not join her set partner until she has reached a pubescent age and then she will be married. Having a sexual non married partner is often punishable by death. Marriage is the only way round early legal consent for most of these countries.








_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to shadowowl)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 3:11:52 PM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		This thread is amusing.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 7:30:09 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Ewwwwww ewwwwwww ewwwwwwww.. Ok.. I was just on the other side and saw a profile that is looking to have a poly household, mothers and daughters are encouraged to apply.

HARD LIMIT

(in reply to Elipsis)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 7:39:52 PM   
MistressKitty123


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/23/2009
Status: offline 		I have a cribbage phobia.    But I'm ok with playing dominoes.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 7:46:14 PM   
Hierodule


Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline 		When I created my proflie (under Master's command) I was determined to take an honest and serious look at the entire lengthy list of interests in all the catagories, BDSM and non BDSM related. But the list was so long, and some of the things seemed so random, it amused me. So I decided to take a light-hearted look at it. I ended up listing "reggae" as a hard limit because I HATE reggae and it made me chuckle to think of it as a hard limit. I guess it isn't really a HARD limit because if Master decide to punish me by forcing me to listen to Shabba Ranks I would be getting ofF EASY.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 7:57:59 PM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowowl
underage is a variable and not a set age depending on culture and location.   So there is nothinh wrong with setting it as a hard limit at a set age even if it seems obvious cause it's illegal in your own country in some countries it's not and if you are global searching then it becames more importent.
Age of consent is drasticly different in many countries:
The range is from basicly a toddler not even a year old in some middle eastern countries (saudi arabia) (after marriage only (regardless of age )and approval of the family)  granted these types will not be into BDSM cause they can legally beat their wife anyway so no need to ask for concent or safe words..

9 years old in parts of mexico, philippines, some places in africa.
to 19 in most of the USA though Canada and some US states are as low as 16
So there is a perfeclty good reason to say you have a hardlimit of over 19+ or over 16+ 
for purposes of Collarme I think making a note of no children as a hardlimit is kind of importent if they consider 16 a child since it is legal in several states and in Canada so is a posibility albiet remote.
I'm not judging or anything but I think it's a good hard limit to have and not always as obvious as some may think nor as illegal as some believe.
refrence: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent



Hmmm.... profile not available. For purposes of collarme, don't you have to verify that you're over 18 to access the site? I'll go ahead and judge -- there's a long storied tradition of people considered perverted by "normal" society explicitly excluding pederasts from their ranks. I support that tradition.

(in reply to shadowowl)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/25/2009 8:04:01 PM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		while i tried to get "housework" as  a hard limit. Ive never known a Dom that took that one seriously! i dont get it.
TICKLING is an absolute hard limit. i WILL pee my panties (if i wore them) and then pass out. yet another reason for me to seek consuling. 


_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Irrelevant hard limits. - 9/26/2009 9:35:52 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Is it that anyone who has to be "inspired" to submit is probably the same ilk who's going to have some kind of limits/boundaries/rules and that isn't your way and that doesn't seem appealing or acceptable to you at all? You basically can't even comprehend or make sense of it at all according to your own statement. Just as you have written often about being judged negatively for being naturally submissive to everyone who would dominate you (in the past), I feel your posts give off the negative judgment toward those whom you feel have to be "inspired" or who have any boundaries, even healthy self-chosen ones.


A collective response from the both of us...

Funny about how the written word takes on a different definition dependent upon the reader. For instance, "even healthy" can be taken to imply any other choice "UN-healthy"; yet I'm sure that's not what you implied.

beth is making an observation; "acceptable or unacceptable" wasn't implied. It's not about ones "way". The issue of "inspired" or "limits" does one thing; it sets conditions. I'd add that it also reserves a dominant position, served by the handle side of the paddle, within the relationship; but beth wasn't discussing that point. Call them "boundaries" or conditions of service but they exist; which, if broken, crossed, or inspiration lost, are cause for termination. A Master/Dominant having that control is one thing; but it is pragmatically incongruous with the definition of submission, or slavery, in every other context but one - this lifestyle. It was that respect that beth wanted to convey. Can you argue that they don't?

Good/bad, better/worse, doesn't matter. Whatever makes a success relationship defines success between the participants. Conditional service is not appealing to beth. When she tried it in the past, it was confusing to her; not knowing when to 'take charge' and not knowing when to submit. Even specifics seem to have traps where the resulting 'right' choice would have required mind reading skills. her current relationship requires no such ability, only obedience.

Don't worry about any put down being implied. It would be as silly as feeling put down if someone said I was bald. We responded to clarify not defend, and surely not to speak in absolutes. The "I'm not that..." and "I don't want that..." is common for us to hear when we relate our story. It doesn't bother us, or cause us to reevaluate or amend our relationship.

Now - We're off to Haight Asbury to hang with beth's fellow hippies. Tonight the party starts - Tomorrow is (YEAH!) Folsom!

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 80
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