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RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 12:11:58 PM   
bleedingluv


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		yeah, thanks,not too obvious is it? This world is definetely not for the insecure

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 12:14:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		what do you mean? it is no different than the world at large for the insecure. unless by this world you meant this planet and not slapandtickle relations.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 12:37:17 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		My insecurities are there whether I'm with my Owner or not. They're just part of what makes me the fabulous little star that I am. Most people have something they are wobbly about..not all, but most.....lol

agirl

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 12:43:47 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		this is one of those questions where i suspect the op knows more than she's admitting. but i'll cut to the chase and say what i think. first of all you're forty years old, maturity levels aside you're no spring chicken. whether you've done the online thing or not you've related with men in the past, unless you've spent your existence as a lesbian and this is all new. barring that extreme i'd suggest you use the common sense those years have given you.

with that i'll say that either he likes conversing with them, just because he's mildly sociable. enjoys the company and possible flirtations because they're ego boosting. he's polly oriented and looking to build his own personal brady bunch. or he's not satisfied with things as they stand and he's fishing. it could be a million reasons in between. you know your situation far more than we do.

this is a bloody computer. it doesn't come equipped with mystical powers that take over a persons mind when they log on. nor should it replace good old fashioned communication. if it makes you that uncomfortable bring it up. or would that ruin some idea of how you're supposed to behave that you've crafted in your head? adults discuss things and sometimes those conversations aren't always happy go lucky, but shit happens. i would suggest you address your feelings with him directly. all we can do is make assumptions and you know where that leads. good luck.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 1:00:08 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm caught between being amused and peeved at porcelaine's conception of a poly Brady Bunch but think that what she's saying to you, OP, is pretty dead on. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 1:02:29 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		DavanKael,

are you telling me the brady bunch wasn't poly? *thumbing thru the phone book looking for childhood trauma therapists*

Ron



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 1:13:50 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv

i am curious as to why my daddy/dom would need to chat with other subs, even after committing totally to me? this is not a whine ..i just need to understand


Greetings bleedingluv:

First of all I will establish the obvious which is we do not know one another nor do I know the man you call "myDaddy Dom." Obviously not knowing you nor him limits my ability to accurately reason the possible motives as to why he still speaks with submissive women when he has committed himself to you. Without being able to speak with him directly all I can do is suppose. I do not like to engage in suppositions as a rule. Therefore I will decline any so called reasonings for his choices that you question to understand.

However I can address some of what I did sense from yourself. It sounds like you might need to be reassured that you are significant to him and that his speaking with other submissive women does not necessarily mean that he is seeking a replacement for you.

There is not anything wrong per se with needing to be reassured. However being reassured or gaining any information that might lend itself to you becoming less insecure will not obviously occur without communication between you and he.

It also sounds like you might be insecure to the point that you do not want to even risk asking him his reasons for speaking with other submissive women. If this is true for you that you tend to feel insecure to the degree that you do not take the first step in speaking with him to clarify your thoughts, feelings and concerns then you are not being fair to yourself and will only have suppositions as to why he speaks with other submissive women after having committed himself to you.

Actually it sounds like you might even be setting yourself up for the rejection you fear by not taking the first step in risking communicating with him in spite of your fears. It is imperative that you decide if you are willing to risk the possibility of being rejected by speaking. If you are rejected for speaking than you have lost nothing.

IMO --- A man needs to listen to the heart, mind and soul of a woman that he believes himself to be in relationship with to prevent misconceptions front taking root between them thus preventing possible factors of misconceptions from festering and breaking down the lines of effective communication. Communicating with the motive of clarifying your concerns or setting your insecurities at rest is fair and reasonable in all instances.

Now I would like to ask you to consider the following questions:

1] If you do not take the risk and ask how do you know what you have or do not have in this relationship?

2] Are you willing to live your life in this manner where you are not communicating openly with a man who you find to be significant in your life?

Please understand that while I can understand where you are coming from with feeling insecure at the same time I would do you a disservice to support you to remain where you. In your presenting your original position in this thread I did not “hear” you to say anything that would alert me to believe that you are fully comfortable with remaining where you are in your life.

If I misinterpreted your perspective by all means please let me know. Even though my direct approach may be wrongly viewed to mean that I am unapproachable do not believe that for a moment. I do not mean you any harm by being honest with you. Actually I am very approachable. I am simply direct most often. Instead I only mean to say to you that which will inspire you to change that which is not working in your life to that which works for the best interest of you; heart, mind soul and body. Even though we are total strangers one to the other I say all of this from a place of sincerity.

We are all human and from time to time we all need encouragement to go forward and someone to listen while sorting out the internal self talk tapes with the goal of discovering a transformed perspective which will foster the highest and best welfare for oneself. IMO

I wish you well,
~Zevar~

< Message edited by Zevar -- 9/26/2009 1:36:49 PM >

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 1:18:17 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv

i am curious as to why my daddy/dom would need to chat with other subs, even after committing totally to me? this is not a whine ..i just need to understand



Perhaps he does business, and has to interact with them for business. Or maybe they're his family members. Do you want him to lose his business, or his family, just because he runs into submissive people? Submissive people are everywhere, sorry to say. If you're so insecure and jealous that you can't handle your owner speaking with submissive people, your relationship is already long over.


_____________________________

I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 1:27:36 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Been down a similar line with someone in the long past (before the internet was born).. I learned the hard way which is why for the most part i am open to a slave asking me what I am doing and why if I am talking socially I let folks at home know. Makes it easier as both Neets and I share the same computer, YM and Skype (that one is for business and works as our phone too). I always tell people at home who I am talking to that if they call they have a 50% chance Neets will respond especially if she is on line at the time. Saves all the kerfuffal about suspicions and what have you. Any one who is part of Bruin Cottage understands that if I grab my mobile and head into another room and close the door, or go out in the garden I am talking business, probably federal security and it is none of anyone's business other than those on the phone to me. (Lots of scary associates and comrades there).. Would be a poor day that I allowed a slave to get his or her knickers (if they are wearing them which is against my rules BTW) in a twist over a misunderstanding. Just would not be cricket wouldn't it? 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 5:25:05 PM   
justagirlinzh


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv

always great advice, have no one else in my life that i can discuss these issues with


Your dom.


:-)

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 5:30:17 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, yeah, just my luck, all you decent cunts are outta town.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to justagirlinzh)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 6:00:41 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir chats with subs online frequently. He tells me he is looking for my replacement  -  and hasn't found her yet. Obviously i am not taking him very seriously and there is a good reason.  He and i are tight, and that came about by him telling me how much i mean to him. Best cure in the world for insecurity.

I think you really need to talk to your dom and share with him how you are feeling. If he is serious about your relationship he will do something about your insecurities.   In the end, you have to trust that he is with you because he wants to be, not because you just happened to be there when he was wanting an itch scratched, and now he is looking for the next best thing.

As far as my Sir goes - he is one of the most sociable people i know  - he just enjoys talking to  women           -  men, not so much, but yes , he does chat with a few male friends online.  Of course, a bit of trust comes into the mix as well.  If you can't trust him , what sort of relationship do you have really?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 6:03:41 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I'm caught between being amused and peeved at porcelaine's conception of a poly Brady Bunch but think that what she's saying to you, OP, is pretty dead on. 
Davan


it was harmless i promise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

LOL, yeah, just my luck, all you decent cunts are outta town.


you're in dire need of behavior modification. *inserts the lava and laughs*

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 6:10:09 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I think you really need to talk to your dom and share with him how you are feeling. If he is serious about your relationship he will do something about your insecurities.


insecurities are internal feelings of discontent. they may be based on things the op is experiencing with the present dominant or baggage she brought into the relationship with her. he cannot make this go away unless she's willing to let them go and embrace a different way of thinking.

quote:

he just enjoys talking to  women -  men, not so much, but yes , he does chat with a few male friends online. 


i cannot think of any heterosexual man that maintains an internet presence to promote male bonding. while men may converse with one another while here, most are primarily speaking to women.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 6:50:30 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv
i am curious as to why my daddy/dom would need to chat with other subs, even after committing totally to me? this is not a whine ..i just need to understand
When you say "chat"... what exactly do you mean? I'm pretty committed to Carol. We've been married for a long time now. But I still chat with lots of other people. Some of those people are women. Of those, some are subs. One, in particular, is not only a female and submissive, but also attractive to me. But honestly none of those attributes matter much. As you say... I am committed to Carol. I chat with all of these people because I like the things they have to say. I find myself enlightened or, in some way, bettered, by the association with them.

But that's just my thoughts. Who the hell knows what's going in with your dom but him?


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 7:03:20 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

Who the hell knows what's going in with your dom but him?


Bears repeating.....


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 7:14:19 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Chatting innocently is something that is never going to stop. Just because you are partnered does not mean you fall off the face of the planet. I chat with subs all the time, male and female. Fox doesnt care, he is confident in his position with me and it doesnt matter how many other people I talk to that is never going to change.

You need to be sure of what you mean to him, and of what his chats mean to him. If he is hitting up a bunch of other girls online for cyber play, that might be a much bigger issue than if he is discussing tips and techiques with other people. If you are insecure, there are 2 reasons for it. A, he has done something to make you suspect him, in which case you need to talk to him about this. B, you have either done something similisar or been part of something similiar yourself which is making you suspect. One does not get jealous without having a reason to believe there is something wrong going on. If he has a history of questionable fidelity then you need to clear it up. If you do, or have a history of being cheated on you need to let him know that, since it is going to give you problems with your current relationship that are not his fault.

Either way, regardless, the point is you need to talk to HIM. No one else can give you the answers you need. We are not mind readers, he may not even know that talking with others bothers you, unless you say something. If you chose not to, then it is not his fault he did not know and stop since you are giving him every indication that you are perfectly ok with it.

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 7:18:51 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv

obviously i am new to this world , always hoped for , never obtained...so now that i have it i am looking for advise, wow you are a tough crowd


Yea they are, but after a while you notice that some of them make a lot of sense. Greedy and Holly pop to mind, but there are others. Good luck and welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 7:22:48 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		We are not him and we can't tell you why he does anything he does. If you really want to know you're gonna have to man up so to speak and ask him. If he's the man you thought he was to trust being his partner, then he won't mind you assking a simple clarification.
quote:

ORIGINAL: bleedingluv

not sure which..that's why i asked the question, trying to get a feel



(in reply to bleedingluv)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: faithful - 9/26/2009 7:28:24 PM   
bleedingluv


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the advice...Iknow, I know, I'll talk to him...

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 40
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